Only Do It With The Person You Love

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango


Dear Joe,

hi. I had this classmate last sem who happens to be the crush of my good friend, booey. although I was attracted to phoenix the first time I laid eyes on him, I kept it from booey. after all, I get attracted to guys easily. I mean, I don't really get serious with anyone. booey is a great friend and seeing how happy and excited she gets with phoenix, I simply forego of any other chase plans of my own.

I have a problematic life. I get by having sex with any man I fancy with at the moment. I am used to getting what I want, especially around men. booey is so unlike me. she argues, regardless if I get to date a guy I like or eventually ending up in bed with him, nothing would come out of it because it's not what I really want. that's why I love booey, she makes sense out of my futile life.

phoenix and I used to text, one time , he asked me to go out. then we just smoked together outside a café . he was very passionate about a lot of things. hours passed and I found myself not going back to my date that evening. I was smitten. we were so unlike each other, he was sentimental, serious, and pretty rational. we went to his place and argued some more. normally, I have men agreeing to what I say. after all, if they don't, I don't give them sex. but with phoenix, he was really into every detail of the argument.

Is it possible, joe, since you know so much about love, that I after kissed a person, that's the only time i realized that I was in love with him? and after such, he's all that you could think of? I've been in love once and it made me bled. after that I found myself dating guys (dozens) and having sex with each and everyone of them at least once. it's been a long time since I had restless nights, and felt weird.

I kissed phoenix before I left. he was shocked by the gesture. he just stood there frozen by my aggressive behavior. you see he brought me to the rooftop to watch the sunrise. thought it was pretty beautiful. to award him, I kissed him. I kissed him the second time and he reciprocated my kiss. we ended up making love. I really can't call it sex because it was different somehow. it wasn't planned like my other tries .it all just happened. phoenix and I stayed there in bed the whole day. we slept, nestled in each other's arms.

I left while he was still sleeping. my head was full of thoughts and questions. when I went to see phoenix the next day, I learned he went to the airport already. I received a text saying he was on his way to Colorado for the summer. I called him and he said he was as dumbfounded as I am. he told me again that he does take sex seriously. I always remember him saying "u only do it with the person u love. that's the only time sex can be good." he said he needs time to think about what came over him that night. he is not sure what he feels for me and if he should feel anything at all.

we call each other every now and then. and we'll be seeing each other in school come June. guess it's pretty obvious what my problem is. this is the first time I am confusing sex with love. if I could fly to Colorado and be with him, I would. I really would.

thanks, Joe. it would help if you can give me your piece on this, I am 26 and about to get my marriage annulled. my husband cheated on me countless times. phoenix is single and a wonderful man.

Sincerely yours,
Joelle


Dear Joelle

It seems like you are definitely turning your back on your failed marriage and finally giving yourself the chance to start over again. I just hope that you have given this much thought and it isn't one that was made out of haste.

You have had a lot of sexual encounters in the past. Experiences that you took lightly and never considered serious. For many people , sex is still considered the ultimate _expression of one's love and devotion to another person. This means that we just don't jump from one bed to another to prove something to ourselves .

You thought you have proven your capacity to make any man fall to his knees for you . But after making it out with Phoenix, you realized that love can be more overwhelming than sex . Could it be that this is the first time that you felt conquered and not the one conquering ? This short meeting of the minds with Phoenix has surprisingly caught you defenseless . He probably was not like the others who viewed sex differently.

Joelle, I know how exciting this is , finding someone who completes you as a person but you should be careful . After one failed marriage, you should not rush into any relationship yet , no matter how promising it is. Take your time and learn to value yourself.

If you think that you conquer every man you sleep with then think again. You won't gain nor prove anything from this. There is more to a relationship than sex. It is important though , but it shouldn't be the foundation with which we should build our commitments upon.

Phoenix could be the right one for you but it would take more than two naked bodies to find that out. Explore the endless possibilities of friendship and just let time take its course . Soon enough, you will see a clear picture of your dreams and the man who will make it all happen.


Joe