Mushy Stuff

Love Notes Love Quotes

2010-01-26T05:49:00.000-08:00

This is just a few Love Quotes From Joe D' Mango

Love don't give us the promise of forever, but having faith on it makes us believe that there is.
Love is not a one-shot deal that you have to get right at first. You will always make mistakes and find your ideal partner. Love is also a process of finding your way, finding the right one.
The greates mistake we'll make in a relationship is when we look at somebody else other than our partner to satisfy our emotional and physical needs. The second mistake is when we consciously allow ourselves to be the object of these emotional and physical desires.
We can never be certain of our relationships because not all of them are built to last our lifetime. We have to constantly nurture it so it can grow and we can grow old with it.
In the midst of despair, pain, and sorrow, someone comes in our life and gives us strength to believe in life again. The love they give us gives us a blind faith that helps us believe in ourselves again, that we can make our dreams come true.
Love can be the bet thing that will ever happen to you. More often than not, your lover is also your bestfriend, one who will stand by you through thick and thin.
Most ordinary relationships begin and most of them continue as forms of mutual exploitation, a mental or physical barter, to be terminated when one or both parties run out of goods. The truth is you will not rn out of goods if you believe you won't.
People cannot change who you really are. You just have to tell them and be honest about th real person behind you. You cannot hide in your cloak of deception forever. You desreve to be happy just by being yourself.
A relationship is a two way street. It's never all your fault or the other person's. You go into the relationship together and work thorugh it all together. And remember, the best relationship is one w/c your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
When we begin to put so much weight on what others fell and think about our relationships, we become distracted and lose our own perception of our partners.
If you choose to fight for love, then you should be prepared to face the consequences and risk associated with it. But if you choose to follow tradition over the dictate of your heart the you also have to be prepared to lose someone you love.
Let us always remember that, in the end it is not how much love we have received that would count, but how much love we have given and how much more we are willing to give even without the promise of earning it back.
We constantly have to make an extra effort to make others feel that they are important to us and the small things they do are appreciated. The greatness of a relationship is built on the foundation of small acts of kindess, love and compassion.
Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment, they are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a purpose and meaning behind all events, and this purpose and meaning develops you as a person and as a lover.

THE WEDDING INVITATION

2007-05-13T17:59:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

I'm 23 years old and currently working in a large company here in Makati. I never thought that one day I'll be writing you and ask for an advice, not for me but for a friend. Let's call my friend, Marvin. We were on our first year in college when Sheila, a friend since highschool, told me her crush, that's Marvin. Joe, right from the start Sheila knew that it's just a one way thing since they still don't know each other. But still, she kept on wishing that one day they will be friends and soon will be more than friends. As a friend, I befriended Marvin to make Sheila's wish come true. I introduced Marvin to Sheila. Joe, it was just a hi and hello thing. Nothing more.

Until one day, on our third year, Sheila met a guy who looks like Marvin. The guy courted her and she didn't hesitate to answer him right away. I was shocked and asked her why so soon. Joe, it was because the guy looks like Marvin. I don't know, but I think it's not fair on the guy. I was afraid for Sheila coz I believe in karma. After a few months, Sheila was so happy to share with me their happy moments together. She honestly told me that she made the right decision in answering Anthony and that she learned to love him not because of Marvin but because of what he really is. The relationship went on smoothly for almost a year. But just like many relationships, theirs to end. Joe, Anthony's studies suffered. His mother was blaming Sheila. That was the start of their on and off relationship and in the end, they broke up. It was so hard for her to accept what happened and so she kept on asking for Anthony to come back. But all she got for an answer was a NO.

Joe, during Sheila’s tumultuous relationship, Marvin and I became close friends. It was then that he told me he has feelings for Sheila even before I introduced them. I kept it to myself so as not to ruin Sheila's relationship with Anthony. I never told Sheila about it even after their breakup. When Marvin learned about the break up he asked me for an advice. He asked me if it's alright for him to court Sheila. I told him that if he really is interested then go for it. I felt excited and worried at the same time for Sheila might not be ready for another relationship. Marvin took the risk.

Joe, they started going out. Sheila became secretive and it was Marvin who was makuwento. Marvin thought that they are already in the M.U stage of their relationship since Sheila was giving him goodnight kisses everytime he brings her home. But I knew that Sheila was entertaining another guy. I don't know what happened after that, I just heard that Sheila ended up with the other guy.

Years passed Joe, we graduated from college. I haven't heard from Sheila but Marvin and I kept our communication lines open until the time when I was assigned to one of our branches in Davao. After a couple of months, the next thing I knew, sila na. I was so happy for the two of them. I thought the relationship would last but it seemed like Marvin was the only one who's willing to make the relationship work. He told me that everytime they see each other, he cannot sense Sheila’s excitement. During their monthsaries, it was only Marvin who remembers to greet Sheila. I was kind of confused why Sheila was doing this to Marvin coz before, I knew how much she liked him. I still remember her wish. I pity Marvin coz I know how much he loves Sheila now. I wanted to confront Sheila why is she doing this to Marvin but I don't have the courage to ask her since she became secretive and she doesn't know that I know what's going on between them right from the start.

Then one day, I was surprised when Marvin told me that they were getting married. I was so happy for them. Marvin was telling me all his plans for their coming wedding and future as well. I don't know how Marvin will take this, Joe. The other day, I received a wedding invitation from Sheila. I was shocked. It was not Marvin's name written there. I called Sheila to ask her if this was all a joke. I heard all the excitement from her voice. She was not joking, Joe. I wanted to scream. I wanted to tell her how unworthy she was for Marvin's love. I don't know what kind of girl she is. If only we were talking face to face I could have slapped her! I was crying inside for Marvin. What hurts me most, Joe, was that she didn’t seem to care for Marvin's feelings at all. I don't think she's planning to tell this to Marvin.

After that phone conversation with Sheila, Marvin and I talked. He was very excited to tell me that he will ask Sheila to get me as one of her bridesmaids. I don't know what to say. We parted without me telling him about Sheila's coming wedding. Joe, a month from now, Sheila is getting married. I'm afraid of how Marvin would take this. He loves Sheila so much. I felt that it was Sheila's responsibility to tell Marvin but until now Sheila hasn't made any move yet. Should I blame Marvin for loving Sheila that much or should I blame Sheila for hurting Marvin?

Joe, should I be the one to break the news to Marvin or should I wait for Sheila to tell him? How long should I wait for Sheila to tell Marvin? I fear that Sheila might not tell him about it and I feel that the longer I wait for Sheila's move the more guilt feeling I would have to endure and the more pain it would inflict on Marvin.

Thanks Joe for reading this letter. I need your immediate advice on this. More power on your program, "LoveNotes".
Heidee C.

Dear Heidee,

You are on a very sensitive ground because you hold the key to all of Sheila’s secrets which could open a door of doom and disaster for everyone. But, there is a cloud of doubt in my mind. Somehow, I just couldn’t understand how Marvin could have been so naively kept in the dark when Sheila was openly working on her own wedding and even manages to give you an invitation with someone else’s name in it.

Your friend may be playing a game on you and you have to be very careful for you might fall in trap that would be very difficult to rise from. I also sense that you have a special concern for Marvin that makes Sheila’s actions difficult to accept. There is nothing wrong in feeling that way whether that concern is on a level of friendship or love.

When Sheila gave you her invitation, she knew she had opened the risk of Marvin finding out the truth. She knew you could tell Marvin her secrets and that is probably what she wanted you to do. I believe it is best to talk to her about this before letting the coffee spill from your cup. If she really is getting married to someone else and she doesn’t have any plans of telling Marvin then, as a friend, you may, as you wish, tell Marvin yourself. Show him the invitation as proof and his reaction will tell you if had been part of this charade or not.

This masquerade will have to come to its close sooner or later, Heidee. In the end, Sheila will be married, Marvin would be devastated and you would be hurt seeing him that way. The pain will linger and the your wounds will hurt but all these will come to pass in time. At least Marvin will still have you to stand by him in the most trying moment of his life.

Love, even in all its color and splendor can still cast a storm in our lives and sometimes cause great emotional destruction. Let us always remember that there is no love without pain. There is no reward without sacrifice. Sometimes, there just can never be a graceful exit. We just have to let love take its course and hurt those who been caught in it and leave us with the cold hard fact that there will never be an easy way to break someone’s heart.

Joe

THE SIGNATURE

2007-05-13T17:56:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

Hey there! How is it going? I don't get to listen to your radio program but a personal friend of mine added my email address onto "lovenotes" distribution list. At first I find it too "mushy" but later on I realized, "this is reality," and I myself can never deny the fact that I've been touched to tons of letters I've read so far. It took me awhile before I decided to spit out my own fair of sorrow in public. In my heart, mind and soul - - It'll always be a memory that made me realize that there are only two people in this world, "One who make things happen...and one who wait for things to happen"...I hope this serves as a challenge, lesson & inspiration to all of those who loved and lost it...
I met Mark on a New Year's Eve, at a party I've avoided if I could have come up with good reason not to be there. As I unenthusiastically drove to the party, I plotted an early escape - - until a tall, dark-haired man greeted me near the front door. Mark was from New York City but was in Washington, DC for a post-Christmas vacation, visiting a former roommate. I like him immediately. He talked easily about his family and Graduate School, and his comical impersonations lit up the room as we waited for midnight. Witty. Confident. Intelligent. I went through my mental checklist of qualities I desired in a mate, and realized Mark fit the bill more than anyone I'd met in years. I watched him weave through the room, talking and joking with people, and felt something inside twist with nervous excitement. When he caught my eye later and motioned me over to a quiet corner of the room to talk, I hoped that the attraction I felt was mutual.

We had five days before he drove back home, and we crammed as much as we could into that time. We toured museums, the White House, the Pentagon & all other botanical gardens in Virginia and lastly watched a play at the Kennedy Center which turned out really romantic. While it snowed almost every day, and I was exhausted for lack of sleep, I wore a permanent and ridiculous smile because of him. I knew a long distance relationship wouldn't last be easy, but the possibility of a future together made the miles seem unimportant. Finally, the person I'd been waiting and praying for had come into my life. It had been a long wait. One and a half years had passed since I've dated anyone seriously, and I'd spent much of that time agonizing over my singleness. Again and again, I wonder why God hadn't chosen me for the blessing of marriage.

The whole world seemed different after I met Mark. In the first phone call from NYC, he told me that I had all the qualities he was looking for in a wife. My heart pounded with the anticipation of all that lay ahead of us. I thought he was my personal gift from God. Several months later, six to be exact, Mark's phone calls came less frequently, and the warmth of our first conversations slowly cooled. He cracked jokes when I wanted to be serious, and I caught myself talking to him about the weather. I called Mark one night when the moon was huge and golden over the outside of my window, wondering if it looked as enormous in the Big Apple City. The only response was the hollow sound of his answering machine. He was out with friends, he told me later, and apparently hadn't thought much about me or the moon at night. I told myself I couldn't expect a long-distance relationship to be simple. I prayed harder and tried to ignore the signs that our relationship was faltering after only 6 months?
Finally, Mark sent a polite letter why he didn't see a future for us. The note was typed, its tone was painfully businesslike. "Whenever I think about us, I consistently come up with reasons why you'd be a wonderful choice, yet, there's a knowing 'feeling' I'm missing...and it's one I MUST HAVE. Unfortunately, I don't know how to acquire it - - it simply has to be there." He closed with an apology, THEN SIMPLY SIGNED HIS NAME. I read the letter again and again, trying to let the words sink in -- and at the same time trying to thread of hope that might have worked its way between the lines. But there was none. The person I thought God has sent was gone. And up until now, at 28, I have not found the right man yet. Each day makes me feel more frustrating, thinking about that man I should end up with...and sometimes, I feel like I'm about to give up. I'm tired of getting in and out of a relationship for 8 years now, I wanted a real one...a more stable & focused. What shall I do? The only thing that keeps me busy right now is my work & I teach low impact (muscle firming) for women over the weekend. I'm tired of going to bars (meat market ones). Am I becoming a loser? All of my friends have engagement rings already, and I have none. How will I make myself happy in times of frustrations?
Thanks for reading my letter! I hope everything's fine at your end. I miss the PHILIPPINES, it's been 13 years since I last visited the country. And I might visit sometime December, I wish to meet you and have coffee with you maybe? I'll tag two of my childhood friends so our chat would be even more livelier! You don't have to choose this letter if you don't feel like posting it, but I'm sure will wait for your prompt reply & advice.

All the best!
Ciao,
Tina

Dear Tina,

Sometimes , it seems that it would take us an eternity to find a lasting relationship. It is easy to fall in love but keeping the fire burning is a different story. For a hundred and different reasons, the glow and the excitement of the first few episodes of a seemingly perfect relationship can unexpectedly turn dark and cold. And soon, the would sparks fade and people will just find themselves falling out of love.

Unfortunately , Tina, there is no sure-fire formula to enduring relationships. We wouldn’t know exactly if it would work unless we get ourselves into it . And indulging our emotions seriously into heart matters can have serious repercussions when the love that we thought will stay forever changes its course and leaves us.
Tina, not having an engagement ring doesn’t make you a loser. That tiny gold clad in your finger cannot guarantee happiness. And sometimes, finding the right person doesn’t always makes us happy either. Remember, we should not expect others to make us happy for we can experience it even if we are all by ourselves . Real happiness is a state of mind and flows from within our hearts and not from others.

Tina, don’t think that you have had enough after eight failed relationships. Others have been through more frustrating failures than that. Having gone through these in one piece is something that you have to be thankful for. Remember, every relationship , successful or not, is always a learning experience. After each recovery , we come out as a better knowing person. We learn to experience that pain will hurt us but we will also learn to understand that pain will teach us to become stronger persons.

Tina, don’t give up . The curtains of love will not close on you at 28 . Believe me , there will be another tall and dark-haired man who will come your way again . He wouldn’t be Mark but he would be someone better than him and someone who would not write you a goodbye letter. You just have to trust that God always has a better reason for making us suffer . Do not count and think of your shattered dreams for you will lose focus on things that are more important. Remember , it shouldn’t matter how many times we love and lose our balance , what should matters is how many times we get up after each fall and learn to trust and love again.

I would love to have coffee with you and your friends come December. I also hope you have opened a new chapter of your life by then. My best wishes.

Joe

THE SECRET

2007-05-13T17:52:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

You can me Mitchell, I’m 25 years old and presently working in one of the most prestigious Software Development Firms in Makati. I work as a systems engineer and have been undergoing series of trainings here and abroad. Career wise, I can say I’m having the prime of it, but as the saying goes you can’t always have everything.

Ever since I was a kid I had always been thankful to God for all the blessings that I had been receiving all these years. I graduated high school as class valedictorian and ended up Cum Laude upon completing my engineering course. After which, jobs were coming everywhere, looking for me and I even managed to bid for a good compensating salary considering I was just then a fresh graduate.

A lot of my friends admire me for these achievements and wishing they were in my shoes. Little did they know it was something I would like to exchange with them for a little happiness.

I’m no man-hater, Joe. But I’ve had five relationships since high school and all were failures.

I was easily attracted with men who are tough and mature, just like my first serious relationship with my 4th boyfriend Roy. He’s the kind of man any woman would want to have. He’s 8 years my senior, very responsible and a real secure and stable person. We started going steady when I was just on my Junior year in College. We went steady for almost 5 years. Roy and I had a real good time together, we get along pretty well, and because I felt so sure about him we unavoidably reached the peak of intimacy.

Before I graduated college Roy asked me to marry him but I refused. I asked him to wait for at least 3 more years . After that , we both started to feel that we’re slowly drifting apart. Until one day, I received a letter from him breaking me the news that he was marrying someone whom he had gotten pregnant.We parted ways, Joe. I had no other choice, I guess. I learned to live my life all over again, and pick myself up from the floor.

In the summer of 1997, I met Reggie in one of our company’s summer outing in Palawan. The timing was perfect, the air was just filled with romance. We’ve had 5 long days together in a place that was almost paradise for me. He had always been so vocal about his admiration towards me and that made us grow closer together.

One, after coming home from a party where I got really drunk, he took me home to my pad, and yes Joe, something happened between us. He knew about Roy but I didn’t mention anything about my virginity. The next morning , he was mad and he said he really felt cheated. I tried explaining that I didn’t have any plans of keeping it from him. I was just waiting for the perfect time, but he didn’t listen. He walked out from me without a word and since then, he stopped calling me and eventually stopped seeing me. I was devastated but I didn’t run after him, I tried to be strong. I didn’t even try calling him or begging him to stay.

After 3 months, I saw him again in one of the employee’s gathering, I was pretentious, trying to make him feel I’m okay, but deep inside I know I was hurting and I pitied my self. He initiated an invitation for dinner you know that old line “for old time’s sake”. He told me how sorry he was, that he was just struck deep the night he left me . He said he wanted me back and I gave him another chance. I guess, I just can’t say no to someone I still care about.

But, Joe, he’s very different now. He hates talking about marriage. Before, when he brings me home , a good night kiss was enough to give him a good sleep, but now he always wanted us to end up in bed. I hate the thought of being “used and abused” but this was exactly what I was going through . Joe, does he really love me? Did he really accept me regardless of my past? I feel so stupid over these things. I wanted to break up with him and start things all over again. My family doesn’t know what had just transpired in my life, I don’t want to disappoint them for any reason, because they had always been so proud of me. I’m confused, after Reggie, would there be another man, who will just use me upon learning of my past? I’m afraid this relationship might just go on endless circles Please help me. I had prayed to God a lot of times and I know he hears me. But I just can’t seem to guard myself from Reggie when my desire burns with passion.

Joe last week I just got an email from Roy, and he’s now separated from his wife, he took his child because he’s more financially capable of bringing him up. He said he wants me back and still loves me more than anyone else . Somehow I wanted to accept him considering it’s better that I end up with the man who has gotten me first. But, things are more complicated now. He’s married and I don’t want to be a mistress forever . Joe please help me. Thank you for sparing time reading this letter. God bless and more power.

Sincerely,
Mitch

Dear Mitch,

Virginity has always been a sensitive issue in many relationships. There are men who still value greatly a woman’s chastity and would always want to have her first.. But the sad fact is, not all first relationships become our last and there many women who lose their virginity to their first boyfriends. Does this mean that these women are doomed to fail in their succeeding relationships? Well, I don’t think so. Many couples do not end up with their first beaus but they end up with happy marriages. I believe that this would only be an issue if there is no transparency in a relationship.

If you made a mistake in giving in to your first failed relationship then make sure your next boyfriend knows that he wasn’t the first. This is where many relationships are strained- women taking the risk of not telling their boyfriends about it. Men are likely to discover it one way or another, and if you take them by surprise , they would feel cheated ,get mad and get even. Then you can bid your relationship goodbye again.

Mitch, there is only one simple rule. A man who loves you would care less about your past but a man who doesn’t would live in it and use it to hurt you and find his way out . We all make mistakes. Women give in to men who they thought would be their forever. If they only knew they wouldn’t end up together , many of them would have been more careful in letting their passion take over. But what’s done is done. No woman goes to the doctor to have her virginity stitched back. She just has to go on and find someone who would accept her for what she was and love her for what she is.

Mitch , Reggie doesn’t love you . He just wants you. Don’t waste your life wanting him for you will only end up miserable knowing that you have been used and abused by someone who never cared about you at all. Pray for strength so you would have enough courage to desist your passionate desires and live your life the way you should. Stop hurting yourself and don’t think that you would never find someone who can embrace your past . Mitch , give yourself a chance and you will find the man whose love will see beyond your mistakes . The man who will understand you for all that you have been, accept you for what you have become and love you for what you truly are.

Joe

THE LONG DISTANCE TRAP

2007-05-13T17:47:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

I am 19 and residing here in the States. I've been here for almost 10 months now. I also have a steady boyfriend back there, he's Raffie, and he's a year older than I am. He's sweet, caring, thoughtful, sensitive, smart, and a mature gentleman. Pretty much the type of guy any girl would dream of. We were school mates in college. But I had to stop my studies for awhile because I had to go here. At first, I thought I was just like going on a vacation, but it turned out I have to stay here for good, so now I'll be continuing my studies here.

That's the big problem. Joe you wouldn’t believe that Raffie and I have spent just 2 weeks of our 11 month-relationship together, because I had to leave. We trust each other so much. I love him very much. I know it's hard having a long distance relationship. Most of the time, it doesn't work. But we survive somehow.I really don't have friends here, Joe. I meet people through the internet and there was this guy I met in one of the chatrooms last June. He is Junie, 6 years my senior, and also a Filipino. It turned out that he lives near our city. So we were able to talk on the phone, continued to talk online, and send emails to each other once in awhile. Unlike the guys I had talked to online, hindi sya boring kausap, kalog sya and makulit. So, we talked on the phone for hours, we talk about almost anything under the sun. It was great having a friend like him, it was like we've known each other all our lives. Parang hindi ako na-ho-homesick when I'm talking to him. He even says "I love you" to me, even though we haven't seen each other yet. Talagang palabiro lang sya.

We finally met after four months. He was pretty cute in person. Since that day, he emailed me regularly. We still chat online or talk on the phone nd he comes over to our place every weekend. Then one night, while we were talking online, he told me that he has a crush on me. I hesitated, but I confessed that I also have a crush on him. He has a girlfriend back there in the Philippines. But, I mean, it's just infatuation, nothing bad could happen, right?

But then again, one night ,on the phone, he told me that he loves me. I know he'd been telling me that before but the way he said it was very different. And so, I badgered him with questions why he told me that. And I don't know, I guess I believed him, because I, myself, was feeling the same way, too. Actually, I didn’t want to feel that way. I though it was like a brotherly love, because I'm an only child, but then it was different. I was falling, I still am. Well, I don't blame myself . Junjie is sweet, caring, affectionate, thoughful, mature and a gentleman. Pretty much like Raffie. But I know they're different in many ways. And I don't wanna compare them.

One weekend, he came over and suddenly kissed me. The moment he our lips touched, I saw the face of Raffie. I felt guilt running through my veins. Goodness! Joe, we decided that night na kami na, even though we had different partners back there. It's been two months after that incident, and kami pa rin. Am I so bad? I mean, I already have a boyfriend, and he has a girlfriend. I know what we are doing is unfair to all concerned. But we can't really stop what we're feeling, we tried to, but we can't. Until today, I feel guilty, but still continue this forbidden relationship. No one in my family nor his friends here know about us, they know we're dedicated to our respective partners back there. So we really kept our relationship a secret.

Raffie knows about Junjie coming over here, but he knows we're just friends. Every time I think of Raffie, see his picture, or talk to him on the phone, I feel so guilty. I know I love him, but I want to be happy as well. But I also know that Raffie doesn't deserve to be treated this way. I guess, I found in Junjie a friend and a person who would take care of me while I'm here. I had talked to Raffie a few days ago, and he suddenly, out of the blue , told me that it's OK if I find a boyfriend here, as long as I told him. At least daw there will be somebody who'll take care of me. He said if we are really meant for each other, we will be together, no matter what happens .I feel so guilty, I want to tell him, but I can't. I can't afford to loose him. I mean, I care for Junjie, but not in the same way as for Raffie. He's the love of my life. But, we're in two different countries. So I don't know what to do. I want to tell him about Junjie, but I am afraid to ruin our relationship.

I am confused. I don't know if I'm just doing this because I miss Raffie a lot...or I am really falling for Junjie. But I like him, I really do. And I also care for him. I know he cares for me too. I know, Junjie and I can't really be together because we both belong to someone else. I guess, we just needed someone to hold on to while we're here. But, I am really confused, I don't know what to do.

Please help me. Thanks. More power on your show. And God bless.
Jermaine

Dear Jermaine,

I have been in the same boat several years ago and I can truly say that it is indeed difficult to keep a relationship that is separated by spans of oceans and miles of land. Sometimes I wished that I could be transported by some magical force so that I can be where I wanted to be, next to the one I love. But reality bites back and I’d just be waking up alone and longing for that someone who I miss like crazy.

Now, we are luckier because we have affordable technology at our disposal. The internet, e-mail, voicemail and video conferencing are just some of the great marvels of science that somehow help us bridge the gap of time and space. But not even the best technology can bring us physically closer to the people we long to be with.

Raffie probably never wanted you to leave but he didn’t want to get in the way of your family’s plan for you. Unfortunately, your vacation turned out to be an indefinite stay and time and distance suddenly turned against your blossoming relationship.
It is lonely in your new world. You may have your folks around but it will always take time for you to get used to the life in the states and the people other than the ones that you grew up with.

In a distant relationship, loneliness will be our biggest enemy. In our effort to reach out, we would find a friend who would be willing to help us and make adjusting a lot easier. A friend who would fill in the gap and the emptiness we feel. A friend who we would spend more time with. Soon, our loneliness fades away and we begin to enjoy that persons’ company. This constant togetherness becomes the bridge to unexpected closeness and intimacy.

Now, you have allowed yourself to fall into the trap that most long distance couples get into. You have been unfair to Raffie but you cannot blame yourself either. We are just human and prone to making mistakes. We want to be happy but sometimes we seen not to realize that somebody else is paying for it.

Jermaine, the only way this long distance relationship would succeed is if both you and Raffie would find a way to be together again. If that is far from being practical then Raffie was just being sensible when he said you can have a boyfriend so someone can take care of you. It isn’t closure but it is probably his subtle way of saying that your lives have to go on even without each other. Believe me, it is as hard for him as it is for you to be beyond reach but that is life’s verdict. You cannot question it. You can only accept it and try to live by it.

Jermaine you have done all this because you missed Raffie but you are still continuing it because you have already fallen for Junjie. You just have to realize that you cannot have them both at the same time. Be true to yourself and be honest with Raffie. He may find it painful to accept but I’m sure he has prepared himself for the worst the day you left him. If he is really meant for you then destiny will take it’s path ,in time , and bring him back.

Your heart is speaking to you right now. Listen to what it is saying. It could be Raffie, Junjie or someone else . Just remember that it is where you will find peace, joy and happiness that your heart will find its rest. And it is where your heart rests that destiny will finally plant its seed. This is where love will finally grow and blossom to a beautiful forever.

Joe

STRING OF CONFUSIONS

2007-05-13T17:44:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Hello Joe,

I don't know how to start, but I know I need help, at least to release the suppressed feelings I have. You see I'm a very blessed individual. I have a great family, I have a great job, I have great friends, and I know I have a very bright future ahead. As my friends would tell me, many would be envious with what I have and where I stand now.

I'm typically perceived as a strong individual, easy to get along with, not that stunningly beautiful, but I do have my share of suitors, its just that I never got interested with them, not after my last breakup 3 years ago, not until now.

I transferred almost two years ago to the firm I'm connected with right now, and everything was going well and good if not best, until recently. Being the friendly person that I am, I easily got close to my peers.

I treated all of my friends the same way, naturally me, always available whenever they needed me, being as nice as I can, that was the way I am. I never gave malice to whatever actions they rendered to me, and as always I made it a point to give all of my friends the same kind of attention. Among my many close peers, it was Rico who seem to appreciate me and who became my constant companion. It started with Rico telling me all about his likes, his life, his girlfriend and fiancée whenever time permitted. Though all of my other peers told me some of their life, Rico would tell me all the details, and he admitted that it was only me that he was able to tell these, only me aside from Janine, his fiancée. Janine was working in another country and was due to return in Manila mid next year for their wedding.

All the while, I provided a listening ear to Rico. Our constant conversation was followed up by phone calls, first during weekends, then more frequently after we got home from work. We even started going out first only after overtimes, then during weekends. When I had to work extra hours, he would wait for me, he would bring me home, or see to it that I was at home when we were not together. I appreciated that, and I thought I just appreciated it.

For him I knew he just needed a listening ear. Although he admitted that he didn't mention me to Janine even once. i encouraged him to tell her about me casually, because I knew there was really nothing to hide. One early morning, he called me up to tell me that he and Janine had a misunderstanding, because of me. He told Janine all about me, he told Janine that there was a possibility that he was already falling for me and naturally she got jealous, and mad. At that time I didnt know how to feel, but more than anything i pitied myself. I didnt have the slightest intention of doing them harm, I was being the best person I could be, I was being a friend, still I seem to appear as the bad guy, and to top it all I was alone, all alone.

After that incident, I suggested to Rico that we should not spend too much time together, to prevent any further malice, any other resulting incident. Things went back to normal, but still he would stay with me whenever time permits, and I would remind him of Janine. He even went to ask me if he was falling for me, I casually told him that he just missed Janine, after all they spent almost half of their lives together.

Things were worsening, because he was starting to compare me with Janine, and I was starting to get hurt. He would still discuss with me their wedding plans, he would ask my opinion on things about their future, and that was the time I realized I was the one falling, I was already falling for him and I had to restrain myself.

To make things easier for us, I had to make myself busy, off work. I had to go out with other friends, I made it a point to go out on groups whenever we would need to go out, and I started to stop rendering overtime work (to the detriment of my career). Still he never tired of telling me all about his life and his plans, and I was all the more getting hurt, because now I know I have fallen. He was teaching me a lot of things, and now I am already entertaining my suitors, because I know I am capable of loving again.

I've read somewhere that we shouldn't waste time to show someone we love them, in my case I just have to defy that. I know there are a lot of other people who are in the dilemma I'm in right now, it's hard, but we have to be this strong or much stronger.

I'm actually running out of excuses to get away from him, I am losing my strength in covering up my emotions. There are times I just want to resign from work, but I cannot give up my future in the firm, just because of this. I don't know how long I can hold on, until then, I still am hoping that we remain friends, that's the way it should be.

Please pray for me, and for people like me....
Thanks,
Mia

Mia,

Sometimes we wonder why just can’t we fall in love and be happy. Why does there always have to be a string of constraint and confusion attached to it. Why can’t we just love someone and not be guilty about feeling that way.

Mia, it’s a cold hard fact, that not all the people we choose to love may be able to return the same feelings. They may either be committed to someone else or may not be interested in us at all

But, Rico must have liked you a lot for he would not have had the courage to tell his girlfriend about his feelings for you. But you knew you never wanted to be the cause conflict so you backed off to a safe distance. I think he understood your message and somehow realized that he can never be more than a friend to you.

But, he thought wrongly. Now you are the one falling and hoping against hope that you may find love in him again.

Mia, your work doesn’t have to suffer just because you have fallen in love with your officemate. You cannot turn your back from what your heart cries out for. Somehow, you would have to get your act together and deal with this sweeping emotion. How long do you think can you hide your affection that grows as each day passes? How long can you make excuses to avoid him?

Mia, sometimes the easiest way to get the weight off our chest is to honestly let the other person know how we feel. Tell Rico that you are avoiding him because you are afraid of falling in love too deep that you may never be able to get out of it. Let him know that you just wanted to get it off your chest and that you are not in any way expecting anything from him. At least you would not have to worry about him finding out from someone else. After this, close this book and go on with your life.

He may remain as your friend or you may lose him forever. But, he may also return your feelings in a way that you would never expect. Then, this would have to be a new chapter. Mia live by the day and deal with your emotions as they come. Be honest with yourself and true to what you feel. Let us always remember that love never grows when it is secretly kept locked in our hearts. Love will only find fulfillment when it finds its way out and dwells in the heart of that person destined to keep it.

Joe

SLOW HEALING

2007-05-13T17:40:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

Just call me Raytz. I always listen to Lovenotes regularly and that makes Friday special to me. I'm 24 , single,and working for one of the largest banking firm in Makati. Joe, I'm not beautiful and I am not ugly as well. But, I am gifted with a lot of friends whom I know are all true to me. All throughout my school and career life I've never met someone whom I can call very special. I have had suitors but none of them were able to take my heart. I have had crushes but none of them became really special to me. I have had closest male friends but no other feelings grew aside from being friends. I'm not just a typical career woman. I have extra curricular activity which I really am enjoying very much. It is my life as a choir member in our parish. I was contented and at peace being with the worshippers of Jesus. And I guess that's how God put my life in place. Until came the time, my life was troubled when this guy joined the group. Darren wasn’t so handsome but he had something in him that was very captivating. He is a talented person, humorous and very easy to be with-- an exact reflection of my personality.

At first, I never had a thought of falling in love with him because from the very start I warned myself not to fall for him. Darren came to know that he was just a brother to me. Then one day, things had changed between us, he never talked to me that much as he did before. He never called me as often as before and never even visited me at home anymore. During those times I felt the hurt I never felt in my entire life. I started to miss him. His sweetness, his jokes, his smile, his voice and his thoughtfulness. Things became so awkward between us and we became like total strangers .

But fate played with me ,Joe. I didn't know what had happened, chance came when I gave him a big smile and a pat on the back and the wall between us suddenly collapsed. Darren came alive again. Nothing special was going on between us but the thought of having each other near always, makes us happy. One day in May 1997, after the attending and singing in the mass, I got stunned and speechless when I heard Darren say he wants me to be his girlfriend. I believed every words that came from his lips Joe, but when he held my hand, I can't look at him. I was breathless. Though I wanted to say something, t words just slipped away because heaven was all that I could feel.

But Joe, Darren gave a different meaning to my silence. He thought I didn't like what he did and what he had said. I still can't catch my breath that time. If Darren only knew how happy I was I'm sure things will all be like heaven for us. Joe, I saw the sadness in his eyes and in the swooping of his shoulder when he never received any reaction from me. He just whispered "I'm sorry, I thought you feel the same way too". I really can't speak of a word that time Joe. Things went different between us after that memorable day. Everyday, I wished he could speak of those words again...and my wish was granted after several months of waiting. We became close again but still I cannot show the feelings I have for him. Days went by again with happy moments to be cherished and treasured. Until one day, the very same day after a year of confession of his feelings for me, May 1998, to my astonishment I never expected things will be more hurting than they were before. It seemed I was shot and nabbed a lot of times Joe, I felt the world had stopped revolving and I got shocked when I heard from his very own lips that he's getting married. At first I couldn't believe what I've heard, how could it be? But with his hand so cold and his eyes closed with tears flowing down his cheeks, I knew that was the moment I should believe it was not a joke. I came dead that fateful day. I was blinded by him I haven't realized he could have someone caring for him. But I still got the courage to handle the situation . I gave my love to him by the look in my eyes as if I was trying to show how much he really mean to me. And because I love him, I would not keep the fight. Instead I will let him go. Without the words of goodbye I only asked him to promise me he will still be there for me. Joe, as he held my hand ,I knew he didn't want me to go. But we need to accept the truth that we can now only be the best of friends and nothing more. Without tears in my eyes, I waived my goodbye to my bestfriend Darren.

After that saddest night of my life I decided not to see him . I avoided his name or anything that would remind me of him. But there never came a day that I could wear my brightest smile. Never came a day that my heart was not dying. It seemed like forever, Joe. I know it's too late to realize how much he means to me. That he was not just a friend. Too late to realize he was the man I want to be with always and forever. Everyday that passed was liked a restless day. I drowned myself with so much work and kept myself very busy just to fight the pain and the hurt that's killing me , hoping things in the office could save me. I almost brought myself to thinking of ending my life. But the thought of seeing him guilty if I have done that foolishness gave me an inch of hope and courage. Months had gone before I got the courage to see him again. Only to realize, he still occupies the love I have in my heart. When we looked at each other's eyes it was all pain that we can see. And that pain taught me how to be strong...I stood on my decision of letting him go . I know it will take a long time to forget . Joe , I still ask myself how can I be so numb and coward in love? Why haven't I had the courage to show him the true feelings I have for him? Joe, I don't really know if I could still cope with this. I don't even know If I could still love again. And I don't know if I could still find another Darren. Will all this "why’s” and “ i don't know’s" come to an end?
I know it will take time before my heart can be healed again. I also know that the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past . I have also known that God never closes a door without opening a window. But I hope all these things will happen soon . Darren will always occupy a special place in my heart. I know God has His plan why He let me feel this pain, for in the life ahead I could be meeting someone I truly deserve. Joe, it hurts to love someone who cannot be yours but what is even more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you truly feel. I wish this could also serve as a lesson to all lovenotes listeners . Don't let the chance of loving pass you by when it comes your way, for it could be the most wonderful gift a person can ever have.

More power to you Joe and God Bless.
Raytz

Dear Raytz,

Men have different ways of making their presence felt and have different approaches in laying the foundations for their platforms in courtship. For Darren, his calls and visits were vital and creating a solid ground for friendship and hopefully, a relationship based on it but on a deeper and more profound level. Unfortunately, his efforts weaned because you were too closed down that he felt he would just be a big brother to you forever .

Raytz, he liked you so much that all it took was a smile and a pat on the back to bring him up to his feet again. That incident gave him new hope to a chance that he thought he has lost already. It took him all his courage to confess his feelings that fateful day but all he got from you was just a silent, blank stare. He probably felt humiliated by what he did and how you reacted and that may have hinted him that was all there was to your friendship.

I wonder, Raytz, how could have you been so silent and unresponsive when your hands were held by the man you knew you have loved all along ? You realized he was hurt but you still expected him to say those words again . You could have , at least , in your own simple ways, made him see that you felt the same way for him, too. It is never too late but now inappropriate to let him know your true feelings. He married probably because of the pain you caused him and you wouldn’t want to hurt him more by letting him 1know that there could have been “us” for both of you, obviously not now that he’s committed already.

Raytz, I do believe that God never gives us those that are not for us. Darren was probably never meant to be more than a friend . You are destined for someone else but that will not come until you learn the lesson that God has taught you with Darren. True love never speaks in silence for silence holds a thousand meanings of clear thoughts and vague intentions .It even carries a dagger sometimes that can cause pain and irreparable damage.

I hope this letter will come across and make all of us realize we never have to wait for tomorrow to let someone know that we care. If we pass on love today there may never be a next day to show it and if there is still a next day then there may never be someone to show it to. Love is never afraid . If it is, then it isn’t love. Let us remember that we may never live another day to show it and people may never be around anymore when we finally decide to express it. Let us not miss the chance of showing love today so that when we wake up and open our eyes tomorrow we will never regret yesterday when we have found love and lost it because we were too selfish and afraid to show it.

Joe

SEPARATE LIVES

2007-05-13T17:36:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

I long wanted to consult you this problem. Long before it started. As far as I remember I tried to convey this through "snail-mail."Anyway, this is all about me and the lady whom I’m uncertain with my feelings whom we can call "Gellie."

We met during the second semester of 1990. While I was waiting for the next conference of the student movement. Back then, I was the head of the propaganda bureau of our organization. She kept on smiling at me. As if we already met before. Ironically, I was ashamed to get near her. Since she had head-turning looks. On the contrary, I was not, I was in a wheelchair. But, I didn’t allow my disability to hamper my dreams and aspirations. As I stared and stared at her. I don’t know what happened next. I felt I was being hypnotized.

On the other hand, I enamored politics the way she hated it. That’s why, I sacrificed my political lifestyle only to soothe her whims. In fact, I provided her with shoulders to cry on, during her troubled times. Call it absurdity, but, whenever we had a misunderstanding I was the first one to apologize. Even though, I knew it was her fault. That was how crazy I was. I felt there was magic whenever we were together. There was so much happiness. A feeling not even Webster can describe. We ate lunch together, went to the park, the carnival, watched concerts and movies. Since I came from a well-off family I managed to do those things. On the other side, I never took advantage, even though I can with a snap of a finger. As a matter of fact, she used to spend the night with me and my family. We were like sweethearts, then. Our family were already close. That everybody, including myself, of course, were expecting for the long table.

As my only asset, I did her paper works; research, case studies, only to be close to her most of the time. It really paid-off. Because being with her was a feeling of cradlesong. A moment that I always cherished. Our relationship was not a typical bed of roses, it also had its jagged moments. This occurred when she started avoiding me. Well, obviously, I didn’t took this case sitting down, figuratively speaking. I demanded reasons from her. I kept asking her and myself "why?" She only gave empty and silent answers. In exchange of my loyalty. She turned into an infidel. At times I waited for her the whole day in front of our library; the place we used to meet. But then not even her shadow would show up. Although, I have been hearing rumors she’s been hanging around with some guys indulging in fraternity activities. Honestly, I felt skeptical about the issue, I was thinking those rumors were meant to destroy our "sweet" relationship. At this point, all the sweetness began to fade, bit by bit. It was in 1992, whenthe entire student movement entered into a tremenduous turning point. She was slowly detaching herself, on the one hand. And an organization; which I offered my life was standing on a shaking ground. Being one of the pioneer in our organization, I tried to intervene to settle whatever dispute there was.

At that time, I saw myself running in circles and nowhere to go. I had sleepless nights and lost my appetite and felt sickly. I was pondering where have I gone wrong. Frankly, I even blamed God. I saw myself drifting into emptiness. Soon I woke up from a deep somber. I saw that I was left without nothing. I had failing academic remarks. How I regret the day this all started? How I wish I could turn back the clock and rectify my foolishness.

Ironically, I tried to forget her. Although time really heals wounds of yesterday. I just couldn’t remove the jovial times we spent. As my psychiatrist advised me all I could do is live by the happy times we shared. From the ashes I tried to rebuild myself. I finished my Bachelor’s Degree in Political Science and successfully established my own computer centre here in Fairview.

Presently, she’s coming back once again. But she’s never the same as before. She got pregnant with someone she’s not close with. Essentially, I won’t be honest to say that my feeling already died down. Partially, my trust and confidence is being tested. As of now, whenever she visits me, the feeling still burns. Indeed, I couldn’t shoved her when she visits. And no matter how I try? I just couldn’t resist her charm. Currently, I cannot tell anybody about this situation I am undertaking. I know I was tormented before. My mind tells me to avoid her. But, my heart pounds her back to me. Today, I can feel for myself, I’ve changed whenever I would approach her. I am no longer the meek-disciplined radical. As of now, whenever she’s around I would wrap her aggressively around my arms and boldly manifest my feelings. On her part, she wouldn’t even resist.

Joe, I know you’re the only one whom I can turn to. Please enlighten me on this matter. Good luck and thank you for sparing time in reading my mail. God bless!

Dodit

Dear Dodit,

It is an undeniable fact that you are still madly attracted to Gellie. She may have had a child out of wedlock but that doesn’t really matter, does it?. Nothing has changed with the way you feel for her even her past was tainted dark with many unpleasant experiences .

Dodit , you have to be true to yourself. I don’t see any reason why you have to torment yourself by repressing your feelings for her. She may have made mistakes in her life but that doesn’t mean that she cannot have another chance.

I believe that you have to go beyond your silent expressions of affection , sit down and listen to what you have long wanted to say. If you can aggressively wrap your arms around her and she would not resist, I assume that both of you can openly talk about your feelings for each other without any hesitation and reservation.

Only when you know where you stand can you decide on the next best step to take. Dodit , many may say that you’re better off looking for someone who’s single and free but if you know deep in your heart that she’s the one who’s going to make you happy then there’s nothing wrong in giving yourselves a second chance. If she isn’t married yet and if she is making her presence felt once again then maybe , she could just be waiting for you to make the first move.

Dodit, this is your call. You can emotionally detach yourself from her completely and sacrifice your feelings or you can work on a promising chance of being together again. If you can learn to accept her for all that she is and for all that she has now then you can rekindle all that has died out and breath a new life to your relationship.

Let us all remember that it is always better to have tried and failed than not to have tried and lived the rest of our lives regretting the chances we’ve missed and wondering what could have been if only we have listened to the silent cries of our hearts.

Joe

ROCKY ROAD TO MARRIAGE

2007-05-13T17:34:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

Just call me Glenn. I am working as a network engineer in one of the biggest petroleum companies in the Philippines. I became involved with a co-worker of mine, her name is Julie. Back then she had a boyfriend, and his name is Ted. But it appears their relationship was not going anywhere because she is not particularly proud of him, due to the fact that Ted is lazy and unambitious.

Julie and I started off as friends, and I became her confidante whenever she feels she needs to talk to someone about her disappointment with her boyfriend. She kept telling me that she would be the happiest girl in the world if Ted could be even half as hard-working as I am. I on the other hand also found her quite admirable. A product of an unwanted pregnancy, Julie refused to buckle to the pressure of being the only child of an unwed mother. She had to work hard just to get herself through high school and college. And now Julie has to work even doubly hard because aside from her mother, she's also supporting her uncles and their children.

This mutual admiration led to the two of us drawing closer to each other, until one night while prepping up for a project at my place, Julie and I were carried away by our growing feelings for each other. I was delighted to discover that I was her "first." Since then the two of us started a relationship unknown to Ted. They still continue on with theirs, though. I'm not the type of guy who would willingly share a girl with another man, but since Julie persistenly refused to break up with him, I thought I just had to settle with what I have in the meantime.

Then one day Julie learned that Ted had been cheating on her. She was so mad at him that she finally broke up the relationship, obviously to my advantage. But since then another facet of her personality started to manifest: Julie is extremely insecure. Most of the times she would nag me about other girls that I come in contact with at work and in my social life. The smallest of things have triggered nasty confrontations, since I am also not particularly tolerant to her tantrums. Julie is particularly jealous about a girl co-worker of ours, whom she knows I used to like a lot before we started our relationship.

All of these contributed to what turned out ot be an on-and-off relationship. Most of the times we're ok. Whenever we're not fighting, Julie is actually the sweetest, most thoughtful, caring and affectionate woman in the world. But whenever we fight, she turns into vicious tiger, a trait that I found so hard to accept.

Soon Julie was already asking me when are we going to get married. I wasn't able to give her a straight answer since, to be honest, I wasn't ready yet during that time. I know that I love her, but there are some things with myself and my career that I need to settle first before tying the knots.

But I do love my girlfriend. So I told Julie that we'll start the wedding preparations as soon as I complete a six month long overseas project that I have. She was clearly disappointed. She said a lot could happen in six months -- her insecurity getting the better of her again. Also, Julie doesn't want to go though the usual preparations of a formal church ceremony, and instead wanted a quick civil wedding -- to which I am strongly opposed. Almost two months later, just before I left, Julie was already breaking up with me. When I asked her why, she said it's because she accepted Ted's marriage proposal, though she empasized that she still loves me more than him.

I was shocked at the fact that it was so easy for her to just turn her back on me and decide to marry her ex-boyfriend just because I'm not ready for marriage yet. I felt like all those three years we spent with each other are about to go down the drain, and she didn't seem to care about all that time. That's when I realized that I loved her too much to just let her go without a fight.

The day after she told me of her plans of marrying Ted, I immediately rushed to the jewelry store to buy an engagement ring. But when I gave her the ring, she just broke down and cried. And it's not because of happiness. I was shocked beyond words when Julie told me that she's a month pregnant, and Ted is the father of the baby.

By the time you read this letter Julie and Ted would probably be married already. It took a great deal of courage but finally I have come to accept the reality that I have lost her. At first I can't understand what happened. When we were together, Julie was so passionate with her feelings for me. For three years, even though we fought a lot, it's like it's us against the world. Now whenever I look back at what happened, I can't seem to find the Julie that I came to know and love. It's like she turned into a completely different person.

Somebody once told me that Julie was never really in love with me. Rather, she was in love with my potential as a husband. If it's true, then I guess I wasted all those years loving a woman who's sole objective in life is to get married, regardless of who it is she's marrying. If I had known, I wouldn't have exerted all that effort trouble shooting a turbulent relationship. I have since learned to accept what happened, but sometimes I stop and think about Julie. I guess I still miss her. She is after all the woman that I loved the most.

Joe, thank you for this opportunity for me to share my experience with you. I wish you all the best, and also to your colleagues. God bless.

Sincerely
Glenn

Dear Glenn,

Sometimes it is so difficult to understand why people act the way they do. Our attitude and outlook in life are products of all our past experiences, good and bad, complexly intertwined in a way that make up for who we are.

Julie came from a broken family and this probably explains why she wanted to constantly feel secured in her relationships. She considered marriage as the perfect bond, the ultimate guarantee that she’ll have his man forever. Unfortunately, not all marriages end happily. There are couples who break apart and never reconcile their differences.

The thought of being away from you for six months gave Julie the shivers. She wanted to settle for a civil wedding so she could have peace of mind but you knew that was being too hasty. This, I believe was the turning point of your relationship. The event that has put it to its ultimate test. She misinterpreted your decision which gave her enough good reason to rekindle an old flame.

Unluckily, this flame raged into a wild fire when she intimately found herself back in the arms of the man she once loved. She suddenly found herself in the situation her mother was in the day she unexpectedly found out that she was pregnant. She didn’t want to see another child growing up without a father so she opted for the only solution in sight--marriage.

It may not be a wise decision but she seems to have been left with no choice at all. She may have loved you but she wanted to be fair, too. She didn’t want you to answer for something you were not responsible for.

I know how hard it is to lose someone we love. But, sometimes we just can’t have it all. The bitter-sweet years you’ve shared with Julie ware probably, not in any way, a preparation for marriage. She must have seen in you and the ability to provide her the security she’s wanted in life. But, a part of her still belonged to Ted. The feelings that remained dormant were shaken by circumstance, brought back to life and came home to where it truly belonged.

Glen, you are bitter because you have given so much only to lose what you wanted to keep forever. I you really love Julie then pray that she may find happiness and fulfillment in the arms of Ted. Do not be sorry for the years you thought you have wasted for these were filled with moments you’ve shared with someone you love in a relationship you believed in. As it has always been said, we should embrace love as it comes knocking at our doors and willingly let go when it says goodbye. We shouldn’t regret that we have lost it but be thankful that for once in our lives it has dwelled in our hearts and made us happy.

Joe

RELUCTANT HEART

2007-05-13T17:31:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

Hi! How are you? It's been a long, long time since the first time I wrote you. I'm not even sure if you will still remember me. But as far as my memory serves me right, you had my letter aired on your show April of 1994. I think i better refresh your mind by giving you the name I used on that letter. I am Michelle Santiago, now 25 years of age and presently managing my own business. I wrote again to say "thank you" for the time you gave me before and "Congratulations" for keeping up a good show. Joe, i'm seeking your advice again for all these fears i'm having right now that are locking me up in my own shell. The advice you gave on my last letter was a big help 'coz when Lawrence came back to me, i was able to handle things the way they should be. Yes,Joe, i accepted him again, gave him another chance because that's what my heart dictated. I was just being honest with my feelings that time and simply took the risk 'coz that's what love is, after all. It's simply a gamble wherein you either win or lose. And part of that game called love, is believing. So, when he left for the States last July of 1994, i believed in all his promises that he's going to come back for me after 3 or 4 years. Everybody especially my family were against our relationship 'coz they kept on saying that the time frame for long distance relationships to survive is only 6 months for unmarried couples. Anything more than that would be a burden, a heavy crucifix i will carry on my shoulder. I chose to be deaf to all that i've been hearing and with my own effort, my faith to the Lord above and my love for Lawrence, i decided that i will prove them wrong and that our relationship will survive all obstacles, not to mention, infidelity, 'coz it does and can happen. But everything went on smoothly with us especially on the first year that we're apart. Lawrence had promised that he's going to marry me when he comes back but it will take him 2 or 3 years to establish his citizenship before he can return. It will take me 2-3 years to wait for his return so i thought of starting to look for a job, try to save some money for our future so that it will be easier for us to start our life together in the land of milk and honey. During that time, maybe luck was on my side 'coz in my search for greener pastures, there came the offer for me from a larger construction company in Japan. I was really happy that time 'coz i believe that in a span of 3 years of working in another country, i'll be able to save enough money, maybe more than enough to start a married life. Lawrence also agreed on the idea of me working abroad 'coz he believed that it would be of great help for both of us and our will-be children. So, i left November of '95 for a 3-year contract to work out of the country. Joe, it was really a struggle 'coz it's the first time that i've been away from my family and i don't think i'll be able to survive the loneliness of being alone and the fear of being in a place full of strangers. But i firmly held on to myself and set my mind that everything i'm doing is for me, for Lawrence and for our future. His phone calls and letters helped me survive those struggles. But it was on my 2nd year of working there that everything changed. He suddenly became cold, stopped calling and writing me. I just passed it off 'coz he told me that he's having 2 jobs that time. But everything became clear to me when he decided April of '97 to cool it off with me. He told me that he can no longer fulfill my expectations towards him because of the pressures and demands of his jobs there. I asked him if there's another party but he said none. He said he still loves me but he needs space and time and that if we're meant for each other, no matter what, we will still meet again. I was in the lowest point of my life that time 'coz i had nowhere to turn to and i can't go back to the Phils. 'coz that would be breach of contract. I can't even seek for my family and friends' help 'coz they have been against our relationship from the start. It was at this time that i received an unexpected letter from a long, lost acquaintance here in the Phils. He was the guy who introduced himself to me while i was doing my thesis at the National Library during my 4th year in college. Let's just call him Gerry, now in his mid-30's, presently working as a newscaster, TV host and Radio commentator in one of our famous TV stations here. During our acquaintance which was 6 years ago, he asked for my number and we talked for a couple of times and then he just disappeared for no reason at all. I just shrugged it off thinking he's just one of those guys. But i learned from his letter that
he got a very demanding job, he also moved to another house, got his things jumbled-up and he got it fixed, i was gone. Maybe Gerry's letter was a real saving grace for me 'coz it was when i needed a friend the most, someone who would listen, there he came at the right time. He really extended a helping hand across the seas. I confided in him my problems regarding Lawrence and he did all he can to give his unbiased thoughts and advices. It really made my burdens lighter when i receive letters and calls from Gerry. He really took time despite of his demanding job to write and call me to ease the pain i'm feeling that time. Lawrence was then avoiding my calls whenever i tried to call him up. I was not yet giving up on the idea that Lawrence still loves me and that everything will go smoothly again in the future. I kept myself believing that if there's only a chance for us to see each other, everything will be back to normal 'coz i realized that time that no matter how strong your love is to each other, physical presence really counts. It's true that "absence makes the heart grow fonder", but this is true only for short absences 'coz long absences also makes the heart forget and sometimes reluctant. But i was able to survive my 3rd year of work there with the routine of me writing and calling up Lawrence but receiving no response at all and me and Gerry trying to create a link that connects us between the seas. It was this May of '98 that i learned from Lawrence's relatives here in the Phils. that Lawrence is planning to go home for a vacation. I was able to talk to him on the phone but he didn't tell me of his plans of vacationing in the Phils. I was hurt again that time 'coz i don't see any reasons why he has to hide his plans of going back to the Philippines. So, i decide to myself that i need to go home and see him 'coz now's the chance for me to clear up things between us. If he really had a change of plans, i deserve an explanation and if we're really not meant for each other, at least, i deserve a decent break-up. So, i begged for permission from my company to allow me to go home with the lie i made up that i have some medical problems. They allowed provided i'll shoulder my airfare and i had to pay some penalties because i still have 6 months to work. So, without Lawrence's knowledge and Gerry's too, i came home last 11th of May. Lawrence was already here 'coz he arrived one day earlier. I decided to see Lawrence on the 12th and true to my words, it really brought back the old feelings between the two of us. It seemed as if we've never been separated for 4 years. I thought marriage plans will push through this time but i was shocked when i learned from Lawrence's relatives that there was another girl. Lawrence's relatives want us to get married before Lawrence leaves for the States again because they don't want Lawrence to end up with that girl in the States who is actually married, has 2 kids and 34 years of age. I confronted Lawrence about it and he admitted that he loves the girl but he loves me more. I didn't buy the idea,joe and i decided not to marry him. He has left for the States last May 30 and during his departure, i made it clear that there will be no more Michelle waiting for him and that it's better if we just both move on with our lives. It was again one of the saddest times of my life and only then did i remember to call up Gerry to break him the news that i've already arrived. He was surprised 'coz he was expecting me to come home by November. I told him what happened, the marriage plans, the other party and that i've already put an end to my relationship with Lawrence. Gerry played again the role of a best friend, adviser and a brother to me, giving words of consolation, cheering me up and making me feel i'm not alone. I could never imagine how it would be for me to go through this stage without Gerry's help. He always visits me at home, calls me up regularly and he really helped me forget my miseries. And he's starting to express his feelings towards me, saying here's here to mend my broken heart. I was beginning to like him,too, but it was then that i realized that i never knew him that well. Yes, we've been open to each other
about our moods, characters and feelings,and i've open to him,too, from the start. So i began asking him about his personal life. It was then that i knew that he comes from a very rich family, his father held a high position in the government before. And regarding his previous relationships with women, he's been involved with big stars both in showbiz and modelling world. I asked him why he's not married yet and he told me that he doesn't have any plans yet. I tried believing everything he said but i really don't know why i still have reservations and hesitations towards him. Maybe my mind can't absorb the idea that a man of such power and wealth, can fall in love with someone like me. You know,Joe, i am a very simple person with simple dreams, simple hopes and simple wishes. And you know for a fact how people in the high society live their lives and i don't want to belong there. And i've actually opened up these things to him (about the hesitations) and he told me that i shouldn't be bothered by those things because what he has shown me was the real him, with no pretentions at all. But i told him that he should have told me those things before hand but still, he defended himself saying that he doesn't want those things to be mybasis in deciding what our relationship will be in the future. He said that if i don't want him, it's only because i don't have that special feeling and need towards him and not because he's a man of power and wealth. Maybe he's right after all, maybe it's like entering a house thru the backdoor. I know i'm beginning to fall for Gerry 'coz of all the men who's courting me, it's only towards Gerry that i've felt this kind of feeling of longingness. The last time i've felt this feeling was towards Lawrence and i am starting to feel it towards Gerry,too. I have never been involved with any other guy since Lawrence left for the States for the first time and even when i was out of the country, i was able to survive the temptations. And when i became aware of my feelings towards Gerry, i also realized that i was not in love with Lawrence anymore. Maybe all i needed was to feel that same feeling again to be able to realize that i wasn't in love with Lawrence anymore. Guess it's true after all, that to forget a lost love, you must get another love. And i'm really thankful that with Gerry's help, i was able to let go of Lawrence. Gerry knows all the hardships i've been through with Lawrence, the abandonment when i got pregnant, the sacrifices i've made for Lawrence, and all the pains that i've been through but he said he's willing to help me go through and forget these traumas. I'd be untrue to myself if i'll say that i did not believe what he said, but i still don't feel that assurance. No matter how he tries to convince me of his feelings and intentions towards me, i still have these hidden reservations. Joe, i really tried to give him the benefit of my unbiased doubts but there's always something inside me that tells me there's something about him that i should know. So, i decided to discover by myself about things which i'm not even sure what. To make the long story short, i tried finding out one of his nephew's telephone number, succeeded in befriending him without his nephew's knowledge that i know his Uncle so well. It was then that i found out that he's been married for six years. His nephew told me that his Uncle's marriage is now on the rocks 'coz Gerry's wife can't bear a child but that doesn't justify Gerry's reason for looking for another girl and for wanting to have a child with me. Yes,Joe, he wants to have a child with me and i must admit i'm beginning to give in to that idea and it's a good thing that i followed my instincts first. But why me, Joe? I can't find the right words to describe how i'm hurting right now not only because of the deception but because i've trusted Gerry so much and his one of the few persons who knows how much i've been hurt before and he's the last person i've expected to hurt me. Joe, why are all these things happening to me? I feel so alone right now. I really feel like i'm going to give up. I don't even know now if i'll be able to trust and love somebody again after all i've been through. Right now, i'm trying to go through all of these by myself, every night has been a sleepless night for me. Gerry doesn't even know that i've known his secret 'coz i've been avoiding his call 'coz i really don't know how to tell him without breaking down. Joe, please help me. All i ever wanted is a simple relationship with a simple guy. Why am i being deprived of these? I know there is a light for those who patiently search, and i'm asking you to help me see this light.
Again, thank you for your time.

More power to your show and God Bless!

Dear Michelle,

There comes a moment in our lives when we feel so alone. Times when there seems to be no one we could turn to, no shoulder to lay our heads upon. Michelle, we will go through the lowest and most depressing times of our lives. Love that should have helped us get by turns out the very same emotion that will bring us down to our bare senses.

You have held on so strongly to a feeling that you hoped will last you your lifetime but just as when you thought you’re going to have it all, love suddenly decided to leave you. I have had my own share of a long distance affair. And I was one of those blessed to have found love again. But, many others have not been so lucky. For a handful of reasons, I would still have my reservations in getting into the same boat again. If There could be a sensible and practical alternative, I would rather have love within reach than let it be taken away by distance and time.

Michelle, Laurence never wanted to hurt you but he was tempted to get into a relationship outside your knowledge because his love for you was overpowered by his own needs. We all could make up an acceptable justification for the wrong we do but what is wrong cannot be right and hurting others for our own gain doesn’t come close to the definition of what love really is. You cannot blame him for giving up. He was just human., like all of us, capable of making mistakes and hurting even those we love. Let him live his own life and get on with yours.

Like rain from heaven on a dry desert, Gerry came and brought color back in your dull and bitter world. But this knight in shining armor turned out to be a thief in the night. He was dressed in royalty but most of what he truly s lie hidden in the back of his dark secrets. Michelle, like Laurence, Gerry probably never wanted to hurt you. He never told you he was married because he was afraid that would spoil his chance of being closer to you. He finally got to you but he stands a great chance of losing everything now that you found out that he was really never the Gerry that he wanted you to know. I don’t see anything wrong in telling him even if you have to break down in tears. He probably knows you have already fallen for him anyway. At least you have a good excuse in avoiding him. I’m sure you would never want to get in the way of an ailing marriage and become the reason for its fall. Again you just have to let him live his own life and get on with yours.

Now, you’re all by yourself, longing for answer, drifting in loneliness and hurting in love. The light at the end of the tunnel may not appear as soon as you want it but you just have to believe that it will. Whatever it is that happens in our lives happen for a purpose. Even if the whole world has fallen on us, God will never forsake us. He will never leave us even if everyone is hurrying for his own way out. You have met men who have changed your life. Who you haven’t met is the man who will be your life. Believe me, he is out there, just like you, waiting for his chance. Don’t let pain stop you from moving on. Forgive Laurence and Gerry for all that they have done to hurt you and pray for their happiness as well. Only when you give your heart this chance you will find peace, love and happiness in your own God-given time.

Joe

PRISONERS OF FEARS

2007-05-13T17:29:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

I've never had a boyfriend before, nor ever had a serious relationship for that matter. Though I have a lot of acquaintances, they never seem lead to that nor had I fallen with anyone except for one person who happened to be a friend.

Joe, Gemini and I have been friends for 2 years now. And in that 2 years, Joe, I’ve been loving him silently in my heart. I was in my 4th year of college when we met. I was attending an exclusive school while he was a co-ed. I've never been very confident about myself and had only dreamed of a very fine young man. We met through a student organization where both of us were officers.

I had been very resistant to him. I purposely dealt with him in coldness for the reason that I was trying to prove to myself & others that I won't ride with the "bandwagon". Joe, he's a very good-looking Mestizo, smart, and a gentleman, characteristics that I really look for in a man.

Gemini showed a lot of support and even sent his messages with "take care" at the end of every page. It was something that I failed to recognize. He liked consoling me with a pat or a light rub at the back. Those made me shiver inside. Only then did I come to realize I was falling. But, I turned down most of his invitations for whatever reasons I had in mind.

After some months, he announced that he was dating again. That really hurt me. I wanted to disappear in the air at that point. I never realized I had fallen deeply for him. I bare the pain by myself for I couldn't seek any consolation from my friends because they don't like him.

That was tough. I tried to keep everything to myself. However, time came when I really couldn't stand it anymore. I expressed my hurt towards him through a poem. I thought he'll not take it seriously, but he did. He was speechless. I remember him telling that he wanted us to talk the day after bec. He had something to tell also. Unfortunately, that never pushed through It has been 2 years now that I’ve been keeping him in my heart. Nothing has changed. He's still the one I admire and believe in, something that he isn't fully aware of. On the other hand, a close friend of ours told me his secret. She said that Gemini also liked me, but he wanted to just keep it that way and not even tell me. That gave a wide smile on my face. For such a long time, I never suspected that he also did like me.

At present, Gemini is no longer dating anyone seriously. He & his ex broke up sometime last month. We're talking again. However, heart matters are not discussed. It seems like both of us are trying not to touch that topic. Deep in my heart I know I’m hoping for us to have the chance to be together. But then again, if not permitted by chance, I’m glad that I have become his most trusted friend.

I only hope that I may eventually learn to let go of my feelings and put myself back and try to accept someone else. It's difficult, but I’m trying my very best. I hope one day I’ll just wake up and realize that I’m totally over him.

Thank you very much for entertaining my letter. Someday, I know I’ll have the chance to express this feeling to him through a song. I know I can and I hope the message gets through.

Thank you so much for the time.

Sincerely,
Khay

Dear Khay,

I honestly think that it’s about time for you and Gemini to stop tormenting yourselves and start getting real. You are hoping that, one day, you’ll get totally over him and go on with your life but deep inside, your heart is crying out for the opposite.

Khay, Gemini probably treasures your friendship so much that he just kept his feeling to himself for the fear of losing you. He was already silently trying to tell you he cares but you were never too sensitive to read between his lines and understand the look in his eyes. Now that you are sure that he really feels something for you , what else is keeping you aback? Your destiny is in your hands. If you don’t act now, you might lose your chance of knowing how it feels like to really love someone and express it without any fear.

If he is afraid to talk about love then you have to take the lead in discussing about feelings that matter in a relationship. Remember, not all men can courageously disclose their emotions. They feel that if they carelessly do, they would be like an open fortress, vulnerable to attack. We are also afraid of rejection. This is a fear that sometimes stems out from feelings of insecurity and lack of self confidence. Khay, you are the only one who might be able to help him overcome his apprehensions. Help him help himself and when he knocks at your door, welcome him with the warmth of the love that you have long been wanting to express , then , pray that something beautiful may come out of it.

In many instances, we too, become like Khay and Gemini — prisoners of our own fears. Let us not be insensitive to the signals others are sending us. They are vivid signs of what could lie ahead and forewarn us of danger or give us a glimpse of hope that we are on the right tracks of our lives. Let us try to listen to what they don’t say for sometimes there is more meaning to what they keep inside than what comes out of their lips. Let us not be afraid to face our own fears for they will be lifetime crutches that will keep us from walking straight. Remember that there is no gain without pain. Khay, only when we take the chance of getting hurt can we find the road to real happiness and only when we face our fears can we find the way to the only love that will last us a lifetime.

Joe

MORE THAN BESTFRIENDS, LESS THAN LOVERS

2007-05-13T17:21:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

I am Darling, a fresh graduate from one of the prestigious universities in Metro Manila. I never thought that I could meet a person who would see the other side of me that other people nor even me know exists. It was a terrible thing to realize that you've fallen in love with a certain person when he had decided to get the hell out of your life. Letting go is the hard part and accepting the consequence of your mistakes is a painful torture.

Ted and I had been the best of friends for almost a year now. We've been through many things already and had helped each other several times. We've done each other's projects, attended the mass in school every 12 noon, ate lunch together, seated in each other's classes during our own vacant periods, talked for at least 3 hours consistently every day over the phone, laughed and cried together and never fought about any thing until now. He was always anxious to tell me about this girl he’s courting and I , about my unpredictable suitor, Dennis, who happens to be his block mate. It was like we were the only persons who could better understand each other. After Ted and I’s first date together, everything seemed wrong. We were not comfortable with each other anymore and it became more complicated when we went out on more dates because we ended up kissing and hugging each other. We had ignored the certainty that those things need to be settled perhaps because we both knew that it was a great risk to take. Until the time that we argued almost about anything, that was when we started talking about what was bothering us. We were blinded by the fact that we were already falling for each other. He had told me that he'd always wanted to talk to me about his feelings but there are three things that had kept him from doing it. (1) It was a shame to beat Joseph since he knows that Joseph loves me more than his life (2) Dennis would surely hate him (3) I'll be going back to the states after my graduation.

Joseph happens to be the father of my 2-year-old daughter and one of my closest friends. We had decided to separate ways because both our families didn’t want us to be together. But, I let him see our daughter every now and then without my parent's knowledge.

I was surprised to hear Ted truthfully say these things. My heart was pounding so fast because I never really thought he also feels the same way. We'd both cried and tears were overflowing. Our hearts were full of love then and it seems that nothing in the world matters. There was still that part me that was quite unsure, so, I told him to just go with the flow because many people would get hurt if we'll push things right away. He was so eager to prove his intentions so I let him. I just cannot afford to break his heart. Whenever I was having problems with Joseph, his shoulder was always therefor me to cry on. He'll wait for me for more than 3 hours just to convince me to see him. He'll cry his heart out just to let me give him a chance to love me. He had given up his friendship with Dennis. Accepted that Joseph's still the father of my baby and that I've every right to let him see our daughter . He would bake foods, talk over the phone and play nonstop with my baby. He had even given me a pair of lovebirds . The only sign I've been asking God is that whoever will give me those would be the man to whom I would stay for the rest of my life. I was in the midst of confusion and uncertainty that was why I decided to leave things unsettled. I never thought that I was hurting more people along the way by doing that.

After a few months, Ted had decided to stop and move on with his own life because, according to him, it seems that whatever he does, he just cannot make me happy. My heart had skipped a beat, nevertheless, I let him go. It was hurting me so much so I decided to let him know by writing him several letters and giving him CDs. I'd even called him up, so, we could talk things better. He was very firm. He had told me that I was very fickle minded and perhaps I needed space to realize if it was him that I really love. I had agreed but a few days ago when I've last talked to him, I'd asked him to forget about the love thing instead work on getting things back to how it was before. He had made it clear to me that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore because the more we talk, the more he falls for me and he doesn't want that to happen again. That really hit me right in the eye, Joe. He loves me and I've told him that I also do but then he doesn't want me back anymore! I can afford to lose him as a lover but never as a best friend, but I cannot do anything . I let him go. If I had only known that things would just end up like this. Perhaps it was meant to happen this way. Life sometimes sucks, doesn’t it? I just hope that someday in the future we'll cross our paths again. I will always remember and hold back in my heart and mind what he had told me before… "If we are still single at 45, we will marry each other."

I'll be going back to the states on the 15th of February and my wish this valentine is for Ted to always keep me in his heart until we meet again.
GOD bless! Thanks and more power.

Love always,
DARLING

Dear Darling,

I don’t think that waiting until both you and Ted are forty-five and still single is such a practical idea. Yes, love can wait but at 45 you would have missed out so much of life already. Darling, sometimes opportunity knocks only once in our lives. Once we let it pass, it may never cross our way again. Finding someone who will love us for what we have been and what we are isn’t easy. More often than not, people put a price tag to the thing they do for us. Seldom do we find someone who can accept for all things we are, the good and the bad in us.

I think Ted has shown and proven beyond any doubt and in many concrete ways that he loves you. You were afraid to accept that love because there were still so many things in your life that you have left unfinished.

If there is nothing more than friendship that you can offer him , then I believe it is just fair to keep some distance from him because forgetting someone we love will be doubly hard if that person keeps us hanging by making his presence felt in his own ways. In this case, you just can’t bargain friendship for love. For Ted cannot be a friend without falling in love with you. You would just either have to accept that love or give him space to recover from his fall.

This valentine, we all wish that love will knock at our doors and come to live, even for a moment, in our hearts. But, not everyone would be as lucky. There are those who would find it and keep it but there will also be those who would find it yet lose it for a hundred reasons. There are those who would still be waiting, hoping that maybe they would be in luck next time it comes around.

Darling, I hope Ted is listening now so he can hear what your heart has to say. Love could just be waiting for the right reason, the right place, and the right moment. I hope you would stay in his heart so when loves comes knocking again you’d be there to open it for him. And hopefully, when that time comes, if ever it comes again, you would have settled all the accounts of the past and ready to start a new life with him--the man you are truly destined to be with forever.

Joe

LOVE VS. FAMILY

2007-05-13T17:19:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

Good Day! I was thinking of writing to you years back but somehow I never seem to bring myself to do it. But thanks to the internet, I can send my message to you without having to go through the hassles of the snail mail." I used to be an avid listener of your program but then my class schedule won't permit me or even give me time to listen to your show every Friday. But whenever I have time, I see to it that I don't miss your show esp. your advices which are really very enlightening. This is also the reason why I'm writing to you now.

I am 22 years old. I had my first boyfriend in 1996. I'll just call him Bobby. He was the only boyfriend I ever had. Ours was one of the "most admired and envied relationship" in school. We met during our third year in college. We didn't really hit it off the first time but there was one school activity where we found ourselves working together. This brought us closer. 10 months after, we became lovers. Whenever our friends see us, they will always mention of how happy we seem to be together, and we really were. The only problem we had then was we were an "underground couple" because my parents were not aware of him. I am Chinese and he's a Filipino. Like most traditional Chinese , the parents would never accept a Filipino into their family. But being a liberal-minded person, I disobeyed them and took the risk of loving a Filipino guy.

A year after, the first test in our relationship came and everything was not the same again. Ironically, it has a little to do with the "culture problem." Bobby belongs to a broken family. His parents separated after he graduated from high school. His mother was working as an agent in a real estate firm. When the economy crashed in 1997, his mother was not earning as much anymore and this brought bigger problems in their family. Fortunately, he had already graduated and had starting working, which makes him the "breadwinner". I admit that I belong to a well-to-do family and have never before experience what it was like to be in his situation. We always find ourselves in constant disagreement over his family's financial status because i don't approve of his sacrificing his income just to help his family. Maybe we were just brought up differently although i really sympathize with him and try to help him in any way i can. I often tell him not to always give in to his family's demands because I noticed that his family has become too dependent on him and at times, less appreciative of his efforts. He has gone to the point of sacrificing his meal allowance just so he could give money to his mother. This whole setup put a stain into our relationship. At the end of last year, we sort of broke up. Actually we were like going on and off. And just when I thought I don't love him anymore, I found out that he was going out with someone else. Technically, I consider it cheating because we never formally broke up. We don't do things the same as before but we sort of agreed that we would maintain an "MU" relationship. Upon learning of his new girlfriend, I confronted him and asked for an explanation. He told me that I was never there during the time he needed my support regarding the problem he was having with his family. And the girl was like his confidant and eventually he began to like her. Suddenly realized that I still love him. He still does, according to him, but he just can't leave her because she's the one that I never was. One very important factor was that he was warmly accepted in the girls' family. He considers himself deprived of a "real family" and that he wants to enjoy the feeling of belongingness with her family. He told me that once he feels that he has fully enjoyed it, he'll come back to me. I tried begging him to come back and leave the girl. I promise him that I would be more understanding of his situation and less demanding. I even agreed to play second fiddle. For a month, we sneaked behind his girlfriend's back. All along, i was thinking that I can still win him back and that I will fight for our love because he told me that he loves me more than her. And he is just buying time to break things up with his girlfriend. But I can only withstand it for a time. My conscience tells me it's not the right thing to do. I know that he would not leave her, at least not just yet. And I cannot bear the thought of him with the girl whenever they go out or whenver he goes to her house. At first, I thought I will eventually get used to the situation. But later on, it was already killing me. I casually asked him one night that if his girlfriend finds out about us and agrees to be the other woman (just like what I was doing)would he oblige? I was expecting him to say that he woud just go back to me but I was in for a shock. He told me that he would agree with the setup. Joe, he seems to be an entirely different person then. He was never like that before. I never had any problems with his attitude. In fact, I didn't find anything wrong in his personality. He was the most selfless kind and understanding guy I knew. It made me conclude that poverty sometimes brings out the worst in people. He has transformed from gud to worst. He was not the guy I fell in love with. At that point then, I knew I had to let him go. I really love him, in fact, very much still. I gave him my promise that I'm willing to wait, not for him, but for the old Bobby to come back. I used to believe in forever but now no good things seem to last.

I would just like to hear some good advice from you as to how I can get over him. I might never really want to because I still care for him very much. But this time, my mind has to rule over my heart. I would really appreciate it if you can respond through my e-mail since my classes are all in the evening and I wouldn't be able to hear your advice on the radio. Thank you for your time and I hope to hear from you soon. More power on your show. God Bless!!!

Sincerely yours,

Marjorie

Marjorie,

The Chinese- Filipino culture issue has burdened so many relationships quite heavily that most of them just didn’t Have enough strength to survive the pressure their families have imposed on them. But, I believe that beyond all these race and color issues, we are just one and the same. Stripped of skin, we can never tell who’s who for we will all be just the same flesh and bone.

True love never measures a man by his looks and by how much he has. What we have in this world will never buy us immortality. We will all die just as we have been born-with nothing. Once money becomes an issue in a relationship there will be friction. Unless both can agree on certain acceptable terms then this relationship may lose ground and fail.

Marjorie, you may probably never understand how it like to be poor. You have lived a life of a princess, never deprived of anything and always getting what you want when you want it. Bobby had sincere intentions in sacrificing for his family. He even denies himself of his basic needs just so he could give money to his family.

This monetary support has always been an issue in many relationships , especially marriages. We are open to the idea of extended families and havevery close ties with them. The question of who should support who becomes a favorite topic of discussion and heated arguments. This may even become the reason for an imminent break-up.

Marjorie, you have been brought up in a life different from bobby’s and you may never learn to accept his ways. But, love is a balance of giving and taking. Unless couples can compromise their differences then their relationships will never grow. Maybe , you are destined to be with someone of your own race and status. Love never works that way but sometimes, it’s the only way to take. You could either turn back from your family and let love rule your heart or sacrifice your feelings for the tradition that you are required to preserve and respect.

Marjorie, you may be waiting for someone who may never come back. Bobby probably never changed. It was just that you were the same two people who lived in two different worlds separated by immeasurable odds and timeless tradition. He found his home in someone else’s heart. I think it’s about time you search for your own. Just remember that real love should never looks at where we stand. It looks at where we are heading and finds beauty not in what we have but in what we can give.

Joe

LOVE FOR TWO PEOPLE

2007-05-13T17:15:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dearest Joe,

I finally found the courage to write you this letter . I know you could help me the way you helped others. I’m 23 years old, a banker and I have a steady boyfriend named John for more than three years now . We are about to get married this year. I am happy with him, we have no problems about our respective families, he is so kind and he respects me a lot. He is the ideal husband every one would dream of and in fact, anyone I know envies me for having him. I certainly know how lucky I am.

My worries started when I met Ben, a guy introduced by a friend and just a short distance away from our office. We met on last week of October and have become closer since then. We talk a lot about everything, we go out and see each other often. I know how stupid I am for doing all these but I never stopped.

Joe, it is sad that my plans of getting married and the feeling of excitement deteriorated. And I always think of Ben, I always talk about him with my best friend. I simply can’t get rid of his thoughts and I just love thinking about us. He’s so sweet and his thoughtfulness never ends which I sometimes compare with the way John does things for me. Ben knows I am about to get married and the truth is, he is married himself. We talked about this, we both know where we stand and we are aware of the risk this might cause us. He is married for almost two years now, to her girlfriend for seven years. We don’t know what made us do this, we’re not having problems with our partners as far as we know, and we simply answered we both wanted it ! We asked each other, when will this end? But, we just don’t know when and how?

To tell you honestly, Joe, I don’t want my marriage to push through this year, not because of Ben but because I’m not sure of myself. I’m being so unfair. I feel that I’m not prepared for a married life yet and it was proven when I got attracted to someone else. I now feel afraid of the responsibilities ahead of me, being a wife and soon, a mother. I’m the one having second thoughts on this and I really don’t know how to tell John about it. He really wants us to get married at the soonest possible time. The reason: he wants to be sure we’ll end up together. I don’t know when and what to say to him that this marriage is not about to happen for now ‘cause the argument will never end.

Ben and I see each other as often as we ever imagined; I just love being with him. I even wished we could be together for the rest of our lives, that I am his wife and we don’t need to let go. I can’t afford to hurt Ben which proves how strongly I feel for him. I never thought this would happen, I never imagined I’d still have second thoughts on marrying John.

I certainly know what all your listeners are saying at this very moment, that I am so unfair, selfish, stupid and I deserve all the pain this would cause me and worst I might end up alone. But still, it never stopped me ‘cause I already told that to myself and I am prepared for whatever punishment this awaits me. Once in this relationship, I tried writing Ben to end everything, I even avoided him. All I was asking for was not to see nor hear from him but he ignored that. I lose that chance.

Joe, I think about it all the time and makes me feel so very tired. Where we stand, where to go, what will happen next and when to end?

One thing I’m sure about, I was never worried when I am with Ben. I can never explain the happiness I feel when I’m with him. And only if we found each other not committed, I know we’ll end up together and I will never be afraid of losing him. I know that even if we lose each other eventually, because he was never mine and never will be, my feelings for him will still be the same, that I will still love him until the end.

Thank you for reading my letter and more power to your program…

Sam

Dear Sam,

Sometimes we ask ourselves why do we meet the right people at the wrong time and why do we fall for them for the wrong reasons? Why do we have to fall out of love and hurt not only ourselves but also those who have learned to care for us?

These are questions we probably will never find answers to. Sam, every relationship would have to be put to the test for this is the only way to strengthen its foundations . Unfortunately , those who have built their roots on shallow grounds crumble and fall down. They realize that they probably have never loved their partners enough to be able to hold on or maybe they were just are too weak to resist the tempting lure of illicit affairs.

More often than not, people who indulge themselves in actions that will be detrimental to their relationships are people who couldn’t care more about how others would feel. They are people who are passionately and romantically blinded by their emotions and selfishly seek out to find their own satisfaction and happiness at the expense of other’s misery.

Sam, there are married men who would jump at the opportunity of having and affair with women who willingly submit themselves even if they know that being a mistress or a fling is the closest that they could only get to being their wives.

I know how it feels and also know that no one can blame you for what you have gotten yourself into. One thing is for sure, though. Sam, all these just means one thing. And you are right. Your wedding this year may not be such a good idea at all. Your feelings for John were tested to its limits and you have failed it. Not because you intended to, but probably because it was just destined to happen.

Sam, I see a river of tears coming. None of you would emerge happy and victorious in this triangle of emotions. You just have to be honest with John even if it means hurting him and maybe losing him forever. Try to put yourself in the place of Ben’s wife. Believe me, you’ll never find words to explain what pain means and swear you would pray that it never happens to you.

Sam, life is what we make it and love in the only thing that makes this world go round. We all fall in and out of the great cyclone of this sweeping emotion. I pray and hope that one day, you’ll find your man, win him fairly, and walk down the aisle hand in hand to where love and eternity has promised a happy ending.

Joe

GOOD TIME BOY

2007-05-13T17:13:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

It may be pretty weird to hear from a guy but my story would prove that I have no one else to turn to.

For a bit of a background, I’m 19 years old and a 3rd year college student in Manila. although my father's hardware business gives just enough to support my younger sister's and my own studies, I work part time in a fastfood restaurant to help with the household expenses and for me to have some money I can call my own.

I have a barkada of 8 members whom I've been with since my freshman days. My closest friend in our group also works in the same fastfood. Although I don't want to put the blame on my barkada, it was with them that my problem started.

We went out on the night of my 18th birthday. As a birthday gift, the guys chipped in to "buy" me a girl. Although it was against my personal convictions, I accepted the "gift" so I won't embarrass my friends and so that they would stop teasing me as gay. Besides, the beer made me think, "What the heck? It's my birthday and it wouldn't hurt to be brave once in a while." To add more to the dare to sleep with a prostitute, I was not able to use protection.

I had fun on my birthday until the real problem showed up a few days later. It started when it felt painful just to take a leak. I tried to ignore this at first thinking that there was too much salt in my diet. But it got worse when an unusual discharge came out. This got me worried enough to consult a close friend. He gave me some antibiotics. It helped for a while but the pain came back after 2 weeks. Right now, I'm still suffering with the discomfort but I’ve more or less learned to live with it. I'm afraid to go to a doctor since the medicines and check-up might be too expensive for me. I find it difficult to ask money from my parents since I am more or less independent by now and they will ask why I need the money. It's really embarrassing to tell this sort of thing to them. And I've always tried my best not to give them any trouble.

Also, I still don't know how to tell all of this to my girlfriend. She doesn't know about my sickness and I haven't told her about what really happened during my birthday. She can sense that something is wrong. But whenever she tries to find out what's troubling me, I simply turn away. Our relationship is getting cold and uneasy. But to confess all of this bothers me everytime we're together. I know its wrong to hide this from her. I know that it's my fault that we're in a cold war. But I'm still afraid of what will happen after I reveal this. I don't want to lose her and her forgiveness means everything to me. For the year that we've been together, I respected her decision not to have sex but with my kind of sickness, will I be able to infect her?

Even my studies are starting to suffer. I'm now usually late for most of my classes and some, I just skip. It gets difficult to focus on one thing- even at work. My mom is starting to notice all this. I just tell her I've got a lot on my mind. This reaction is not normal coming from me because I'm very close with my mom. I want to ask her for help but I don't know how she'll take this. I don't want to make her worry. I don't want her to get involved with my problem as much as possible. I still want to prove that I’m a responsible person.

I had no idea how one little secret sickness can cause so much trouble. Even if I try to hide the pain that I’m feeling, it hurts the people I love in its own way. My barkada calls me the "goodtime boy". I may be very popular with my friends but this ego trip doesn't mean anything anymore compared to what I'm personally going through.

I can't hide this sickness anymore, Joe. How do I tell my girlfriend? My mom? Do you know any place I can go to that specializes in treating my sort of ailment? I'm desperate and I want to bring things as they were before.

Joe, thank you for taking the time to read my letter. I do hope many would learn from what have shared with you. I'm learning my lesson as I speak and I hope God is listening. This seems to be to much for me to bear .Thank you once again and best regards.

Bradley

Bradley,

There will come a point in our lives when God will make us realize that our actions based on our disregard of moral convictions and our deliberate surrender to our lustful desires will always have consequences which we have to face and be responsible for.

First and foremost, declining to your barkada’s offer wouldn’t have made you less of a man. There are a hundred and one ways to have fun on our birthdays. Do you think you have thanked God for giving you another year of life by sleeping with a prostitute ? Bradley, a brave man is not always the one who can dare to take the challenge of others but the one who can firmly say no and stand for his convictions and fight for what he believes is right.

Neither myself nor any other man can claim that he is righteously clean . Bradley, we all are guilty of giving in to our desires and fall into sin. But ,I honestly believe that God has a divine purpose for sex. It should not be sold for money nor should it be enjoyed casually. AIDS, Herpes, Gonorrhea, and other sexually transmitted diseases should all serve as reminders that sex should only be confined to just one partner and only within the bounds of marriage. This may raise the brows of many who would try to justify their actions but this is the truth and the only truth.

Bradley you know the consequences of sleeping with a stranger without any protection. A lot of us know as well. You have fallen once and you have been unlucky . Yes , there is a possibility that you may infect your girlfriend or anyone for that matter with your disease when you become sexually intimate with them .

Whatever it is that infected you needs to be checked , diagnosed and treated before it gets worst. The information here will be of great help not only to you but to many who are in a similar situation.
For those who want to do research on Reproductive Health , Sexuality, HIV and STD’s you may call the AIDS HOTLINE library at 524-4831 and look for Lisa. For counselling regarding the above mentioned topics you may call 524-4507, 524-4427 and 542-0551. All the calls are treated with confidentiality and only the age and area from where you are calling and not the names are not asked . You may call their clinic for an appointment at 252-2874 for a reasonable consultation fee and they may further refer you to the Department of Health for free consultation.

Bradley , I hope this is not a serious case. With newly developed medicines, a minor infection will only take several days to cure. Do not self- medicate for you may prolong or worsen your condition with the wrong medicines. You have to deal with this first. Once you are on your way to recovery ,you’ll feel a lot better. Then, you may opt to spare your mom from worrying about you and your condition. But when the need arises, our mothers are probably the best friend and counselor we could ever have. They have risked their lives when they brought us to this world and they would never hesitate to risk that again just to protect and save us from harm.

Bradley, to tell or not to tell your girlfriend about this solely depends on you. People have different views on honesty in relationships. Knowing the truth even if it hurts doesn’t work on all relationships and keeping secrets for a long time sometimes does harm as well. If you tell your girlfriend , it may probably be like saying goodbye .Or it could also be a lesson that will make a stronger bond. If you don’t tell her , then your relationship will be back to normal as if nothing happened but then there might that feeling of guilt that will silently haunt you and make you feel uneasy. It is your call, Bradley. What is important now is to seek medical attention and hear the counsel of professionals who have dealt with even worst situations. Again the AIDS and STD’s HOTLINES are 524-0551 524 4507 and 524 4427. The Clinic’s number is 252-2874 and the Aids Hotline Library is 524-4831.

I hope Bradley’s story has sunk important lessons into our minds. Choose to be good than to be called a
“good-time boy”. When we have to deal with our barkada again and people who would lure us into doing what is against our will let us remember that saying no doesn’t mean we’re a coward , it just means that we are using our head and not our ego . Turning around doesn’t mean we’re backing out, it just means that we know where the right way is and that is where we want to be..

Joe

DIFFERENT CHOICES, DIFFERENT VIEWS

2007-05-13T17:09:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango

Dear Joe,

I have listened to your program whenever I can. I really like listening to the stories that people share. Also, I would like to congratulate you on the album that you released. The selections are really very nice.

For the past several months I have thought of writing you a letter but could not find the words to express what's inside me. First of all, allow me to introduce myself. I am 28 years of age, presently working in a hospital in Makati, the youngest of 2 children . I come from an upper middle-class family. My father is someone who believes in the old-fashioned ways of courtship. He is a very conservative man and tends to be close-minded when it comes to new ideas. He is the type of person who doesn't get mad very easily but when he does, he really gets mad. Basically, we have the same personality. My mother is also somewhat conservative but is open-minded. I have an adopted sister, aged 4. Our family is not that close to each. My relationship with my parents is one wherein I tell them only what they want to hear. I have lived my life doing everything they want.

My story began when I started working in the hospital I am presently in. A few weeks after I started, I met a Darwin. He really made me happy. Darwin 2 years younger than me and the eldest of 3 children. He comes from a middle-class family but unlike my mom and dad , his parents are very reasonable and open-minded. He worked in the same hospital but we had different professions. (I am a doctor and he is a nurse.) He was really someone very thoughtful and nice. He was a gentleman, too. We started going out and soon became good friends . After awhile we fell for each other. I had a boyfriend then but there was just something about him that told me he was the person I was looking for. So, I broke up with my boyfriend. Darwin and I had no formal courtship. We just felt right for each other.

Since he had no car, we use my car everytime we would go out. He would pay for the gas instead of us taking a taxi. There were also times I offered him to use my car. Whenever we had the same schedule, we
would go home together. He would drive the car up to our place and then he would commute going home. He did not want me driving alone at night, especially if I am very tired. He really looked out for me, Joe.

During this time, he was able to meet my parents. He would greet them everytime he came to the house. Little did I know something was about to happen. It was Christmas of 1998, I brought him along to our family reunion. We arrived together when I found my mom crying and my dad so mad. We had a discussion, my mom and I. She told me that they found out I was letting Darwin use my car without them knowing. That was when I learned that they did not approve of him. My dad accused him of being a guy who was out to fool me. He did not trust him. He said he did not have enough respect and delicadeza. He said he was just after the things I had, especially my car. It really hurt hearing those things. I tried to explain to them. I tried to defend Darwin. But still they would not listen.

My dad stopped talking to me saying he did not want anything to do with me as long as Darwin was around. My relationship with my mother also suffered. It came to a point where my dad asked me to choose between him and Darwin. I could not make a choice so I decided to just get out of the house. I stayed with friends for several weeks. Then my mother asked to talk to both of us because she found out we had plans of getting married civilly. She did not approve since she believed civil marriages were not "real" marriages. She wanted a Church wedding. We explained that we opted to have a civil wedding first then have a Church wedding once we had enough money. It was not a good reason for her. She did not want me to marry him. My dad agreed with her. So, she asked me to return home and to pretend that it’s over between Darwin and I just to let my dad's anger simmer down. We complied hoping things would change but to no avail.
I found it so hard to go home to our house as the days went by. Eventually, I went home less and less until finally ,we started living together with his family. This was not known to my parents. Later on my mom found out when a friend of hers, living in the same area told her that she often sees my car parked in my boyfriend's driveway. My mom confronted me, so I told her the truth. A truth we kept secret from my dad.

After awhile, there came a time I grew uncomfortable with us living together with his family without the blessing of marriage. So I asked him if we could find a place of our own, which we eventually did. We lived together for more than 6 months and I was relatively happy even though there were some rough times. We had to adjust to each other somehow.
My mom would plead with me to go home but I would not agree. She told me my dad was really getting very mad and was starting to make threats. She was afraid for herself and for me. She wanted me to go abroad and stay there. I did not want to. I was ready to give up everything I had, for a chance to live my life with the person I really loved. Still my mom pleaded, she said my sister was really getting affected to and that my parents' marriage was starting to break. Eventually, I went home for the sake of my mom and my sister.

I still am living at home with my parents but I find it very difficult to go home everyday. My father has not yet spoken to me since this has happened. I have tried everything to close the gap but he just won't budge. I have grown very depressed and frustrated with my life. I still see Darwin but we have decided to just be friends. I thought things would be different. In a way it is but not for me. My parents may be happy but I am not. I long for the happiness I once had.

You cannot imagine the hurt and pain I have in my heart. My mom and dad and brother have told me that if our family breaks up, I will be the one to blame. My mom blames me for putting my adopted sister through all of this. My brother has said that if anything happens to our parents, I will be to blame. Basically, I am the one they are blaming for everything that has happened.

Sometimes, I cry alone wishing I could just let go. Maybe things will be better for everyone if I just get out of the picture, since I'm the one they say is the problem. I have stopped hoping that I will someday find the happiness that I long for. I have stopped believing in dreams or wishes, since they never come true. I am trying to live each day as it comes. It isn't easy. I guess happiness isn't something meant for me. Only time will tell how much longer I can go on like this. My depression is really getting worse each day. How long will I go on giving in to my parents? Why can't they see what I see? Why can't they feel what I feel? I'm not a child but an adult. When do I start living my own life? Do I always have to accept everything they say even if it does not apply to the present times? Should I always be the one to understand them just because I'm the daughter and they are the parents? Shouldn't they try to understand me, too? Or am I wrong about everything?

Thanks for your time. All I really needed was someone who would listen. I guess you've done me a big favor. More power!

Sincerely yours

Cherrie

Cherrie,

Cherrie, I have been through the same boat as Darwin when I was still courting my wife. Somehow, I just could not find enough sensible reasons why parents need to meddle into the children’s personal affairs , control their lives and unfairly judge the people they choose to be with. But now that I am a father to four daughters and have grown to understand why.
Parents would only want the best for their children. That is one general fact that we cannot contest. It is true to a certain extent but when our parents go beyond the line of privacy and selfishly impose their rules, then their actions begin to contradict their verbalized intentions. Your are already twenty eight and your not getting younger. I believe that you have spent a great deal of that 28 years trying make your parents happy. You have become the professional that they wanted you to be and you have tried your best to be a good daughter to them even if it meant sacrifice and self-denial . Honestly, Cherrie, you have done enough. Your parents have fulfilled their obligation to bring you up and give you a good education. Beyond that is your life that you are supposed to live not under their control but only with their mature and loving guidance.

I know how difficult it is to choose. But you don’t have to. If your family breaks up then that is their choice, not your fault. Forcing you to make a choice between what will make you happy and what will make them happy is plain selfishness . We have to show our parents utmost respect but that has to be earned. It is something that cannot be demanded of us. It is something that they have to teach us by their own examples of respect and discerning restraint.

Cherrie, staying with Darwin outside marriage was never a good idea. You should know that by now. That was something that you should have never done . But it’s never too late to start over again and set straight the crooked path you blindly trekked. You have to start living your life now outside the place you used to call home . You have to build your own with someone you truly love.

Cherrie, go where your heart leads you and pray that it leads you to where God intends you to be. Find your happiness and be at peace with yourself. You parents may want someone else for you but marrying someone you don’t love will just make you feel sorry all your life . Money without love is how we spell misery. It is only with little money and a lot of love that we can truly be happy. Don’t stop wishing . Don’t stop dreaming. One day, Cherie ,in God’s own time, he will show you the way to your heart and there you’ll find true love, joy and happiness that will last you your lifetime.

Joe

COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP

2007-05-13T17:05:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango

Dear Joe,

Hi!How are you? It's been a long, long time since the first time i wrote you. I'm not even sure if you will still remember me. But as far as my memory serves me right, you had my letter aired on your show April of 1994. I think i better refresh your mind by giving you the name i used on that letter. I am Michelle Santiago, now 25 years of age and presently managing my own business. I wrote again to say "thank you" for the time you gave me before and "Congratulations" for keeping up a good show. Joe, i'm seeking your advice again for all these fears i'm having right now that are locking me up in my own shell. The advice you gave on my last letter was a big help 'coz when Lawrence came back to me, i was able to handle things the way they should be. Yes,Joe, i accepted him again, gave him another chance because that's what my heart dictated. I was just being honest with my feelings that time and simply took the risk 'coz that's what love is, after all. It's simply a gamble wherein you either win or lose. And part of that game called love, is believing. So, when he left for the States last July of 1994, i believed in all his promises that he's going to come back for me after 3 or 4 years. Everybody especially my family were against our relationship 'coz they kept on saying that the time frame for long distance relationships to survive is only 6 months for unmarried couples. Anything more than that would be a burden, a heavy crucifix i will carry on my shoulder. I chose to be deaf to all that i've been hearing and with my own effort, my faith to the Lord above and my love for Lawrence, i decided that i will prove them wrong and that our relationship will survive all obstacles, not to mention, infidelity, 'coz it does and can happen. But everything went on smoothly with us especially on the first year that we're apart. Lawrence had promised that he's going to marry me when he comes back but it will take him 2 or 3 years to establish his citizenship before he can return. It will take me 2-3 years to wait for his return so i thought of starting to look for a job, try to save some money for our future so that it will be easier for us to start our life together in the land of milk and honey. During that time, maybe luck was on my side 'coz in my search for greener pastures, there came the offer for me from a larger construction company in Japan. I was really happy that time 'coz i believe that in a span of 3 years of working in another country, i'll be able to save enough money, maybe more than enough to start a married life. Lawrence also agreed on the idea of me working abroad 'coz he believed that it would be of great help for both of us and our will-be children. So, i left November of '95 for a 3-year contract to work out of the country. Joe, it was really a struggle 'coz it's the first time that i've been away from my family and i don't think i'll be able to survive the loneliness of being alone and the fear of being in a place full of strangers. But i firmly held on to myself and set my mind that everything i'm doing is for me, for Lawrence and for our future. His phone calls and letters helped me survive those struggles.

But it was on my 2nd year of working there that everything changed. He suddenly became cold, stopped calling and writing me. I just passed it off 'coz he told me that he's having 2 jobs that time. But everything became clear to me when he decided April of '97 to cool it off with me. He told me that he can no longer fulfill my expectations towards him because of the pressures and demands of his jobs there. I asked him if there's another party but he said none. He said he still loves me but he needs space and time and that if we're meant for each other, no matter what, we will still meet again. I was in the lowest point of my life that time 'coz i had nowhere to turn to and i can't go back to the Phils. 'coz that would be breach of contract. I can't even seek for my family and friends' help 'coz they have been against our relationship from the start. It was at this time that i received an unexpected letter from a long, lost acquaintance here in the Phils. He wasthe guy who introduced himself to me while i was doing my thesis at the National Library during my 4th year in college. Let's just call him Gerry, now in his mid-30's, presently working as a newscaster, TV host and Radio commentator in one of our famous TV stations here. During our acquaintance which was 6 years ago, he asked for my number and we talked for a couple of times and then he just disappeared for no reason at all. I just shrugged it off thinking he's just one of those guys. But i learned from his letter that he got a very demanding job, he also moved to another house, got his things jumbled-up and he got it fixed, i was gone. Maybe Gery's letter was a real saving grace for me 'coz it was when i needed a friend the most, someone who would listen, there he came at the right time. He really extended a helping hand across the seas. I confided in him my problems regarding Lawrence and he did all he can to give his unbiased thoughts and advices. It really made my burdens lighter when i receive letters and calls from Gerry. He really took time despite of his demanding job to write and call me to ease the pain i'm feeling that time. Lawrence was then avoiding my calls whenever i tried to call him up. I was not yet giving up on the idea that Lawrence still loves me and that everything will go smoothly again in the future. I kept myself believing that if there's only a chance for us to see each other, everything will be back to normal 'coz i realized that time that no matter how strong your love is to each other, physical presence really counts.

It's true that "absence makes the heart grow fonder", but this is true only for short absences 'coz long absences also makes the heart forget and sometimes reluctant. But i was able to survive my 3rd year of work there with the routine of me writing and calling up Lawrence but receiving no response at all and me and Gerry trying to create a link that connects us between the seas. It was this May of '98 that i learned from Lawrence's relatives here in the Phils. that Lawrence is planning to go home for a vacation. I was able to talk to him on the phone but he didn't tell me of his plans of vacationing in the Phils. I was hurt again that time 'coz i don't see any reasons why he has to hide his plans of going back to the Philippines. So, i decide to myself that i need to go home and see him 'coz now's the chance for me to clear up things between us. If he really had a change of plans, i deserve an explanation and if we're really not meant for each other, at least, i deserve a decent break-up. So, i begged for permission from my company to allow me to go home with the lie i made up that i have some medical problems. They allowed provided i'll shoulder my airfare and i had to pay some penalties because i still have 6 months to work. So, without Lawrence's knowledge and Gerry's too, i came home last 11th of May. Lawrence was already here 'coz he arrived one day earlier. I decided to see Lawrence on the 12th and true to my words, it really brought back the old feelings between the two of us. It seemed as if we've never been separated for 4 years. I thought marriage plans will push through this time but i was shocked when i learned from Lawrence's relatives that there was another girl. Lawrence's relatives want us to get married before Lawrence leaves for the States again because they don't want Lawrence to end up with that girl in the States who is actually married, has 2 kids and 34 years of age. I confronted Lawrence about it and he admitted that he loves the girl but he loves me more. I didn't buy the idea,joe and i decided not to marry him.

He has left for the States last May 30 and during his departure, i made it clear that there will be no more Michelle waiting for him and that it's better if we just both move on with our lives. It was again one of the saddest times of my life and only then did i remember to call up Gerry to break him the news that i've already arrived. He was surprised 'coz he was expecting me to come home by November. I told him what happened, the marriage plans, the other party and that i've already put an end to my relationship with Lawrence. Gerry played again the role of a best friend, adviser and a brother to me, giving words of consolation, cheering me up and making me feel i'm not alone. I could never imagine how it would be for meto go through this stage without Gerry's help. He always visits me at home, calls me up regularly and he really helped me forget my miseries. And he's starting to express his feelings towards me, saying here's here to mend my broken heart. I was beginning to like him,too, but it was then that i realized that i never knew him that well. Yes, we've been open to each other about our moods, characters and feelings,and i've open to him,too, from the start. So i began asking him about his personal life. It was then that i knew that he comes from a very rich family, his father held a high position in the government before. And regarding his previous relationships with women, he's been involved with big stars both in showbiz and modelling world. I asked him why he's not married yet and he told me that he doesn't have any plans yet. I tried believing everything he said but i really don't know why i still have reservations and hesitations towards him. Maybe my mind can't absorb the idea that a man of such power and wealth, can fall in love with someone like me. You know,Joe, i am a very simple person with simple dreams, simple hopes and simple wishes. And you know for a fact how people in the high society live their lives and i don't want to belong there. And i've actually opened up these things to him (about the hesitations) and he told me that i shouldn't be bothered by those things because what he has shown me was the real him, with no pretentions at all. But i told him that he should have told me those things before hand but still, he defended himself saying that he doesn't want those things to be my basis in deciding what our relationship will be in the future. He said that if i don't want him, it's only because i don't have that special feeling and need towards him and not because he's a man of power and wealth. Maybe he's right after all, maybe it's like entering a house thru the backdoor. I know i'm beginning to fall for Gerry 'coz of all the men who's courting me, it's only towards Gerry that i've felt this kind of feeling of longingness. The last time i've felt this feeling was towards Lawrence and i am starting to feel it towards Gerry,too. I have never been involved with any other guy since Lawrence left for the States for the first time and even when i was out of the country, i was able to survive the temptations. And when i becameaware of my feelings towards Gerry, i also realized that i was not in love with Lawrence anymore. Maybe all i needed was to feel that same feeling again to be able to realize that i wasn't in love with Lawrence anymore.Guess it's true after all, that to forget a lost love, you must get another love. And i'm really thankful that with Gerry's help, i was able to let go of Lawrence. Gerry knows all the hardships i've been through with Lawrence, the abandonment when i got pregnant, the sacrifices i've made for Lawrence, and all the pains that i've been through but he said he's willing to help me go through and forget these traumas. I'd be untrue to myself if i'll say that i did not believe what he said, but i still don't feel that assurance. No matter how he tries to convince me of his feelings and intentions towards me, i still have these hidden reservations. Joe, i really tried to give him the benefit of my unbiased doubts but there's always something inside me that tells me there's something about him that i should know. So, i decided to discover by myself about things which i'm not even sure what. To make the long story short, i tried finding out one of his nephew's telephone number, succeeded in befriending him without his nephew's knowledge that i know his Uncle so well. It was then that i found out that he's been married for six years. His nephew told me that his Uncle's marriage is now on the rocks 'coz Gerry's wife can't bear a child but that doesn't justify Gerry's reason for looking for another girl and for wanting to have a child with me. Yes,Joe, he wants to have a child with me and i must admit i'm beginning to give in to that idea and it's a good thing that i followed my instincts first. But why me, Joe? I can't find the right words to describe how i'm hurting right now not only because of the deception but because i've trusted Gerry so much and his one of the few persons who knows how much i've been hurt before and he's the last person i've expected to hurt me. Joe, why are all these things happening to me? I feel so alone right now. I really feel like i'm going to give up. I don't even know now if i'll be able to trust and love somebody again after all i've been through. Right now, i'm trying to go through all of these by myself, every night has been a sleepless night for me. Gerry doesn't even know that i've known his secret 'coz i've been avoiding his call 'coz i really don't know how to tell him without breaking down.

Joe, please help me. All i ever wanted is a simple relationship with a simple guy. Why am i being deprived of these? I know there is a light for those who patiently search, and i'm asking you to help me see this light. Again, thank you for your time. More power to your show and God Bless!

Michelle

Dear Michelle,

There comes a moment in our lives when we feel so alone. Times when there seems to be no one we could turn to, no shoulder to lay our heads upon. Michelle, we will go through the lowest and most depressing times of our lives. Love that should have helped us get by turns out the very same emotion that will bring us down to our bare senses.

You have held on so strongly to a feeling that you hoped will last you your lifetime but just as when you thought you’re going to have it all, love suddenly decided to leave you. I have had my own share of a long distance affair. And I was one of those blessed to have found love again. But, many others have not been so lucky. For a handful of reasons, I would still have my reservations in getting into the same boat again. If There could be a sensible and practical alternative, I would rather have love within reach than let it be taken away by distance and time.

Michelle, Laurence never wanted to hurt you but he was tempted to get into a relationship outside your knowledge because his love for you was overpowered by his own needs. We all could make up an acceptable justification for the wrong we do but what is wrong cannot be right and hurting others for our own gain doesn’t come close to the definition of what love really is. You cannot blame him for giving up. He was just human., like all of us, capable of making mistakes and hurting even those we love. Let him live his own life and get on with yours.

Like rain from heaven on a dry desert, Gerry came and brought color back in your dull and bitter world. But this knight in shining armor turned out to be a thief in the night. He was dressed in royalty but most of what he truly s lie hidden in the back of his dark secrets. Michelle, like Laurence, Gerry probably never wanted to hurt you. He never told you he was married because he was afraid that would spoil his chance of being closer to you. He finally got to you but he stands a great chance of losing everything now that you found out that he was really never the Gerry that he wanted you to know. I don’t see anything wrong in telling him even if you have to break down in tears. He probably knows you have already fallen for him anyway. At least you have a good excuse in avoiding him. I’m sure you would never want to get in the way of an ailing marriage and become the reason for its fall. Again you just have to let him live his own life and get on with yours.

Now, you’re all by yourself, longing for answer, drifting in loneliness and hurting in love. The light at the end of the tunnel may not appear as soon as you want it but you just have to believe that it will. Whatever it is that happens in our lives happen for a purpose. Even if the whole world has fallen on us, God will never forsake us. He will never leave us even if everyone is hurrying for his own way out. You have met men who have changed your life. Who you haven’t met is the man who will be your life. Believe me, he is out there, just like you, waiting for his chance. Don’t let pain stop you from moving on. Forgive Laurence and Gerry for all that they have done to hurt you and pray for their happiness as well. Only when you give your heart this chance you will find peace, love and happiness in your own God-given time.

Joe

BROKEN TRUST, BROKEN HEART

2007-05-13T17:01:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango

Dear Joe,

I am not so sure if this is the right venue or channel to ask for your advice on very important matter concerning love. I guess I have to take all the risks involved to be able gather some advice from you.

My problem is I just recently separated with my wife. It happened right after the start of the new year. Actually, my girlfriend and I Have been secretly married for almost 3 1/2 years already. Legally and technically, we are married.

A very unfortunate incident occured last January, Joe. I had no idea that she was already having an affair with another married guy who was richer than our family. Inspite of the fact that I was already having the feeling that something was wrong, my wife still kept on denying that there was somebody else in her life. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and we agreed to put some space between us, some sort of a cool-off. I disappointingly agreed to her demands but it wasn't long when she paged me after we parted ways and asked if we could meet personally and talk.

It was already late when we agreed to meet. We went to the Cultural Center of the Phils. And before she was able to utter a word she suddenly burst into tears and asked for my forgiveness. She didn't want to tell me what really went wrong at first but after some time she finally confessed to me everything. She admitted that she betrayed me by going out with another guy for quite a number of times without my knowledge. Joe, even though I felt like a knife cut through my heart and was shocked with the things she said, I felt some compassion for her. And because of the great love I have for her I forgave her. I accepted her with open arms as if nothing happened. Joe, I really love her very, very much even up to now.

While I was hoping that things would go back to normal, only a week had gone and I saw another change in her. Instead of making up for the pain she caused me, she went back to her old selfish ways and began to push me against the wall by trying to force me to get mad. I really did not know at that time if she was doing it on purpose. All I knew was I tried my best not let her feel that I have intentions of getting back at her for what she did to me. I tried my best to show her that I still love her very much in spite of her infidelity. In fact, the way I treated her was as if I was the one who made a mistake.

The following week, she asked me if the two of us could go out on a date in Megamall. So, I agreed and the day finally came. From the very start I did not feel comfortable anymore because she came latendidn't even apologize. But that was about it. While we were eating our lunch, she tried to do things that she didn’t do before , like putting food into my plate which prompted me to ask her where she learned to do such a thing. And she told me that those were the other guy’s exact words. Joe, I was really embarrassed at that time.I felt I was a nobody. How come this person I truly love is doing this to me? What did I do wrong ? Those were the questions that entered into my mind. So, after she realized that she was able to inflict some damage, she asked , once again , if we could stop seeing each other.

We didn't talk for a week until I decided to surprise her in her workplace. We had a heart to heart talk and I asked her if she really does not care for me anymore. She told me that she wasn’t sure. So, I gave her time. I tried to contact her female officemates. I discovered from them that my wife was just waiting for my call and that is the time when she will end things between us. I was in awe, Joe! How is it that when I am talking to her she claims the exact opposite of what she is telling her friends? What does she think of me, a plaything? One time I went out with my friends and she suddenly paged me. I called her up when I got home and she told me she was sorry. I felt insulted because I also discovered that she was saying things against me and most of them were exaggerations and lies.

I feel so hurt Joe. I still respect her but look at what she is doing to me? I don't think I deserve such a treatment. Joe, I don't know if I have to say this but for the entire 6 1/2 years that my wife and I have known each other, I was always the one who was giving in most of the time. I tried to understand her in pain because of her selfishness and immaturity. I love her very, very much, that's why. Just imagine, she went to a motel with that guy but I still accepted her. I still believe her in spite of the fact that she broke the trust I have always showed her. She played with my feelings as if I was a piece of trash.

Now, their relationship is still on. I don't know if I should tell her that the guy will just use and dump her eventually. The guy is separated from his wife but they are still technically married. I have a strong feeling that the guy will just toy with her. Many people believe so. Please help me Joe! I don't know what to do. I have recovered already but she still lingers in my heart and nothing has changed as far as my feelings for her is concerned. My friends and her other friends as well have told me to forget and her and never to accept her back but I must admit I still want to give her a chance. What will I DO?

Please give me an advice as soon as you can.

Thanks alot and more power!

Enzo

Dear Enzo,

Your wife knows what she’s doing and she is probably aware of the consequences her actions will bring. She’s still legally married to you and she probably doesn’t realize that getting involved with another married man could get her in deep legal trouble. You can pursue her and her philandering lover on this plain and get even the legal way but I don’t think that is what you would really want to do.

Enzo, you may not be aware of it but your actions remind us all of love’s long lost meaning. If someone falls and hurts us a hundred times then our love for that person, if it is true and sincere, will give us the strength to bear the pain, the patience to forgive, and the faith to give that person another chance. Your friends and her friends know that she’s been playing behind your back and they probably couldn’t take her infidelity and selfishness anymore. They would have closed their doors if they were in your place. But you didn’t. Instead, you have always looked forward to opportunities for reconciliation because you loved her . Listen to your heart, Enzo. People may think your crazy but sometimes, that is just the way love is. If your heart tells you to give her another chance then give her another chance. If it gives up then you just have to stop.

Enzo, your love can endure even a hundred blows and still never give up but you cannot live the rest of your life waiting for your wife who doesn’t love you anymore and you might have already lost long ago. There is nothing wrong in being good to her but you also have to be good to yourself . There is nothing wrong in loving unselfishly but you also have to learn to love yourself. Maybe, what your wife is waiting for is the time when you’d finally set her free. If she comes back one day, sorry for what she has done, and asking for her nth chance, and you still feel the same then you’d have the best reason to start all over again. But now and until that time comes, you have to stop, make a decision, and move on without looking back to what could have been.

Not all marriages are made in heaven. There are those that were made out of an urgency to have and not to give. There are those that were made out of lust and not love. There are those that thrive on desires to suit selfish needs and not those of others.

You may have lost someone precious to you but that doesn’t mean you cannot be happy again. As it has been said, it may storm for days to nights on end but it will not storm forever. Remember, our lives may seem in endless chaos but there will always be a way to surpass it. Pain may linger longer than we wish but God will always help us find a way to endure it .

Joe

BIZARRE LOVE TRIANGLE

2007-05-13T16:51:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango

Dear Joe

Jay was my very first friend in the office. He is really very kind and even if he was a real suplado, we got along very well. My parents separated and I was in deep sorrow but I had no one to turn to because my friends were so busy and were out of reach.

Jay had to go to the province to visit his ailing mom. I felt all alone although he would call me once in a while. It was during his absence that I became close to Lisa, an officemate who was like the black sheep in the office. She has no permanent friends because she's really childish and impulsive. She was the first person who noticed I wasn't feeling fine. She always checked on me and was concerned on how I was doing. She’s very sweet and thoughtful although she is really very childish at that and a real spoiled brat. It was a good thing I'm a very patient person. I was the only one who understood her. She was with me during the time when is was so sad, although she had given me so many headaches, I was still thankful that she was there for me when I needed her.

Jay went back to work after a week and I was really happy. I told her about Lisa. He never liked her and asked me to stay away from her but I didn’t want to leave Lisa alone just like that so he had no choice. It wasn’t long when the three of us became good friends. Jay finally proposed but I only wanted him to be a friend at that time. Just like Lisa, he became very sweet to me and would always take me home after office. Lisa knew there was something special about our friendship and so she stood as the bridge for the two of us.

After 3 months, I answered Jay. We decided to keep it from Lisa for 3 weeks and when she knew about it, she said she was a bit disappointed with us for not telling her right away. But, things went smoothly again. The three of us would go out again just like before. Everything went fine for a year for the three of us until one day , I just felt something was wrong already. Jay and Lisa became very sweet to each other. I confronted jay and told him that I needed a little respect. I wanted Lisa to keep her distance at least to define their friendship properly and to acknowledge that I'm Jay's girlfriend.

The next day, Lisa started ignoring me ignoring me. Jay told her about our conversation. He said I was being unfair to Lisa for thinking that way. I never argued with him about it and I just left. He didn't even bother to call me so I decided to beep him and end everything.

Lisa talked to me and patched up everything. Jay and I were back in each other's arms. I gave him another chance for he was sincere when he apologized. Lisa, decided to resign after a month to give Jay and I the space we needed. We tried to stop her but to no avail. On her last day the three of us went out. We all cried to dinner. When I came home I called up Lisa but she was not home yet. I kept on calling Jay until 2:30 AM and his brother said he won't go home that night. Joe, I never slept the whole night. I was in deep pain. I was hoping my senses were not right.

The next day, I never approached Jay but he was not in a good mood due to hang over. He never even bothered to greet me 'good morning'. We never really talked in the office until when I was about to go home. I asked him what he has done. He confessed everything. Lisa invited him to go out that night for the last time because she wanted to ask him what she could give me as a remembrance. He agreed because he thought it would be a nice surprise, but things turned out differently. She invited him to go out and drink as a farewell celebration. Jay was not a drinker so after just 3 glasses of beer, he was already dizzy but they still went on. He never stopped because he doen’t want to be the one who will go down first. But Lisa was a seasoned drinker. He said that when he woke up, he just found himself in bed with lisa. Yes, something happened that night Jay was very angry that he just left Lisa who was still sleeping that time. He showed me the messages of Lisa, asking for forgiveness and asking to return her call so they could talk properly but he never called her. He was crying so hard and he kept on saying sorry to me in between sobs. I cried so hard, too. I didn't know what to do. I felt everything fell on me. I felt the deepest pain in my life, being hurt by my boyfriend and close friend.

I decided to end everything but he refused. But, my decision was very final. I ignore him in the office, even if it tears my heart apart. I feel like crying every time I see him. Everytime we talk about our work. He never fails to say “good morning” when I arrive at the office. He still calls me but I would always find an excuse to hang up. Lisa called me up one day only to say sorry but she has fallen deeply in love with Jay and that she believes it's not her fault if she's done such a thing. I just ignored her and made her realize I've been a very good friend to her that she has never been to me. We both cried and I hung up. I never bothered to talk to her since then. She has sent me a lot of letters already but I never read any of them. It's so hard to forgive . She still beeps Jay but he never called her again. Jay still calls me every night. We still talk about the usual things but its so hard to bring back the old glow. He still loves me and I still love him so much. Nothing has changed, Joe. I still want him back but it's not easy to accept him again after all he has done to hurt me. What will I do? I don't want to lose him but I don't want to be hurt that way again...

Please advice us on this. We both listen to your lovenotes every Friday.

Thank you so much,

Lonely Ina

Dear Ina,

When someone we love breaks our hearts the pain it brings creeps into the deepest recesses of our souls and tears us apart. We are raged with hatred and harbor nothing but anger. Sadly, just when our anger subsides, our ego takes over. Sometimes a hurt pride takes a lifetime longer to heal and this usually gets in the way of a peaceful reconciliation if, our efforts would lead to it at all. We may never find the best foot to put forward because we are always taken aback by our own pride and dignity. You can point your blame on Jay and Lisa all your life, but that would not change anything anymore. No amount of regret can turn the hands of time and give you the power to change what destiny has permanently etched on our lives.

Ina, you can never find rest until you finally let go of the hatred in your heart. Don’t live all your life cursing Lisa for falling in love with Jay. She has laid her cards and asked for forgiveness. I think it’s just about time you let the past rest in peace and find mercy in your heart.

Ina, remember that there is nobody perfect. Even the most cautious man stumble upon the smallest stone. If you still love Jay then don’t be too hard on him. I think its just fair to give him another chance to prove his worth and give your relationship a fresh new ground to start with. We can only appreciate the beauty of a rose when we hold it but with this comes the possibilty of getting pricked by its tiny thorns. And just like this flower, there is no relationship so beautiful that we can have without a price.

Love will always have a way of putting us to the test. This is you call ,Ina. You may never be given this chance again. Make your choice. Give love a chance and you’ll be giving yourself the chance to keep it. But be afraid to get hurt and you’ll find love only to lose it.

Joe

BITTER FRIENDSHIP

2007-05-13T16:40:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

I'm a senior HS student of UST and I must tell you, it's hard with World History, Physics and everything. I'm perfectly happy with my life now except for this one problem that I'd like to ask your advise for.

I have this childhood bestfriend named Jeff. We're together since we're babies. We're even born at the same hospital with the same doctor. We had so much fun together. At the age of 6-9 we always played family computer in their house, climb trees, bathe their dog and share stories. At 9-13, Jeff was growing up to be a handsome guy....and so he was a "crush ng bayan". And I knew I was just so simple and ordinary in his eyes to be his girl....but we're friends. A lot of girls actually envy me because they think there's really something going between us, but we're just friends and that's all.

Everyday at dismissal time (school)...he asks our school bus driver to bring us home last co'z he would tell stories about what happened that day. And he even let's me read his letters from his secret admirers. I even became a bridge to the girl he was courting which was at OK at first but as time went by...I was becoming jealous because maybe I was starting to fall for him. I could say that those times of my life were the best because of him.

One day, I did this outrageously dumb thing that really stained our relationship--We were talking on the phone and I asked him how his lovelife was (I forgot why that topic was opened) and who's his latest crush. At first...he didn’t want to tell me... He kept on saying.. "Ayoko nga! Nakakahiya eh." But then I insisted...." honestly, who's your crush?" and he said "Sige na nga sasabihin ko na.....YOU! " That single word caused my heart to do flipflops! I cannot believe him...I mean...of all those other beautiful girls...he chose me?! And because of so much happiness.. I blurted out all my feelings for him. I told him I really like him too and I told him those silly things that I did just to be close to him like borrowing his notebooks just to see him and asking for assignments just to hear his voice. He asked me then if I could be his girl then I said yes and we agreed not to tell anybody. After that, we hung up. I was so happy after that and I was lost in my own world thinking of only him the whole night. The next day, I called him up to say hi and he told me that what we talked about last night was nothing and that he just wanted to see my reaction. Joe, I was so hurt and confused. I shouldn't have told him how I felt....It just ruined our good friendship...but really...he sounded sincere that night. Oh! I DON'T KNOW! What's more confusing is that he gave me flowers on Valentines day and I didn't know the reason why.

For almost 2 and a half years, we pretended that each of us didn’t exist. All was gone...all that we shared when we were still young were wasted. But just this past week... he seemed friendly. He's giving me mixed signals. I know I shouldn't waste time with a guy who doesn't act as though he loves me, but as hard as I tried to forget him and like someone else, he's still the one I love. I'm still young and I would be able to wait. But the question is...Is he worth waiting? And if I wait for him, what if he really means I'm nothing to him.

Please help me. Your advise would really mean a lot to me. Thanks alot for taking time to read my letter and I hope your program will be more successful than it already is. Thanks again!

Truly yours,
Sam

Dear Sam,

When we like someone so much we develop this inclination to interpret that person’s actions in a very positive way. We even give the smallest gesture so much meaning which, in return, gives us a better reason to like him even more. Sam, you could have been all the things that best friends could ever be but there was still a line that separated you from being more than just friends.

Jeff was probably telling you the truth when he explained that what happened that blissful night was just nothing and was only meant to show how you would react. More so, the flowers he gave you could have a thousand meanings . He could have had regrets in making you believe in something he never felt for you so he gave those flowers as a peace offering, his way of saying sorry. But the again, it could only mean love in the remotest possibility. You may see it differently but I guess there was nothing to it than just plain apology.

Sam, don’t be sorry you openly expressed your feelings. It was better than keeping it to yourself and not knowing what he truly felt. At least you know where you stand and hopefully not never expect anything beyond what he can offer.

Sam , you are still young , but don’t wait until you to realize that you mean nothing to him. He already made you see and feel that and there’s no point wasting your time waiting for a goose egg. If you can never go beyond friendship then just let it be. Don’t push it because you will only be driving your friendship down the cliff where it will stay never to return again.

Sam, believe me, Jeff isn’t the last man you would fall in love with. Love dies in our hearts but it can grow again if we learn to accept our destiny and give time a chance to heal our wounds. Let us always remember that we cannot always have everything we want. We are blessed when we find love but we should still be thankful when we loose it for what are denied of are things not meant for us and what we have been given are the ones destined forever.

Joe

The Risk of a Lifelong Commitment

2007-01-09T19:30:00.000-08:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

Just call me Cathy. I’m presently residing here in Rome, the Eternal City.

I met Mark in second year college. At first I didn’t really like him because he seemed arrogant.
He lived next to my apartment, and all his friends did was make noise with their songs and loud guitars. One day, he greeted me and to my amazement, I smiled and said hi, too.

It all started there. And we were suddenly falling in love with each other. I was so touched when he left his girlfriend for me. Our first three years were really great and full of romance. During our fourth year, he met a model who became his textmate. He was distracted and I became very jealous. We had a terrible fight. It came to a point that he was hurting me physically, so I gave him up.

I decided to stay with my parents here in Rome. Here, I met Daniel, who is half-Italian and half-Filipino, and very kind to me. At first we were so happy. The only problem with him is that he lacks a sense of responsibility. Here in Rome, either you study in a university or you work to earn for a living. He doesn’t want to do any of the two; he just wants to play and hang around.

I joined a travel agency and met John, the guy who escorted me during my debut. What a small world! I didn’t actually know him well because he was my mother’s friend.

John and I started going out and I fell for him. He picked me up one time and kissed me inside his car. It was the sweetest kiss I had ever had. I found the greatest love in John. I felt that he loved me so much and that his family accepts me. My problem is that John is so afraid of marriage and always says he’s not yet ready. On my birthday, he asked me to meet him in a jewelry shop. He wanted me to choose a ring that he would buy for me. I’m not fond of jewelry but it’s so flattering when the one you love gives it to you. It made me feel special. But when we were about to buy it, he changed his mind again.

Please enlighten me Joe. I don’t understand him. I love him so much and I don’t want to lose him. How can I make him commit to me?

Cathy

Dear Cathy,

It is not unusual for any person in a relationship to be apprehensive about marriage. For many people, marriage is the ultimate and final bond that they would commit themselves to for the rest of their lives. With so many distractions and relationships failing one after the other, it is not uncommon to see men and women walk out at the first serious sign of commitment. Life is difficult, and sometimes we feel that even if we work so hard we still wouldn’t have enough to satisfy ourselves.

Cathy, men can make up a thousand excuses for not consenting to marriage. But whatever their justifications may be, they just point out one simple fact—they still do not find the relationship compelling enough to make a complete turn in their lives. Love is the fire that burns the desire to be with someone forever. Your boyfriend loves you, but he still doesn’t love you enough to take the risk of a lifelong commitment. Love knows no fear, and people who marry because of love sacrifice and commit themselves in making their marriage last.

Cathy, at the end of the day, it would still be your boyfriend’s decision. Your task is to make him realize that there is only one you, and if he lets this chance pass there may never be another one. He has to feel that you are the single most important person in this world for him. Loving you should be the only thing that he would want to do. It’s easier said than done but believe me, men do take their strength from the women they love. Make him happy because he chose you instead of making him feel guilty because he passed on his chance of being with the woman who loves him more than anything else in this world.

Joe

When the ‘I’ Replaces the ‘We’ in a Relationship

2007-01-09T18:46:00.000-08:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,
Although Ben is six years my senior, we enjoyed each other’s company. I was still a student then and he was an FX driver. When he and I met, I still had a boyfriend, but that relationship didn’t last. My ex-boyfriend lied to me all the time and when we broke up, Ben became my light. We were so happy together.

I accepted Ben for what he was because I loved him, but he never seemed to accept me for what I was. He would often nag me about what I had to do, even if it was just school stuff. We would fight a lot. I lost his trust when I lied to him so he became really strict with me. But I told myself that he was a good catch and that I shouldn’t just let a good man go. My family was difficult, but he won them over.

Months passed and he continued to be strict with me. I couldn’t even enjoy my last two years in college because he was always around to check on me. I didn’t complain because I thought it would make him accept me. I was hoping that doing what he wanted would make him trust me.
I’m now working for an international company. About six months ago, Ben decided to go back to studying. I was really against it because he was already a Physical Therapy graduate. I wanted him to review for the battery of exams and pursue being a therapist, but he just ignored me. I never made him feel bad about the things he couldn’t give me even if I was hurting inside. I graduated from Mass Comm with high grades, but I didn’t look for a job in that field because I was afraid I wouldn’t have enough time to spend with him and my family.

Three months after he went back to study, he became too preoccupied with school. I want to understand him, but I just feel that it’s so unfair. I find it so selfish of him. We’ve become cold to each other but we’re just too scared to admit it. It’s as if he doesn’t want me to succeed or to have my own life. I know we still love each other, but honestly I don’t know what to do anymore.

Sincerely yours,
Anna

Anna,

I completely understand what you are going through. You may not be aware of it but you are actually competing with each other, and competition in a relationship kills. You want to pursue something which you believe would make you a better person but he doesn’t want it. You want him to follow his line of education but he wants something else. Now the “I” has become the priority over the “you” and the “we.” You are living on the same plane but existing in two different worlds.

Anna, it seems that Ben has everything focused on himself more than anybody else. A relationship that veers towards just one side of the road can never truly succeed because it is not only his happiness that should matter but yours as well. The fact that you feel this way towards him means that there is something that needs to be addressed. You have come to a point in your relationship when romance has faded away and has been replaced by feelings of resentment and indifference.

One of the greatest measures of love is its ability to let the other person grow with freedom and not with fear. Love should be able to give us enough space to be ourselves and explore our world yet still be within reach of caring and protective arms. Love should be happy when others succeed and make good in their ways. Love should be concerned not only with its own needs but that of others as well. When we learn to love without comparing and counting, then we have learned to love the way we should.

Anna, you have already given so much of yourself. You deserve to be happy with the person who will love you more than he loves himself. Give yourself the chance to find that person and you will discover the happiness in knowing that you are loved more than anything else in this world.

Joe

To Be Loved in Return

2007-01-09T18:44:00.000-08:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

It all started last November when my best friend called me up. He was having a drinking session with his wife and friends, and asked me to join them. He had introduced me years ago to Pam, whom I had a crush on, and when he gave the phone to her, everything changed. We talked like old friends. Pam gave me her home number and I started calling her every day until I fell in love with her. Finally, the day came when we became a couple. I was so happy. Last January 6, it was the birthday of my best friend’s wife, and everybody was busy having fun. I took the microphone, and everybody thought that I was going to sing. Instead, I gave a little speech about my girlfriend Pam, and finally I asked her to marry me. Everybody cheered and I cried when she said yes. It was the happiest moment of my life.

When Pam and I got together she had this family problem that I understood and accepted. I had no reservations, because she was my fiancée, and I was willing to be there for her. She received a job offer from one of the prestigious hotels in Makati, so I told her to grab it, and that she could do it. But she became so dedicated to her job that she didn’t have time for me anymore. It got even worse when she was transferred to banquet—no text messages and no phone calls. We started fighting, and she told me I didn't understand her. How could I, when she didn’t even talk to me? Every time I text her, she never answers. When I asked her if she still loves me, she said she didn’t know. I tried breaking up with her, but she told me to wait. Wait for what?

It's been weeks since we last talked. I do miss her. I can't stop thinking about her, but I think I'm the only one who still believes in this relationship. I don't know what to do.

Willie

Dear Willie,
Pam's disinterest could be a manifestation of an inner crisis that she is probably going through right now. Saying that she doesn't know if she loves you is another way of saying she doesn't love you. Being indifferent to your feelings and not reacting to a break-up means she couldn't care less.

Honestly, Willie, it looks like she has her own world now, and whatever it was that you thought you had when she said yes to your marriage proposal means nothing to her now. She could probably be going through a very difficult time in her life now, but I believe that the least she can do is be honest with you about what she truly feels and not keep you hanging and waiting for something that probably won’t happen anymore. If telling someone that we love him or her is essential, then I think letting that person know if that love isn't there anymore is equally important.

Willie, I know how much you love Pam and how much you are willing to do anything for her, but you have to realize that there comes a time in a relationship when simply loving someone isn't enough, when being loved in return becomes as vital as loving the other person. If Pam doesn't love you anymore, then there is no more reason for you to stay. The only way to stop hurting is to stop wanting, and the only way to stop wanting is to start accepting that she is probably not the same person anymore. Then and only then can you move on to finding the happiness that becomes truly rewarding when shared with the person who loves us in the same way.

Joe

A Subtle Obsession

2007-01-09T18:41:00.000-08:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

I met Paul less than a year ago, and we got along well because we share a lot of common interests. Many conversations later, he asked me to be his date to a party, and I agreed. So we went to the party. It was a swell evening, and he was indeed a gentleman. However, I felt guilty the following day because I knew he had a girlfriend. He never mentioned it to me, but I secretly found out about it. I just let it pass because at that time, the events didn't mean anything to me. They were just friendly dates, so I put no malice into it. That is, until after a couple more months when I started liking him. A friend of mine even told me that perhaps Paul liked me too, because a guy wouldn't bring a girl to a special occasion as his date if she didn't mean anything to him.

I'm sure he loves his girlfriend, but he rarely ever mentions her. Sometimes I have to bring her up first and kid around just so the conversation would sound normal, though it's hurting me inside. Now we're still good friends, and he always asks me about my day, my love life, and other stories. Just last week, I told him that I now have a boyfriend. He teased me about it, and I teased him about his girlfriend. He sends me meaningful messages, and sometimes I even feel a bit of jealousy from him. He always compliments me, and when we're together he's very thoughtful and a little sweet.

I don't know, Joe. He leaves me hanging. I feel very excited and secure when we're together. Sometimes I think that maybe he's just playing around, waiting for me to fall for him so he can take advantage and make me his "other girl." Sometimes I think he's just a very friendly guy and I'm the one who's putting malice into everything.

I don't love him yet, but I think I'm falling for him. I've already tried ignoring him for a month, but it only made me more eager to see him. Joe, I'm in dire need of your help. What's going on between Paul and me, and what I should do?

Raine

Dear Raine,

It is obvious that you are extremely attracted to each other, and I don't see anything wrong with it. It is how you deal with this situation that would make the difference.

It would be very difficult to figure out what his real intention is, knowing that he is still committed to another girl. The fact that he doesn't mention her to you means that he wants you not to feel guilty when you're with him. I believe he is intentionally trying to win your trust and your feelings.

He is actually doing a good job, because you are falling for him. What he feels for you may not essentially be the same as what you feel for him. He is probably just exploiting a window of opportunity to flirt but not necessarily commit to another woman. He could have told you about problems with his girlfriend if he really just wanted to win your sympathy. But the fact the he keeps her out of the picture shows that he may not have sincere intentions.

Raine, I'm actually more concerned about your wishing, wanting and waiting. You have entered into some sort of a subtle obsession with Paul. You can be dragged deeper into this if you do not become sensible about this whole attraction thing. It would have been a lot easier if he hadn't been committed to his girlfriend. I think what you owe yourself is the truth.

If you really like him, then let him know about it. But do not expect any return. Just let him know, and move on with your life. Let his actions tell you where you really stand. If he chooses you over his girlfriend, then let him prove his worth, but if he just flirts with you, then you'll know he is not serious and will probably leave you hurting in the end.

Raine, this is the time to let your mind and not your heart tell you what to do. Feelings do not think. Love with all your heart, but let your mind sensibly tell you the difference between what you know is real love and what you think is just infatuation.

Joe

Freedom from the Past

2007-01-09T18:34:00.000-08:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

I met Mark in college. He was handsome and seemed to be nice and very generous. Even though I liked him from the start, I made the courtship last for about five months before I finally said “yes” to him.

Our first six months were blissfull, full of the purest of love. Eventually, we became intimate with each other. Giving yourself to someone you love means you want to be with him for the rest of your life, and that was how I considered our relationship. We’re both Filipino-Chinese and our families were supportive of our relationship.

Then my best friend told me how she once saw Mark holding hands with a girl as they entered the cinema in a mall. I didn’t believe her and that strained our friendship. I only realized that my best friend Joyce was telling the truth one night when the girl called me asking if Mark and I were still together. I told her that we were very much together and were already engaged. The girl met me at a restaurant and, to my shock, showed me all her pictures with Mark, his hand-written letters and the notes from the flowers he had sent her. I wanted to die that very instant. It wasn’t just the fact that Mark cheated on me, but seeing the photos of them together at the same places he used to take me, hit me like a bullet straight to the heart. The girl left me alone in the restaurant crying. No apologies. Maybe what she wanted was to make me leave Mark.

I never told Mark about my meeting with his other girl. Instead, I played the martyr and pretended to be blind and deaf, hoping that somehow I could win Mark’s heart back and he would forget the girl. But I failed, and after five foolish months, I finally gave up.

Years have passed, but the hurt and the longing for Mark are still here. I tried to open my heart to others and had two unsuccessful relationships after Mark. I had a hard time trusting men and developed an attitude of just giving up when things are getting a little shaky. My last relationship was okay. The guy really loved me and took care of me. The only problem was, he’s not Chinese. I may not have loved the guy like I loved Mark, but I rebelled just to seek contentment and, hopefully, happiness. I got pregnant and got married in civil rites. Still, I wasn’t happy and the marriage wasn’t working.

My family hid me to escape the shame and disgrace from our relatives and friends. For me, it wasn’t that bad. I don’t really care about what other people say about how I run my life. But then I have wronged my parents and so to make up for it, I followed what they wanted. When I gave birth to my son, he provided all the happiness I ever longed to have. My baby has a very distinctive Chinese look. He was the tie that bonded my family back together. My best friend and I became friends again and became closer than ever. And she is also the godmother of my baby.

Mark and I did not keep in touch. I only heard of news about him through common friends. I thought that was how it’s going to be until Mark came over to our house. After four years, he had the gall to face me like nothing wrong had happened. He held my hand and said sorry. For me, sorry wasn’t enough. I wanted to slap him but I couldn’t. I just cried and spilled out what I wanted to tell him for a long time. After I had unloaded all my misery, I felt a little better. He mentioned my baby, told me that he looked like me. I just said, “Yeah, he could have been yours and mine anyway.” He quickly changed the topic and talked about his work.

Our conversation ended quite well. For me, I said what I had to say. It was a relief but then I still miss him.

Joe, I admit I’m still not over Mark. What he said before he left my house gave me hope to pursue what my heart tells me to do. But then, I’m scared of taking another risk and be sorry my whole life.

Ivy

Dear Ivy,

I wanted to tell you that things would have been a lot less complicated had you not rebelled and married for the wrong reason. But I guess it’s too late now. You are married to your lawful husband and it doesn’t really matter if you still love each other or not. You will remain married to each other unless you opt to legitimately put an end to it.

This is just the other side of the coin. Another equally important aspect of this dilemma is Mark and your feelings for each other. You still love him up to now. You are still hoping against all hope that he will find his way back to you. He did but he left you hanging with a wishful hope of a reunion which may or may not happen at all.

Ivy, I have always believed that there is nothing wrong with loving a person but when our world stops because of that love, when we lose sight of our own selves because of our longing to be with someone, when we begin to compromise in favor of what our heart dictates, then we will lose our ability to act and think rationally and make sensible decisions.

Having all your sentiments made known to Mark is one giant step to freedom. Freedom from your past. Ivy, no one knows what the future holds for us. Let us all make the best of today so we can always look back with a smile and look forward to tomorrow with the hope of not making the same mistakes again and the hope of finding love that will last us our lifetime.

Joe

The Wrong Kind of Love?

2007-01-09T18:23:00.000-08:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

I am Gian, 24, and currently working in a five-star hotel in Manila. I decided to write to you because I’m confused. Nobody knows what I’m going through. You see, I had a number of girlfriends before and, though I enjoyed being with them, I really never felt deeply in love with anyone of them.

I never felt the real intensity of love until I met Lewis. Yes Joe, you read it right. It’s Lewis, and he’s a guy. I don’t know where to begin but I guess everything started when he became a co-worker, though a contractual one. When he was first introduced to me, I immediately noticed his good looks and perfect smile. But modesty aside, I am also gifted with good physical looks.

But cliched as it may sound, I believe that it was destiny that brought us together. We went out in a group but we set a day where we could bond together, just the two of us. We would go malling, eat and even watch movies together, which is very odd for two guys to do. More than his outward appearance, I was impressed by his kindness and understanding.

One time, we had a misunderstanding. I texted him and blamed him for our shallow fight. His reply almost made me fall off my seat. He said, I’m sorry for everything! I love you!" I texted him by saying, “I love you, too.” However, we never discussed the issue the following day. He would usually ask me to sleep over at his apartment. We share the same bed but nothing sexual happened between the two of us. That’s the time when I realized that I was slowly falling in love with Lewis. My love for him is beyond platonic and it has gone deeper and deeper without me realizing that the end of his contract was getting near.

When his contract expired and he left, I lost my focus. But then again, I did not want other people to know that I was dying of loneliness. He would text and call me once in a while. I really wanted to admit my real feelings but the fear of rejection prevented me from doing so. Just last month, he invited me to come to his birthday. I decided to go with common friends. .

After an hour, I decided to leave. As I walked toward my car, he hurriedly went to me and gave me a hug. I asked Lewis if he was drunk while slowly pushing him away. He said he wasn’t and then he embraced me for the second time. While driving home, I couldn’t help but cry. I hated myself for allowing this to happen.

As of now, I’m trying to forget my love for him which was wrong to begin with. I want to restart my life with a clean slate. I never thought I would be in this kind of situation. How could I forget him, Joe?

Please help me.
Gian

Gian,

Life indeed is full of surprises. We just don’t know what will come knocking at our doors next. Gian, you are not alone in this quest for identity. I have heard from many like you who are going through the same dilemma. It is difficult to come to a realization that there exists within us another person unexpectedly and totally different from us. It is like a mysterious flame glowing through cold ash.

I have always said that it is not in loving a person that we commit sin but it is what we do when we love beyond the limits of reason that makes it wrong. Gian, your moral sensors made you aware of the implication of such a relationship. The hardship you are going through reflects your internal conflict but your ability to rationalize means that you are still capable of changing the course of your life.

If you really want to forget him then you have to stop thinking about him. He may not be in your face but you have allowed him to remain at the back of your mind. And the mind is very powerful. The people who we do not remember are the people who mean little to us and the people we love are those we do not forget. If we stop loving a person then we can start forgetting. But for as long as our hearts are connected then all efforts to rule over our emotion will mean nothing.

Gian, we become who we think and believe we are. Be yourself and remember that we can only be truly happy when we are at peace with our inner selves and when we are in harmony with the people we love and the people who love us.

Joe

The Risk of a Lifelong Commitment

2006-07-17T05:07:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

Just call me Cathy. I’m presently residing here in Rome, the Eternal City.

I met Mark in second year college. At first I didn’t really like him because he seemed arrogant. He lived next to my apartment, and all his friends did was make noise with their songs and loud guitars. One day, he greeted me and to my amazement, I smiled and said hi, too.

It all started there. And we were suddenly falling in love with each other. I was so touched when he left his girlfriend for me. Our first three years were really great and full of romance. During our fourth year, he met a model who became his textmate. He was distracted and I became very jealous. We had a terrible fight. It came to a point that he was hurting me physically, so I gave him up.

I decided to stay with my parents here in Rome. Here, I met Daniel, who is half-Italian and half-Filipino, and very kind to me. At first we were so happy. The only problem with him is that he lacks a sense of responsibility. Here in Rome, either you study in a university or you work to earn for a living. He doesn’t want to do any of the two; he just wants to play and hang around.

I joined a travel agency and met John, the guy who escorted me during my debut. What a small world! I didn’t actually know him well because he was my mother’s friend.

John and I started going out and I fell for him. He picked me up one time and kissed me inside his car. It was the sweetest kiss I had ever had. I found the greatest love in John. I felt that he loved me so much and that his family accepts me. My problem is that John is so afraid of marriage and always says he’s not yet ready. On my birthday, he asked me to meet him in a jewelry shop. He wanted me to choose a ring that he would buy for me. I’m not fond of jewelry but it’s so flattering when the one you love gives it to you. It made me feel special. But when we were about to buy it, he changed his mind again.

Please enlighten me Joe. I don’t understand him. I love him so much and I don’t want to lose him. How can I make him commit to me?

Cathy

Dear Cathy,

It is not unusual for any person in a relationship to be apprehensive about marriage. For many people, marriage is the ultimate and final bond that they would commit themselves to for the rest of their lives. With so many distractions and relationships failing one after the other, it is not uncommon to see men and women walk out at the first serious sign of commitment. Life is difficult, and sometimes we feel that even if we work so hard we still wouldn’t have enough to satisfy ourselves.

Cathy, men can make up a thousand excuses for not consenting to marriage. But whatever their justifications may be, they just point out one simple fact—they still do not find the relationship compelling enough to make a complete turn in their lives. Love is the fire that burns the desire to be with someone forever. Your boyfriend loves you, but he still doesn’t love you enough to take the risk of a lifelong commitment. Love knows no fear, and people who marry because of love sacrifice and commit themselves in making their marriage last.

Cathy, at the end of the day, it would still be your boyfriend’s decision. Your task is to make him realize that there is only one you, and if he lets this chance pass there may never be another one. He has to feel that you are the single most important person in this world for him. Loving you should be the only thing that he would want to do. It’s easier said than done but believe me, men do take their strength from the women they love. Make him happy because he chose you instead of making him feel guilty because he passed on his chance of being with the woman who loves him more than anything else in this world.

Joe

When the ‘I’ replaces the ‘we’ in a relationship

2006-07-17T05:05:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

Although Ben is six years my senior, we enjoyed each other’s company. I was still a student then and he was an FX driver. When he and I met, I still had a boyfriend, but that relationship didn’t last. My ex-boyfriend lied to me all the time and when we broke up, Ben became my light. We were so happy together.

I accepted Ben for what he was because I loved him, but he never seemed to accept me for what I was. He would often nag me about what I had to do, even if it was just school stuff. We would fight a lot. I lost his trust when I lied to him so he became really strict with me. But I told myself that he was a good catch and that I shouldn’t just let a good man go. My family was difficult, but he won them over.

Months passed and he continued to be strict with me. I couldn’t even enjoy my last two years in college because he was always around to check on me. I didn’t complain because I thought it would make him accept me. I was hoping that doing what he wanted would make him trust me.
I’m now working for an international company. About six months ago, Ben decided to go back to studying. I was really against it because he was already a Physical Therapy graduate. I wanted him to review for the battery of exams and pursue being a therapist, but he just ignored me. I never made him feel bad about the things he couldn’t give me even if I was hurting inside. I graduated from Mass Comm with high grades, but I didn’t look for a job in that field because I was afraid I wouldn’t have enough time to spend with him and my family.

Three months after he went back to study, he became too preoccupied with school. I want to understand him, but I just feel that it’s so unfair. I find it so selfish of him. We’ve become cold to each other but we’re just too scared to admit it. It’s as if he doesn’t want me to succeed or to have my own life. I know we still love each other, but honestly I don’t know what to do anymore.

Sincerely yours,
Anna

Anna,

I completely understand what you are going through. You may not be aware of it but you are actually competing with each other, and competition in a relationship kills. You want to pursue something which you believe would make you a better person but he doesn’t want it. You want him to follow his line of education but he wants something else. Now the “I” has become the priority over the “you” and the “we.” You are living on the same plane but existing in two different worlds.

Anna, it seems that Ben has everything focused on himself more than anybody else. A relationship that veers towards just one side of the road can never truly succeed because it is not only his happiness that should matter but yours as well. The fact that you feel this way towards him means that there is something that needs to be addressed. You have come to a point in your relationship when romance has faded away and has been replaced by feelings of resentment and indifference.

One of the greatest measures of love is its ability to let the other person grow with freedom and not with fear. Love should be able to give us enough space to be ourselves and explore our world yet still be within reach of caring and protective arms. Love should be happy when others succeed and make good in their ways. Love should be concerned not only with its own needs but that of others as well. When we learn to love without comparing and counting, then we have learned to love the way we should.

Anna, you have already given so much of yourself. You deserve to be happy with the person who will love you more than he loves himself. Give yourself the chance to find that person and you will discover the happiness in knowing that you are loved more than anything else in this world.

Joe

To Be Loved in Return

2006-07-17T05:02:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

It all started last November when my best friend called me up. He was having a drinking session with his wife and friends, and asked me to join them. He had introduced me years ago to Pam, whom I had a crush on, and when he gave the phone to her, everything changed. We talked like old friends. Pam gave me her home number and I started calling her every day until I fell in love with her. Finally, the day came when we became a couple. I was so happy. Last January 6, it was the birthday of my best friend’s wife, and everybody was busy having fun. I took the microphone, and everybody thought that I was going to sing. Instead, I gave a little speech about my girlfriend Pam, and finally I asked her to marry me. Everybody cheered and I cried when she said yes. It was the happiest moment of my life.

When Pam and I got together she had this family problem that I understood and accepted. I had no reservations, because she was my fiancée, and I was willing to be there for her. She received a job offer from one of the prestigious hotels in Makati, so I told her to grab it, and that she could do it. But she became so dedicated to her job that she didn’t have time for me anymore. It got even worse when she was transferred to banquet—no text messages and no phone calls. We started fighting, and she told me I didn't understand her. How could I, when she didn’t even talk to me? Every time I text her, she never answers. When I asked her if she still loves me, she said she didn’t know. I tried breaking up with her, but she told me to wait. Wait for what?

It's been weeks since we last talked. I do miss her. I can't stop thinking about her, but I think I'm the only one who still believes in this relationship. I don't know what to do.

Willie

Dear Willie,

Pam's disinterest could be a manifestation of an inner crisis that she is probably going through right now. Saying that she doesn't know if she loves you is another way of saying she doesn't love you. Being indifferent to your feelings and not reacting to a break-up means she couldn't care less.

Honestly, Willie, it looks like she has her own world now, and whatever it was that you thought you had when she said yes to your marriage proposal means nothing to her now. She could probably be going through a very difficult time in her life now, but I believe that the least she can do is be honest with you about what she truly feels and not keep you hanging and waiting for something that probably won’t happen anymore. If telling someone that we love him or her is essential, then I think letting that person know if that love isn't there anymore is equally important.

Willie, I know how much you love Pam and how much you are willing to do anything for her, but you have to realize that there comes a time in a relationship when simply loving someone isn't enough, when being loved in return becomes as vital as loving the other person. If Pam doesn't love you anymore, then there is no more reason for you to stay. The only way to stop hurting is to stop wanting, and the only way to stop wanting is to start accepting that she is probably not the same person anymore. Then and only then can you move on to finding the happiness that becomes truly rewarding when shared with the person who loves us in the same way.

Joe

A Subtle Obsession

2006-07-17T04:58:00.000-07:00

Freedom from the Past

2006-07-17T04:51:00.000-07:00

The Wrong Kind of Love?

2006-06-19T08:22:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

I am Gian, 24, and currently working in a five-star hotel in Manila. I decided to write to you because I’m confused. Nobody knows what I’m going through. You see, I had a number of girlfriends before and, though I enjoyed being with them, I really never felt deeply in love with anyone of them.

I never felt the real intensity of love until I met Lewis. Yes Joe, you read it right. It’s Lewis, and he’s a guy. I don’t know where to begin but I guess everything started when he became a co-worker, though a contractual one. When he was first introduced to me, I immediately noticed his good looks and perfect smile. But modesty aside, I am also gifted with good physical looks.

But cliched as it may sound, I believe that it was destiny that brought us together. We went out in a group but we set a day where we could bond together, just the two of us. We would go malling, eat and even watch movies together, which is very odd for two guys to do. More than his outward appearance, I was impressed by his kindness and understanding.

One time, we had a misunderstanding. I texted him and blamed him for our shallow fight. His reply almost made me fall off my seat. He said, I’m sorry for everything! I love you!" I texted him by saying, “I love you, too.” However, we never discussed the issue the following day. He would usually ask me to sleep over at his apartment. We share the same bed but nothing sexual happened between the two of us. That’s the time when I realized that I was slowly falling in love with Lewis. My love for him is beyond platonic and it has gone deeper and deeper without me realizing that the end of his contract was getting near.

When his contract expired and he left, I lost my focus. But then again, I did not want other people to know that I was dying of loneliness. He would text and call me once in a while. I really wanted to admit my real feelings but the fear of rejection prevented me from doing so. Just last month, he invited me to come to his birthday. I decided to go with common friends. .
After an hour, I decided to leave. As I walked toward my car, he hurriedly went to me and gave me a hug. I asked Lewis if he was drunk while slowly pushing him away. He said he wasn’t and then he embraced me for the second time. While driving home, I couldn’t help but cry. I hated myself for allowing this to happen.

As of now, I’m trying to forget my love for him which was wrong to begin with. I want to restart my life with a clean slate. I never thought I would be in this kind of situation. How could I forget him, Joe? Please help me.

Gian

Gian,

Life indeed is full of surprises. We just don’t know what will come knocking at our doors next. Gian, you are not alone in this quest for identity. I have heard from many like you who are going through the same dilemma. It is difficult to come to a realization that there exists within us another person unexpectedly and totally different from us. It is like a mysterious flame glowing through cold ash.

I have always said that it is not in loving a person that we commit sin but it is what we do when we love beyond the limits of reason that makes it wrong. Gian, your moral sensors made you aware of the implication of such a relationship. The hardship you are going through reflects your internal conflict but your ability to rationalize means that you are still capable of changing the course of your life.

If you really want to forget him then you have to stop thinking about him. He may not be in your face but you have allowed him to remain at the back of your mind. And the mind is very powerful. The people who we do not remember are the people who mean little to us and the people we love are those we do not forget. If we stop loving a person then we can start forgetting. But for as long as our hearts are connected then all efforts to rule over our emotion will mean nothing.

Gian, we become who we think and believe we are. Be yourself and remember that we can only be truly happy when we are at peace with our inner selves and when we are in harmony with the people we love and the people who love us.

Joe

Finally Learning to Let Go

2006-02-05T09:10:00.000-08:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

I’m Jamie, and this letter is long overdue because this happened five months ago. I met Jon in September when we were both new hires for our company. We kept seeing each other, and l got attracted to him. After a month, I found out that he liked me, too. I started avoiding him, but then we had a chance to talk intimately during our Christmas party and, unexpectedly, we kissed.

Then I got confused. Why did I let that happen? What about my boyfriend? To keep things from getting worse, I broke up with my boyfriend and told Jon that we should just be friends. Despite my decision, he didn’t stop pursuing me.

I decided to give him a chance. Every moment with him was bliss. Everything seemed to be going smoothly until someone came between us.

Jon and Sarah had something going long before I came along. But they didn’t have the chance to continue things because Sarah unexplainably drifted away until they lost touch. Now that our story had started, Sarah suddenlycame back.

Jon told her that he already had a girlfriend, but Sarah persisted. She continued to act as his girlfriend, even introducing Jon to her family as her boyfriend. Jon felt trapped. He was also very open to me about what was happening so I felt confident that there was nothing to worry about.

Then suddenly, Jon broke up with me. He told me that he needed time to get out of the trap he was in. So I let him, hoping that he would soon come back to me. But he didn’t. I soon found out that Jon and Sarah were back together.

I wasn’t really surprised, but it hurt me so badly, Joe. To this day, I still cannot accept that the guy I loved deeply could do such a thing to me. I’ve accepted the fact that it’s over between us, but I’m having a hard time letting go. What’s wrong with me? How can I move on, Joe?

Sincerely,

Jamie

Jamie,

I have always said, time and again, that the hardest people to forget are the people we love. Only when we don’t love them anymore can we truly move on and explore the possibility of finding love again in the arms of someone else.

You said you’ve accepted that it’s over between you and Jon, but you still haven’t accepted that the guy you have loved so much is in love with someone else. Deep in your heart, you’re still wishing for his return. These thoughts keep you connected to Jon. Unless you are able to find a way to detach yourself from your wishful thoughts then it will be very difficult to move on.

Most of us live in the past even if it hurts because we would rather mourn over lost love than take the risk of loving again. We shut our eyes, ears and our hearts to people around us and to the hope of finding love again.

Jamie, we all have our own sad stories to tell. Others even have worst experiences with the people they have loved. But no matter how painful life and loving can be, God never fails to give us strength to bear it. He never fails to let the sun shine through even during the darkest and stormiest moments in our lives. He makes us fall, not to hurt us, but to teach us that we should never give up despite our failures. He makes us cry, not to make us miserable, but to make us realize how important love is. And most of all, he takes away a person from us, not because we don’t deserve him but because he has someone better for us. That’s how it always works, Jamie. Give yourself a chance. You just have to believe that there is still life after losing love and sometimes, that life will be better because it can be shared with someone who’d love you more than anything else in this world.

Joe

The Question of Belonging

2005-10-07T17:14:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

It’s been 10 years now since I met the guy who turned my world upside down. I was 12 then, and very infatuated with this good-looking and intelligent guy. At that time, I didn’t have any idea that he had the same feelings for me. But one day, something happened that made me mad enough to build a wall separating our worlds in two.

Eight years later, just when I thought I was doing well, fate turned on me again. My old crush and I bumped into each other and eventually became friends again. Time and experience have changed him a lot. It was amazing to see how the guy I used to love and the guy I eventually hated could turn out to be such a desirable young man. Upon seeing him again, I realized that I still care for him and was still in love with him. Hearing his name, seeing him smile and hearing his voice made me feel so kilig (excited) and filled up the emptiness in me.

But something prevents me from showing my true feelings for him, Joe. He’s been going steady with his girlfriend for three years now. I knew that from the start, but I didn’t seem to care. The times we spent together felt so good, so right. He made me feel so special and made me fall for him even more.

One day, he confessed his true feelings for me. I found out that he has loved me since we were just kids and that he loves me still. We tried to deny our emotions because we didn’t want to betray his girlfriend but we couldn’t fight the feeling. I told him that I would wait for him till he’s free, but he didn’t want me to do that. He wanted me to find the happiness that a committed person like him can’t give. He wanted me to be happy even if it’s not with him. This only made me admire and love him more. He’s different from other guys but it hurts me, Joe, everytime he pushes me away.

We continued this special thing we have. We even had many “stolen moments” when we spent time together as lovers. Those were the happiest days of my life.

But one day, he surprised me with the news that he was getting married in two days. He got his girlfriend pregnant and she obliged him to marry her. It was very painful, Joe. I thought it was only a dream, but it was a nightmare. I was even half dead during their wedding.

Now I’m standing alone with a lost soul, an empty heart and a shattered life. I’m still trying to face a new life without him. I’m still in pain, Joe. I still cry everytime I remember him. Why did he come back after eight long years and make me fall in love again if we’re not really meant for each other? Joe, this is a story without a happy ending. I’m still hung up on the thought that someday, if not here on earth, maybe in God’s paradise, there will be a place for the two of us. Thank you for reading this, Joe. Writing it made me feel a lot better!

Missy

Dear Missy,

It’s sad but true that love doesn’t always have a happy ending. There are times when we ask ourselves why we have to find love only to lose it. Sometimes, God’s reasons for taking someone away from us are difficult to understand, but we have to trust his wisdom in making things happen for a good reason.

Your friend tried to distance himself from you but you were probably just so much in love that you never really saw where you were headed all the while. You were sharing him with his legitimate girlfriend and you know that one day he would have to choose just one. He would have to break someone’s heart, and he broke yours.

Shared moments with someone we love can truly be a wonderful experience, but sometimes it becomes not a question of belonging but a question of the right to belong. Even if it feels so right to be with him, he is still very much committed to his girlfriend and that doesn’t put you anywhere nearer where you are now.

Missy, when we love a person, it brings out the best in us. When that person stops loving us and we still choose to continue to love that person, we become miserable because it is like running a race in the opposite direction. The more we love, the more we are drawn away from reality.

Missy, there is always a reason why people hurt us and make us cry. It is always part of a learning process that would make us better persons. Stop looking back for love that may make its way back. It wouldn’t be coming from behind. It would always be there in front of you. If you miss it, then move ahead for even in love’s greatest tragedies, there is always a promise of hope—that of finding love again and keeping it for eternity.

JOE

The Happiest and Saddest Day

2005-04-27T06:39:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

DEAR Joe,

It was three years ago when I became friends with a guy I met through a mutual friend. It was hard not to like him. He was sweet, charming and thoughtful. He became the friend I would call when I couldn't sleep at three in the morning. I woke up one morning and realized I couldn't imagine my life without him.

I had no illusions about the relationship because I knew he had a girlfriend from the start. I knew I was special to him, but did he love me? I was much too afraid to know the answer. I just held on to what we had, just happy to be with him, knowing deep in my heart that it wouldn't last and yet hoping against hope that it would.

And then one day he told me his girlfriend was pregnant. I felt like someone had put a knife through my heart and twisted it in really deep. I knew at that moment that I had to let him go. I didn't want him to see that the happiest day of his life was the saddest day of mine. But though I was slowly dying inside, a part of me was happy because I knew he was happy. Walking away from him was the hardest thing I've ever had to do but I never looked back, afraid that if I did I wouldn't have the strength to let him go.

It's been a year now since we last spoke. Even though we made a vow to stay good friends, there was also an unspoken understanding between us that I needed time away from him to give me a chance to heal. There are days when I still miss him badly and I wonder if I can ever really let him go. I know one day I will love again. But for now I just take it one day at a time knowing that if I make it through the day, then tomorrow will be easier.

Sincerely,

Gabrielle

Dear Gabrielle,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Sometimes just letting it out can make a big difference. A lot of people are caught up in the past and choose to remain there because that is where their beautiful memories linger. Stepping out of it would mean a reality that hurts. And most of us choose to remain in the past because that is where there is less pain.

Yes, it's true that time heals all wounds, that one day our hearts will heal and when that day comes, we will be able to love again.

Let us always remember that the broken pieces of ourselves are the foundation with which we build a stronger and better us. Many who have loved have experienced pain. Look everywhere. There are people who bear the scars of their failures but they are happy. And when we ask them why, they would tell us that they are happy not because they have failed but because they have moved on and given themselves the chance to find love again.

Joe

Loving As A Choice

2005-03-14T23:08:00.000-08:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

DEAR Joe,

I am the only girl in a middle-class Chinese family with a business here in the Philippines. Because my parents are very, very strict, I began to hate guys. I just played around and was never serious with any of them -- until I met one of our employees, a very good-looking guy with a great sense of humor. I feel happy and comfortable when I'm with him, but I was always afraid that he might lose his job because of me.

We had a party in our house last September. My parents were not at home, so I had to entertain the guests. That night, this guy friend and I drank and had fun. When I was with him, I dipped my finger into a glass of beer and tasted it. I hadn't drunk for a long time and had almost forgotten how beer tasted. My friend grabbed my finger and put it in his mouth. I knew then that he was interested in me. When the party was over, he stayed and helped me clean up. Then he whispered, "I love you." I just laughed and told him he was drunk. He smiled and said he was, but was more afraid of losing me than losing his job. I was just thinking that this was another game I could play, so I said I loved him too.

My little game continued. I never thought that I would fall for him. He changed me and everything I believed in. Months have passed but secrets couldn't be kept forever. My mom was furious when she found out about us and slapped me in front of him. I haven't talked to him since.

What should I do? Should I give up? Or should I fight for our love?

Abbie

Abbie,

There are times when love calls us to stand for something we believe in, despite of all the things that are against it. The call of love is a call to courage and determination. Sometimes it even calls for a choice between two things that are equally important to us. Who to choose and who to turn our backs on depends on how much we are willing to risk.

Abbie, if falling in love with an employee is wrong then life is unjust. True love doesn't look at the world like there is a heaven and an earth. All is just fair. No one should be above or below anybody else. Everyone is equal. That's how love looks at things.

But it is sad that many of us carry a measuring cup and judge people by what they don't have and who they are not, rather than what they can actually become. Abbie, your parents have their reasons for their rules on love and relationships. We should respect that. But at the end of the day, it will be you and you alone who should make that decision on who to choose to spend the rest of your life with.

Love should never be a choice made by others for us. A relationship is something that we should be willingly getting into or getting out of. It is true that there will always be a risk when we make our own decisions. But it is all part of life. Those who enjoy life are those who are not afraid to take the risks. Those who succeed are those who make their own decisions and responsibly stand by them.

Abbie, love is a choice and one that only you can make. Ask yourself if you are ready to take that step. If you are not then it simply means that you are not yet prepared to love. Because those who find lasting happiness are not those who fear the consequences of loving a person, but those who bravely face the challenge of that love.

Joe

Washing Away the Bitterness

2005-03-02T18:23:00.000-08:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

DEAREST Joe,

I never wanted to love him, yet I know I'll never deserve a man like him. He had it all: good looks, brains, money and the kindest disposition I've ever seen. For a year and five months, he was mine. Then, he broke up with me. We got back together after I asked him to come back. Then I let him go and chose someone else. He asked us to try again but it didn't work. Three times, we tried and failed.

During those years, we became the best of friends. He was there, not only for me but for my family as well. We kissed each other still, and always ended up in bed. For almost six years we were together.

Then he graduated from school and I was afraid he would find someone else when he started going to work. But every night, I prayed that he'd find work so he'd be happy. Then, January of this year, he finally got a job offer. Then, he started mentioning this girl's name. I didn't put any malice to it, and I made him promise to tell me if he had found someone else. He failed to see me for almost three months. Then, he admitted he was seeing a co-worker. The next day, I called him up on his cellphone, and he said he'd call back. When I called again, a girl answered it, and claimed she was his girlfriend, a claim he later confirmed. He said that he planned on telling me about it after I finished school. He said he didn't want to hurt me.

Joe, I felt like dying. He asked me, wasn't it his right to look for happiness? He said he'd call once in a while, but he didn't. I want to hear his voice, to see him, but at the same time, I don't.

I'm not mad, and I want to be really happy for him. I don't regret that I loved him, but I wish that it didn't have to be this hard, this painful. I wake up with thoughts of him. At night, I cry myself to sleep.

Why did he have to go? Why did I have to fall for him when he was not going to be mine? Why does love have to hurt this much?

Anna

Anna,

There may be times when we become so miserable and ask ourselves why God allows us to experience unbearable pain. God doesn't delight in our misery. Pain is God's way of purifying us and making us better persons. And when he allows us to experience it, it doesn't mean that he doesn't love us.

Anna, you may have been destined to love the man who cannot love you back, but that doesn't mean that life ends here. You fell in love with a man who cannot be yours, but that doesn't mean there is no one who can be. You have loved and hurt badly, but that doesn't mean the pain will never pass.

Everything that happens to us happens for a reason, and as the saying goes, sometimes the person who makes us happy is the same person who can hurt us and make us cry. Anna, it is perfectly alright to feel sorry for losing him, but you cannot be sorry all your life. It is okay to cry yourself to sleep at night, but you cannot shed your tears for him forever. You cannot cry every night all your life. It is okay to think of him when you wake up in the morning, but you cannot let him take control of your thoughts forever.

I guess you have been sorry long enough. You have shown so much regret already. It's over, Anna. You have to accept that there could never be any "you and I" anymore. He is gone and has moved on with his life. You have to realize that you should not allow yourself to be left behind following his shadow. You have to move on and find your own happiness, even if it means not being with him.

Let us always remember that love isn't love it if doesn't hurt. And it is better to be hurt by love than not to be hurt because we were too afraid to love. The only way to move on is to accept reality. And it will help if you let the pain love has brought you make you a stronger person, and let the tears that you cried wash away the bitterness and misery in your heart.

Joe

Fight for Him

2005-01-31T18:33:00.000-08:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

I'm not a very lucky person when it comes to love. I always end up the loser, and I wonder why. My friends tell me that I'm nice and pretty. I met Mark when I was a college freshman and he was a senior. There was this instant connection between us, Joe. It wasn't long before he had my heart. We were always together, and my classmates even thought he was my boyfriend. I can't blame them because Mark acted as if he was. He would wait for me after class and we'd eat lunch together or hang around after school. But Joe, I know the truth. He can't love me because he still loves his ex-girlfriend, Jen. They were together for six years and that's...well, that's six years, Joe. I can't compete with that.

Day after day, my love for Mark grew, but so did the pain of the thought that we can never be what I want us to be. And what hurt me more is that he is a sweet person who treated me as if he felt something for me, too. That's why I couldn't help but wish that he'd eventually forget about Jen and love me instead. I couldn't help thinking, "Why not? That's not impossible!" But wishful thinking does me no good. I can't control him or force him to go my way. And I know all I can do is love him without expecting anything in return.

But I'm not that strong. I had to tell him how I felt, because sooner or later I knew he would find out. At first I just wanted to avoid him, but I knew that wouldn't be fair. And so I had to tell him, through a letter. It was only after two weeks that we finally got things back to normal. It was such a brief time, but it seemed like forever. We didn't discuss anything. We just acted as if nothing happened.

It was nearing the end of the school year, and we both became busy with our own lives, so we hardly had time to see each other. And I started to get used to it. Believe it or not, I began to forget him.

We met again weeks after graduation. We missed each other, and we were back as the same buddies that we once were. Or were we? Something changed, and I'm sure it wasn't me. It was him. He started to be extra sweet, and I wasn't so sure I was comfortable with it. I asked a friend to pretend he was my boyfriend. I told Mark about it, and I felt his change of mood. He felt bad, it was obvious, though he didn't say anything. I knew he was hurt. I thought it over and I realized that I felt guilty because I still love him.

It was after his graduation day that I finally gathered the guts to tell him that I was sorry for what I did, and that I still love him. I thought I was the only one with a revelation to make, but I was wrong. He told me that he also loved me before, but he had to stay away for a time because he didn't want to be unfair to me because of Jen. He thanked me for loving him, and apologized for hurting me. He brought me home that night, and I introduced him to my mom. It started that night, and up to now he's close to my family. I never thought that we'd come to this point. We still are not in any kind of special relationship. He acts as if he's my boyfriend, and I should be happy about it. But it's not healthy because it's painful. We do things that are past our limitations as friends. I know it's wrong, so wrong. It also hurts because he has all the right to date someone else. I can too, but I'm not so sure I want to. And lately, news is spreading that Mark has his eyes on this girl. Her mom even cooks for him, and he spends the night at their house every Friday to do some art work. I know it's not impossible for them to fall in love with each other.

Joe, I love him. And the fact hurts that one of these days, news might come to me that Mark has a girlfriend already. I love him but I'm not sure if he loves me. I want to ask him how exactly I figure in his life. Am I just a friend? I know I should do my best to keep him. But sometimes I feel like I should be learning to let him go. I don't know if I make any sense, Joe. But please, tell me the best thing to do. Thanks and more power to LoveNotes.

Marie

Dear Marie,

You seem to be giving up a fight which you haven't even started yet. I know sometimes it feels safer to sacrifice what we feel than to be open about it and be rejected in the end. But, as the saying goes, it's better to have loved and failed than not to have loved at all because we were afraid of what it could have brought us.

There are a lot of people who get into the "friendship-with-benefits" kind of relationship. They enjoy the benefits of having a boyfriend or girlfriend minus the commitment that would bind them. This kind of arrangement would work fine for as long as the two are focused on each other. But the moment one deviates his or her attention to someone else, then the imbalance tips the relationship and puts the aggrieved party on the losing end.

Remember, any relationship entails some form of emotional investment. We just can't give up someone without feeling some kind of loss. Marie, you seem like you are giving up on Mark even when you haven't really started seriously talking to him about your relationship. Intimacy is never a stable foundation for a relationship because real relationships are built on feelings and not only physical convenience. You may be enjoying the perks of having a boyfriend but you really haven't been talking about your real role in Mark's life.

This initiative should come from you, Marie. Be prepared for what he has to say. If he truly loves you then you have to do your best to keep him. But if he loves you just because of what you can give him, then you should be thinking more of learning to let him go. Marie, I have always believed in fighting for the people we love for as long as we can within the bounds of reason. If we win it, then it means that we deserve it, but if we lose it then it means it is not for us. Let us always remember that we do not fail when we lose the love that we have fought for. We only fail when we lose the courage to try.

Joe

Tempted and Tortured

2005-01-13T19:25:00.000-08:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

Just call me Rupert, a college student from the university belt. I had a best friend named Noli who had a wonderful wife named Lara. Meanwhile, I had a girlfriend. Noli's job called for him to be away for about two months, so he told me to watch over his wife and kid. During that time I realized I was starting to like Lara. When Noli was already abroad my girlfriend and I broke up. I had a couple of drinks, and guess who was there to comfort me. Yes, it was Lara. Noli heard about the break-up, and he knew that we were drinking with some friends. Lara was drinking because of Noli, and I was drinking because of my ex. One night when she got drunk, we kissed. After the kiss, I found myself in an affair that changed my life.

We agreed that when Noli came back, it would be over. When Noli came home, I tried to break it up with Lara but she was hesitant to do so. Noli was so kind to me I couldn't look him in the eye; I felt so guilty. Lara and I decided to go back to school to have a world of our own. Our classmates didn't know about the situation and thought we were just typical sweethearts. We hid the relationship for almost two years until one evening when Lara asked me to come for some drinks because Noli was already sleeping. I came over and Noli caught us together. But instead of hitting me, he just told me to get out of his house. But it didn't end there, Joe. Lara was so into me that she said she'd leave Noli for me. Well, I told myself that the affair is not doing us-or her child-any good. So I ended it for everybody's sake. I heard that Noli has forgiven Lara and they are still together.

I'm happy for them and I admire Noli for his kindness. After the affair, I tried to get over Lara and had a few relationships, which all failed.

I lost a best friend and a lover at the same time and I'm still guilty over what happened. So many questions are still left unanswered. Does Lara still love me? Did that affair make me less of a man because I gave in to the temptation?

Sincerely yours,

Rupert

Dear Rupert,

Honestly, being tempted into an affair with Lara didn't make you less of a man. It was betraying your best friend that made you less of what you are. Asking yourself if Lara still loves you means that you are still carrying emotional baggage that you should have left behind a year and a half ago. This might be the reason behind all those failed relationships that you tried to get into.

Rupert, some of us miserably fall into the lure of affairs because, most of the time, we resist looking at the bigger picture just to satisfy ourselves. Having an affair with your best friend's wife clearly shows that you were just there to enjoy what you wanted without considering the trust on which you and Noli have built your friendship. You have taken advantage of Lara's vulnerability in the absence of her husband to suit your own desires. You were able to succeed and even made her want you more than Noli, but at what price-the loss of your friendship and the guilt that is haunting you until now.

Rupert, the only way to find peace is to ask for forgiveness and to learn to forgive yourself. We all make mistakes and hurt other people but, at the end of the day, the person who acknowledges his faults and asks for pardon is able to move on and reconcile with his conscience.

Rupert, remember that every time you think of how Lara feels for you, you are actually reopening that book which should have been closed and burned a long time ago. Let your best friend and his wife live in peace. That is the least that you can do to make up for all the pain that you have caused them.

May we all realize that it is not the mistake that Lara or Rupert have committed that makes this story. The real lesson here is the lesson of love that Noli has faithfully and consistently shown. Love does not seek revenge, nor does it keep a record of the wrong that we have done. Love is always kind. And most of all, love is always forgiving. No matter how deeply we have been hurt by people around us, love will always be able to accept and forgive. This is the greatest power of love. And this is what should give hope to all of us who have hurt and have been hurt by others.

Joe

The Unsaid Understanding

2004-12-23T01:31:00.000-08:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

DEAR Joe,

I'm a college student studying in what is perhaps the biggest university in the country. I've had a crush on Edward ever since I first saw him on TV in a quiz show for high school students. I was also in high school at the time, so I wasn't committed to anyone yet.

When my friends introduced me to Friendster, I immediately got hooked. I thought of adding almost everyone possible to my list of friends. One day, I thought of adding Edward. I just hoped he would approve my request. Sure enough, he did after a few days.

I didn't have anything particular in mind, Joe, I just wanted to have bragging rights that Edward, who my friends also had a crush on, was on my Friendster list.

But one day, he asked me why I added him to my list, who I was, where I studied, and everything else about me. I was excited, but I just thought that he was the really friendly type. I promptly answered, and we soon decided to exchange mobile numbers. We would text each other everyday,

until he admitted to me that he liked me. I was shocked, because we hadn't met yet, but I remembered that he probably had seen my photos on Friendster and that he had classmates from my former school who told him all about me. Finally, we decided to meet up, and when we did, I could see that there was really something between us. We were technically "on" for a few months. It was sort of an unsaid understanding, or so I thought.

One early morning, I was still awake for reasons I cannot remember. Then he texted me. I was shocked at what I read. He told me that we couldn't continue what was going on between us because he already had someone else in his life. He said that though he really liked me, he was already seeing the other person before we started seeing each other. I didn't know what to say. He called me up at home and repeated everything on the phone. That was when I cried. I told him that I didn't think he would do that to me. He was also crying when he was talking to me, but he didn't change his mind. I didn't have any choice but to accept the truth. I was about to put the phone down when he asked me if we could still be friends. I said yes. Call me stupid, but deep inside I still wanted him.

But one day, he just stopped making any contact with me. I tried calling him up, but no one would answer.

It's been two months since it happened, Joe, but I still can't get him out of my head. It's not that I'm obsessed with him, because I've found somebody new. But when I'm at home and the phone rings, I secretly wish it was him calling.

I just want to get over him, Joe. People say time will heal all wounds, but I'm afraid I've been scarred too deeply for me to completely get over him.

Sincerely,
Kate

Dear Kate,

It was obvious that Edward was attracted to you when he saw your picture and probably more so when he met you in person. He didn't want to let an opportunity pass without getting into some sort of a mutual understanding with you. It was the perfect arrangement. You were content and happy with what you had going and he was enjoying the benefits of a real relationship minus the commitment.

For some reason, he decided to cut off ties and just be friends with you. He must have realized it wasn't right to be in a liaison with you or he probably just lost interest in you. Whatever his reasons were, it just points to one thing-it's over. He must have offered friendship just to make it easier for you to give him up but he wanted to be completely out of your life. And that's where he is now.

Kate, you still have unresolved wishful thoughts about Edward. You still want him and long for his presence. You think you have closed this chapter of your life because you are with someone new now but deep inside, there is still this silent yearning for the things that could have been. Wishing it is him when the phone rings reflects the inner conflict between the past and the present. You are still silently hoping that one day he would come into your life again and continue where he has left you.

Kate, I know there is still plenty of time to wish for him to be back in your life but there are just instances when we have to accept our loss and move on with our lives. Love sometimes leaves scars that are impossible to erase but that doesn't mean that there is no life after we have been hurt and blemished. The scars might remind us of our past but that shouldn't keep us from living our best today. Kate, it is true that love hurts. It is true that no matter how deep our wounds are, time heals them. And it is also true that only when we learn to accept the love that we have lost can we have the chance to find it again in a better and more lasting relationship.

Joe

Torn Between The Perfect Husband And An Old Flame

2004-12-08T17:57:00.000-08:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

I'm a young , ambitous executive of a top insurance company. I'm 28, single, work-oriented and until recently, very much contented with my love-life. My boyfriend Edward and I are planning to get married next year. In fact, we have made preperations for our life together, having bought a house and lot. Our relatives are all awaiting the happy event.

One saturday, however, I bumped into my former boyfriend, Rene. Rene and I were together for five years, but we broke up because we felt we were to young to get serious about each other. He was my first love, and i know he has not really forgotten me.

I couldn't understand the feeling i had when i met him again , Joe, but something magical gripped me. That meeting led to a series of phone calls and secret dates.

Edward doesn't know of these meetings and I do not want to hurt him. He is precious to me. Although, I've known him for a shorter time than Rene, I believe he will make a perfect husband. But i am so confused. Now, I am not enthusiastic about my approaching wedding day.

Please help me Joe. I am so confused. I know how unfair I am being to Edward, but I just cannot tell him how i feel. And I realize I still have feelings for Rene.

What shall I do? Time is running out.

Grace

Dear Grace,

Marriage is a bond that is meant to last a lifetime. Its permanency is the very reason why we have to be positively sure of our intention to marry someone. I know Edward is the better candidate but after that unexpected turn in your life you realize that somehow, whatever was still unresolved in the past is still very much a part of you today.

Rene came just about the perfect time . Grace, before we finally solemnize our vows for marriage, our relationship with out would be life-long partner must always stand the final test. Somehow , God has his way of making us aware of our real feelings which we could use to validate our decisions to marry someone. But God doesn't make these decisions for us. He just opens our eyes and allows us to see what truly lies within our hearts.

This is not just a test but also a path which you have to take. It won't be easy, for the road you will choose will decisively play an important role in your life. Don't get too easily carried away by sweeping emotions. Sometimes our hearts can mislead us and impair our rational and sensible judgement. But, you can also never discount the possibility that what you still feel for Rene could be the real thing.

Give yourself a little more time. Pray for guidance and enlightenment. You can never row a boat on two rivers at the same time. Be truthful to yourself and be honest with Edward. If it is Rene you still love and truly want to be with, then there is no point in letting Edward hang on to something that isn't there anymore and blindly hope for someone who never truly belonged to him.

Joe

Tireless Waiting

2004-12-01T18:02:00.000-08:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

I am one of your avid fans, though it never did occur to me that I would one day write to seek for advice.

I am in my early 20s, working in a travel agency in Makati. I met Kyle when I was still in college. We are the same age. We were introduced by a mutual friend and we became friends for a time, then he asked permission to court me. He was a seminarian. By society's standards it's taboo. Same with me.

Three years ago, our paths crossed again, but under favorable circumstances. He left the seminary and was now working as a bank executive in Quezon City. Our friendship was rekindled. We went out on dates and he became my constant companion. He once told me that he really liked me a lot, if only I would allow him to. I did not quite understand that. I should have asked him what he meant exactly by that. But I didn't because he did not ask if I would allow him to court me, either. I did even out the odds but it certainly did not clear out the fog, so to speak.

Lately, we've not been seeing one another as often. The calls came fewer, too. I don't know how to interpret that. We never go beyond holding hands, but neither can I call our relationship platonic.

I was, and still am, waiting for him to say that he loves me. Judging from the fact that we hear from each other less often everyday, I doubt it. My mind is full of what ifs why's and probably's. What if I call him up? Would that be alright? On the other hand, he probably does not want to continue the friendship anymore. Maybe I had misunderstood his intentions. Or he could have found the girl he wants to commit himself to.

Why can't we be lovers? I have a suitor right now who tirelessly pursues me. But he's not Kyle. The questions seem endless. I am losing my man. Could it be that our relationship was a bad case of "right love-wrong time?" Or was it the MU (mutual understanding) kind? It might be that he's one of those people who are afraid to rock the boat, or it might be that I am just one of those women who are incurable romantics. I know my dilemma is not entirely hopeless, but my mind isn't functioning so well. So is my heart. Not knowing is a torture in itself. Joe, please enlighten my mind. I know you can assess my predicament as objectively as possible.

Sincerely,
Sofia

Dear Sofia,

You seem to be tirelessly waiting for the man you love to reveal his true feelings for you. But the way I see things, it could take forever to know the real score.

Some men can be very aggressive but there are still many who just keep silent about their feelings and simply send signals, hoping that these unpronounced messages would come across. But it is difficult, as it is risky just to rely on one's uncertain yet meaningful actions. A sweet smile, loving touch or warm hug could mean a hundred different things and might be misinterpreted if seen from the eyes of someone biased by love.

I know how it feels to have someone so close yet so unreachable. You know your questions can only be answered by the man you have learned to love all these years. There is a strong possibility that Kyle could just be holding back his feelings because he knows letting it out could make him vulnerable and hurt him in the end. Don't torture yourself with the ifs, why's and probably's. Guess work will just prolong the agony. You have to act now and fight for whom you feel is right for you.

Maybe what Kyle needs as a little push. Ask him out for dinner and just let him talk. Set a comfortable atmosphere for an open and honest conversation and encourage him to reveal what he feels.

Sofia, just as a man could find a hundred ways to show he cares, you can also let Kyle know what you feel in many subtle yet concrete ways. Just be yourself. Be sweet, caring and loving in your own fashion. Remember, there will always be a door to a man's heart and it can only be opened not by foolish pride and reservations but by honest, unreserved and unselfish love.

Joe

Loving From A Distance

2004-11-22T17:32:00.000-08:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dearest Joe,

Hello. I'm Jenny. I wrote to you four months back regarding Mike. He left his girlfriend of six years for me, and for a time we were really happy until we had to part ways because Mike decided he loves his girlfriend more than he loves me.

Now, I'm writing you again, hoping that I can share with others how much I loved, how much I still love, and what all these has taught me. Joe, after we broke up last September, Mike came back after two months. We reconciled and we've never been happier. I felt his love more than ever. This time, we were not afraid to talk about the future... OUR future.

I finally saw a tomorrow with him. I thought this time, it was for real. He even told his girlfriend everything about us, what really happened, and he told her that I'm the one he truly loves.

However, I guess we're just not meant to be. Right after telling his girlfriend, he was once again caught in a mental and emotional tug-of-war. And once again, it's between me and her. Just like a movie being replayed, I once again saw the same characters acting out the same scenes, saying the same lines: "I need time, Jenny. I want to be alone."

Joe, it's one thing to want to be alone, but it's another thing for him to completely push me away and treat me as if I don't exist. And when I finally asked him if he really loves me, Joe, all he could say was "I don't know." Five times I asked him, and five times he said he doesn't know.

I was robbed of all emotions. I couldn't feel. I couldn't think. I was just numb. And when I finally reacted, it was all anger, bitterness, and hatred. I cursed him. I told him I'll never forgive him and that he'll never be happy.

I wanted revenge so bad, I decided to call the girl to ruin their chances of ever getting back together by telling her things that would make her hate Mike more and make her decide not to take him back.

However, through God's grace, when I called her up, I couldn't say any of the things I planned to, all I could say was sorry. I had to swallow so much pride, Joe.

I had to accept everything she said, even if it hurt so bad. However, that conversation broke the storm and sunshine finally came through. Talking to her, Joe, telling her I'm sorry and actually feeling my apology deep in my heart, I realized I wanted to be free of all these. I have had enough, and it's time I start loving myself. After our talk, I called Mike for the last time and I apologized to him as well for all the hurtful things I said. He said he's sorry that he had to come into my life and mess it up. But you know what, Joe? Deep inside, I was not sorry he came into my life. I was sorry he had to leave.

Joe, I have learned so much from this experience. I've learned to love unselfishly, and I realized that the best lovers are those who are capable of loving from a distance, far enough to allow the other person to grow, but never too far to feel the love deep within your being.

I know I'll find someone, but a part of me will always remain with Mike. I learned what letting go really means. To let go of someone doesn't mean you have to stop loving, it only means that you allow that person to find his own happiness without expecting him to come back. Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but it is also setting yourself free from all bitterness, hatred, and anger that you keep in your heart.

I realized that God never took Mike away from me. He never even gave him to me in the first place. Joe, Mike was never mine to begin with, and somehow, that thought made the pain of saying goodbye easier to bear. I'm at peace now and I can honestly say that I do hope and pray that everything works out for Mike.

If he ends up marrying the girl, I'd be very happy for him. I'd be hurt, of course. I'm not going to be a hypocrite and say I won't. I want to say this chapter of my life is finally over, but I won't. I'll just take things one step at a time, live life one day at a time. Now, I'm learning to appreciate all the other gifts God has given me.

The tears will still fall once in a while. I know I will still think about him, but this time, not with anger or hatred, but with precious thoughts of the things we shared. And the pace and the love that I feel, these are things that no one can ever measure.

Thank you very much for once again reading my letter, and I hope that others can also learn from all the lessons I learned from this experience. God bless you and more power to you.

In Christ,

Jenny

Dear Jenny,

When you came over to the station to see me personally after I featured your story last year, I read from your eyes how you were hurting so badly. I knew you loved Mike more than anything else in this world. And losing him was just like sacrificing yourself. I knew you were strong but remember when I told you not to let bitterness rake away your strength and weaken your faith, and never to allow pain to dishearten you, but rather let you grow with wisdom in bearing it.

They say love is lovelier the second time around. It could have been true for you when Mike came into your life again. But he never really left all his past behind. He wanted to keep you but he knew right from the start that he loved his girlfriend more.

He could have listened to what his mind was telling him but his heart ruled over and so, he made his final choice. He came back to where he really belonged and left you hurting again.

Jenny, you may have found peace in just loving him from a distance and not expecting anything in return. But be careful, for this can sustain life but can never give enough room for us to grow. We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today.

Jenny, you have lost Mike again but I'm glad the pain it inflicted opened your eyes to what letting go really means. You are right. To let go of someone doesn't mean that we have to stop loving that person, it only means that we have to allow that person to find his OWN happiness without expecting him to come back to us. Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but it is also setting ourselves free from all bitterness, hatred, anger and empty hopes that we keep in your hearts.

Joe

The Challenge of Marriage

2004-11-20T18:23:00.000-08:00

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

I NEVER thought that something would happen that would leave me lost. Like a typical man, I'd prided myself in figuring things out on my own.

I am in my late twenties, working in the sales division of a company in Manila. I've led a fairly exciting life. I finished college early, before I was 20. I collected girlfriends like trading cards. I soon found myself saying "I do" to one of my girlfriends I had slept with because when her family found out, they forced me to take responsibility for my actions.

I was miserable yet I remained the picture of the perfect husband. After so many years of being good and dutiful, one glance sent me into a tailspin. I never knew I was holding my breath for so long and at that very moment found the reason for breathing.

I hadn't noticed her before, though we worked together. But now, I became very much aware of her presence. I didn't know her name, and I was scared to find out. All I could really do was admire her from afar.

We eventually found ourselves talking during breaks. The hours would just fly by. I found myself telling her about my life, and she told me all about hers. But I hadn't told her the most important detail in my life: that I'm married. I knew that letting her know would change things.

When I decided to tell her, a lot of things came out. I told her that she was special to me, that I enjoy so much being with her and that she makes me happy even though I'm married. I was prepared for her anger. But what she did next surprised me. After calmly asking how long I've been married, she started to weep. She asked why I told her this too late. Why did I allow her to fall for me? I was shocked. She was falling for me? But I was falling for her, too.

We both decided to keep away before things got messy. I didn't want to let her go, and I could see in her eyes that she was unwilling to let me go, as well. But this was the right thing to do. I spent more time with my wife and tried to notice the little things she did so I'd appreciate her more. But I was dying inside.

And then, one day, I bumped into her again. She didn't want to look at me but I felt her sadness. I knew then we both couldn't go on like this. So I told her how I was lost without her. I found out from her that she too was miserable without me. So we decided to continue the friendship, but made sure we didn't cross the boundaries until we both knew what to do.

She told me once that she loved me and that all she wanted was for me to be happy even if it meant not being with her. I feel so much for her as well. I know I love her, but right now I don't know if that love is enough for me to leave all the things that I know.

I don't know what to do. I don't have anyone to talk to about this. You're the only one I can run to, Joe.

Alex

Dear Alex,

I know it would be too late to tell you that you shouldn't have married out of obligation, but then again, a lot of people miss out on this very important rule. Marriage should not be used to fix something. Marriage is for people who share one love. It is not about needs being fulfilled. It is about loving a person and choosing to be with that person, not out of duty but out of genuine and heartfelt love.

Alex, you realized that it would have been better had you not married your wife when you met the girl you truly love. But it's too late to even think of having a relationship with her. You are two people caught in the wrong place and time and I don't see anything that could make it right except the love that you feel for each other. I have always said, time and again, that loving someone is not a sin. It is what people do when they feel they are in love that usually gets them into trouble. And even if you feel that loving her is the right thing to do, it still isn't.

The greatest challenge to a marriage comes when someone gets into the picture and steals the scene. Your challenge, Alex, is how to keep your marriage alive and how to keep your heart from dying inside. You have to play a fair game. If we all allow our marriages to be threatened by someone who can offer us something better, then all of us would be miserable because there would always be better partners than the ones that we have now.

It eventually becomes a matter of contentment. Let us try to make our marriages work even if at times we lose our interest in them. Let us always remember being blessed is not always in finding someone new to love but in being able to continue to love someone whom we have always had, and making that love grow each and every single day.

Joe

Between Love and Friendship

2004-10-24T20:18:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango

Dear Joe,

Just call me Anna. I'm a fine arts student in a long-term and happy relationship. But I am tormented right now by some feelings that I cannot explain.

While I've been in a satisfying five-year relationship, I have this friend that I have feelings for. He's special but I never told him that for fear of losing our friendship. But it sometimes feels like he has some feelings for me, too. Joe, if that is true, how does one know for sure?

My friend and I used to be classmates before we became very close friends. All this time, I have told myself that it was nothing but friendship. But when my boyfriend and I broke up, this friend was always there for me. He helped me through those three months of sadness. In fact our classmates thought that he was courting me because he would always bring me home in his car. But to me, it was just an act of generosity. Besides, we'd always go as a group. I'd often stay in the back seat with our other friends. Often I'd see

him staring at me from the car's rear view mirror. When I'd catch his eye, he'd shift his glance to our other friends. He would also treat me out often and take me to places with beautiful scenery. When we were new friends, he told me how he envied my boyfriend for having a girl like me.

When my boyfriend came back to me, my friend continued to send me sweet messages that made my boyfriend jealous. He became a constant source of discord between us. While I defended him for being just a friend, deep inside I knew that I felt something for him. He has no girlfriend, and my other friends say it is probably because of me. But this friend would firmly answer in the negative. It was his choice and besides, he says, he doesn't have plans of stealing somebody else's girl. But he remains silent about his feelings. If actions do speak louder than words, what should my conclusion be?

I don't have any plans to break up with my boyfriend, for my family likes him a lot and that matters to me. All I want to know, just before graduating, is if I am special to this friend in the way that he is special to me. Joe, is this love or friendship?

Yours truly,
Anna

Dear Anna,

Sometimes the line that separates friendship and love becomes obscure because our emotion crosses beyond that which is spoken, and expresses itself openly in actions and gestures that speak more of love than friendship.

Honestly, I believe that your friend is very fond of you. It pleases him to see you happy and he takes it upon himself to be responsible for your safety. He likes to secretly stare at you because you occupy a special place in his heart. He could have had everything set out perfectly, except for one thing. He never told you what it all meant. He never said what he truly feels for you. He is a classic example of a man who has a very big heart but a very small voice.

Anna, I know that you have a feeling that he likes you too. You just need affirmation that what you feel is true. I don't see anything wrong in that. What I am afraid of is what happens if you find out that it is true, that he could have been loving you from a distance all these years.

You could be missing an opportunity to be fair to yourself. All I can say is that you shouldn't stay with your boyfriend simply because your family likes him. You should stay with him because you love him. But if you are caught between your strong feelings for your best friend and your commitment to your boyfriend then you've got a lot of thinking to do. Remember, love sometimes sneaks up from the most surprising places at the most unexpected time. Let us just make sure that we are able to make sensible decisions when that happens because sometimes it is the love by accident and not the love that was contemplated that takes hold of our hearts and keeps it forever.

Joe

Don't Look Back

2004-10-13T18:33:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango

Dear Joe,

Call me Eli. I met Tammy in August 1995. She was a freshman psychology student, while I was a senior engineering student. She was one of the applicants in an organization I belonged to. She's very cute and exuberant, is enthusiastic, and has a spunky attitude.

I got to know her when she interviewed me the next month. At first she asked the required questions. I answered them in a mechanical manner. Then she playfully asked who my crush in the organization was. I said she's an applicant.

She suddenly turned red and when she egged me to be more precise, I said I couldn't. She then asked about my lovelife. Basically they were emotionally painful experiences. She listened very intently. After while, It was my turn to ask about her. She said she had boyfriends in high school but considers them just puppy loves.

She was a good conversationalist and we talked for about two hours. Tammy and I really enjoyed each other's company. One time we watched a school play. It was already dark when the play ended. While we were walking outside under the light of the moon and stars I suddenly held her hands. She was not surprised. She simply looked at me and pressed my hands. My heart leapt with joy at that moment.

We went steady; each day spent with her was filled with joy and affection. She told me our relationship was very different from previous ones and she loved me very much.

First week of February 1996, she asked me to accompany her to a hospital to visit Rene, one of her "puppy loves." He was also a freshman in our school. He was very sick and doctors said he had about a year to live. A week later Tammy broke up with me. He had asked her to come back to him if only for his remaining days.

I gave in and conceded. I was very impressed with Tammy beneath her seemingly childish ways was a generous and compassionate heart. Seven months passed and Tammy avoided my calls. She was now a sophomore. Finally in September we met again. It was our first anniversary. She said Rene's health was greatly improving. While she was talking she avoided looking at me and said she really loved Rene. I was hurt. I told her she was only conditioning her mind to prove to Rene that her intentions were true and not borne out of pity. She walked away.

Last December I chanced upon Tammy at an annual Christmas event at the campus. She was at the exact position where she and I watched the same event the previous year. Only this time it was someone else who was holding her hands--Rene. I was taken aback and almost cried. It was the saddest December of my life.

It is now 1997 and my love for Tammy still burns. I sometimes ask myself why everytime I fall in love it fails, and why there are so few girls like Tammy in this world.

There are things I'm planning to do. I'm hoping that everything will turn out right.

Sincerely,
Eli

Dear Eli,

The only way to find out if someone really loves you is to set her free and let her choose her own way. It takes trust and unconditional love to do this. You have given her the freedom to explore her feelings for Rene. That, I believe, is one of love's ultimate expressions-- to be able to deny ourselves of our own happiness and sacrifice our feelings for someone we truly care about.

Hard as it is, you simply have to accept the fact that Tammy loves Rene more than she loves you. Believe me, it's better she left you rather than kept you hanging on.

If you keep on bitterly grieving over what could have been then you can never be better. For what you nurture in your heart is a disease that will slowly eat you up and leave you hopelessly alone in the end. Remember, losing Tammy doesn't mean you have failed; it simply means she wasn't meant for you. There may only be one Tammy in this world but you'll find someone better if you'd only open your heart.

We should only cry over the past once, then that's enough. Life can go on even without Tammy. Don't look back for there are no more feelings to hold on. Look ahead and you'll see the many great opportunities that await those who give themselves the chance to live and love again.

Joe

Doomed from the Start

2004-10-12T22:42:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango

Dear Joe,

First of all, I would like to commend you on your column. Not only has sharing true-to-life experiences touched our emotions, but the advice that you give is very practical and straightforward.

My name is Jojo and I'm 28 years old, working full time in our family business. As a manufacturer, we often get calls from magazine and newspaper companies asking us to advertise on their periodicals. One time, a woman dropped by the office and offered me to promote our products on their magazine. Her name was Gail and she was quite attractive. After a few meetings, I decided to consider her offer and reserve an ad.

From time to time, she would page me sweet nothings, like asking me to take care of myself, or to have a wonderful weekend. At first, I thought it was part of the business, but I remembered that I had given her the payment so it wasn't necessary to page me anymore.

Joe, she would often call me up at the office, around three to four times a day, and at home during the evening. It was during one of our conversations that I found out she was married and has two kids. I also found out that during her five-year marriage, her husband would often beat her up. I stood by her side to comfort her and as the days passed by, I couldn't help myself from caring for her.

Joe, Gail was so sweet and kind to me. She would bake for me and bring lunch over at the office. One day, I was surprised when she paged me a message saying that she loves me.

It wasn't long when I learned she had left her husband and moved to her mother's place. We had a relationship and I never felt so happy. She was all I ever wanted in a woman. Her husband would often visit her and convince her to come back but it was all too late, or so I thought.

One morning I was told that she left for the province but I had a different feeling about it. Through my persistence, I was able to find out the truth that she went back to her husband. She told me it was all for the kids but she knew very well that I was willing to take her and her kids and treat them like my own.

So she went back to her mother's house because she realized she didn't want to lose me. I forgave her and accepted her. But just as our relationship was sailing perfectly well, she disappeared again. History repeated itself again. It was Christmas time and all I did was sulk and cry. She never even thought of how I would feel. I was really hurt, Joe.

She wanted to fix her life without me, so after all the waiting and patiently receiving the blows from her emotional frustrations and anger from her husband's lack of responsibility, I was left alone all over again. It was then that I finally decided to act on what is best for me.

It has been three months now. I am slowly coping with my everyday activities but I haven't fully recovered from this traumatic experience. I have never loved anyone like this. From time to time, Joe, I would still get painful lapses in my heart whenever I am reminded of her.

What is so painful is that she was the one who made the first move towards having a relationship. Why didn't she consider what I would have felt? Why did she let me fall in love with her? She knew she was married, so why did she allow herself to fall for someone else?

Even if everyone disagrees with our relationship, I still fought for her; she left three times and each time she came back she would swear never to leave me again only to break her promises in the end. I tried extremely hard to make this work and I was very patient with her. I guess my only mistake was to love her honestly, truthfully and sincerely.

Joe, if it weren't for the kind understanding of my family and the consistent support of my good friends, most probably, I wouldn't be here writing this letter.

Now I realized that what we had going was a sin and I knew that I had to end this affair. But how can I keep the pain from numbing my senses? Joe, she has rained my life and left me with no peace in mind, and for that I could never forgive her.

Thank you very much and God bless you and your family.

Best regards,
Jojo

Dear Jojo,

Everyone knows that an affair with a married person will always be doomed from the start. Not even what others feel as love would be enough to justify illicit intimacy. But it still happens because most of the time strong passionate desires run over our will to do what is right. Sometimes we simply ignore our conscience and just go with the flow of our impaired judgement and biased emotions.

Jojo, you're lucky you have your family and friends. Others have to go through all of the hurt in their lives all by themselves. Don't try to blame Gail for what you feel. None of these would have happened hadn't you allowed yourself to fall for her charms.

Somehow, you have to admit that you were flattered by her sweetness and the attention she had given you. You gave in even if you knew right from the start that you were on the losing end of a relationship that was never meant for you.

You will never find the peace that you are searching for unless you learn to accept your fate. Unless you find a space in your heart to forgive her. I don't think she ruined your life. You alone are responsible for your actions. Don't pass the blame on anybody. We are what we make our lives, Jojo. Others may fail us but they can only ruin us if we allow them to.

Jojo, don't be bitter because you have loved at all. If we lose someone, that means someone even better is yet to come. Let us always remember that only when we leave our bitterness behind can the love that we have lost be able to find its way into our hearts again.

Joe

He Is Afraid Of Being Turned Down By His Friend

2004-10-11T19:19:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango

DEAR Joe,

I am Matthew, 22 years old, single and a graduate of a one-year computer course. I live a very simple life. I usually stay at home and take care of my three-year-old brother because until now I am not lucky enough to have a job

On July 28, 1993 my life took a big turn when my best friend Jake invited me to join their fellowship meeting held every Wednesday at a nearby congregation. I am a Catholic, who goes to mass every Sunday with my family. I make novenas, especially when I have special intentions. The fellowship meeting helped me view things in an optimistic way. I became a regular member so every Wednesday I pray and worship with my "brothers and sisters." God has not answered some of my prayers but I know He will in time. On Aug. 18, 1993, I met Kate. She ís 21 years old and a new member of our fellowship. She is very attractive, intelligent and has a great sense of humor. We became friends. We always talk about love, past affairs, how we got hurt and what we have learned from our heartaches. We were so comfortable with each other and soon, I felt my heart skip a beat every time we're together
My friend Jake knows I love her but he also knows that I am afraid of being turned down because I don't have any job and I cannot offer her anything but my love. She just might not be interested in someone like me. All my friends tell me to give it a try but I don't have the courage to tell her what I really feel.

Kate has a lot of suitors but she has not answered any of them yet. I'm afraid that one day she might fall in love and I will be left waiting and crying. I don't want to see that day because I cannot afford to lose her. I'm helplessly in love but I always find myself speechless whenever I get the chance to tell her those three little words that I have kept in my heart for so long. What should I do?

MATTHEW

I'm glad that you wrote because most men would rather keep their feelings inside than let them out in the open and be vulnerable. I know how you feel. I have felt that way many times before and I still get tongue-tied and afraid at times. This is the very same fear that will keep us away from the things that we treasure and the people we love. Most women prefer men who are honest and sincere. They don't rely on their feelings that can often be misleading. They do listen to our actions but they don't want to get into guesswork. They love to hear our thoughts and see them transform into small gestures that prove our claim. If you keep your feelings for Kate to yourself then you will never have the chance to know how she really feels for you.

There are a hundred different ways to show you care. You can start by picking out wild flowers that you'll see on your way to the church and carefully arranging them where it will catch Kate's attention. Slip a note that says how you feel about her. And don't ever make the mistake of signing it with someone else's name or initials. Write your name and make sure she knows it came from you. Be creative and adventurous. Saying "I love you" need not be expensive or extravagant. Words that come straight from the heart are far more valuable than any gift money could buy. It's now or never. It's better to get hurt because we have been true to our feelings than to be hurt because we never had the courage to express them.

Love,
Joe

Bizarre Love Triangle

2004-10-10T19:17:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango

Dearest Joe,

I've been a regular follower of lovenotes and I never thought that it would be my turn now to seek for your advice. My painful story happened in my workplace . The people concerned are my co-workers who happened to be the people closest in my life.

Jay had been my very first friend in the office. He is really very kind and even if he was a real suplado, we got along very well. My parents separated and I was in deep sorrow but I had no one to turn to coz my friends were so busy and were out of reach.

Jay had to go to the province to visit his ailing mom. I felt all alone although he would call me once in a while. It was during his absence that I became close to Lisa, an officemate who was like the black sheep in the office. She has no permanent friends because she's really childish and impulsive. She was the first person who noticed I wasn't feeling fine. She always checked on me and was concerned on how I was doing. She's very sweet and thoughtful although she is really very childish at that and a real spoiled brat. It was a good thing I'm a very patient person. I was the only one who understood her. She was with me during the time when I was so sad, although she had given me so many headaches, I was still thankful that she was there for me when I needed her.

Jay went back to work after a week and I was really happy. I told her about Lisa. He never liked her and asked me to stay away from her but I didn't want to leave. Lisa alone just like that so he had no choice. It wasn't long when the three of us became good friends. Jay finally proposed but I only wanted him to be a friend at that time. Just like Lisa, he became very sweet to me and would always take me home after office. Lisa knew there was something special about our friendship and so she stood as the bridge for the two of us.

After 3 months, I answered Jay. We decided to keep it from Lisa for 3 weeks and when she knew about it, she said she was a bit disappointed with us for not telling her right away. But, things went smoothly again. The three of us would go out again just like before. Everything went fine for a year for the three of us until one day, I just felt something was wrong already. Jay and Lisa became very sweet to each other. I confronted jay and told him that I needed a little respect. I wanted Lisa to keep her distance at least to define their friendship properly and to acknowledge that I'm Jay's girlfriend.

The next day, Lisa started ignoring. Jay told her about our conversation. He said I was being unfair to Lisa for thinking that way. I never argued with him about it and I just left. He didn't even bother to call me so I decided to beep him and end everything.

Lisa talked to me and patched up everything. Jay and I were back in each other's arms. I gave him another chance for he was sincere when he apologized. Lisa, decided to resign after a month to give Jay and I the space we needed. We tried to stop her but to no avail. On her last day the three of us went out.

We all cried to dinner. When I came home I called up Lisa but she was not home yet. I kept on calling Jay until 2:30 AM and his brother said he won't go home that night. Joe, I never slept the whole night. I was in deep pain. I was hoping my senses were not right.

The next day, I never approached Jay but he was not in a good mood due to hang over. He never even bothered to greet me 'good morning'. We never really talked in the office until when I was about to go home. I asked him what he has done. He confessed everything. Lisa invited him to go out that night for the last time because she wanted to ask him what she could give me as a remembrance. He agreed because he thought it would be a nice surprise, but things turned out differently. She invited him to go out and drink as a farewell celebration. Jay was not a drinker so after just 3 glasses of beer, he was already dizzy but they still went on. He never stopped because he doesn't want to be the one who will go down first. But Lisa was a seasoned drinker.

He said that when he woke up, he just found himself in bed with Lisa. Yes, something happened that night Jay was very angry that he just left Lisa who was still sleeping that time. He showed me the messages of Lisa, asking for forgiveness and asking to return her call so they could talk properly but he never called her. He was crying so hard and he kept on saying sorry to me in between sobs. I cried so hard, too. I didn't know what to do. I felt everything fell on me. I felt the deepest pain in my life, being hurt by my boyfriend and close friend.

I decided to end everything but he refused. But my decision was very final. I ignore him in the office, even if it tears my heart apart. I feel like crying every time I see him. Everytime we talk about our work. He never fails to say "good morning" when I arrive at the office. He still calls me but I would always find an excuse to hang up. Lisa called me up one day only to say sorry but she has fallen deeply in love with Jay and that she believes it's not her fault if she's done such a thing. I just ignored her and made her realize I've been a very good friend to her that she has never been to me. We both cried and I hung up. I never bothered to talk to her since then . She has sent me a lot of letters already but I never read any of them.

It's so hard to forgive. She still beeps Jay but he never called her again. Jay still calls me every night. We still talk about the usual things but it's so hard to bring back the old glow. He still loves me and I still Love him so much. Nothing has changed, Joe. I still want him back but it's not easy to accept him again after all he has done to hurt me. What will I do??? I don't want to lose him but I don't want to be hurt that way again...
Please advice us on this. We both listen to your lovenotes every Friday.

Thank you so much,
Lonely Ina

Dear Ina,

When someone we love breaks our hearts the pain it brings creeps into the deepest recesses of our souls and tears us apart. We are raged with hatred and harbor nothing but anger.

Sadly, just when our anger subsides, our ego takes over. Sometimes a hurt pride takes a lifetime longer to heal and this usually gets in the way of a peaceful reconciliation if, our efforts would lead to it at all.

We may never find the best foot to put forward because we are always taken aback by our own pride and dignity.

You can point your blame on Jay and Lisa all your life, but that would not change anything anymore. No amount of regret can turn the hands of time and give you the power to change what destiny has permanently etched on our lives.

Ina, you can never find rest until you finally let go of the hatred in your heart. Don't live all your life cursing Lisa for falling in love with Jay. She has laid her cards and asked for forgiveness . I think it's just about time you let the past rest in peace and find mercy in your heart .

Love
Joe,

She Suppresses Her Feelings For A Friend

2004-10-09T19:16:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango

HELLO Joe,

I'm typically perceived as a strong individual, easy to get along with, not that stunningly beautiful, but I do have my share of suitors. It's just that I never got interested in them, not after my last breakup three years ago.

I transferred almost two years ago to the firm I'm connected with right now. Being the friendly person that I am, I easily got close to my peers. Among them, it was Rico who seemed to appreciate me and became my constant companion. It started with Rico telling me all about his likes, his life, and his fiancée. He admitted that it was only me that he was able to confide, aside from Janine, his fiancée. Janine was working in another country and was due to return in Manila mid next year for their wedding.

I knew he just needed a listening ear. Although he admitted that he didn't mention me to Janine even once, I encouraged him to tell her about me casually, because I knew there was really nothing to hide. One early morning, he called me up to tell me that he and Janine had a misunderstanding because of me

He told Janine about me and that there was a possibility that he was already falling for me. Naturally, she got jealous, and mad. At that time I didn't know how to feel, but more than anything I pitied myself. I didn't have the slightest intention of doing them harm.
After that incident, I suggested to Rico that we should not spend too much time together. Things went back to normal, but still he would stay with me whenever time permits, and I would remind him of Janine.

He even went to ask me if he was falling for me, I casually told him that he just missed Janine. After all, they spent almost half of their lives together.

To make things easier for us, I kept myself busy. I'd go out with other friends and stop rendering overtime work (to the detriment of my career). And I am already entertaining suitors because I'm capable of loving again.

I've read somewhere that we shouldn't waste time to show someone we love them. In my case, I have to defy such belief. I know there are a lot of other people who are in the same predicament I'm in right now.
It's hard but we have to be strong.

There are times I just want to resign from work. I don't know how long I can hold on but still I'm hoping that we'll remain friends.

Please pray for me and for people like me.

Love,

Mia

Dear Mia,

Sometimes we wonder why just can't we fall in love and be happy. Why does there always have to be a string of constraint and confusion attached to it. Why can't we just love someone and not be guilty about feeling that way.

Mia, it's a cold hard fact, that not all the people we choose to love may be able to return the same feelings. They may either be committed to someone else or may not be interested in us at all

But, Rico must have liked you a lot for he would not have had the courage to tell his girlfriend about his feelings for you. But you knew you never wanted to be the cause of conflict so you backed off to a safe distance. I think he understood your message and somehow realized that he can never be more than a friend to you.

But, he thought wrongly. Now you are the one falling and hoping against hope that you may find love in him again.

Mia, your work doesn't have to suffer just because you have fallen in love with your officemate. You cannot turn your back from what your heart cries out for. Somehow, you would have to get your act together and deal with this sweeping emotion. How long do you think can you hide your affection that grows as each day passes? How long can you make excuses to avoid him?

Mia, sometimes the easiest way to get the weight off our chest is to honestly let the other person know how we feel. Tell Rico that you are avoiding him because you are afraid of falling in love too deep that you may never be able to get out of it. Let him know that you just wanted to get it off your chest and that you are not in any way expecting anything from him. At least you would not have to worry about him finding out from someone else. After this, close this book and go on with your life.

He may remain as your friend or you may lose him forever. But, he may also return your feelings in a way that you would never expect. Then, this would have to be a new chapter. Mia, live by the day and deal with your emotions as they come. Be honest with yourself and true to what you feel. Let us always remember that love never grows when it is secretly kept locked in our hearts. Love will only find fulfillment when it finds its way out and dwells in the heart of that person destined to keep it.

Love,
Joe

Un-virgin

2004-10-08T19:14:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango

Dear Joe,

I'm 25 years old, working in one of the most prestigious software development firms in Makati as a systems engineer.

I'm no man-hater. I've had five relationships since high school but all were failures.

I'm easily attracted to men who are tough and mature, just like my 4th boyfriend Roy, my first serious relationship. He's the kind of man any woman would want to have. He's eight years my senior, very responsible, really secure and stable.

We started going steady when I was in junior college. We went steady for almost five years. Roy and I had a real good time together, we got along pretty well, and because I felt so sure about him, we unavoidably reached the peak of intimacy.

Before I graduated from college, Roy asked me to marry him, but I refused. I asked him to wait for at least three more years. Since then, we were slowly drifting apart.

Until one day, I received a letter from him telling me he was marrying someone he had gotten pregnant. I had no other choice, I guess. I learned to live my life all over again, and pick myself up from the floor.

In the summer of 1997, I met Reggie in our company's summer outing in Palawan. We had had five long days together in a place that was almost paradise. He had been so vocal about his admiration for me.

One night, after coming home from a party where I got really drunk, he took me home to my pad, and, yes, Joe, something happened between us. He knew about Roy but I didn't mention anything about virginity.

The next morning, he was mad, saying he really felt cheated. I tried explaining I didn't have any plan of keeping the truth from him, which I was just waiting for the perfect time, but he didn't listen.

He walked out on me without a word, and had since stopped calling and eventually seeing me. I was devastated but I didn't run after him, I tried to be strong. I didn't even try calling or begging him to stay.

Three months later, I saw him again in an employee' gathering. I tried to make him feel I was okay, though deep inside I was hurting and I pitied myself.

He invited me for dinner "for old time's sake." He told me how sorry he was, that he wanted me back, so I gave him another chance. I guess I just can't say no to someone I still care for.

But, Joe, he's very different now. He hates talking about marriage. Before, when he brought me home, a goodnight kiss was enough to give him a good sleep, but now he always wants us to end up in bed. I hate the thought of being "used and abused," but this is exactly what I'm going through.

Joe, does he really love me? Did he really accept me regardless of my past? I feel so stupid about these things. I want to break up with him and start things all over again.

My family doesn't know what has just transpired in my life. I don't want to disappoint them because they have always been so proud of me. Please, help me. I have prayed to God a lot of times and I know He hears me.

After Reggie, would there be another man who might just use me upon learning of my past? I'm afraid this kind of relationship might just go on in an endless circle. I'm confused.

Last week, I got an e-mail from Roy, saying he's now separated from his wife, he has taken custody of their child because he's more financially capable. He said he still loves me more than anyone else and wants me back.

I want to accept him back, but things are more complicated now. He's married, and I don't want to be a mistress forever.

Sincerely,
Mitch

Dear Mitch,

Virginity has always been a sensitive issue in many relationships. There are men who still value greatly a woman's chastity and would always want to have her first.

But the sad fact is, not all first relationships become our last, and many women lose their virginity to their first boyfriends. Does this mean these women are doomed to fail in their succeeding relationships?

Well, I don't think so. Many women do not end up with their first beaus but they end up with happy marriages. I believe virginity would only become an issue if there is no transparency in a relationship.

If you made a mistake in giving in to your first relationship, then you should have made sure your next boyfriend knew he wasn't the first. This is where many relationships have been strained—women taking the risk of not telling their boyfriends about it. Men are likely to discover it one way or another, and if you take them by surprise, they would feel cheated, get mad, and get even. Then you can bid your relationship good-bye again.

But what's done is done. No woman goes to the doctor to have her virginity stitched back. She just has to go on and find someone who would accept her for what she was and love her for what she is.

A man who loves you would care less about your past, but a man who doesn't would use it to hurt you.

Reggie doesn't love you, he just wants you. Don't waste your life wanting him, or you'll just end up miserable, knowing you've been used and abused by someone who has never cared about you at all.

Pray for strength so you would have enough courage to resist him, and live your life the way you should. Stop hurting yourself and don't think you'll never find someone who can embrace your past.

Give yourself a chance, and you'll find the man whose love will see beyond your mistakes—the man who will understand you for all that you have been, accept you for what you have become, and love you for what you truly are.

Love,
Joe

She Is Confused About The True Feelings Of Her Suitor Whom She Likes

2004-10-07T19:14:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango

Dear Joe,

I just came out of a relationship and promised myself not to jump into another one for the meantime. But I guess fate has its own plans for me. After learning that I had broken up with my boyfriend, a friend of mine started looking for an eligible replacement. She introduced me to Gem and his best friend, Gary. After that, when Gem and I pass each other, exchange of words was limited to just "hi's" and "hello's". But it was different in the case of his best friend. Gary started courting me. Sensing that his best friend was not making any progress to win my affection, Gem stepped in and started playing bridge. But every time he put in a good word for Gary, I just shrugged it off and simply told him that I was not interested. For that reason, Gem and I became close and eventually started liking each other. Gary, on the other hand, realizing that there was no hope, left me alone and stopped courting me. But it wasn't that easy.

Gem told me how much he regretted it when he wasn't able to tell me earlier what he really felt. But although he like me so much, he said that he just couldn't be involved with me. Doing so, according to him, would appear that he was betraying his best friend. He told me that Gary still loves me and he didn't want him to get hurt. He can't afford losing Gary's trust and friendship. Gem kept on sending me missed signals and it made me really confused. Although I like hi, so much, I didn't give in to my emotions 'cause his real intentions were not clear. I don't want to invest into something that might lead to nowhere. But despite all this, we both knew that the feeling was mutual, only that, we were both having difficulty coming into terms with the situation.

But the worst part was yet to come. My friend asked me if there was really something going on between Gem and I. I denied it 'cause there was really nothing to tell. I told her that I felt Gem was courting me but I was not sure whether to take him seriously or not. My friend, probably not content with what I said, came up to Gem without my knowledge and asked the same question. What he told my friend really hurt and wounded my ego. I learned from her that Gem denied that he was courting me and said that he was just being nice to me for the sake of Gary. I thought that there was really something special going on between us. But I was wrong.

I never really confronted him regarding the matter. It was better this way than risking myself and be hurt all over again. I started avoiding him and began acting cold and distant. He was really surprised with my actions but I didn't care. He deserved it anyway. The last time we talked over the phone, I was really surprised when he told me that he knew the reason I was acting strange toward him and that was because of something what my friend has told me. I denied it and told him that my friend has nothing to do with it. He told me not to believe any of those things but I was too stubborn to listen to him. He never called me since then.

It has been two months since our last conversation and I'm starting to miss him. I do have my pride and it will really kill me to make the first move. I don't want give him the satisfaction of seeing me softening toward him. After all, I was the one who was hurt and he was the one who led me on. Am I wrong not to give him a chance to explain his side? Whom shall I believe? I am trying to forget him but it's not that easy since until now I am still wondering if those very words really came from the person whom I learned to trust and like very much. Did he really like me or was just playing a game at my expense?

ARIANNE

Sometimes, the difficulty of being a woman is being too forward in vague relationships. A lot of men are afraid to show their feelings. They are not too vocal about their sentiments either. They send confusing signals that are quite difficult, if not too presumptuous, to interest.

Your friendship with Gem deserves the benefit of an honest-to-goodness dialogue. Relying on and acting upon information from a third party which may sometimes be inaccurate can have devastating results. A person's interpretation of the emotion of someone else can be different and may not always be reflective of his true feelings. Talking to Gem doesn't mean that you value the importance of an open and honest communication which leads to better understanding.

A lot of relationships fail to blossom because people are afraid to express their feelings. They love to give meaning to unspoken signals and judge a person's action without looking beyond what might have driven them to act that way. They tell others but not the person involved and soon, they suffer in silence, unmindful of the storm that they stir inside them. Each unspoken word and repressed feeling feed energy to this stir of emotions that may one day just explode and destroy the very relationship people are trying to build together.

Communication is the lifeblood of every relationship. We should not be afraid to ask questions and to answer truthfully when there are queries. Only when we are honest with ourselves and those around us can we see beyond the smile or the frown. Only when we listen with our hearts can we understand the meaning of silence and hear the words that are never spoken.

Love,
Joe

Tired of Falling In and Out of Love

2004-10-06T19:09:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango

Dear Joe,

I've been through a lot of broken relationships, broken promises and a lot of pain too. One relationship in particular was when I had a boyfriend who's married with 2 kids. It was not very easy being in that kind of relationship. I soon realized that we were just infatuated with each other, driven by lust and passion.

Marc came along when I was grieving over my past relationship. We met when I was in Puerto Galera with my sister. He was her boss. We became instant friends and I have told him everything about me, including my secret "affair" with the married man. I knew he could see right through me. He offered to be my friend. I trusted him so much that I became blind, not seeing who he really was. I became deaf, not hearing what everyone else was saying about him.

Joe, we started going out without my sister's knowledge. I fell in love so hard & started expecting things would eventually turn out well. After just a month, something happened between us. Two days later, he texted me & said that he was bothered & confused. He was afraid he might have gotten me pregnant.

Joe, I assured him I wasn't pregnant. I was hoping for a commitment that he couldn't give because he's still waiting for Pam, his ex-girlfriend. He said it would be unfair if he could not return what I feel for him. I was really hurt & told him that he just used me. He said that he had no intention of taking advantage of me. Joe, he wants us to act as if nothing happened but I can't. I never wanted him to think that I was pressuring him to do something that he didn't want to do so I just stopped.

Joe, I thought I would be able to move on, go on with my life and just forget about this whole damn thing. But I was so wrong. I couldn't get him out of my mind, my heart & my life. I would say that what we had ended easily as it started. It was just like a wind that blew across our path. He was everything to me but he had hurt me so much that now I became a man hater. I suddenly realized after knowing him that all men are just the same.

Joe, he was the 3rd man in my life who just wanted to have sex with me and after getting what they wanted didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. Was it my fault that I trusted so much & gave everything to make my men happy? I know that there's nothing wrong with me, physically & emotionally. But why do these men seek nothing but pleasure from me?

Joe, I'm just so tired of falling in and out of love. I want someone to spend & share the rest of my life with. I still want Marc. But what am I going to do? Please help me Joe. Help me win him back. I love him so much….and it hurts because I still couldn't let go.

Joe, I don't want to be a man hater all my life. But right now, that's just how I feel. Please help me.

Thank you so much & may God bless you, your show and your new radio station!!!

Love,
April

Dear April,

There is a big difference between loving someone and wanting someone. You still want Marc but don't think that desire is driven by genuine love. Marc, just like the other two men in your life just wanted to get a piece of the action. They would never even come close to committing themselves to any form of relationship with you. Not that you are unworthy but It was clear that they were just after the physical satisfaction that they could get from you. They must have really wanted you but then again, that desire cannot be used to define the true meaning of love.

April, we all know how some men can cunningly deceive women into giving what they want and then excuse themselves from any responsibility afterwards. Stumbling on the same stone three times, however, should not be enough reason for you to hate them in general. Not all men are like Marc. There are still many who are brave enough to face the consequences of their actions. Men with respect. Men who can love without price.

April, in true relationships, commitment comes before physical intimacy. Men who just want to have sex and refuse responsibility are just self-centered individuals who think only of their own satisfaction. These people will never have any place in lasting relationships where the real foundation of love is built on unselfish commitment, trust and respect.

Love,
Joe

He Wants to Say Sorry to the Girl He Left Behind

2004-10-05T19:07:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango

Dear Joe,

Just call me Stephen. I am 27 years old and working for a multinational firm as an Engineer. I've had several relationships and one had brought me to married life just recently. I have a happy marriage and I don't have any regrets.

My problem is with my most recent before I met my wife. I have to admit, that I was not the easiest guy to get along with at that time. I was always jealous, and I would always feel that my ex-girlfriend, Anne, didn't really love me.

We worked at the same office. She was my first serious girlfriend. Although I've had girlfriends before, Anne was actually the one that I had planned to marry. I wanted her to meet my parents but she was anxious about it. So, I secretly arranged for my parents to meet us somewhere and join us for dinner. This offended her and started a lot of arguments . Joe,, I saw a side of Anne that I had never seen before.

During our arguments, Anne would always threaten to break up with me. One time, we actually did. Then, I begged her to come back to me promising that I would change. I tried to tame my jealous streaks and mood swings, but Anne did the reverse, she was the one throwing the jealous streaks at me, especially when she met one of my officemates, May.

May was very close to me, and to everybody else, except for Anne. She would tell me that Anne was snobbish. She actually was, most of the time. This remark outraged Anne. She would always pin May on our arguments, and when I couldn't take it anymore, I decided to call it quits.

I had a "rebound" relationship with a girl named Jane but it didn't last long. I decided to break up with her and went back to Anne again. Anne took me back, but then things went worse. Anne didn't change. She would order me around and I felt that she was taking advantage of me, since I was the one who wooed her back. Finally, I got tired of it all and just left her without breaking up. We never called or talked to each other after that.

I was so depressed at that time, I had no one to turn to, except May who became my best friend and eventually my wife. I resigned from my job at that time and married May.

But just recently, I met one of my peers and she told me that Anne had cried upon knowing I got married to May, she became depressed and distant to everyone. She's still single and doesn't want to entertain suitors anymore. Joe, I felt guilty upon knowing that so I tried to call her to say sorry, but she said she didn't want to talk to me anymore. I decided to leave her alone and at best not to bother her again. But a part of me still feels guilty, because I didn't get the chance to say sorry. How can I tell her sorry if she doesn't want to talk to me? Is it ok just to leave it that way? I hope you can help me.

Sincerely,
Stephen

Stephen,

When we marry someone, we should close the old chapters of our lives and give way to open a new one. Unfortunately, there has been no closure between you and Anne. You just drifted apart without really being certain about the final status of your relationship. She was devastated when she found out that you married May because she was hoping that you still might come back again.

Stephen, if it would make you feel better saying sorry, then do so. If she doesn't want to give you a chance to be heard then send her a written apology. This gesture could probably bring the finality your failed relationship needed. Maybe, this could help her take a step forward and move on. This could also relieve you of your guilt that has been constantly bothering you.

I believe in destiny. I believe that there is one person who would walk into our lives and share it with us forever. There is a reason why relationships fail. There is a reason why jealousy poisons our feelings. There is a reason for everything that happens in our lives. Sometimes, these reasons are difficult to understand. But, there are times when we don't have to , we just have to accept them and live the life that was destined for us. You have found your life, Stephen. Live it the way you should. Love your wife and find joy and happiness in Gods' greatest gift: your marriage.

Love,Joe

The Boy Outside My Window

2004-10-04T19:05:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango

Dear Joe,

Hi! I'm an avid listener of your program, but I never thought I would be writing you to pour out my feelings. Joe, is it true that looks are not everything? Most people claim that physical appearance doesn't matter when it comes to love. It's what's inside the person that counts. I used to say that, too, until I was asked that question when it wasn't hypothetical anymore. I had to search deep inside my heart, but my pride and ego answered for me instead. This is where my story begins.

Joe, I've lived in a small village all 15 years of my life. I wasn't the type who liked socializing. I would prefer to stay in my room, read a book or look out of the window. Actually, the view from my window peers into the room of the next house, but no one lived there for a while. At least not until summer came.

The summer before my last year in high school, my friends were all gone for vacation and it seemed that I would spend that summer locked in my room. It was during one of these days that I noticed someone had moved into the house next door. That night, I saw a guy sitting by the window playing the guitar. He looked up, met my gaze and smiled. I knew at that moment, that my life would never be the same.

His name is Tristan. He was 18 years old and an incoming college freshman. I remember thinking how cute he was with his clean-cut hair and fair complexion. He was very friendly and from our respective windows, we talked for hours about everything. It was such a surprise to discover how many things we had in common. We finally ended our conversation when the sky turned black, but I knew it was the start of a wonderful friendship.

For the next few weeks, we established some sort of routine. In the mornings, he would throw tiny pebbles on my window to catch my attention. We would then spend the day talking to each other through our windows. We even played ball that way, throwing it back and forth. I guess he was a good ball player because he would always catch the ball sitting down.

He seemed to be like me, he was always in his room, usually sitting by the window. It never bothered me that we always talked from our rooms, like two prisoners in separate towers. I thought our setup was cute, but I looked forward to the day we would actually be together.

One day, he told me that he used to be a wild, risk-taking guy, until he had a bad motorcycle accident a couple of years ago. He said it was traumatic for him, both physically and mentally. He seemed to want to say more but it was clear that his memories of the crash were painful. And I didn't want to pry.

Besides, his past didn't matter. I actually admired him for being so honest, and I knew that I liked him a lot more than when I first met him. In fact, I was convinced that he was my prince. That night, as I was about to sleep, a pebble hit my window. When I opened my window, Tristan threw a basketball at me, smiled and closed his window. He had written the words, "Jet Aime" on the ball.

Unable to control my curiosity, I asked my mother what it meant and she said that it meant "I love you" in French. I felt I was in some kind of a dream, the kind you never want to awaken from. Since then, I felt a bond forming between Tristan and me. Was it deeper than friendship? M.U.? Love? All I knew was it was something really good!

It was around mid-May when my friends came back home and I told them about Tristan. They were all happy and wanted to meet the guy who made my heart beat faster so they invited the two of us to a dinner dance party. I eagerly agreed. It was the push I needed to spend a day with him away from our houses. It took a lot of convincing to make him go. He told me that he hadn't been to a party in a long time, that he doesn't dance and that my friends might not like him.

But I overcame his excuses and convinced him to go, despite the fact that he wasn't as thrilled as I was. The night of the party, I took pains in dressing. When his car stopped in front of our house, I expected to see him driving but instead, he had a driver who opened the door for me.

Inside the car, Tristan looked even more handsome at close range. When we arrived, the driver opened my door and I waited beside the car for the driver to open the door for Tristan. I thought it odd that the driver opened the trunk first. I stopped breathing when he took out a pair of crutches and that was when I knew, Joe.

The motorcycle accident had made Tristan a crippled, disabled man. He had tried telling me before, but I had been too engrossed in my royal prince beliefs to listen. For a moment I wished he would laugh and say it was a joke, but he didn't. I tried to act as if nothing was wrong, but I wasn't very convincing, and neither were my friends. They shook his hand, but kept on glancing at his legs and crutches.

The tension was so great that I wished the earth would open up and swallow me. It was clear that I wasn't enjoying my evening and neither was he. We left the party early, and we were so eager to go home that we didn't talk on the way back, and practically said goodbye with a tone of relief.

As shocked as I was about my discovery, I felt guilty about how unfairly I had treated him. I know that nobody's perfect, but I was never faced with the challenge of accepting the disability of a person I want to be more than a friend to. His condition hit me so hard that I couldn't immediately get over it.

I was so disappointed so I hid from Tristan and refused to answer the pebbles that hit my window. I don't remember when I pulled myself together to apologize for how I acted, I just know it was when the pebbles stopped hitting my window. I waited and waited but it never came.

I finally found out that Tristan was going to the US for treatment. I finally had the courage to go to his house. But his 15-year-old sister told me that Tristan had left two days ago with their mom. With the surgery and continuous therapy, he would be gone indefinitely. I was about to ask for an address or phone number when she asked if I was the neighbor that Tristan used to talk to everyday. I said yes, hoping he had left a message or even a letter for me, but instead she gave me the cold treatment.

She told me, you know, Tristan couldn't stop talking about you since the first day you met, until the time he left. He said he knew you were disappointed with him, but he also told me how disappointed he was with you and with that, she thanked me for my concern and ended our conversation.

Joe, I desperately want to make amends with Tristan but is he willing to listen to me? I have learned my lesson and am willing to admit my mistake, if only he will let me. I realize that whether or not he recovers, cripple or not, he is still the friend I made through my window, the kind I never thought I would have and the friend I grew to like, perhaps even love.

After thinking about this for a long time, I have finally learned to look beyond the physical. Now that I am ready to tell him, I don't care about your disability, there is no way to let him know. He may not come back for a long time, and I have wrecked my relationship with his family before it has even started. I shudder at the thought of not seeing him again, waiting helplessly to hear from him, and if I do, of him not forgiving me.

But for now, it seems that all I can do is wait and hope that he will be willing to pick up where we left off. Right now, I am blinded by depression and loneliness. Maybe there is an option I have failed to see and explore. I hope you and your listeners can lead me to it.

The only thing that gets me through is the hope that one day, I will open my window again and see him, sitting on a chair by the window. He will look up, meet my gaze and smile. Whether he stands up on his own or stays seated like before, well, I can now say for certain it doesn't matter at all. Joe, thank you for your time, and for choosing my letter. I hope your listeners will be able to learn from my bitter experience that it is true, looks aren't everything.

Thank you and God bless you all.

Sincerely yours,
Angel

Dear Angel,

You cannot blame Tristan nor his family for feeling indifferent towards you. His physical disability may be a sore to the eyes but that doesn't make him less of a person. Just like you and I, he also has feelings which can be hurt and scarred by prejudice and rejection.

Angel, you know you must have hurt Tristan's family more than you have hurt him and it may seem that you'll never get a way to him through them. It may be difficult to convince them that you are sincere but you just have to try. Tell his sister how bad you felt when he left and how sorry you are for having acted the way you did. If you speak from your heart, I'm sure you'll get the address or number you need.

Send him a note or a card and tell him you regret that you have treated him indifferently. Let him know that you are honestly willing to make up for all the hurt you have caused him. Call him if you can. Express yourself with all sincerity. Let's just hope he feels it and responds positively. If he doesn't, then just keep on trying. I'm sure, in time, your efforts will be rewarded.

If everything still proves futile, then don't blame yourself anymore. At least you have tried your best. We must remember that nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes and sometimes inadvertently hurt others. But what is more important is our willingness to accept our faults and our sincerity in making up for all the pain we have caused others.

Good luck, Angel. I hope Tristan gives you the chance you deserve. I also hope that this letter will make us realize that genuine friendships are founded on respect and sincere acceptance of one and the other's incapacity and weaknesses.

It is not what we see on the outside that counts, for the real value of a person is not measured by how much he has but by the good that dwells in him and the real beauty of a person is the one not our eyes but only ours can see.

Love,
Joe

Aspiring for a Second Life

2004-10-03T21:48:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango

Dear Joe,

I've been thru several relationships trying to find the one who would complete me, until I supposedly found the "right guy" to whom I'm married right now.

Today, my marriage life is in shambles. It is in fact a total failure. We've become absolute strangers to one another. It started when I told him about my past relationships with my ex-boyfriends, as I would like to be open and honest with him and be accepted for who I am.

My husband continues to distrust me even though I've tried my best to prove him wrong. I've been subjected to so much verbal, emotional and physical (including sexual) abuse, which I think I or anybody deserves. Whenever I would not yield or give in to his "whims" (i.e. sexual demands), he would bring back the issue about my past relationships with my ex-boyfriends.

I would like to turn in a new leaf; to start anew; to straighten out my life. I would like to have a second chance whether it may be a life of single blessedness or a married life. Right now, I'm only going through the motions. I could not continue living a married life void of respect, love and trust for one another. I know I have committed the mistake of marrying for the wrong reasons (i.e. getting pregnant).

Joe, I've come to know somebody before my marriage. He had expressed his feelings for me. However, it seems it was too late for him since I was already pregnant then. We stopped communicating for about a year until recently.

He has been more than a friend to me. He understands that I'm sincere and faithful in trying to change my life for the better. Notwithstanding my marital status, he still feels the same way for me. If ever he would be given the chance, he is willing to establish a relationship with me and my 2-year old son.

I have decided to file for annulment no matter what the cost are. My friend is willing to wait. However, we both don't know until when. I've told him to go on with his life and if love would find us worthy for each other, love would find a way. Joe, I don't know how long will he wait for me. I've been trying to condition my mind to the fact that one day he won't be there anymore. Right now, I would like to have my marriage annulled; get my life back; and bring up my son in an environment of love, respect and trust. If my friend decides to stick it out for the long haul, then I would consider it a bonus.

I would like to seek your help, your counsel. My husband has been uncooperative in my efforts to annul our marriage. He is trying to win me back. However, all is now lost. I have already told him that I have lost all love, trust and respect for him. I hope he would be enlightened and realize that there is no way I am going to take another chance with him and experience the trauma all over again.

Sincerely,
Marie

Dear Marie,

It seems like your husband has not come to terms yet with your past. He still can't accept the fact that he was not the first in your life . You only had good intentions when you told him about your previous relationships but sometimes, the past is better left where it was. Not all husbands can be very open minded about their wives sexual history .

Marie, I will never condone physical and sexual abuse in any relationship. No matter how much wrong someone has done or how much pain and shame someone has inflicted upon us we do not have any right to disrespectfully mistreat anyone. Whatever it was that your husband felt upon learning your past will never be enough to justify his abusive behavior.

Marriages should be built on the foundations of love, trust and mutual respect. When these elements fade out, relationships will crumble and fall. Marie, you deserve to be treated with respect. You have the right to be happy. Not all weddings are made in heaven. Love doesn't always last forever. If this is where it will all end then let time take its course and your troubled relationship find its rest.

But do not close the doors of your heart permanently. Miracles still happen and God works in ways that are just simply unbelievable. Let us always remember that there is a reason for every trouble that comes our way. We just have to believe that they are meant to make a clear path for something better to happen in our lives.

Joe

Breaking His Heart

2004-10-02T19:21:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango

Dearest Joe,

I've been in this dilemma now for weeks. I've thought of sharing this with you because I like the way you give advice. You always opt for what is morally correct and I admire you for that. I will not be using our true names to protect our identities.

Mar and I met right after graduation when we were reviewing for the board exams. He has a GF at that time and with the way he talks about her, I could tell he really isn't serious with her. We became close. I charmed him unconsciously and my friends noticed that he's kind of 'falling for me'. I wasn't looking for a relationship at that time having just got out from a serious one right after graduation. Needless to say, he broke her girlfriend's heart and pursued me. I knew I liked him, but I was not sure at that moment if I loved him. I enjoyed his company and found it easy to confide to him. I told him the reason why I split-up with my ex-boyfriend. I told him how resent the fact that my ex was insecure, over sensitive, possessive and a little irresponsible. So, Mar wasn't all these. That's what I saw.

Joe, Mar's an immigrant and he was about to leave for the states right after board exams. We were constantly together but I never gave him any concrete answer if I love him or not or if I'll still are free if he comes back. Everything was uncertain when he left. The only thing certain then was that he's very in love with me and that I like him very much. So he left and he would write me everyday for the four months while he was away. Joe, I fell for the Mar I knew. The caring, responsible, patient and loving person that he was. We became a couple everyone approved of when he came back.

But little by little, Joe, I discovered his other side. The one he never showed me. I saw that he was insecure most of the time, possessive, impatient and untrusting - everything I hated in my ex-boyfriend. But he was loving and very attentive to me. He loves me very much and I know he would do anything to keep me. So, I endured all his shortcomings as he would endure my moods and stubbornness. I was lucky to be loved by someone like him. But time came when I felt suffocated by his too much attention.

He was about to leave for the states again and it was an opportunity I looked forward to. Finally, I can have time alone. But before Mar left, I promised him that we'd get married after about two years.

That was my mistake, Joe. I knew there were some things I hated in him and that I can not live with. My mother would always tell me, 'never expect someone to change for the better when you marry him, because there's a big possibility that he wont change and this will break your heart'. And I have always kept that in my mind.

He's been away for more than 6 months now and I find myself being attracted to other men. I don't think about him as my future husband. I'm not sweet to him anymore when we talk on the phone and I can not say 'I love you', anymore. I know he observed this and I know I should be honest with him but as much as hate being untrue, I also hate the thought of breaking his heart. You see, Joe, he loves me so much and has built a castle of dreams for me. Telling him I have fallen out of love him is like throwing a bomb on that dream. Whenever we talk on the phone, I'd wait for him to ask if something was wrong and yet I dread the thought of him asking me.

I know I should tell him the truth. The problem is how do I explain to him, to my family (who adores him), to our friends, to his family and to almost everyone who knew we're to be together forever that it won't be so.

I pray to God to help me and guide me with my decision. I know I'd be hurting him with this but I also know it is wrong if I tell him I still love him when I don't. Please guide and tell me how I should tell him gently without shattering his life.

Thank you, Joe and more power to you.

Angel

Dear Angel,

It is true that the only thing constant in this world is change. Not even love can always make a promise that it can keep forever. There are times when we are overwhelmed by our attraction towards someone. This overflowing of affection grows beyond our capacity to rightfully perceive the difference between liking and loving. These two things have a lot in common. How can we like someone if we don't have the element of love in it and how can we love someone if we don't even like that person?

Though liking and loving are similar in many ways, they are still worlds apart when they become the basis for long term commitments. When we like someone, there is always a physical trait attributed to that. There would always have to be a basis for liking that person. But we can learn to love someone who has fallen way short of our physical expectations. We can love with our eyes closed but we can like only the things we see.

Angel, you have gotten yourself into a commitment based on what you have perceived Mar to be. But he unexpectedly turned out to be exactly like your ex-boyfriend - impatient, possessive and untrusting. But now, you have already made a promise that you might not be able to keep forever. Marrying him in two years was something you just probably said out of confusion. But, it certainly didn't come from the heart. It was not a promise you made out of love but a promise out of an obligation. You have given Mar the false hope of waiting for something that isn't there anymore. Breaking that promise would surely break his heart into pieces.

But, I believe that you don't have much of an option but to be true to what you feel. You simply have to be honest in telling him that you don't feel the same anymore. It is just rather selfish because you are going to do this for yourself, more than anyone else. There is no easy way to say " I don't love you anymore." There is no easy way to break his heart because that would mean shattering his dreams as well.

It is sad because , sometimes, the people we love most are the ones who are going to hurt us most . But life is just full of surprises. Love doesn't always have happy but bitter endings. It is a reality that we have to face and a challenge that we have to endure. I just hope , Angel that for whatever it is worth, breaking up with Mar would finally give you the peace of mind and the freedom you wanted.

I also hope that this would serve as a lesson: that love should not be based on what a person is or what he is not. Love should not measure what someone has or what someone doesn't have . Love is something that we should give because we want to give it and not because we hope to get something in return. Let us always remember that only when we make relationships out of love can we have the chance to keep it and make it last forever.

Love,
Joe

There Is No Love Without Pain

2004-10-01T19:20:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango

Dear Joe,

I'm 23 years old and currently working in a large company here in Makati. I never thought that one day I'll be writing you and ask for an advice, not for me but for a friend. Let's call my friend, Marvin.
We were on our first year in college when Sheila, a friend since high school, told me her crush, that's Marvin. Joe, right from the start Sheila knew that it's just a one way thing since they still don't know each other. But still, she kept on wishing that one day they will be friends and soon will be more than friends. As a friend, I befriended Marvin to make Sheila's wish come true. I introduced Marvin to Sheila. Joe, it was just a hi and hello thing. Nothing more.

Until one day, on our third year, Sheila met a guy who looks like Marvin. The guy courted her and she didn't hesitate to answer him right away. I was shocked and asked her why so soon. Joe, it was because the guy looks like Marvin. I don't know, but I think it's not fair on the guy. I was afraid for Sheila because I believe in karma. After a few months, Sheila was so happy to share with me their happy moments together. She honestly told me that she made the right decision in answering Anthony and that she learned to love him not because of Marvin but because of what he really is. The relationship went on smoothly for almost a year.

But just like many relationships, theirs had to end. Joe, Anthony's studies suffered. His mother was blaming Sheila. That was the start of their on-and-off relationship and in the end, they broke up. It was so hard for her to accept what happened and so she kept on asking for Anthony to come back. But all she got for an answer was a NO.

Joe, during Sheila's tumultuous relationship, Marvin and I became close friends. It was then that he told me he had feelings for Sheila even before I introduced them. I kept it to myself so as not to ruin Sheila's relationship with Anthony. I never told Sheila about it even after their breakup. When Marvin learned about the break up he asked me for an advice. He asked me if it was alright for him to court Sheila. I told him that if he really as interested, then go for it. I felt excited and worried at the same time for Sheila who might not be ready for another relationship. Marvin took the risk.

Joe, they started going out. Sheila became secretive and it was Marvin who was makuwento. Marvin thought that they were already in the "M.U." stage of their relationship since Sheila was giving him goodnight kisses every time he brought her home. But I knew that Sheila was entertaining another guy. I didn't know what happened after that, I just heard that Sheila ended up with the other guy.
Years passed Joe, we graduated from college. I didn't hear from Sheila but Marvin and I kept our communication lines open until the time when I was assigned to one of our branches in Davao. After a couple of months, the next thing I knew, sila na. I was so happy for the two of them. I thought the relationship would last but it seemed like Marvin was the only one who was willing to make the relationship work. He told me that every time they saw each other, he couldn't sense Sheila's excitement. During their month-saries, it was only Marvin who remembered to greet Sheila.

I was kind of confused why Sheila was doing this to Marvin because I knew how much she liked him. I still remember her wish. I pity Marvin because I know how much he loves Sheila now. I wanted to confront Sheila and ask her why she is doing this to Marvin but I don't have the courage to ask her since she became secretive and she doesn't know that I know what's going on between them right from the start. Then one day, I was surprised when Marvin told me that they were getting married. I was so happy for them. Marvin was telling me all his plans for their coming wedding and future as well. I don't know how Marvin will take this, Joe. The other day, I received a wedding invitation from Sheila. I was shocked. It was not Marvin's name written there. I called Sheila to ask her if this was all a joke. I heard all the excitement from her voice. She was not joking, Joe. I wanted to scream. I wanted to tell her how unworthy she was of Marvin's love. I don't know what kind of girl she is. If only we were talking face to face I could have slapped her! I was crying inside for Marvin. What hurts me most, Joe, was that she doesn't seem to care for Marvin's feelings at all. I don't think she's planning to tell this to Marvin.
After that phone conversation with Sheila, Marvin and I talked. He was very excited to tell me that he would ask Sheila to get me as one of her bridesmaids. I didn't know what to say. We parted without me telling him about Sheila's coming wedding. Joe, a month from now, Sheila is getting married. I'm afraid of how Marvin would take this. He loves Sheila so much. I felt that it was Sheila's responsibility to tell Marvin but until now Sheila hasn't made any move yet. Should I blame Marvin for loving Sheila that much or should I blame Sheila for hurting Marvin?

Joe, should I be the one to break the news to Marvin or should I wait for Sheila to tell him? How long should I wait for Sheila to tell Marvin? I fear that Sheila might not tell him about it and I feel that the longer I wait for Sheila's move the more guilt feeling I would have to endure and the more pain it would inflict on Marvin.

Thanks Joe for reading this letter. I need your immediate advice on this. More power on your program, "LoveNotes". I hope you could play the song "There's No Easy Way" by James Ingram.

Heidee C.

Dear Heidee,

You are on a very sensitive ground because you hold the key to all of Sheila's secrets, which could open a door of doom and disaster for everyone. But, there is a cloud of doubt in my mind. Somehow, I just couldn't understand how Marvin could have been so naively kept in the dark when Sheila was openly working on her own wedding and even manages to give you an invitation with someone else's name in it.
Your friend may be playing a game on you and you have to be very careful for you might fall in a trap that would be very difficult to rise from. I also sense that you have a special concern for Marvin that makes Sheila's actions difficult to accept. There is nothing wrong in feeling that way whether that concern is on a level of friendship or love.

When Sheila gave you her invitation, she knew she had opened the risk of Marvin finding out the truth. She knew you could tell Marvin her secrets and that is probably what she wanted you to do. I believe it is best to talk to her about this before letting the coffee spill from your cup. If she really is getting married to someone else and she doesn't have any plans of telling Marvin then, as a friend, you may, as you wish, tell Marvin yourself. Show him the invitation as proof and his reaction will tell you if he had been part of this charade or not.

This masquerade will have to come to its close sooner or later, Heidee. In the end, Sheila will be married, Marvin would be devastated and you would be hurt seeing him that way. The pain will linger and your wounds will hurt but all these will come to pass in time. At least Marvin will still have you to stand by him in the most trying moment of his life.

Love, even in all its color and splendor can still cast a storm in our lives and sometimes cause great emotional destruction. Let us always remember that there is no love without pain. There is no reward without sacrifice. Sometimes, there just can never be a graceful exit. We just have to let love take its course and hurt those who been caught in it and leave us with the cold hard fact that there will never be an easy way to break someone's heart.

Love,
Joe

She Is Having An Affair With The Boss' Husband

2004-09-29T20:57:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango

Dear Joe,

Just call me Jing. I'm 25 years old and presently working as an executive secretary in a well-known company here in Laguna. I've been working here for 8 years now and I have grown close to my boss. She treats me like her very own daughter and all her employees are very kind to her because she always sees to the needs of everybody. Joe, this letter revolves around my friend, Gina, who also works in our office. We share a common interest in many things and we are really good friends. She's pretty and that is why a lot of our clients really get attracted to her. Gina is always present whenever there's a family gathering in my boss' house because her husband always tells her that Gina is his relative. In 1992, Gina told me that she feels differently for my boss' husband. I was really shocked because I knew that they were relatives and besides, he's already married. Married to our boss for that matter. I just didn't mind it but I constantly reminded her of its consequences.

Last year, our boss went to the United States for a convention. I began to worry because I felt that Gina was getting in too deep with her illicit affair. I felt sorry for my boss because Gina, who she has been very good to, is betraying her. I have always had sleepless nights, Joe and I can't find peace of mind. I have always asked the Lord to enlighten Gina because I feel so guilty knowing that I could have done something about it. I know everything but I don't have the courage to reveal their secret relationship. Joe, please help me because I can't stand it anymore. Is it right to tell what I know , create a big mess, and destroy a family and long years of friendship? Please tell me what to do.

Sincerely yours,
JING

Dear Jing,

As a sensible person , I know that you feel obliged to tell your boss everything that happens behind her back . But you haven't established concrete evidence against Gina's illicit relationship with your boss' husband yet . Even if you know for sure that they are lovers, do you think confessing this to your boss would solve the problem. Jing, I honestly don't think that we should meddle with other people's affairs but since you are directly affected and bothered by this then you might as well do something about it. You are not in a position to tell Gina what to do or what not to do even if she is your friend. You can only try bringing a change in her relationship with your boss' husband and that's only how far you can go. If you tell your boss what you see or hear then you just might merit from it by being a loyal secretary but in exchange you would probably lose a friend and ruin a family. I'm sure you wouldn't want that to happen. So why don't you try to find a solution for the other side. Don't judge Gina by telling her that she's wrong and what she's doing is a sin. Don't even try to talk her out of the relationship for she will never let go unless that's what she really wants to do. As a friend, the best thing that you can do is to constantly remind her that we can never be truly happy at the expense of others feelings. Tell her to weigh her options and be guided not by emotions alone but by good judgment as well. Keep on praying that they may be guided by what is right and pleasing to the Lord . Let us remember that we should accept people as they are. We should not judge them when they have gone the wrong way but rather help them realize what is right so that they may change to become better and more responsible and loving persons.

Joe

A Love Story That Ended In Tragedy

2004-09-28T21:01:00.000-07:00

Author: Unknown

It all started when I was 6 years old. While I was playing outside on my farm in California, I met a boy. He was an average kind of boy who teased you and then you chased them and beat them up. After that first meeting in which I beat him up we kept on meeting and beating each other up at the fence. That only lasted for a little while though. We would meet at the fence all the time and we were always together.

I would tell him all my secrets. He was very quiet he would just listen to what I had to say. I found him easy to talk to and I could talk to him about everything. In school we had separate friends but when we got home we would always talk about what happened in school. One day I said to him that a guy I liked hurt me and broke my heart. He just comforted me and said everything would be okay. He gave me words of encouragement and helped me get over him. I was happy and thought of him as a real friend. But I knew that there was something else about him that I liked. I thought of it that night and figured it was just a friend kinda thing that I was feeling.

All through high school and even through graduation we're always together and of course I thought of it as being friends. But I knew deep inside that I really felt differently. On graduation night even though we had different dates to the prom I wanted to be with him. That night after everybody went home I went to his house and wanted to tell him that I wanted to see him. Well, that night was my big chance and all I did was just sit there with him watching the stars and talking about what I was going to do and what he was going to do. I looked into his eyes and listened to him talk about what his dream was. How he wanted to get married and settle down. He said how he wanted to be rich and successful. All I could do was to tell him my dream and cuddle next to him.

I went home hurting because I didn't tell him how I was feeling. I wanted to tell him so bad that I loved him but I was too scared and frightened. I let my feelings go and told myself that someday I would tell him just how I felt. All through college I wanted to tell him but he always had someone with him. After graduation he got a job in New York, I was happy for him but at the same time I was sad to see him go. I was sad also because I didn't tell him how I felt. But I couldn't let him know now that he was leaving for his big job. So I just kept it to myself and watched him go on the plane. I cried as I hugged him for what I felt was going to be the last time. I went home that night and cried my eyes out. I felt hurt that I didn't tell him what I had inside my heart.

Well, I got a job as a secretary and then worked my way to a computer analyst. I was proud of what I had accomplished. One day I got a letter with an invitation to a marriage. It was from him, I was happy and sad at the same time. Now I know that I could never be with him and that we could only be friends. I went to the wedding the next month. It was a big occasion. The big church wedding and the reception at the hotel. I met the bride and of course him. I fell in love one more time. But I held back so it wouldn't spoil what should be the happiest day in his life. I tried to have fun that night but it was killing me inside watching him being so happy and me trying to be happy covering up my sadness tears inside of me.

I left New York feeling that I did the right thing. Before I left on the flight, he came running out of nowhere and said his good-byes and how he was very happy to see me. I came home and just tried to forget about what went on in New York. I had to go on with my life. As the years went on, we wrote to each other on what was going on and how he had missed talking to me. On one occasion he never wrote back to me at all. I was getting worried as to why he hadn't written anything for a long time after I had already written 6 letters to him. Well, just when everything seemed hopeless and sad in my life, I got a note that said: "meet me at the fence where we used to talk about things". I went and saw him there. I was happy to see him, but he was broken-hearted and sad inside. We hugged until we couldn't breathe anymore.

Then he told me about the divorce and why he hadn't written for a long time. He cried until he couldn't cry anymore. Finally, we went back to the house and talked and laughed about what I had been going and to catch up on old times. But in all of this, I couldn't tell him how I felt about him. In the days that followed, he had fun and forgot about all his problem and his divorce. I fell in love again with him. When it came time for him to leave back to New York, I went to see him off and cried. I hated to see him leave. He promised to see me every time he could get a vacation. I couldn't wait for him to come so I could be with him. We would always have fun when we were together.

One day he didn't show up like he said he would. I figured that he might have been busy. The days turned into months and I just forgot about it. Then I got a call one day from a lawyer in New York. The lawyer said that he had died in a car accident going to the airport. And that it took this long till everything was settled. It broke my heart. I was shocked about what took place. Now I knew why he didn't come that day. Again, I was broken-hearted. I cried that night, cried tears of sadness and heartache. Asking questions why did this happen to a kind guy like him?

I gathered my things and went to New York for the reading of his will. Of course, things were given to his family and his ex-wife. I finally got to meet her since the last time we met at the wedding. She explained to me how he was and how he always provided. But he was always unhappy. She would always try everything but she couldn't get him happy, as he was that night at their wedding. When the will was read, the one thing that was given to me was a diary. It was a diary that of his life. I cried as it was given to me. I didn't know what to think. Why was this given to me? I took it and flew back to California. As I flew on the plane I remembered the good times that we had together. I started reading the diary and what was written.

The diary was started with the day we first met. I read on till I started to cry. The diary told of him saying that he had fallen in love with me that day I was broken-hearted. But he was too afraid to tell me what he had felt. That is why he was so quiet and liked to listen to me. It told of how he wanted to tell me so many times, but was too afraid to say anything. It told of when he went to New York and fell in love with another. How the happiest time he had was seeing me and dancing with me at the wedding. He said he imagined it was our wedding. How he was always unhappy till he had no choice but to divorce his wife. How the best time in his life was to read the letters written to him by me. Finally, the diary ended when it said, "today I will tell her I love her". It was the day he was killed. The day I was going to finally find out what was really in his heart.

If you love someone, don't wait till tomorrow to tell him/her. Maybe that next day will never come at all.

The Test Of Love

2004-09-27T22:18:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango

Dear Joe,

I am a regular listener of your lovenotes program in TM. I love hearing your chosen stories and inspiring advises, but it never occurred to me that one day, i'll be writing my own story to you.

I am a 22-year-old lady working in one of the biggest firms here in Makati. I can say that I'm contented with my life, I have a very supportive family, good job, good looks and I'm about to get married. Brad and I were engaged a year ago and are scheduled to get married on September this year. What I thought was simple got complicated the day I met Kurt. I was rushing my way to the office when I suddenly bumped in to a guy in the pedestrian underpass. I did not mind about that bumping, since I really was on a rush, not knowing that i carelessly dropped my wallet. I still am not anxious about it until I reached my desk in the office. I was getting worried, of course, I got my ATM, my Credit card and all my cash in that wallet. I sent my messenger friend to my trails to somehow check for my wallet, though I know, it's impossible that he'll find it . Lunchtime came, an anonymous caller was looking for me. He introduced himself, then asked me out for lunch . I turned him down of course, but he told me he had my wallet and he wants to give it to me personally, so, I agreed. I never thought that event would change my whole life. That lunch out was not the last. I did not notice that hey! we're getting close. He usually calls, pages me sweet nothings, invites me on dates that I never turned down.

Joe, Kurt was irresistible. That closeness has grown into intimacy. Yes, Joe, I gave myself to him... I don't know what got in to me.. Brad is an ideal boyfriend, I see no faults in him, but Kurt is really different. I tried to hide our affair from Brad, but I didn't know for how long...Everytime Brad will do sweet things to me, guilt kills me.

But I guess, truth has its way of shining out. Kurt and I were in a movie house when Brad saw us. I can no longer hide from him what's going on between Kurt and I since he found us in a bear hug. Brad was speechless. He never said a word, he just walked away. I called after him but he did not look back. I have no face to show him Joe, even to his or my family. Joe, why am I not happy with the ending of our relationship, I was supposed to be relieved by that...Not just guilty, Joe? I wanted to convince myself that everything was just a bad dream.. a very bad dream. It's Brad I love and Kurt is just a subject of my feelings. But Brad is nowhere to be found Joe, I often call him up in their house even at his office, I don't know, maybe he's hiding from me, I guess I deserve it.

Two months had passed, my thrill with Kurt suddenly faded and that made him freak out and leave me. He told me he just used me and even boasted to his guy friends that he already got me.

It hurts Joe, I was even thinking about ending my life. I can no longer work. I'm so down. Three months had passed and I was beginning to recover when I bumped into Brad in a shopping mall. Brad looked me deeply in the eyes explaining what I am seeing, a pretty lady with his company. I just turned the other way and never looked back but my heart was breaking. Joe, a taste of my own medicine hurt likes hell . I cried and cried Joe, why is it that when I am starting to recover, another situation will come up to pull me down? Why me, Joe? I am still not over him, I still love him Joe, very, very much. What will I do Joe? How can I survive? When I know that the look in his eyes showed me that he still cares? Shall I beg him back? Help me, Joe. Help me find him back. Help me find myself.

Sincerely yours,
Shannon

Dear Shannon,

I could just imagine how devastating it was for Brad to see his fiancé bear hugging another man in a movie house. I know it took him lot of courage to turn away and not make a scene out of what he saw but it must have felt bitterly painful. Shannon, we all know that marriage should only happen once and once we're into to it, there is practically no turning back. I believe this is the reason why relationships, especially those that are soon bound to the altar are given the final test. I have encountered a lot of called-off engagements and unrealized weddings because couples realized they were not prepared for many things and responsibilities that marriage entails. Others simply fall out of love and choose to break than make the promise they cannot keep. Above anything else, the most conclusive test to any relationship bound for marriage is the test for love. God sometimes allows someone to break into the fortress of our seemingly impenetrable and strong commitment to someone and ultimately test our integrity and our faithfulness to the person we have vowed to share our lives with. Shannon, I know you love Brad more than Kurt but there was just something in Kurt that made you take your chance and play a dangerous game where you have knowingly gambled your very own future. You were attracted to Kurt in a different way and he knew how to get to you. During the time that you were very intimate to him, he became everything that Brad wasn't. He was part of an adventure that you enjoyed exploring even if you knew it's deadly risks. Kurt was the test in your relationship . And you failed it. You have loved yourself more than you have loved your relationship and you set your conscience aside to have what you want and enjoy only what you wanted. There is always a price we have to pay for the wrong we do. Kurt was only after what he can take from you. He never really loved you. All his efforts were just selfishly aimed towards his final goal - to get what he wants when he wanted it. You have fallen victim to his sexual and physical appeal but that was just all he had. Shannon you have gambled and blundered but this doesn't mean that you have lost everything. It doesn't mean that there is nothing that you can start over with. First and foremost, you have to settle the past. Brad deserves an apology . Let him know how sorry you were for hurting his feelings and if losing him made you realize how much you really loved him then make sure he knows that, too. This is where you start off, Shannon with a new life with him, with someone else or just by yourself. Shannon, we may stumble and hurt those we love but there is no mountain so high that love cannot climb over. There is no sea so wide that it cannot cross. Let us always remember that when there is love there is forgiveness and when there is forgiveness there is a hope for a new life, a new beginning and a promise of a beautiful forever.

Joe

Hard To Let Go

2004-09-26T18:32:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango

Dear Joe,

I must admit that I never really got out of my way to listen to you or read your articles. But, I was able to hear a couple of your shows over the radio and the pilot episode of that TV program you had a long time ago. I was amazed on how much you touched people's lives and the things you said made them different but optimistic people. Just call me Kay. I'm writing you from the Middle East (hope you don't mind if I don't mention exactly where I am 'cause that guy I'm having a problem with listens to you most of the time) I've been working here for almost 3 years now. I was going through the Inquirer when I saw this column of yours and thought maybe I should give it a shot. Anyway, there's no need to publish this letter. If you have time and can write me back then that would be enough. I would be more than grateful if one day I see your letter in my mailbox. Oh by the way, Joe, I have that CD of yours entitled Love Is All That Matters.

Here it goes...

It all started last year. I've got this female friend who wanted to introduce me to someone. 'Cause you see, Joe, I just came out from a sour relationship then. But in spite of myself, I was doing alright after that relationship. No regrets or sadness that it ended. So, this friend of mine, sensing my need for a replacement, insisted for me to meet "Rand". I put the idea aside because I didn't need another man in my life just yet. That could wait. I gave all my time and attention to my work which I somehow put aside because of that previous relationship I had. And, I was doing better every single day. Then, I was invited to an outing, which they organized partly so that I could meet Rand. I said I would come. But, of course, a last-minute excuse came up and I informed them I'd make-it up next time. It turned out that he was waiting for me. It was October then, approximately two months after, that I decided to meet this guy. But, I was ashamed that maybe he was offended that I didn't show up at that previous meeting we were supposed to have. I decided to call him and apologize. He wasn't in the house. But the one who answered the phone insisted that I leave my phone number so she could let Rand call me back. ('coz you see, this person who answered the phone is a friend of Rand's and she's the one who wants him to meet a nice girl). I was on my way to New York then, so I said maybe he wouldn't be able to catch me. I just wanted her to tell him that I was sorry for not coming, and that was the end of it. I felt that that chance of us meeting each other would not come anymore. But, she said he would call. He did. Minutes before I left the house. He sounded nice and polite, but I didn't really like his voice. It was too soft and tender. The things that needed to be said were said and then we hung up. It was a week or so when we got the chance to talk again. We would have nice conversations that lasted for an hour or two. Then, finally my friend invited me to have dinner at their house and suggested that I should let Rand come so I could see him. I told her that I didn't really like how his voice sounded over the phone so maybe I wouldn't like him at all. She reasoned that I didn't have to like him if I didn't want to, that we could be friends at least. I called him up and he said he would come. At my friend's house, I was a little fidgety and I've noticed that it was becoming very late and thought he changed his mind about coming. I was about to give-up when the doorbell rang. It was him! He was not exactly good-looking but he was very presentable. Tall and slim. Nice and quiet. But, what an appetite he had! He ate a lot, it was kind of odd for a person who had the same built that he had. But, over-all he was a pleasant guy to be with. Our conversations were more at ease after that probably because there was no need to visualize who was at the other end of the telephone. We finally knew how each of us looked like.

I felt a little change in me. I was actually excited to call him or for him to call me. All of a sudden, there was a smile on my face again. My Dad noticed it too, so whenever he called and I was asleep my Dad would wake me up. He knew that I was happy. And I was. Our days and weeks would be a routine. A day wouldn't pass with us not talking to each other. It was a nice and warm feeling to know that somebody was out there. We met a couple of times more. And there was this time that we went to the beach with a group of friends. We got closer then. And sometimes, our hands would touch for a brief moment. Or just a look at each other's eyes and a smile on our lips were enough to get a point across. He would look for me or I for him whenever we lost sight of each other. I suddenly realized that I liked him! But, that was it! There were no words of explanation to be said. Why the touch? Why that look? Or why that smile? We continued with our phone calls. I found out that he was a really sweet guy. That kind of person who can give you a glowing feeling inside. I was very inspired in all the things I've been doing. Suddenly, working was less difficult. Laughing was a constant companion. That glow in my eyes and that smile on my lips were making me look more alive.

Then, came that day that he told me that a memo from his office was passed on. He would be re-assigned in Manila. He had a hunch about this, but I kept telling him that there was still a chance that his hunch wouldn't happen. But I was wrong. So, what was a temporary vacation (because it was like 2 weeks before Christmas) became a permanent transfer. I didn't know what to feel. I was very sad alright, but I told myself that it is for work. That thought didn't make a whole new difference to me. He was still leaving. And what made it even worse is that I never really know how he felt for me. Yes, I could hear a fondness in his voice. And I could think of reasons that would please myself. But, just like what I said there were no explanations. So, he left without really saying anything.

Rand is in Manila now. We send each other text messages or we would talk whenever I get the chance to go home. Last April, though, we were able to see each other twice. And he doesn't really exert much effort to see me whenever I got home. I could never see what he felt inside. He didn't say anything. So, I didn't ask him to. He called me from Manila a few days ago. I don't really know what that meant. He would let me know where he is or what he's doing through text messages and a couple of "take cares" at the end. But, that was it. A mutual friend of ours asked him if he liked me. And his answer was yes, but that he wasn't ready for a commitment yet and if so, he wanted a relationship right down to a wedding.

Joe, I don't know what to think anymore. I know I'm not supposed to expect anything from him. That's not right. A friend told me that he wouldn't call me from overseas just to ask how I'm doin', if he doesn't feel anything. And, of course I'm a woman, I know when somebody likes me or not. As much as I would like to conclude that he likes me, at the back of my mind there's still a little voice that says: "What if I'm wrong?" What if he doesn't want to cut the communication because he feels that I can be a good friend, and that's all I'd ever be to him. He's out there now, so free compared to what he had here. He's exposed to a lot of people, a lot of girls. He could be walking one day and bump into that woman he would bring to the altar. And I'm left waiting for explanations. I would like to stop hoping now. I want to tell myself that we could not be more than friends ever. And focus my attention to other guys who are interested in me. I went out on a couple of dates, but I still think about him. He continues to inspire me everyday. And living in this restricted country is not that bad because I have him to think about. Being far away from him isn't something to be sad about, but it makes me stronger and happier knowing that he's out there somewhere. But, I'm afraid that one day he would come to realize that he feels nothing for me. I've thought about this of course, which makes me want to stop hoping already because I'm the one bound to be hurt at the end. But, what if I'm wrong? What if he's the right guy for me, and I lose him just because I didn't wait long enough. What should I do? Should I stop? Should I wait? Or should I just forget him? Yes, it is very hard to let go and say good-bye, but if that's the only way to make everything right...I could.

Thanks, Joe! I hope to hear from you soon. And do me a favor: If you decide to publish this letter, can you let me know? Thru the email would be fine. Just so I could let somebody buy a copy of the Inquirer for me. And if also you decide to air this, I'd like the song "It might be you". We'll never know, it might really be him...

Take care and I pray that the Lord will give you more knowledge so you can continue to help people in need and heal them of their burdens.

KAY

Dear Kay,

There are times in our relationships when words are never said and all we hear are unspoken sentiments concealed in glances and implicit gestures. Times when we choose to remain silent because we are afraid of what our words may bring and what our expressions may reveal.

Kay, it is indeed inspiring to live our lives for someone who we hope would, one day , share forever with us. But if this hope will be based on feelings and not fact , then we might just wake up one day being sorry for wanting too much.

You are afraid to wake up to a bad dream and you want to give up a fight which you haven't fought yet. Why don't you express your feelings and let Rand see beyond your silence. Communication is the first step in building a relationship. Without this vital element, all and every effort would just be like kisses in the wind.

Kay, if you really like Rand. Give him your best shot. See how he reacts and take your next step from there. You can hold on and wait for love or say goodbye and move on. Turning our backs on someone who inspires us should not be a choice but an option. We give up only when we have tried and we should keep on trying until we exhaust all our reason to hang on.

Let us always remember that it is better to lose a battle that we fought than to lose a battle that we never had had the courage to face.

Joe

Secret Love Affair

2004-09-25T18:38:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango

Dearest Joe,

First and foremost, let me greet you and your staff a pleasant day. I'm your avid fan ever since because you often give sound and effective advice to all the problems being presented to you.

Call me Shielou, I am already 20 years olds and a 3rd year college student here in Manila. Let me take you back 8 years ago when I was in 2nd year High School. My aunt was problematic because the household helpers took their vacation and didn't come back. So she decided to recruit helpers from Samar.

After a couple of weeks, the helpers arrived - one houseboy named Wilfred and another househelp named Letlet. I got along well with them. I treated them as my friends. Wilfred always cracked jokes and I often laughed with him. We always talk about so many things in life. One day, he admitted that he feels something for me but he was hesitant to speak up because he knows that we don't belong to the same world. We are not compatible to each other intellectually and financially. But after a few days he courted me. Suddenly I found myself falling for him too and that was the start of our secret love affair. We almost forgot our limits one night when only the two of us were left in our house but I refused and I didn't give in to his lustful desires. He was asking me to elope and get married. I disagreed with him and I asked him to wait until I'm old enough.

I really believe that love is blind. He's not good looking and he only finished grade 6. I was thinking that if we end up together, we would not be able to survive and send our children to school. In spite of all these, I still loved him. He was my first love and probably would be my last. Eight years have gone and up to now Joe, I still couldn't take him off my whole system. He's always on my mind and I always fondly reminisce our happy and unforgettable moments together. A couple of months ago, we took our vacation in Samar and I saw him again. He's already married and they're expecting a baby by December this year. I was so hurt, Joe. I felt like I broke into pieces. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. Now, there are a number of guys who are courting me but I don't take them seriously because I couldn't find someone like Wilfred. What should I do to forget him, Joe? Our love affair remained concealed. How should I react if somebody would come out in the open and tell everyone about the whole thing? I belong to a well known and well to do family while Wilfred comes only from a very simple family. How would I explain it to my family and friends? Should I deny him? Thank you very much for reading my letter. Please help me.

God bless,
SHIELOU

Dear Sheilou,

People who have loved deeply would know that letting go isn't always easy. Some people have a way of locking someone in their hearts for a long time, holding on to some hope that one day they can be together again.

Each day, as they wait, is filled with silent and empty longing. They shy away from others who try to break in the walls they have built around themselves. They live and survive but deep inside they are lonely and miserable. Sheilou, your secret affair has been buried for eight long years and I honestly don't see any reason why you have to tell everyone about it. You simply have to learn to accept your fate and forget Wilfred. You cannot live on memories alone even if these bring warm and pleasant thoughts. Memories can slowly trap us in our own world of empty hope and broken promises. Sheilou, you cannot open a new chapter in your life without closing the previous one. Nothing lasts in this temporary world we live in. Everything that is born dies. Even the people we love go away for good. That is why there is always a time for good-bye. It is a sad word but it is the only thing that keeps the past where it should belong. When we say good-bye we put an end to what has begun. When we let go, we give ourselves the reason to live a new life and find the real love that has been kept away from us by the crippling memories of the past.

Joe

Only Do It With The Person You Love

2004-09-24T18:45:00.000-07:00

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango

Dear Joe,

hi. I had this classmate last sem who happens to be the crush of my good friend, booey. although I was attracted to phoenix the first time I laid eyes on him, I kept it from booey. after all, I get attracted to guys easily. I mean, I don't really get serious with anyone. booey is a great friend and seeing how happy and excited she gets with phoenix, I simply forego of any other chase plans of my own.

I have a problematic life. I get by having sex with any man I fancy with at the moment. I am used to getting what I want, especially around men. booey is so unlike me. she argues, regardless if I get to date a guy I like or eventually ending up in bed with him, nothing would come out of it because it's not what I really want. that's why I love booey, she makes sense out of my futile life.

phoenix and I used to text, one time , he asked me to go out. then we just smoked together outside a café . he was very passionate about a lot of things. hours passed and I found myself not going back to my date that evening. I was smitten. we were so unlike each other, he was sentimental, serious, and pretty rational. we went to his place and argued some more. normally, I have men agreeing to what I say. after all, if they don't, I don't give them sex. but with phoenix, he was really into every detail of the argument.

Is it possible, joe, since you know so much about love, that I after kissed a person, that's the only time i realized that I was in love with him? and after such, he's all that you could think of? I've been in love once and it made me bled. after that I found myself dating guys (dozens) and having sex with each and everyone of them at least once. it's been a long time since I had restless nights, and felt weird.

I kissed phoenix before I left. he was shocked by the gesture. he just stood there frozen by my aggressive behavior. you see he brought me to the rooftop to watch the sunrise. thought it was pretty beautiful. to award him, I kissed him. I kissed him the second time and he reciprocated my kiss. we ended up making love. I really can't call it sex because it was different somehow. it wasn't planned like my other tries .it all just happened. phoenix and I stayed there in bed the whole day. we slept, nestled in each other's arms.

I left while he was still sleeping. my head was full of thoughts and questions. when I went to see phoenix the next day, I learned he went to the airport already. I received a text saying he was on his way to Colorado for the summer. I called him and he said he was as dumbfounded as I am. he told me again that he does take sex seriously. I always remember him saying "u only do it with the person u love. that's the only time sex can be good." he said he needs time to think about what came over him that night. he is not sure what he feels for me and if he should feel anything at all.

we call each other every now and then. and we'll be seeing each other in school come June. guess it's pretty obvious what my problem is. this is the first time I am confusing sex with love. if I could fly to Colorado and be with him, I would. I really would.

thanks, Joe. it would help if you can give me your piece on this, I am 26 and about to get my marriage annulled. my husband cheated on me countless times. phoenix is single and a wonderful man.

Sincerely yours,
Joelle

Dear Joelle

It seems like you are definitely turning your back on your failed marriage and finally giving yourself the chance to start over again. I just hope that you have given this much thought and it isn't one that was made out of haste.

You have had a lot of sexual encounters in the past. Experiences that you took lightly and never considered serious. For many people , sex is still considered the ultimate _expression of one's love and devotion to another person. This means that we just don't jump from one bed to another to prove something to ourselves .

You thought you have proven your capacity to make any man fall to his knees for you . But after making it out with Phoenix, you realized that love can be more overwhelming than sex . Could it be that this is the first time that you felt conquered and not the one conquering ? This short meeting of the minds with Phoenix has surprisingly caught you defenseless . He probably was not like the others who viewed sex differently.

Joelle, I know how exciting this is , finding someone who completes you as a person but you should be careful . After one failed marriage, you should not rush into any relationship yet , no matter how promising it is. Take your time and learn to value yourself.

If you think that you conquer every man you sleep with then think again. You won't gain nor prove anything from this. There is more to a relationship than sex. It is important though , but it shouldn't be the foundation with which we should build our commitments upon.

Phoenix could be the right one for you but it would take more than two naked bodies to find that out. Explore the endless possibilities of friendship and just let time take its course . Soon enough, you will see a clear picture of your dreams and the man who will make it all happen.

Joe