Love Notes Love Quotes

This is just a few Love Quotes From Joe D' Mango

• Love don't give us the promise of forever, but having faith on it makes us believe that there is.
• Love is not a one-shot deal that you have to get right at first. You will always make mistakes and find your ideal partner. Love is also a process of finding your way, finding the right one.
• The greates mistake we'll make in a relationship is when we look at somebody else other than our partner to satisfy our emotional and physical needs. The second mistake is when we consciously allow ourselves to be the object of these emotional and physical desires.
• We can never be certain of our relationships because not all of them are built to last our lifetime. We have to constantly nurture it so it can grow and we can grow old with it.
• In the midst of despair, pain, and sorrow, someone comes in our life and gives us strength to believe in life again. The love they give us gives us a blind faith that helps us believe in ourselves again, that we can make our dreams come true.
• Love can be the bet thing that will ever happen to you. More often than not, your lover is also your bestfriend, one who will stand by you through thick and thin.
• Most ordinary relationships begin and most of them continue as forms of mutual exploitation, a mental or physical barter, to be terminated when one or both parties run out of goods. The truth is you will not rn out of goods if you believe you won't.
• People cannot change who you really are. You just have to tell them and be honest about th real person behind you. You cannot hide in your cloak of deception forever. You desreve to be happy just by being yourself.
• A relationship is a two way street. It's never all your fault or the other person's. You go into the relationship together and work thorugh it all together. And remember, the best relationship is one w/c your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
• When we begin to put so much weight on what others fell and think about our relationships, we become distracted and lose our own perception of our partners.
• If you choose to fight for love, then you should be prepared to face the consequences and risk associated with it. But if you choose to follow tradition over the dictate of your heart the you also have to be prepared to lose someone you love.
• Let us always remember that, in the end it is not how much love we have received that would count, but how much love we have given and how much more we are willing to give even without the promise of earning it back.
• We constantly have to make an extra effort to make others feel that they are important to us and the small things they do are appreciated. The greatness of a relationship is built on the foundation of small acts of kindess, love and compassion.
• Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment, they are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a purpose and meaning behind all events, and this purpose and meaning develops you as a person and as a lover.

THE WEDDING INVITATION

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

I'm 23 years old and currently working in a large company here in Makati. I never thought that one day I'll be writing you and ask for an advice, not for me but for a friend. Let's call my friend, Marvin. We were on our first year in college when Sheila, a friend since highschool, told me her crush, that's Marvin. Joe, right from the start Sheila knew that it's just a one way thing since they still don't know each other. But still, she kept on wishing that one day they will be friends and soon will be more than friends. As a friend, I befriended Marvin to make Sheila's wish come true. I introduced Marvin to Sheila. Joe, it was just a hi and hello thing. Nothing more.

Until one day, on our third year, Sheila met a guy who looks like Marvin. The guy courted her and she didn't hesitate to answer him right away. I was shocked and asked her why so soon. Joe, it was because the guy looks like Marvin. I don't know, but I think it's not fair on the guy. I was afraid for Sheila coz I believe in karma. After a few months, Sheila was so happy to share with me their happy moments together. She honestly told me that she made the right decision in answering Anthony and that she learned to love him not because of Marvin but because of what he really is. The relationship went on smoothly for almost a year. But just like many relationships, theirs to end. Joe, Anthony's studies suffered. His mother was blaming Sheila. That was the start of their on and off relationship and in the end, they broke up. It was so hard for her to accept what happened and so she kept on asking for Anthony to come back. But all she got for an answer was a NO.

Joe, during Sheila’s tumultuous relationship, Marvin and I became close friends. It was then that he told me he has feelings for Sheila even before I introduced them. I kept it to myself so as not to ruin Sheila's relationship with Anthony. I never told Sheila about it even after their breakup. When Marvin learned about the break up he asked me for an advice. He asked me if it's alright for him to court Sheila. I told him that if he really is interested then go for it. I felt excited and worried at the same time for Sheila might not be ready for another relationship. Marvin took the risk.

Joe, they started going out. Sheila became secretive and it was Marvin who was makuwento. Marvin thought that they are already in the M.U stage of their relationship since Sheila was giving him goodnight kisses everytime he brings her home. But I knew that Sheila was entertaining another guy. I don't know what happened after that, I just heard that Sheila ended up with the other guy.

Years passed Joe, we graduated from college. I haven't heard from Sheila but Marvin and I kept our communication lines open until the time when I was assigned to one of our branches in Davao. After a couple of months, the next thing I knew, sila na. I was so happy for the two of them. I thought the relationship would last but it seemed like Marvin was the only one who's willing to make the relationship work. He told me that everytime they see each other, he cannot sense Sheila’s excitement. During their monthsaries, it was only Marvin who remembers to greet Sheila. I was kind of confused why Sheila was doing this to Marvin coz before, I knew how much she liked him. I still remember her wish. I pity Marvin coz I know how much he loves Sheila now. I wanted to confront Sheila why is she doing this to Marvin but I don't have the courage to ask her since she became secretive and she doesn't know that I know what's going on between them right from the start.

Then one day, I was surprised when Marvin told me that they were getting married. I was so happy for them. Marvin was telling me all his plans for their coming wedding and future as well. I don't know how Marvin will take this, Joe. The other day, I received a wedding invitation from Sheila. I was shocked. It was not Marvin's name written there. I called Sheila to ask her if this was all a joke. I heard all the excitement from her voice. She was not joking, Joe. I wanted to scream. I wanted to tell her how unworthy she was for Marvin's love. I don't know what kind of girl she is. If only we were talking face to face I could have slapped her! I was crying inside for Marvin. What hurts me most, Joe, was that she didn’t seem to care for Marvin's feelings at all. I don't think she's planning to tell this to Marvin.

After that phone conversation with Sheila, Marvin and I talked. He was very excited to tell me that he will ask Sheila to get me as one of her bridesmaids. I don't know what to say. We parted without me telling him about Sheila's coming wedding. Joe, a month from now, Sheila is getting married. I'm afraid of how Marvin would take this. He loves Sheila so much. I felt that it was Sheila's responsibility to tell Marvin but until now Sheila hasn't made any move yet. Should I blame Marvin for loving Sheila that much or should I blame Sheila for hurting Marvin?

Joe, should I be the one to break the news to Marvin or should I wait for Sheila to tell him? How long should I wait for Sheila to tell Marvin? I fear that Sheila might not tell him about it and I feel that the longer I wait for Sheila's move the more guilt feeling I would have to endure and the more pain it would inflict on Marvin.

Thanks Joe for reading this letter. I need your immediate advice on this. More power on your program, "LoveNotes".
Heidee C.


Dear Heidee,

You are on a very sensitive ground because you hold the key to all of Sheila’s secrets which could open a door of doom and disaster for everyone. But, there is a cloud of doubt in my mind. Somehow, I just couldn’t understand how Marvin could have been so naively kept in the dark when Sheila was openly working on her own wedding and even manages to give you an invitation with someone else’s name in it.

Your friend may be playing a game on you and you have to be very careful for you might fall in trap that would be very difficult to rise from. I also sense that you have a special concern for Marvin that makes Sheila’s actions difficult to accept. There is nothing wrong in feeling that way whether that concern is on a level of friendship or love.

When Sheila gave you her invitation, she knew she had opened the risk of Marvin finding out the truth. She knew you could tell Marvin her secrets and that is probably what she wanted you to do. I believe it is best to talk to her about this before letting the coffee spill from your cup. If she really is getting married to someone else and she doesn’t have any plans of telling Marvin then, as a friend, you may, as you wish, tell Marvin yourself. Show him the invitation as proof and his reaction will tell you if had been part of this charade or not.

This masquerade will have to come to its close sooner or later, Heidee. In the end, Sheila will be married, Marvin would be devastated and you would be hurt seeing him that way. The pain will linger and the your wounds will hurt but all these will come to pass in time. At least Marvin will still have you to stand by him in the most trying moment of his life.

Love, even in all its color and splendor can still cast a storm in our lives and sometimes cause great emotional destruction. Let us always remember that there is no love without pain. There is no reward without sacrifice. Sometimes, there just can never be a graceful exit. We just have to let love take its course and hurt those who been caught in it and leave us with the cold hard fact that there will never be an easy way to break someone’s heart.


Joe

THE SIGNATURE

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

Hey there! How is it going? I don't get to listen to your radio program but a personal friend of mine added my email address onto "lovenotes" distribution list. At first I find it too "mushy" but later on I realized, "this is reality," and I myself can never deny the fact that I've been touched to tons of letters I've read so far. It took me awhile before I decided to spit out my own fair of sorrow in public. In my heart, mind and soul - - It'll always be a memory that made me realize that there are only two people in this world, "One who make things happen...and one who wait for things to happen"...I hope this serves as a challenge, lesson & inspiration to all of those who loved and lost it...
I met Mark on a New Year's Eve, at a party I've avoided if I could have come up with good reason not to be there. As I unenthusiastically drove to the party, I plotted an early escape - - until a tall, dark-haired man greeted me near the front door. Mark was from New York City but was in Washington, DC for a post-Christmas vacation, visiting a former roommate. I like him immediately. He talked easily about his family and Graduate School, and his comical impersonations lit up the room as we waited for midnight. Witty. Confident. Intelligent. I went through my mental checklist of qualities I desired in a mate, and realized Mark fit the bill more than anyone I'd met in years. I watched him weave through the room, talking and joking with people, and felt something inside twist with nervous excitement. When he caught my eye later and motioned me over to a quiet corner of the room to talk, I hoped that the attraction I felt was mutual.

We had five days before he drove back home, and we crammed as much as we could into that time. We toured museums, the White House, the Pentagon & all other botanical gardens in Virginia and lastly watched a play at the Kennedy Center which turned out really romantic. While it snowed almost every day, and I was exhausted for lack of sleep, I wore a permanent and ridiculous smile because of him. I knew a long distance relationship wouldn't last be easy, but the possibility of a future together made the miles seem unimportant. Finally, the person I'd been waiting and praying for had come into my life. It had been a long wait. One and a half years had passed since I've dated anyone seriously, and I'd spent much of that time agonizing over my singleness. Again and again, I wonder why God hadn't chosen me for the blessing of marriage.

The whole world seemed different after I met Mark. In the first phone call from NYC, he told me that I had all the qualities he was looking for in a wife. My heart pounded with the anticipation of all that lay ahead of us. I thought he was my personal gift from God. Several months later, six to be exact, Mark's phone calls came less frequently, and the warmth of our first conversations slowly cooled. He cracked jokes when I wanted to be serious, and I caught myself talking to him about the weather. I called Mark one night when the moon was huge and golden over the outside of my window, wondering if it looked as enormous in the Big Apple City. The only response was the hollow sound of his answering machine. He was out with friends, he told me later, and apparently hadn't thought much about me or the moon at night. I told myself I couldn't expect a long-distance relationship to be simple. I prayed harder and tried to ignore the signs that our relationship was faltering after only 6 months?
Finally, Mark sent a polite letter why he didn't see a future for us. The note was typed, its tone was painfully businesslike. "Whenever I think about us, I consistently come up with reasons why you'd be a wonderful choice, yet, there's a knowing 'feeling' I'm missing...and it's one I MUST HAVE. Unfortunately, I don't know how to acquire it - - it simply has to be there." He closed with an apology, THEN SIMPLY SIGNED HIS NAME. I read the letter again and again, trying to let the words sink in -- and at the same time trying to thread of hope that might have worked its way between the lines. But there was none. The person I thought God has sent was gone. And up until now, at 28, I have not found the right man yet. Each day makes me feel more frustrating, thinking about that man I should end up with...and sometimes, I feel like I'm about to give up. I'm tired of getting in and out of a relationship for 8 years now, I wanted a real one...a more stable & focused. What shall I do? The only thing that keeps me busy right now is my work & I teach low impact (muscle firming) for women over the weekend. I'm tired of going to bars (meat market ones). Am I becoming a loser? All of my friends have engagement rings already, and I have none. How will I make myself happy in times of frustrations?
Thanks for reading my letter! I hope everything's fine at your end. I miss the PHILIPPINES, it's been 13 years since I last visited the country. And I might visit sometime December, I wish to meet you and have coffee with you maybe? I'll tag two of my childhood friends so our chat would be even more livelier! You don't have to choose this letter if you don't feel like posting it, but I'm sure will wait for your prompt reply & advice.

All the best!
Ciao,
Tina



Dear Tina,

Sometimes , it seems that it would take us an eternity to find a lasting relationship. It is easy to fall in love but keeping the fire burning is a different story. For a hundred and different reasons, the glow and the excitement of the first few episodes of a seemingly perfect relationship can unexpectedly turn dark and cold. And soon, the would sparks fade and people will just find themselves falling out of love.

Unfortunately , Tina, there is no sure-fire formula to enduring relationships. We wouldn’t know exactly if it would work unless we get ourselves into it . And indulging our emotions seriously into heart matters can have serious repercussions when the love that we thought will stay forever changes its course and leaves us.
Tina, not having an engagement ring doesn’t make you a loser. That tiny gold clad in your finger cannot guarantee happiness. And sometimes, finding the right person doesn’t always makes us happy either. Remember, we should not expect others to make us happy for we can experience it even if we are all by ourselves . Real happiness is a state of mind and flows from within our hearts and not from others.

Tina, don’t think that you have had enough after eight failed relationships. Others have been through more frustrating failures than that. Having gone through these in one piece is something that you have to be thankful for. Remember, every relationship , successful or not, is always a learning experience. After each recovery , we come out as a better knowing person. We learn to experience that pain will hurt us but we will also learn to understand that pain will teach us to become stronger persons.

Tina, don’t give up . The curtains of love will not close on you at 28 . Believe me , there will be another tall and dark-haired man who will come your way again . He wouldn’t be Mark but he would be someone better than him and someone who would not write you a goodbye letter. You just have to trust that God always has a better reason for making us suffer . Do not count and think of your shattered dreams for you will lose focus on things that are more important. Remember , it shouldn’t matter how many times we love and lose our balance , what should matters is how many times we get up after each fall and learn to trust and love again.

I would love to have coffee with you and your friends come December. I also hope you have opened a new chapter of your life by then. My best wishes.


Joe

THE SECRET

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

You can me Mitchell, I’m 25 years old and presently working in one of the most prestigious Software Development Firms in Makati. I work as a systems engineer and have been undergoing series of trainings here and abroad. Career wise, I can say I’m having the prime of it, but as the saying goes you can’t always have everything.

Ever since I was a kid I had always been thankful to God for all the blessings that I had been receiving all these years. I graduated high school as class valedictorian and ended up Cum Laude upon completing my engineering course. After which, jobs were coming everywhere, looking for me and I even managed to bid for a good compensating salary considering I was just then a fresh graduate.

A lot of my friends admire me for these achievements and wishing they were in my shoes. Little did they know it was something I would like to exchange with them for a little happiness.

I’m no man-hater, Joe. But I’ve had five relationships since high school and all were failures.

I was easily attracted with men who are tough and mature, just like my first serious relationship with my 4th boyfriend Roy. He’s the kind of man any woman would want to have. He’s 8 years my senior, very responsible and a real secure and stable person. We started going steady when I was just on my Junior year in College. We went steady for almost 5 years. Roy and I had a real good time together, we get along pretty well, and because I felt so sure about him we unavoidably reached the peak of intimacy.

Before I graduated college Roy asked me to marry him but I refused. I asked him to wait for at least 3 more years . After that , we both started to feel that we’re slowly drifting apart. Until one day, I received a letter from him breaking me the news that he was marrying someone whom he had gotten pregnant.We parted ways, Joe. I had no other choice, I guess. I learned to live my life all over again, and pick myself up from the floor.

In the summer of 1997, I met Reggie in one of our company’s summer outing in Palawan. The timing was perfect, the air was just filled with romance. We’ve had 5 long days together in a place that was almost paradise for me. He had always been so vocal about his admiration towards me and that made us grow closer together.

One, after coming home from a party where I got really drunk, he took me home to my pad, and yes Joe, something happened between us. He knew about Roy but I didn’t mention anything about my virginity. The next morning , he was mad and he said he really felt cheated. I tried explaining that I didn’t have any plans of keeping it from him. I was just waiting for the perfect time, but he didn’t listen. He walked out from me without a word and since then, he stopped calling me and eventually stopped seeing me. I was devastated but I didn’t run after him, I tried to be strong. I didn’t even try calling him or begging him to stay.

After 3 months, I saw him again in one of the employee’s gathering, I was pretentious, trying to make him feel I’m okay, but deep inside I know I was hurting and I pitied my self. He initiated an invitation for dinner you know that old line “for old time’s sake”. He told me how sorry he was, that he was just struck deep the night he left me . He said he wanted me back and I gave him another chance. I guess, I just can’t say no to someone I still care about.

But, Joe, he’s very different now. He hates talking about marriage. Before, when he brings me home , a good night kiss was enough to give him a good sleep, but now he always wanted us to end up in bed. I hate the thought of being “used and abused” but this was exactly what I was going through . Joe, does he really love me? Did he really accept me regardless of my past? I feel so stupid over these things. I wanted to break up with him and start things all over again. My family doesn’t know what had just transpired in my life, I don’t want to disappoint them for any reason, because they had always been so proud of me. I’m confused, after Reggie, would there be another man, who will just use me upon learning of my past? I’m afraid this relationship might just go on endless circles Please help me. I had prayed to God a lot of times and I know he hears me. But I just can’t seem to guard myself from Reggie when my desire burns with passion.

Joe last week I just got an email from Roy, and he’s now separated from his wife, he took his child because he’s more financially capable of bringing him up. He said he wants me back and still loves me more than anyone else . Somehow I wanted to accept him considering it’s better that I end up with the man who has gotten me first. But, things are more complicated now. He’s married and I don’t want to be a mistress forever . Joe please help me. Thank you for sparing time reading this letter. God bless and more power.

Sincerely,
Mitch



Dear Mitch,

Virginity has always been a sensitive issue in many relationships. There are men who still value greatly a woman’s chastity and would always want to have her first.. But the sad fact is, not all first relationships become our last and there many women who lose their virginity to their first boyfriends. Does this mean that these women are doomed to fail in their succeeding relationships? Well, I don’t think so. Many couples do not end up with their first beaus but they end up with happy marriages. I believe that this would only be an issue if there is no transparency in a relationship.

If you made a mistake in giving in to your first failed relationship then make sure your next boyfriend knows that he wasn’t the first. This is where many relationships are strained- women taking the risk of not telling their boyfriends about it. Men are likely to discover it one way or another, and if you take them by surprise , they would feel cheated ,get mad and get even. Then you can bid your relationship goodbye again.

Mitch, there is only one simple rule. A man who loves you would care less about your past but a man who doesn’t would live in it and use it to hurt you and find his way out . We all make mistakes. Women give in to men who they thought would be their forever. If they only knew they wouldn’t end up together , many of them would have been more careful in letting their passion take over. But what’s done is done. No woman goes to the doctor to have her virginity stitched back. She just has to go on and find someone who would accept her for what she was and love her for what she is.

Mitch , Reggie doesn’t love you . He just wants you. Don’t waste your life wanting him for you will only end up miserable knowing that you have been used and abused by someone who never cared about you at all. Pray for strength so you would have enough courage to desist your passionate desires and live your life the way you should. Stop hurting yourself and don’t think that you would never find someone who can embrace your past . Mitch , give yourself a chance and you will find the man whose love will see beyond your mistakes . The man who will understand you for all that you have been, accept you for what you have become and love you for what you truly are.


Joe

THE LONG DISTANCE TRAP

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango


Dear Joe,

I am 19 and residing here in the States. I've been here for almost 10 months now. I also have a steady boyfriend back there, he's Raffie, and he's a year older than I am. He's sweet, caring, thoughtful, sensitive, smart, and a mature gentleman. Pretty much the type of guy any girl would dream of. We were school mates in college. But I had to stop my studies for awhile because I had to go here. At first, I thought I was just like going on a vacation, but it turned out I have to stay here for good, so now I'll be continuing my studies here.

That's the big problem. Joe you wouldn’t believe that Raffie and I have spent just 2 weeks of our 11 month-relationship together, because I had to leave. We trust each other so much. I love him very much. I know it's hard having a long distance relationship. Most of the time, it doesn't work. But we survive somehow.I really don't have friends here, Joe. I meet people through the internet and there was this guy I met in one of the chatrooms last June. He is Junie, 6 years my senior, and also a Filipino. It turned out that he lives near our city. So we were able to talk on the phone, continued to talk online, and send emails to each other once in awhile. Unlike the guys I had talked to online, hindi sya boring kausap, kalog sya and makulit. So, we talked on the phone for hours, we talk about almost anything under the sun. It was great having a friend like him, it was like we've known each other all our lives. Parang hindi ako na-ho-homesick when I'm talking to him. He even says "I love you" to me, even though we haven't seen each other yet. Talagang palabiro lang sya.

We finally met after four months. He was pretty cute in person. Since that day, he emailed me regularly. We still chat online or talk on the phone nd he comes over to our place every weekend. Then one night, while we were talking online, he told me that he has a crush on me. I hesitated, but I confessed that I also have a crush on him. He has a girlfriend back there in the Philippines. But, I mean, it's just infatuation, nothing bad could happen, right?

But then again, one night ,on the phone, he told me that he loves me. I know he'd been telling me that before but the way he said it was very different. And so, I badgered him with questions why he told me that. And I don't know, I guess I believed him, because I, myself, was feeling the same way, too. Actually, I didn’t want to feel that way. I though it was like a brotherly love, because I'm an only child, but then it was different. I was falling, I still am. Well, I don't blame myself . Junjie is sweet, caring, affectionate, thoughful, mature and a gentleman. Pretty much like Raffie. But I know they're different in many ways. And I don't wanna compare them.

One weekend, he came over and suddenly kissed me. The moment he our lips touched, I saw the face of Raffie. I felt guilt running through my veins. Goodness! Joe, we decided that night na kami na, even though we had different partners back there. It's been two months after that incident, and kami pa rin. Am I so bad? I mean, I already have a boyfriend, and he has a girlfriend. I know what we are doing is unfair to all concerned. But we can't really stop what we're feeling, we tried to, but we can't. Until today, I feel guilty, but still continue this forbidden relationship. No one in my family nor his friends here know about us, they know we're dedicated to our respective partners back there. So we really kept our relationship a secret.

Raffie knows about Junjie coming over here, but he knows we're just friends. Every time I think of Raffie, see his picture, or talk to him on the phone, I feel so guilty. I know I love him, but I want to be happy as well. But I also know that Raffie doesn't deserve to be treated this way. I guess, I found in Junjie a friend and a person who would take care of me while I'm here. I had talked to Raffie a few days ago, and he suddenly, out of the blue , told me that it's OK if I find a boyfriend here, as long as I told him. At least daw there will be somebody who'll take care of me. He said if we are really meant for each other, we will be together, no matter what happens .I feel so guilty, I want to tell him, but I can't. I can't afford to loose him. I mean, I care for Junjie, but not in the same way as for Raffie. He's the love of my life. But, we're in two different countries. So I don't know what to do. I want to tell him about Junjie, but I am afraid to ruin our relationship.

I am confused. I don't know if I'm just doing this because I miss Raffie a lot...or I am really falling for Junjie. But I like him, I really do. And I also care for him. I know he cares for me too. I know, Junjie and I can't really be together because we both belong to someone else. I guess, we just needed someone to hold on to while we're here. But, I am really confused, I don't know what to do.

Please help me. Thanks. More power on your show. And God bless.
Jermaine



Dear Jermaine,

I have been in the same boat several years ago and I can truly say that it is indeed difficult to keep a relationship that is separated by spans of oceans and miles of land. Sometimes I wished that I could be transported by some magical force so that I can be where I wanted to be, next to the one I love. But reality bites back and I’d just be waking up alone and longing for that someone who I miss like crazy.

Now, we are luckier because we have affordable technology at our disposal. The internet, e-mail, voicemail and video conferencing are just some of the great marvels of science that somehow help us bridge the gap of time and space. But not even the best technology can bring us physically closer to the people we long to be with.

Raffie probably never wanted you to leave but he didn’t want to get in the way of your family’s plan for you. Unfortunately, your vacation turned out to be an indefinite stay and time and distance suddenly turned against your blossoming relationship.
It is lonely in your new world. You may have your folks around but it will always take time for you to get used to the life in the states and the people other than the ones that you grew up with.

In a distant relationship, loneliness will be our biggest enemy. In our effort to reach out, we would find a friend who would be willing to help us and make adjusting a lot easier. A friend who would fill in the gap and the emptiness we feel. A friend who we would spend more time with. Soon, our loneliness fades away and we begin to enjoy that persons’ company. This constant togetherness becomes the bridge to unexpected closeness and intimacy.

Now, you have allowed yourself to fall into the trap that most long distance couples get into. You have been unfair to Raffie but you cannot blame yourself either. We are just human and prone to making mistakes. We want to be happy but sometimes we seen not to realize that somebody else is paying for it.

Jermaine, the only way this long distance relationship would succeed is if both you and Raffie would find a way to be together again. If that is far from being practical then Raffie was just being sensible when he said you can have a boyfriend so someone can take care of you. It isn’t closure but it is probably his subtle way of saying that your lives have to go on even without each other. Believe me, it is as hard for him as it is for you to be beyond reach but that is life’s verdict. You cannot question it. You can only accept it and try to live by it.

Jermaine you have done all this because you missed Raffie but you are still continuing it because you have already fallen for Junjie. You just have to realize that you cannot have them both at the same time. Be true to yourself and be honest with Raffie. He may find it painful to accept but I’m sure he has prepared himself for the worst the day you left him. If he is really meant for you then destiny will take it’s path ,in time , and bring him back.

Your heart is speaking to you right now. Listen to what it is saying. It could be Raffie, Junjie or someone else . Just remember that it is where you will find peace, joy and happiness that your heart will find its rest. And it is where your heart rests that destiny will finally plant its seed. This is where love will finally grow and blossom to a beautiful forever.


Joe

STRING OF CONFUSIONS

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango


Hello Joe,

I don't know how to start, but I know I need help, at least to release the suppressed feelings I have. You see I'm a very blessed individual. I have a great family, I have a great job, I have great friends, and I know I have a very bright future ahead. As my friends would tell me, many would be envious with what I have and where I stand now.

I'm typically perceived as a strong individual, easy to get along with, not that stunningly beautiful, but I do have my share of suitors, its just that I never got interested with them, not after my last breakup 3 years ago, not until now.

I transferred almost two years ago to the firm I'm connected with right now, and everything was going well and good if not best, until recently. Being the friendly person that I am, I easily got close to my peers.

I treated all of my friends the same way, naturally me, always available whenever they needed me, being as nice as I can, that was the way I am. I never gave malice to whatever actions they rendered to me, and as always I made it a point to give all of my friends the same kind of attention. Among my many close peers, it was Rico who seem to appreciate me and who became my constant companion. It started with Rico telling me all about his likes, his life, his girlfriend and fiancée whenever time permitted. Though all of my other peers told me some of their life, Rico would tell me all the details, and he admitted that it was only me that he was able to tell these, only me aside from Janine, his fiancée. Janine was working in another country and was due to return in Manila mid next year for their wedding.

All the while, I provided a listening ear to Rico. Our constant conversation was followed up by phone calls, first during weekends, then more frequently after we got home from work. We even started going out first only after overtimes, then during weekends. When I had to work extra hours, he would wait for me, he would bring me home, or see to it that I was at home when we were not together. I appreciated that, and I thought I just appreciated it.

For him I knew he just needed a listening ear. Although he admitted that he didn't mention me to Janine even once. i encouraged him to tell her about me casually, because I knew there was really nothing to hide. One early morning, he called me up to tell me that he and Janine had a misunderstanding, because of me. He told Janine all about me, he told Janine that there was a possibility that he was already falling for me and naturally she got jealous, and mad. At that time I didnt know how to feel, but more than anything i pitied myself. I didnt have the slightest intention of doing them harm, I was being the best person I could be, I was being a friend, still I seem to appear as the bad guy, and to top it all I was alone, all alone.

After that incident, I suggested to Rico that we should not spend too much time together, to prevent any further malice, any other resulting incident. Things went back to normal, but still he would stay with me whenever time permits, and I would remind him of Janine. He even went to ask me if he was falling for me, I casually told him that he just missed Janine, after all they spent almost half of their lives together.

Things were worsening, because he was starting to compare me with Janine, and I was starting to get hurt. He would still discuss with me their wedding plans, he would ask my opinion on things about their future, and that was the time I realized I was the one falling, I was already falling for him and I had to restrain myself.

To make things easier for us, I had to make myself busy, off work. I had to go out with other friends, I made it a point to go out on groups whenever we would need to go out, and I started to stop rendering overtime work (to the detriment of my career). Still he never tired of telling me all about his life and his plans, and I was all the more getting hurt, because now I know I have fallen. He was teaching me a lot of things, and now I am already entertaining my suitors, because I know I am capable of loving again.

I've read somewhere that we shouldn't waste time to show someone we love them, in my case I just have to defy that. I know there are a lot of other people who are in the dilemma I'm in right now, it's hard, but we have to be this strong or much stronger.

I'm actually running out of excuses to get away from him, I am losing my strength in covering up my emotions. There are times I just want to resign from work, but I cannot give up my future in the firm, just because of this. I don't know how long I can hold on, until then, I still am hoping that we remain friends, that's the way it should be.

Please pray for me, and for people like me....
Thanks,
Mia



Mia,

Sometimes we wonder why just can’t we fall in love and be happy. Why does there always have to be a string of constraint and confusion attached to it. Why can’t we just love someone and not be guilty about feeling that way.

Mia, it’s a cold hard fact, that not all the people we choose to love may be able to return the same feelings. They may either be committed to someone else or may not be interested in us at all

But, Rico must have liked you a lot for he would not have had the courage to tell his girlfriend about his feelings for you. But you knew you never wanted to be the cause conflict so you backed off to a safe distance. I think he understood your message and somehow realized that he can never be more than a friend to you.

But, he thought wrongly. Now you are the one falling and hoping against hope that you may find love in him again.

Mia, your work doesn’t have to suffer just because you have fallen in love with your officemate. You cannot turn your back from what your heart cries out for. Somehow, you would have to get your act together and deal with this sweeping emotion. How long do you think can you hide your affection that grows as each day passes? How long can you make excuses to avoid him?

Mia, sometimes the easiest way to get the weight off our chest is to honestly let the other person know how we feel. Tell Rico that you are avoiding him because you are afraid of falling in love too deep that you may never be able to get out of it. Let him know that you just wanted to get it off your chest and that you are not in any way expecting anything from him. At least you would not have to worry about him finding out from someone else. After this, close this book and go on with your life.

He may remain as your friend or you may lose him forever. But, he may also return your feelings in a way that you would never expect. Then, this would have to be a new chapter. Mia live by the day and deal with your emotions as they come. Be honest with yourself and true to what you feel. Let us always remember that love never grows when it is secretly kept locked in our hearts. Love will only find fulfillment when it finds its way out and dwells in the heart of that person destined to keep it.


Joe

SLOW HEALING

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

Just call me Raytz. I always listen to Lovenotes regularly and that makes Friday special to me. I'm 24 , single,and working for one of the largest banking firm in Makati. Joe, I'm not beautiful and I am not ugly as well. But, I am gifted with a lot of friends whom I know are all true to me. All throughout my school and career life I've never met someone whom I can call very special. I have had suitors but none of them were able to take my heart. I have had crushes but none of them became really special to me. I have had closest male friends but no other feelings grew aside from being friends. I'm not just a typical career woman. I have extra curricular activity which I really am enjoying very much. It is my life as a choir member in our parish. I was contented and at peace being with the worshippers of Jesus. And I guess that's how God put my life in place. Until came the time, my life was troubled when this guy joined the group. Darren wasn’t so handsome but he had something in him that was very captivating. He is a talented person, humorous and very easy to be with-- an exact reflection of my personality.

At first, I never had a thought of falling in love with him because from the very start I warned myself not to fall for him. Darren came to know that he was just a brother to me. Then one day, things had changed between us, he never talked to me that much as he did before. He never called me as often as before and never even visited me at home anymore. During those times I felt the hurt I never felt in my entire life. I started to miss him. His sweetness, his jokes, his smile, his voice and his thoughtfulness. Things became so awkward between us and we became like total strangers .

But fate played with me ,Joe. I didn't know what had happened, chance came when I gave him a big smile and a pat on the back and the wall between us suddenly collapsed. Darren came alive again. Nothing special was going on between us but the thought of having each other near always, makes us happy. One day in May 1997, after the attending and singing in the mass, I got stunned and speechless when I heard Darren say he wants me to be his girlfriend. I believed every words that came from his lips Joe, but when he held my hand, I can't look at him. I was breathless. Though I wanted to say something, t words just slipped away because heaven was all that I could feel.

But Joe, Darren gave a different meaning to my silence. He thought I didn't like what he did and what he had said. I still can't catch my breath that time. If Darren only knew how happy I was I'm sure things will all be like heaven for us. Joe, I saw the sadness in his eyes and in the swooping of his shoulder when he never received any reaction from me. He just whispered "I'm sorry, I thought you feel the same way too". I really can't speak of a word that time Joe. Things went different between us after that memorable day. Everyday, I wished he could speak of those words again...and my wish was granted after several months of waiting. We became close again but still I cannot show the feelings I have for him. Days went by again with happy moments to be cherished and treasured. Until one day, the very same day after a year of confession of his feelings for me, May 1998, to my astonishment I never expected things will be more hurting than they were before. It seemed I was shot and nabbed a lot of times Joe, I felt the world had stopped revolving and I got shocked when I heard from his very own lips that he's getting married. At first I couldn't believe what I've heard, how could it be? But with his hand so cold and his eyes closed with tears flowing down his cheeks, I knew that was the moment I should believe it was not a joke. I came dead that fateful day. I was blinded by him I haven't realized he could have someone caring for him. But I still got the courage to handle the situation . I gave my love to him by the look in my eyes as if I was trying to show how much he really mean to me. And because I love him, I would not keep the fight. Instead I will let him go. Without the words of goodbye I only asked him to promise me he will still be there for me. Joe, as he held my hand ,I knew he didn't want me to go. But we need to accept the truth that we can now only be the best of friends and nothing more. Without tears in my eyes, I waived my goodbye to my bestfriend Darren.

After that saddest night of my life I decided not to see him . I avoided his name or anything that would remind me of him. But there never came a day that I could wear my brightest smile. Never came a day that my heart was not dying. It seemed like forever, Joe. I know it's too late to realize how much he means to me. That he was not just a friend. Too late to realize he was the man I want to be with always and forever. Everyday that passed was liked a restless day. I drowned myself with so much work and kept myself very busy just to fight the pain and the hurt that's killing me , hoping things in the office could save me. I almost brought myself to thinking of ending my life. But the thought of seeing him guilty if I have done that foolishness gave me an inch of hope and courage. Months had gone before I got the courage to see him again. Only to realize, he still occupies the love I have in my heart. When we looked at each other's eyes it was all pain that we can see. And that pain taught me how to be strong...I stood on my decision of letting him go . I know it will take a long time to forget . Joe , I still ask myself how can I be so numb and coward in love? Why haven't I had the courage to show him the true feelings I have for him? Joe, I don't really know if I could still cope with this. I don't even know If I could still love again. And I don't know if I could still find another Darren. Will all this "why’s” and “ i don't know’s" come to an end?
I know it will take time before my heart can be healed again. I also know that the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past . I have also known that God never closes a door without opening a window. But I hope all these things will happen soon . Darren will always occupy a special place in my heart. I know God has His plan why He let me feel this pain, for in the life ahead I could be meeting someone I truly deserve. Joe, it hurts to love someone who cannot be yours but what is even more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you truly feel. I wish this could also serve as a lesson to all lovenotes listeners . Don't let the chance of loving pass you by when it comes your way, for it could be the most wonderful gift a person can ever have.

More power to you Joe and God Bless.
Raytz




Dear Raytz,

Men have different ways of making their presence felt and have different approaches in laying the foundations for their platforms in courtship. For Darren, his calls and visits were vital and creating a solid ground for friendship and hopefully, a relationship based on it but on a deeper and more profound level. Unfortunately, his efforts weaned because you were too closed down that he felt he would just be a big brother to you forever .

Raytz, he liked you so much that all it took was a smile and a pat on the back to bring him up to his feet again. That incident gave him new hope to a chance that he thought he has lost already. It took him all his courage to confess his feelings that fateful day but all he got from you was just a silent, blank stare. He probably felt humiliated by what he did and how you reacted and that may have hinted him that was all there was to your friendship.

I wonder, Raytz, how could have you been so silent and unresponsive when your hands were held by the man you knew you have loved all along ? You realized he was hurt but you still expected him to say those words again . You could have , at least , in your own simple ways, made him see that you felt the same way for him, too. It is never too late but now inappropriate to let him know your true feelings. He married probably because of the pain you caused him and you wouldn’t want to hurt him more by letting him 1know that there could have been “us” for both of you, obviously not now that he’s committed already.

Raytz, I do believe that God never gives us those that are not for us. Darren was probably never meant to be more than a friend . You are destined for someone else but that will not come until you learn the lesson that God has taught you with Darren. True love never speaks in silence for silence holds a thousand meanings of clear thoughts and vague intentions .It even carries a dagger sometimes that can cause pain and irreparable damage.

I hope this letter will come across and make all of us realize we never have to wait for tomorrow to let someone know that we care. If we pass on love today there may never be a next day to show it and if there is still a next day then there may never be someone to show it to. Love is never afraid . If it is, then it isn’t love. Let us remember that we may never live another day to show it and people may never be around anymore when we finally decide to express it. Let us not miss the chance of showing love today so that when we wake up and open our eyes tomorrow we will never regret yesterday when we have found love and lost it because we were too selfish and afraid to show it.


Joe

SEPARATE LIVES

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

I long wanted to consult you this problem. Long before it started. As far as I remember I tried to convey this through "snail-mail."Anyway, this is all about me and the lady whom I’m uncertain with my feelings whom we can call "Gellie."

We met during the second semester of 1990. While I was waiting for the next conference of the student movement. Back then, I was the head of the propaganda bureau of our organization. She kept on smiling at me. As if we already met before. Ironically, I was ashamed to get near her. Since she had head-turning looks. On the contrary, I was not, I was in a wheelchair. But, I didn’t allow my disability to hamper my dreams and aspirations. As I stared and stared at her. I don’t know what happened next. I felt I was being hypnotized.

On the other hand, I enamored politics the way she hated it. That’s why, I sacrificed my political lifestyle only to soothe her whims. In fact, I provided her with shoulders to cry on, during her troubled times. Call it absurdity, but, whenever we had a misunderstanding I was the first one to apologize. Even though, I knew it was her fault. That was how crazy I was. I felt there was magic whenever we were together. There was so much happiness. A feeling not even Webster can describe. We ate lunch together, went to the park, the carnival, watched concerts and movies. Since I came from a well-off family I managed to do those things. On the other side, I never took advantage, even though I can with a snap of a finger. As a matter of fact, she used to spend the night with me and my family. We were like sweethearts, then. Our family were already close. That everybody, including myself, of course, were expecting for the long table.

As my only asset, I did her paper works; research, case studies, only to be close to her most of the time. It really paid-off. Because being with her was a feeling of cradlesong. A moment that I always cherished. Our relationship was not a typical bed of roses, it also had its jagged moments. This occurred when she started avoiding me. Well, obviously, I didn’t took this case sitting down, figuratively speaking. I demanded reasons from her. I kept asking her and myself "why?" She only gave empty and silent answers. In exchange of my loyalty. She turned into an infidel. At times I waited for her the whole day in front of our library; the place we used to meet. But then not even her shadow would show up. Although, I have been hearing rumors she’s been hanging around with some guys indulging in fraternity activities. Honestly, I felt skeptical about the issue, I was thinking those rumors were meant to destroy our "sweet" relationship. At this point, all the sweetness began to fade, bit by bit. It was in 1992, whenthe entire student movement entered into a tremenduous turning point. She was slowly detaching herself, on the one hand. And an organization; which I offered my life was standing on a shaking ground. Being one of the pioneer in our organization, I tried to intervene to settle whatever dispute there was.

At that time, I saw myself running in circles and nowhere to go. I had sleepless nights and lost my appetite and felt sickly. I was pondering where have I gone wrong. Frankly, I even blamed God. I saw myself drifting into emptiness. Soon I woke up from a deep somber. I saw that I was left without nothing. I had failing academic remarks. How I regret the day this all started? How I wish I could turn back the clock and rectify my foolishness.

Ironically, I tried to forget her. Although time really heals wounds of yesterday. I just couldn’t remove the jovial times we spent. As my psychiatrist advised me all I could do is live by the happy times we shared. From the ashes I tried to rebuild myself. I finished my Bachelor’s Degree in Political Science and successfully established my own computer centre here in Fairview.

Presently, she’s coming back once again. But she’s never the same as before. She got pregnant with someone she’s not close with. Essentially, I won’t be honest to say that my feeling already died down. Partially, my trust and confidence is being tested. As of now, whenever she visits me, the feeling still burns. Indeed, I couldn’t shoved her when she visits. And no matter how I try? I just couldn’t resist her charm. Currently, I cannot tell anybody about this situation I am undertaking. I know I was tormented before. My mind tells me to avoid her. But, my heart pounds her back to me. Today, I can feel for myself, I’ve changed whenever I would approach her. I am no longer the meek-disciplined radical. As of now, whenever she’s around I would wrap her aggressively around my arms and boldly manifest my feelings. On her part, she wouldn’t even resist.

Joe, I know you’re the only one whom I can turn to. Please enlighten me on this matter. Good luck and thank you for sparing time in reading my mail. God bless!

Dodit



Dear Dodit,

It is an undeniable fact that you are still madly attracted to Gellie. She may have had a child out of wedlock but that doesn’t really matter, does it?. Nothing has changed with the way you feel for her even her past was tainted dark with many unpleasant experiences .

Dodit , you have to be true to yourself. I don’t see any reason why you have to torment yourself by repressing your feelings for her. She may have made mistakes in her life but that doesn’t mean that she cannot have another chance.

I believe that you have to go beyond your silent expressions of affection , sit down and listen to what you have long wanted to say. If you can aggressively wrap your arms around her and she would not resist, I assume that both of you can openly talk about your feelings for each other without any hesitation and reservation.

Only when you know where you stand can you decide on the next best step to take. Dodit , many may say that you’re better off looking for someone who’s single and free but if you know deep in your heart that she’s the one who’s going to make you happy then there’s nothing wrong in giving yourselves a second chance. If she isn’t married yet and if she is making her presence felt once again then maybe , she could just be waiting for you to make the first move.

Dodit, this is your call. You can emotionally detach yourself from her completely and sacrifice your feelings or you can work on a promising chance of being together again. If you can learn to accept her for all that she is and for all that she has now then you can rekindle all that has died out and breath a new life to your relationship.

Let us all remember that it is always better to have tried and failed than not to have tried and lived the rest of our lives regretting the chances we’ve missed and wondering what could have been if only we have listened to the silent cries of our hearts.


Joe

ROCKY ROAD TO MARRIAGE

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

Just call me Glenn. I am working as a network engineer in one of the biggest petroleum companies in the Philippines. I became involved with a co-worker of mine, her name is Julie. Back then she had a boyfriend, and his name is Ted. But it appears their relationship was not going anywhere because she is not particularly proud of him, due to the fact that Ted is lazy and unambitious.

Julie and I started off as friends, and I became her confidante whenever she feels she needs to talk to someone about her disappointment with her boyfriend. She kept telling me that she would be the happiest girl in the world if Ted could be even half as hard-working as I am. I on the other hand also found her quite admirable. A product of an unwanted pregnancy, Julie refused to buckle to the pressure of being the only child of an unwed mother. She had to work hard just to get herself through high school and college. And now Julie has to work even doubly hard because aside from her mother, she's also supporting her uncles and their children.

This mutual admiration led to the two of us drawing closer to each other, until one night while prepping up for a project at my place, Julie and I were carried away by our growing feelings for each other. I was delighted to discover that I was her "first." Since then the two of us started a relationship unknown to Ted. They still continue on with theirs, though. I'm not the type of guy who would willingly share a girl with another man, but since Julie persistenly refused to break up with him, I thought I just had to settle with what I have in the meantime.

Then one day Julie learned that Ted had been cheating on her. She was so mad at him that she finally broke up the relationship, obviously to my advantage. But since then another facet of her personality started to manifest: Julie is extremely insecure. Most of the times she would nag me about other girls that I come in contact with at work and in my social life. The smallest of things have triggered nasty confrontations, since I am also not particularly tolerant to her tantrums. Julie is particularly jealous about a girl co-worker of ours, whom she knows I used to like a lot before we started our relationship.

All of these contributed to what turned out ot be an on-and-off relationship. Most of the times we're ok. Whenever we're not fighting, Julie is actually the sweetest, most thoughtful, caring and affectionate woman in the world. But whenever we fight, she turns into vicious tiger, a trait that I found so hard to accept.

Soon Julie was already asking me when are we going to get married. I wasn't able to give her a straight answer since, to be honest, I wasn't ready yet during that time. I know that I love her, but there are some things with myself and my career that I need to settle first before tying the knots.

But I do love my girlfriend. So I told Julie that we'll start the wedding preparations as soon as I complete a six month long overseas project that I have. She was clearly disappointed. She said a lot could happen in six months -- her insecurity getting the better of her again. Also, Julie doesn't want to go though the usual preparations of a formal church ceremony, and instead wanted a quick civil wedding -- to which I am strongly opposed. Almost two months later, just before I left, Julie was already breaking up with me. When I asked her why, she said it's because she accepted Ted's marriage proposal, though she empasized that she still loves me more than him.

I was shocked at the fact that it was so easy for her to just turn her back on me and decide to marry her ex-boyfriend just because I'm not ready for marriage yet. I felt like all those three years we spent with each other are about to go down the drain, and she didn't seem to care about all that time. That's when I realized that I loved her too much to just let her go without a fight.

The day after she told me of her plans of marrying Ted, I immediately rushed to the jewelry store to buy an engagement ring. But when I gave her the ring, she just broke down and cried. And it's not because of happiness. I was shocked beyond words when Julie told me that she's a month pregnant, and Ted is the father of the baby.

By the time you read this letter Julie and Ted would probably be married already. It took a great deal of courage but finally I have come to accept the reality that I have lost her. At first I can't understand what happened. When we were together, Julie was so passionate with her feelings for me. For three years, even though we fought a lot, it's like it's us against the world. Now whenever I look back at what happened, I can't seem to find the Julie that I came to know and love. It's like she turned into a completely different person.

Somebody once told me that Julie was never really in love with me. Rather, she was in love with my potential as a husband. If it's true, then I guess I wasted all those years loving a woman who's sole objective in life is to get married, regardless of who it is she's marrying. If I had known, I wouldn't have exerted all that effort trouble shooting a turbulent relationship. I have since learned to accept what happened, but sometimes I stop and think about Julie. I guess I still miss her. She is after all the woman that I loved the most.

Joe, thank you for this opportunity for me to share my experience with you. I wish you all the best, and also to your colleagues. God bless.

Sincerely
Glenn



Dear Glenn,

Sometimes it is so difficult to understand why people act the way they do. Our attitude and outlook in life are products of all our past experiences, good and bad, complexly intertwined in a way that make up for who we are.

Julie came from a broken family and this probably explains why she wanted to constantly feel secured in her relationships. She considered marriage as the perfect bond, the ultimate guarantee that she’ll have his man forever. Unfortunately, not all marriages end happily. There are couples who break apart and never reconcile their differences.

The thought of being away from you for six months gave Julie the shivers. She wanted to settle for a civil wedding so she could have peace of mind but you knew that was being too hasty. This, I believe was the turning point of your relationship. The event that has put it to its ultimate test. She misinterpreted your decision which gave her enough good reason to rekindle an old flame.

Unluckily, this flame raged into a wild fire when she intimately found herself back in the arms of the man she once loved. She suddenly found herself in the situation her mother was in the day she unexpectedly found out that she was pregnant. She didn’t want to see another child growing up without a father so she opted for the only solution in sight--marriage.

It may not be a wise decision but she seems to have been left with no choice at all. She may have loved you but she wanted to be fair, too. She didn’t want you to answer for something you were not responsible for.

I know how hard it is to lose someone we love. But, sometimes we just can’t have it all. The bitter-sweet years you’ve shared with Julie ware probably, not in any way, a preparation for marriage. She must have seen in you and the ability to provide her the security she’s wanted in life. But, a part of her still belonged to Ted. The feelings that remained dormant were shaken by circumstance, brought back to life and came home to where it truly belonged.

Glen, you are bitter because you have given so much only to lose what you wanted to keep forever. I you really love Julie then pray that she may find happiness and fulfillment in the arms of Ted. Do not be sorry for the years you thought you have wasted for these were filled with moments you’ve shared with someone you love in a relationship you believed in. As it has always been said, we should embrace love as it comes knocking at our doors and willingly let go when it says goodbye. We shouldn’t regret that we have lost it but be thankful that for once in our lives it has dwelled in our hearts and made us happy.


Joe

RELUCTANT HEART

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

Hi! How are you? It's been a long, long time since the first time I wrote you. I'm not even sure if you will still remember me. But as far as my memory serves me right, you had my letter aired on your show April of 1994. I think i better refresh your mind by giving you the name I used on that letter. I am Michelle Santiago, now 25 years of age and presently managing my own business. I wrote again to say "thank you" for the time you gave me before and "Congratulations" for keeping up a good show. Joe, i'm seeking your advice again for all these fears i'm having right now that are locking me up in my own shell. The advice you gave on my last letter was a big help 'coz when Lawrence came back to me, i was able to handle things the way they should be. Yes,Joe, i accepted him again, gave him another chance because that's what my heart dictated. I was just being honest with my feelings that time and simply took the risk 'coz that's what love is, after all. It's simply a gamble wherein you either win or lose. And part of that game called love, is believing. So, when he left for the States last July of 1994, i believed in all his promises that he's going to come back for me after 3 or 4 years. Everybody especially my family were against our relationship 'coz they kept on saying that the time frame for long distance relationships to survive is only 6 months for unmarried couples. Anything more than that would be a burden, a heavy crucifix i will carry on my shoulder. I chose to be deaf to all that i've been hearing and with my own effort, my faith to the Lord above and my love for Lawrence, i decided that i will prove them wrong and that our relationship will survive all obstacles, not to mention, infidelity, 'coz it does and can happen. But everything went on smoothly with us especially on the first year that we're apart. Lawrence had promised that he's going to marry me when he comes back but it will take him 2 or 3 years to establish his citizenship before he can return. It will take me 2-3 years to wait for his return so i thought of starting to look for a job, try to save some money for our future so that it will be easier for us to start our life together in the land of milk and honey. During that time, maybe luck was on my side 'coz in my search for greener pastures, there came the offer for me from a larger construction company in Japan. I was really happy that time 'coz i believe that in a span of 3 years of working in another country, i'll be able to save enough money, maybe more than enough to start a married life. Lawrence also agreed on the idea of me working abroad 'coz he believed that it would be of great help for both of us and our will-be children. So, i left November of '95 for a 3-year contract to work out of the country. Joe, it was really a struggle 'coz it's the first time that i've been away from my family and i don't think i'll be able to survive the loneliness of being alone and the fear of being in a place full of strangers. But i firmly held on to myself and set my mind that everything i'm doing is for me, for Lawrence and for our future. His phone calls and letters helped me survive those struggles. But it was on my 2nd year of working there that everything changed. He suddenly became cold, stopped calling and writing me. I just passed it off 'coz he told me that he's having 2 jobs that time. But everything became clear to me when he decided April of '97 to cool it off with me. He told me that he can no longer fulfill my expectations towards him because of the pressures and demands of his jobs there. I asked him if there's another party but he said none. He said he still loves me but he needs space and time and that if we're meant for each other, no matter what, we will still meet again. I was in the lowest point of my life that time 'coz i had nowhere to turn to and i can't go back to the Phils. 'coz that would be breach of contract. I can't even seek for my family and friends' help 'coz they have been against our relationship from the start. It was at this time that i received an unexpected letter from a long, lost acquaintance here in the Phils. He was the guy who introduced himself to me while i was doing my thesis at the National Library during my 4th year in college. Let's just call him Gerry, now in his mid-30's, presently working as a newscaster, TV host and Radio commentator in one of our famous TV stations here. During our acquaintance which was 6 years ago, he asked for my number and we talked for a couple of times and then he just disappeared for no reason at all. I just shrugged it off thinking he's just one of those guys. But i learned from his letter that
he got a very demanding job, he also moved to another house, got his things jumbled-up and he got it fixed, i was gone. Maybe Gerry's letter was a real saving grace for me 'coz it was when i needed a friend the most, someone who would listen, there he came at the right time. He really extended a helping hand across the seas. I confided in him my problems regarding Lawrence and he did all he can to give his unbiased thoughts and advices. It really made my burdens lighter when i receive letters and calls from Gerry. He really took time despite of his demanding job to write and call me to ease the pain i'm feeling that time. Lawrence was then avoiding my calls whenever i tried to call him up. I was not yet giving up on the idea that Lawrence still loves me and that everything will go smoothly again in the future. I kept myself believing that if there's only a chance for us to see each other, everything will be back to normal 'coz i realized that time that no matter how strong your love is to each other, physical presence really counts. It's true that "absence makes the heart grow fonder", but this is true only for short absences 'coz long absences also makes the heart forget and sometimes reluctant. But i was able to survive my 3rd year of work there with the routine of me writing and calling up Lawrence but receiving no response at all and me and Gerry trying to create a link that connects us between the seas. It was this May of '98 that i learned from Lawrence's relatives here in the Phils. that Lawrence is planning to go home for a vacation. I was able to talk to him on the phone but he didn't tell me of his plans of vacationing in the Phils. I was hurt again that time 'coz i don't see any reasons why he has to hide his plans of going back to the Philippines. So, i decide to myself that i need to go home and see him 'coz now's the chance for me to clear up things between us. If he really had a change of plans, i deserve an explanation and if we're really not meant for each other, at least, i deserve a decent break-up. So, i begged for permission from my company to allow me to go home with the lie i made up that i have some medical problems. They allowed provided i'll shoulder my airfare and i had to pay some penalties because i still have 6 months to work. So, without Lawrence's knowledge and Gerry's too, i came home last 11th of May. Lawrence was already here 'coz he arrived one day earlier. I decided to see Lawrence on the 12th and true to my words, it really brought back the old feelings between the two of us. It seemed as if we've never been separated for 4 years. I thought marriage plans will push through this time but i was shocked when i learned from Lawrence's relatives that there was another girl. Lawrence's relatives want us to get married before Lawrence leaves for the States again because they don't want Lawrence to end up with that girl in the States who is actually married, has 2 kids and 34 years of age. I confronted Lawrence about it and he admitted that he loves the girl but he loves me more. I didn't buy the idea,joe and i decided not to marry him. He has left for the States last May 30 and during his departure, i made it clear that there will be no more Michelle waiting for him and that it's better if we just both move on with our lives. It was again one of the saddest times of my life and only then did i remember to call up Gerry to break him the news that i've already arrived. He was surprised 'coz he was expecting me to come home by November. I told him what happened, the marriage plans, the other party and that i've already put an end to my relationship with Lawrence. Gerry played again the role of a best friend, adviser and a brother to me, giving words of consolation, cheering me up and making me feel i'm not alone. I could never imagine how it would be for me to go through this stage without Gerry's help. He always visits me at home, calls me up regularly and he really helped me forget my miseries. And he's starting to express his feelings towards me, saying here's here to mend my broken heart. I was beginning to like him,too, but it was then that i realized that i never knew him that well. Yes, we've been open to each other
about our moods, characters and feelings,and i've open to him,too, from the start. So i began asking him about his personal life. It was then that i knew that he comes from a very rich family, his father held a high position in the government before. And regarding his previous relationships with women, he's been involved with big stars both in showbiz and modelling world. I asked him why he's not married yet and he told me that he doesn't have any plans yet. I tried believing everything he said but i really don't know why i still have reservations and hesitations towards him. Maybe my mind can't absorb the idea that a man of such power and wealth, can fall in love with someone like me. You know,Joe, i am a very simple person with simple dreams, simple hopes and simple wishes. And you know for a fact how people in the high society live their lives and i don't want to belong there. And i've actually opened up these things to him (about the hesitations) and he told me that i shouldn't be bothered by those things because what he has shown me was the real him, with no pretentions at all. But i told him that he should have told me those things before hand but still, he defended himself saying that he doesn't want those things to be mybasis in deciding what our relationship will be in the future. He said that if i don't want him, it's only because i don't have that special feeling and need towards him and not because he's a man of power and wealth. Maybe he's right after all, maybe it's like entering a house thru the backdoor. I know i'm beginning to fall for Gerry 'coz of all the men who's courting me, it's only towards Gerry that i've felt this kind of feeling of longingness. The last time i've felt this feeling was towards Lawrence and i am starting to feel it towards Gerry,too. I have never been involved with any other guy since Lawrence left for the States for the first time and even when i was out of the country, i was able to survive the temptations. And when i became aware of my feelings towards Gerry, i also realized that i was not in love with Lawrence anymore. Maybe all i needed was to feel that same feeling again to be able to realize that i wasn't in love with Lawrence anymore. Guess it's true after all, that to forget a lost love, you must get another love. And i'm really thankful that with Gerry's help, i was able to let go of Lawrence. Gerry knows all the hardships i've been through with Lawrence, the abandonment when i got pregnant, the sacrifices i've made for Lawrence, and all the pains that i've been through but he said he's willing to help me go through and forget these traumas. I'd be untrue to myself if i'll say that i did not believe what he said, but i still don't feel that assurance. No matter how he tries to convince me of his feelings and intentions towards me, i still have these hidden reservations. Joe, i really tried to give him the benefit of my unbiased doubts but there's always something inside me that tells me there's something about him that i should know. So, i decided to discover by myself about things which i'm not even sure what. To make the long story short, i tried finding out one of his nephew's telephone number, succeeded in befriending him without his nephew's knowledge that i know his Uncle so well. It was then that i found out that he's been married for six years. His nephew told me that his Uncle's marriage is now on the rocks 'coz Gerry's wife can't bear a child but that doesn't justify Gerry's reason for looking for another girl and for wanting to have a child with me. Yes,Joe, he wants to have a child with me and i must admit i'm beginning to give in to that idea and it's a good thing that i followed my instincts first. But why me, Joe? I can't find the right words to describe how i'm hurting right now not only because of the deception but because i've trusted Gerry so much and his one of the few persons who knows how much i've been hurt before and he's the last person i've expected to hurt me. Joe, why are all these things happening to me? I feel so alone right now. I really feel like i'm going to give up. I don't even know now if i'll be able to trust and love somebody again after all i've been through. Right now, i'm trying to go through all of these by myself, every night has been a sleepless night for me. Gerry doesn't even know that i've known his secret 'coz i've been avoiding his call 'coz i really don't know how to tell him without breaking down. Joe, please help me. All i ever wanted is a simple relationship with a simple guy. Why am i being deprived of these? I know there is a light for those who patiently search, and i'm asking you to help me see this light.
Again, thank you for your time.

More power to your show and God Bless!



Dear Michelle,

There comes a moment in our lives when we feel so alone. Times when there seems to be no one we could turn to, no shoulder to lay our heads upon. Michelle, we will go through the lowest and most depressing times of our lives. Love that should have helped us get by turns out the very same emotion that will bring us down to our bare senses.

You have held on so strongly to a feeling that you hoped will last you your lifetime but just as when you thought you’re going to have it all, love suddenly decided to leave you. I have had my own share of a long distance affair. And I was one of those blessed to have found love again. But, many others have not been so lucky. For a handful of reasons, I would still have my reservations in getting into the same boat again. If There could be a sensible and practical alternative, I would rather have love within reach than let it be taken away by distance and time.

Michelle, Laurence never wanted to hurt you but he was tempted to get into a relationship outside your knowledge because his love for you was overpowered by his own needs. We all could make up an acceptable justification for the wrong we do but what is wrong cannot be right and hurting others for our own gain doesn’t come close to the definition of what love really is. You cannot blame him for giving up. He was just human., like all of us, capable of making mistakes and hurting even those we love. Let him live his own life and get on with yours.

Like rain from heaven on a dry desert, Gerry came and brought color back in your dull and bitter world. But this knight in shining armor turned out to be a thief in the night. He was dressed in royalty but most of what he truly s lie hidden in the back of his dark secrets. Michelle, like Laurence, Gerry probably never wanted to hurt you. He never told you he was married because he was afraid that would spoil his chance of being closer to you. He finally got to you but he stands a great chance of losing everything now that you found out that he was really never the Gerry that he wanted you to know. I don’t see anything wrong in telling him even if you have to break down in tears. He probably knows you have already fallen for him anyway. At least you have a good excuse in avoiding him. I’m sure you would never want to get in the way of an ailing marriage and become the reason for its fall. Again you just have to let him live his own life and get on with yours.

Now, you’re all by yourself, longing for answer, drifting in loneliness and hurting in love. The light at the end of the tunnel may not appear as soon as you want it but you just have to believe that it will. Whatever it is that happens in our lives happen for a purpose. Even if the whole world has fallen on us, God will never forsake us. He will never leave us even if everyone is hurrying for his own way out. You have met men who have changed your life. Who you haven’t met is the man who will be your life. Believe me, he is out there, just like you, waiting for his chance. Don’t let pain stop you from moving on. Forgive Laurence and Gerry for all that they have done to hurt you and pray for their happiness as well. Only when you give your heart this chance you will find peace, love and happiness in your own God-given time.


Joe

PRISONERS OF FEARS

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango


Dear Joe,

I've never had a boyfriend before, nor ever had a serious relationship for that matter. Though I have a lot of acquaintances, they never seem lead to that nor had I fallen with anyone except for one person who happened to be a friend.

Joe, Gemini and I have been friends for 2 years now. And in that 2 years, Joe, I’ve been loving him silently in my heart. I was in my 4th year of college when we met. I was attending an exclusive school while he was a co-ed. I've never been very confident about myself and had only dreamed of a very fine young man. We met through a student organization where both of us were officers.

I had been very resistant to him. I purposely dealt with him in coldness for the reason that I was trying to prove to myself & others that I won't ride with the "bandwagon". Joe, he's a very good-looking Mestizo, smart, and a gentleman, characteristics that I really look for in a man.

Gemini showed a lot of support and even sent his messages with "take care" at the end of every page. It was something that I failed to recognize. He liked consoling me with a pat or a light rub at the back. Those made me shiver inside. Only then did I come to realize I was falling. But, I turned down most of his invitations for whatever reasons I had in mind.

After some months, he announced that he was dating again. That really hurt me. I wanted to disappear in the air at that point. I never realized I had fallen deeply for him. I bare the pain by myself for I couldn't seek any consolation from my friends because they don't like him.

That was tough. I tried to keep everything to myself. However, time came when I really couldn't stand it anymore. I expressed my hurt towards him through a poem. I thought he'll not take it seriously, but he did. He was speechless. I remember him telling that he wanted us to talk the day after bec. He had something to tell also. Unfortunately, that never pushed through It has been 2 years now that I’ve been keeping him in my heart. Nothing has changed. He's still the one I admire and believe in, something that he isn't fully aware of. On the other hand, a close friend of ours told me his secret. She said that Gemini also liked me, but he wanted to just keep it that way and not even tell me. That gave a wide smile on my face. For such a long time, I never suspected that he also did like me.

At present, Gemini is no longer dating anyone seriously. He & his ex broke up sometime last month. We're talking again. However, heart matters are not discussed. It seems like both of us are trying not to touch that topic. Deep in my heart I know I’m hoping for us to have the chance to be together. But then again, if not permitted by chance, I’m glad that I have become his most trusted friend.

I only hope that I may eventually learn to let go of my feelings and put myself back and try to accept someone else. It's difficult, but I’m trying my very best. I hope one day I’ll just wake up and realize that I’m totally over him.

Thank you very much for entertaining my letter. Someday, I know I’ll have the chance to express this feeling to him through a song. I know I can and I hope the message gets through.

Thank you so much for the time.

Sincerely,
Khay



Dear Khay,

I honestly think that it’s about time for you and Gemini to stop tormenting yourselves and start getting real. You are hoping that, one day, you’ll get totally over him and go on with your life but deep inside, your heart is crying out for the opposite.

Khay, Gemini probably treasures your friendship so much that he just kept his feeling to himself for the fear of losing you. He was already silently trying to tell you he cares but you were never too sensitive to read between his lines and understand the look in his eyes. Now that you are sure that he really feels something for you , what else is keeping you aback? Your destiny is in your hands. If you don’t act now, you might lose your chance of knowing how it feels like to really love someone and express it without any fear.

If he is afraid to talk about love then you have to take the lead in discussing about feelings that matter in a relationship. Remember, not all men can courageously disclose their emotions. They feel that if they carelessly do, they would be like an open fortress, vulnerable to attack. We are also afraid of rejection. This is a fear that sometimes stems out from feelings of insecurity and lack of self confidence. Khay, you are the only one who might be able to help him overcome his apprehensions. Help him help himself and when he knocks at your door, welcome him with the warmth of the love that you have long been wanting to express , then , pray that something beautiful may come out of it.

In many instances, we too, become like Khay and Gemini — prisoners of our own fears. Let us not be insensitive to the signals others are sending us. They are vivid signs of what could lie ahead and forewarn us of danger or give us a glimpse of hope that we are on the right tracks of our lives. Let us try to listen to what they don’t say for sometimes there is more meaning to what they keep inside than what comes out of their lips. Let us not be afraid to face our own fears for they will be lifetime crutches that will keep us from walking straight. Remember that there is no gain without pain. Khay, only when we take the chance of getting hurt can we find the road to real happiness and only when we face our fears can we find the way to the only love that will last us a lifetime.


Joe

MORE THAN BESTFRIENDS, LESS THAN LOVERS

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

I am Darling, a fresh graduate from one of the prestigious universities in Metro Manila. I never thought that I could meet a person who would see the other side of me that other people nor even me know exists. It was a terrible thing to realize that you've fallen in love with a certain person when he had decided to get the hell out of your life. Letting go is the hard part and accepting the consequence of your mistakes is a painful torture.

Ted and I had been the best of friends for almost a year now. We've been through many things already and had helped each other several times. We've done each other's projects, attended the mass in school every 12 noon, ate lunch together, seated in each other's classes during our own vacant periods, talked for at least 3 hours consistently every day over the phone, laughed and cried together and never fought about any thing until now. He was always anxious to tell me about this girl he’s courting and I , about my unpredictable suitor, Dennis, who happens to be his block mate. It was like we were the only persons who could better understand each other. After Ted and I’s first date together, everything seemed wrong. We were not comfortable with each other anymore and it became more complicated when we went out on more dates because we ended up kissing and hugging each other. We had ignored the certainty that those things need to be settled perhaps because we both knew that it was a great risk to take. Until the time that we argued almost about anything, that was when we started talking about what was bothering us. We were blinded by the fact that we were already falling for each other. He had told me that he'd always wanted to talk to me about his feelings but there are three things that had kept him from doing it. (1) It was a shame to beat Joseph since he knows that Joseph loves me more than his life (2) Dennis would surely hate him (3) I'll be going back to the states after my graduation.

Joseph happens to be the father of my 2-year-old daughter and one of my closest friends. We had decided to separate ways because both our families didn’t want us to be together. But, I let him see our daughter every now and then without my parent's knowledge.

I was surprised to hear Ted truthfully say these things. My heart was pounding so fast because I never really thought he also feels the same way. We'd both cried and tears were overflowing. Our hearts were full of love then and it seems that nothing in the world matters. There was still that part me that was quite unsure, so, I told him to just go with the flow because many people would get hurt if we'll push things right away. He was so eager to prove his intentions so I let him. I just cannot afford to break his heart. Whenever I was having problems with Joseph, his shoulder was always therefor me to cry on. He'll wait for me for more than 3 hours just to convince me to see him. He'll cry his heart out just to let me give him a chance to love me. He had given up his friendship with Dennis. Accepted that Joseph's still the father of my baby and that I've every right to let him see our daughter . He would bake foods, talk over the phone and play nonstop with my baby. He had even given me a pair of lovebirds . The only sign I've been asking God is that whoever will give me those would be the man to whom I would stay for the rest of my life. I was in the midst of confusion and uncertainty that was why I decided to leave things unsettled. I never thought that I was hurting more people along the way by doing that.

After a few months, Ted had decided to stop and move on with his own life because, according to him, it seems that whatever he does, he just cannot make me happy. My heart had skipped a beat, nevertheless, I let him go. It was hurting me so much so I decided to let him know by writing him several letters and giving him CDs. I'd even called him up, so, we could talk things better. He was very firm. He had told me that I was very fickle minded and perhaps I needed space to realize if it was him that I really love. I had agreed but a few days ago when I've last talked to him, I'd asked him to forget about the love thing instead work on getting things back to how it was before. He had made it clear to me that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore because the more we talk, the more he falls for me and he doesn't want that to happen again. That really hit me right in the eye, Joe. He loves me and I've told him that I also do but then he doesn't want me back anymore! I can afford to lose him as a lover but never as a best friend, but I cannot do anything . I let him go. If I had only known that things would just end up like this. Perhaps it was meant to happen this way. Life sometimes sucks, doesn’t it? I just hope that someday in the future we'll cross our paths again. I will always remember and hold back in my heart and mind what he had told me before… "If we are still single at 45, we will marry each other."

I'll be going back to the states on the 15th of February and my wish this valentine is for Ted to always keep me in his heart until we meet again.
GOD bless! Thanks and more power.

Love always,
DARLING


Dear Darling,

I don’t think that waiting until both you and Ted are forty-five and still single is such a practical idea. Yes, love can wait but at 45 you would have missed out so much of life already. Darling, sometimes opportunity knocks only once in our lives. Once we let it pass, it may never cross our way again. Finding someone who will love us for what we have been and what we are isn’t easy. More often than not, people put a price tag to the thing they do for us. Seldom do we find someone who can accept for all things we are, the good and the bad in us.

I think Ted has shown and proven beyond any doubt and in many concrete ways that he loves you. You were afraid to accept that love because there were still so many things in your life that you have left unfinished.

If there is nothing more than friendship that you can offer him , then I believe it is just fair to keep some distance from him because forgetting someone we love will be doubly hard if that person keeps us hanging by making his presence felt in his own ways. In this case, you just can’t bargain friendship for love. For Ted cannot be a friend without falling in love with you. You would just either have to accept that love or give him space to recover from his fall.

This valentine, we all wish that love will knock at our doors and come to live, even for a moment, in our hearts. But, not everyone would be as lucky. There are those who would find it and keep it but there will also be those who would find it yet lose it for a hundred reasons. There are those who would still be waiting, hoping that maybe they would be in luck next time it comes around.

Darling, I hope Ted is listening now so he can hear what your heart has to say. Love could just be waiting for the right reason, the right place, and the right moment. I hope you would stay in his heart so when loves comes knocking again you’d be there to open it for him. And hopefully, when that time comes, if ever it comes again, you would have settled all the accounts of the past and ready to start a new life with him--the man you are truly destined to be with forever.


Joe

LOVE VS. FAMILY

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

Good Day! I was thinking of writing to you years back but somehow I never seem to bring myself to do it. But thanks to the internet, I can send my message to you without having to go through the hassles of the snail mail." I used to be an avid listener of your program but then my class schedule won't permit me or even give me time to listen to your show every Friday. But whenever I have time, I see to it that I don't miss your show esp. your advices which are really very enlightening. This is also the reason why I'm writing to you now.

I am 22 years old. I had my first boyfriend in 1996. I'll just call him Bobby. He was the only boyfriend I ever had. Ours was one of the "most admired and envied relationship" in school. We met during our third year in college. We didn't really hit it off the first time but there was one school activity where we found ourselves working together. This brought us closer. 10 months after, we became lovers. Whenever our friends see us, they will always mention of how happy we seem to be together, and we really were. The only problem we had then was we were an "underground couple" because my parents were not aware of him. I am Chinese and he's a Filipino. Like most traditional Chinese , the parents would never accept a Filipino into their family. But being a liberal-minded person, I disobeyed them and took the risk of loving a Filipino guy.

A year after, the first test in our relationship came and everything was not the same again. Ironically, it has a little to do with the "culture problem." Bobby belongs to a broken family. His parents separated after he graduated from high school. His mother was working as an agent in a real estate firm. When the economy crashed in 1997, his mother was not earning as much anymore and this brought bigger problems in their family. Fortunately, he had already graduated and had starting working, which makes him the "breadwinner". I admit that I belong to a well-to-do family and have never before experience what it was like to be in his situation. We always find ourselves in constant disagreement over his family's financial status because i don't approve of his sacrificing his income just to help his family. Maybe we were just brought up differently although i really sympathize with him and try to help him in any way i can. I often tell him not to always give in to his family's demands because I noticed that his family has become too dependent on him and at times, less appreciative of his efforts. He has gone to the point of sacrificing his meal allowance just so he could give money to his mother. This whole setup put a stain into our relationship. At the end of last year, we sort of broke up. Actually we were like going on and off. And just when I thought I don't love him anymore, I found out that he was going out with someone else. Technically, I consider it cheating because we never formally broke up. We don't do things the same as before but we sort of agreed that we would maintain an "MU" relationship. Upon learning of his new girlfriend, I confronted him and asked for an explanation. He told me that I was never there during the time he needed my support regarding the problem he was having with his family. And the girl was like his confidant and eventually he began to like her. Suddenly realized that I still love him. He still does, according to him, but he just can't leave her because she's the one that I never was. One very important factor was that he was warmly accepted in the girls' family. He considers himself deprived of a "real family" and that he wants to enjoy the feeling of belongingness with her family. He told me that once he feels that he has fully enjoyed it, he'll come back to me. I tried begging him to come back and leave the girl. I promise him that I would be more understanding of his situation and less demanding. I even agreed to play second fiddle. For a month, we sneaked behind his girlfriend's back. All along, i was thinking that I can still win him back and that I will fight for our love because he told me that he loves me more than her. And he is just buying time to break things up with his girlfriend. But I can only withstand it for a time. My conscience tells me it's not the right thing to do. I know that he would not leave her, at least not just yet. And I cannot bear the thought of him with the girl whenever they go out or whenver he goes to her house. At first, I thought I will eventually get used to the situation. But later on, it was already killing me. I casually asked him one night that if his girlfriend finds out about us and agrees to be the other woman (just like what I was doing)would he oblige? I was expecting him to say that he woud just go back to me but I was in for a shock. He told me that he would agree with the setup. Joe, he seems to be an entirely different person then. He was never like that before. I never had any problems with his attitude. In fact, I didn't find anything wrong in his personality. He was the most selfless kind and understanding guy I knew. It made me conclude that poverty sometimes brings out the worst in people. He has transformed from gud to worst. He was not the guy I fell in love with. At that point then, I knew I had to let him go. I really love him, in fact, very much still. I gave him my promise that I'm willing to wait, not for him, but for the old Bobby to come back. I used to believe in forever but now no good things seem to last.

I would just like to hear some good advice from you as to how I can get over him. I might never really want to because I still care for him very much. But this time, my mind has to rule over my heart. I would really appreciate it if you can respond through my e-mail since my classes are all in the evening and I wouldn't be able to hear your advice on the radio. Thank you for your time and I hope to hear from you soon. More power on your show. God Bless!!!

Sincerely yours,

Marjorie



Marjorie,

The Chinese- Filipino culture issue has burdened so many relationships quite heavily that most of them just didn’t Have enough strength to survive the pressure their families have imposed on them. But, I believe that beyond all these race and color issues, we are just one and the same. Stripped of skin, we can never tell who’s who for we will all be just the same flesh and bone.

True love never measures a man by his looks and by how much he has. What we have in this world will never buy us immortality. We will all die just as we have been born-with nothing. Once money becomes an issue in a relationship there will be friction. Unless both can agree on certain acceptable terms then this relationship may lose ground and fail.

Marjorie, you may probably never understand how it like to be poor. You have lived a life of a princess, never deprived of anything and always getting what you want when you want it. Bobby had sincere intentions in sacrificing for his family. He even denies himself of his basic needs just so he could give money to his family.

This monetary support has always been an issue in many relationships , especially marriages. We are open to the idea of extended families and havevery close ties with them. The question of who should support who becomes a favorite topic of discussion and heated arguments. This may even become the reason for an imminent break-up.

Marjorie, you have been brought up in a life different from bobby’s and you may never learn to accept his ways. But, love is a balance of giving and taking. Unless couples can compromise their differences then their relationships will never grow. Maybe , you are destined to be with someone of your own race and status. Love never works that way but sometimes, it’s the only way to take. You could either turn back from your family and let love rule your heart or sacrifice your feelings for the tradition that you are required to preserve and respect.

Marjorie, you may be waiting for someone who may never come back. Bobby probably never changed. It was just that you were the same two people who lived in two different worlds separated by immeasurable odds and timeless tradition. He found his home in someone else’s heart. I think it’s about time you search for your own. Just remember that real love should never looks at where we stand. It looks at where we are heading and finds beauty not in what we have but in what we can give.


Joe