A Subtle Obsession

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

I met Paul less than a year ago, and we got along well because we share a lot of common interests. Many conversations later, he asked me to be his date to a party, and I agreed. So we went to the party. It was a swell evening, and he was indeed a gentleman. However, I felt guilty the following day because I knew he had a girlfriend. He never mentioned it to me, but I secretly found out about it. I just let it pass because at that time, the events didn't mean anything to me. They were just friendly dates, so I put no malice into it. That is, until after a couple more months when I started liking him. A friend of mine even told me that perhaps Paul liked me too, because a guy wouldn't bring a girl to a special occasion as his date if she didn't mean anything to him.

I'm sure he loves his girlfriend, but he rarely ever mentions her. Sometimes I have to bring her up first and kid around just so the conversation would sound normal, though it's hurting me inside. Now we're still good friends, and he always asks me about my day, my love life, and other stories. Just last week, I told him that I now have a boyfriend. He teased me about it, and I teased him about his girlfriend. He sends me meaningful messages, and sometimes I even feel a bit of jealousy from him. He always compliments me, and when we're together he's very thoughtful and a little sweet.

I don't know, Joe. He leaves me hanging. I feel very excited and secure when we're together. Sometimes I think that maybe he's just playing around, waiting for me to fall for him so he can take advantage and make me his "other girl." Sometimes I think he's just a very friendly guy and I'm the one who's putting malice into everything.

I don't love him yet, but I think I'm falling for him. I've already tried ignoring him for a month, but it only made me more eager to see him. Joe, I'm in dire need of your help. What's going on between Paul and me, and what I should do?

Raine


Dear Raine,

It is obvious that you are extremely attracted to each other, and I don't see anything wrong with it. It is how you deal with this situation that would make the difference.

It would be very difficult to figure out what his real intention is, knowing that he is still committed to another girl. The fact that he doesn't mention her to you means that he wants you not to feel guilty when you're with him. I believe he is intentionally trying to win your trust and your feelings.

He is actually doing a good job, because you are falling for him. What he feels for you may not essentially be the same as what you feel for him. He is probably just exploiting a window of opportunity to flirt but not necessarily commit to another woman. He could have told you about problems with his girlfriend if he really just wanted to win your sympathy. But the fact the he keeps her out of the picture shows that he may not have sincere intentions.

Raine, I'm actually more concerned about your wishing, wanting and waiting. You have entered into some sort of a subtle obsession with Paul. You can be dragged deeper into this if you do not become sensible about this whole attraction thing. It would have been a lot easier if he hadn't been committed to his girlfriend. I think what you owe yourself is the truth.

If you really like him, then let him know about it. But do not expect any return. Just let him know, and move on with your life. Let his actions tell you where you really stand. If he chooses you over his girlfriend, then let him prove his worth, but if he just flirts with you, then you'll know he is not serious and will probably leave you hurting in the end.

Raine, this is the time to let your mind and not your heart tell you what to do. Feelings do not think. Love with all your heart, but let your mind sensibly tell you the difference between what you know is real love and what you think is just infatuation.

Joe