The Unsaid Understanding

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango



DEAR Joe,

I'm a college student studying in what is perhaps the biggest university in the country. I've had a crush on Edward ever since I first saw him on TV in a quiz show for high school students. I was also in high school at the time, so I wasn't committed to anyone yet.

When my friends introduced me to Friendster, I immediately got hooked. I thought of adding almost everyone possible to my list of friends. One day, I thought of adding Edward. I just hoped he would approve my request. Sure enough, he did after a few days.

I didn't have anything particular in mind, Joe, I just wanted to have bragging rights that Edward, who my friends also had a crush on, was on my Friendster list.

But one day, he asked me why I added him to my list, who I was, where I studied, and everything else about me. I was excited, but I just thought that he was the really friendly type. I promptly answered, and we soon decided to exchange mobile numbers. We would text each other everyday,

until he admitted to me that he liked me. I was shocked, because we hadn't met yet, but I remembered that he probably had seen my photos on Friendster and that he had classmates from my former school who told him all about me. Finally, we decided to meet up, and when we did, I could see that there was really something between us. We were technically "on" for a few months. It was sort of an unsaid understanding, or so I thought.

One early morning, I was still awake for reasons I cannot remember. Then he texted me. I was shocked at what I read. He told me that we couldn't continue what was going on between us because he already had someone else in his life. He said that though he really liked me, he was already seeing the other person before we started seeing each other. I didn't know what to say. He called me up at home and repeated everything on the phone. That was when I cried. I told him that I didn't think he would do that to me. He was also crying when he was talking to me, but he didn't change his mind. I didn't have any choice but to accept the truth. I was about to put the phone down when he asked me if we could still be friends. I said yes. Call me stupid, but deep inside I still wanted him.

But one day, he just stopped making any contact with me. I tried calling him up, but no one would answer.

It's been two months since it happened, Joe, but I still can't get him out of my head. It's not that I'm obsessed with him, because I've found somebody new. But when I'm at home and the phone rings, I secretly wish it was him calling.

I just want to get over him, Joe. People say time will heal all wounds, but I'm afraid I've been scarred too deeply for me to completely get over him.


Sincerely,
Kate



Dear Kate,

It was obvious that Edward was attracted to you when he saw your picture and probably more so when he met you in person. He didn't want to let an opportunity pass without getting into some sort of a mutual understanding with you. It was the perfect arrangement. You were content and happy with what you had going and he was enjoying the benefits of a real relationship minus the commitment.

For some reason, he decided to cut off ties and just be friends with you. He must have realized it wasn't right to be in a liaison with you or he probably just lost interest in you. Whatever his reasons were, it just points to one thing-it's over. He must have offered friendship just to make it easier for you to give him up but he wanted to be completely out of your life. And that's where he is now.

Kate, you still have unresolved wishful thoughts about Edward. You still want him and long for his presence. You think you have closed this chapter of your life because you are with someone new now but deep inside, there is still this silent yearning for the things that could have been. Wishing it is him when the phone rings reflects the inner conflict between the past and the present. You are still silently hoping that one day he would come into your life again and continue where he has left you.

Kate, I know there is still plenty of time to wish for him to be back in your life but there are just instances when we have to accept our loss and move on with our lives. Love sometimes leaves scars that are impossible to erase but that doesn't mean that there is no life after we have been hurt and blemished. The scars might remind us of our past but that shouldn't keep us from living our best today. Kate, it is true that love hurts. It is true that no matter how deep our wounds are, time heals them. And it is also true that only when we learn to accept the love that we have lost can we have the chance to find it again in a better and more lasting relationship.

Joe