Loving As A Choice

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

DEAR Joe,

I am the only girl in a middle-class Chinese family with a business here in the Philippines. Because my parents are very, very strict, I began to hate guys. I just played around and was never serious with any of them -- until I met one of our employees, a very good-looking guy with a great sense of humor. I feel happy and comfortable when I'm with him, but I was always afraid that he might lose his job because of me.

We had a party in our house last September. My parents were not at home, so I had to entertain the guests. That night, this guy friend and I drank and had fun. When I was with him, I dipped my finger into a glass of beer and tasted it. I hadn't drunk for a long time and had almost forgotten how beer tasted. My friend grabbed my finger and put it in his mouth. I knew then that he was interested in me. When the party was over, he stayed and helped me clean up. Then he whispered, "I love you." I just laughed and told him he was drunk. He smiled and said he was, but was more afraid of losing me than losing his job. I was just thinking that this was another game I could play, so I said I loved him too.

My little game continued. I never thought that I would fall for him. He changed me and everything I believed in. Months have passed but secrets couldn't be kept forever. My mom was furious when she found out about us and slapped me in front of him. I haven't talked to him since.

What should I do? Should I give up? Or should I fight for our love?

Abbie

Abbie,

There are times when love calls us to stand for something we believe in, despite of all the things that are against it. The call of love is a call to courage and determination. Sometimes it even calls for a choice between two things that are equally important to us. Who to choose and who to turn our backs on depends on how much we are willing to risk.

Abbie, if falling in love with an employee is wrong then life is unjust. True love doesn't look at the world like there is a heaven and an earth. All is just fair. No one should be above or below anybody else. Everyone is equal. That's how love looks at things.

But it is sad that many of us carry a measuring cup and judge people by what they don't have and who they are not, rather than what they can actually become. Abbie, your parents have their reasons for their rules on love and relationships. We should respect that. But at the end of the day, it will be you and you alone who should make that decision on who to choose to spend the rest of your life with.

Love should never be a choice made by others for us. A relationship is something that we should be willingly getting into or getting out of. It is true that there will always be a risk when we make our own decisions. But it is all part of life. Those who enjoy life are those who are not afraid to take the risks. Those who succeed are those who make their own decisions and responsibly stand by them.

Abbie, love is a choice and one that only you can make. Ask yourself if you are ready to take that step. If you are not then it simply means that you are not yet prepared to love. Because those who find lasting happiness are not those who fear the consequences of loving a person, but those who bravely face the challenge of that love.

Joe