To Be Loved in Return

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

It all started last November when my best friend called me up. He was having a drinking session with his wife and friends, and asked me to join them. He had introduced me years ago to Pam, whom I had a crush on, and when he gave the phone to her, everything changed. We talked like old friends. Pam gave me her home number and I started calling her every day until I fell in love with her. Finally, the day came when we became a couple. I was so happy. Last January 6, it was the birthday of my best friend’s wife, and everybody was busy having fun. I took the microphone, and everybody thought that I was going to sing. Instead, I gave a little speech about my girlfriend Pam, and finally I asked her to marry me. Everybody cheered and I cried when she said yes. It was the happiest moment of my life.

When Pam and I got together she had this family problem that I understood and accepted. I had no reservations, because she was my fiancée, and I was willing to be there for her. She received a job offer from one of the prestigious hotels in Makati, so I told her to grab it, and that she could do it. But she became so dedicated to her job that she didn’t have time for me anymore. It got even worse when she was transferred to banquet—no text messages and no phone calls. We started fighting, and she told me I didn't understand her. How could I, when she didn’t even talk to me? Every time I text her, she never answers. When I asked her if she still loves me, she said she didn’t know. I tried breaking up with her, but she told me to wait. Wait for what?

It's been weeks since we last talked. I do miss her. I can't stop thinking about her, but I think I'm the only one who still believes in this relationship. I don't know what to do.

Willie


Dear Willie,

Pam's disinterest could be a manifestation of an inner crisis that she is probably going through right now. Saying that she doesn't know if she loves you is another way of saying she doesn't love you. Being indifferent to your feelings and not reacting to a break-up means she couldn't care less.

Honestly, Willie, it looks like she has her own world now, and whatever it was that you thought you had when she said yes to your marriage proposal means nothing to her now. She could probably be going through a very difficult time in her life now, but I believe that the least she can do is be honest with you about what she truly feels and not keep you hanging and waiting for something that probably won’t happen anymore. If telling someone that we love him or her is essential, then I think letting that person know if that love isn't there anymore is equally important.

Willie, I know how much you love Pam and how much you are willing to do anything for her, but you have to realize that there comes a time in a relationship when simply loving someone isn't enough, when being loved in return becomes as vital as loving the other person. If Pam doesn't love you anymore, then there is no more reason for you to stay. The only way to stop hurting is to stop wanting, and the only way to stop wanting is to start accepting that she is probably not the same person anymore. Then and only then can you move on to finding the happiness that becomes truly rewarding when shared with the person who loves us in the same way.

Joe