Aspiring for a Second Life

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango


Dear Joe,

I've been thru several relationships trying to find the one who would complete me, until I supposedly found the "right guy" to whom I'm married right now.

Today, my marriage life is in shambles. It is in fact a total failure. We've become absolute strangers to one another. It started when I told him about my past relationships with my ex-boyfriends, as I would like to be open and honest with him and be accepted for who I am.

My husband continues to distrust me even though I've tried my best to prove him wrong. I've been subjected to so much verbal, emotional and physical (including sexual) abuse, which I think I or anybody deserves. Whenever I would not yield or give in to his "whims" (i.e. sexual demands), he would bring back the issue about my past relationships with my ex-boyfriends.

I would like to turn in a new leaf; to start anew; to straighten out my life. I would like to have a second chance whether it may be a life of single blessedness or a married life. Right now, I'm only going through the motions. I could not continue living a married life void of respect, love and trust for one another. I know I have committed the mistake of marrying for the wrong reasons (i.e. getting pregnant).

Joe, I've come to know somebody before my marriage. He had expressed his feelings for me. However, it seems it was too late for him since I was already pregnant then. We stopped communicating for about a year until recently.

He has been more than a friend to me. He understands that I'm sincere and faithful in trying to change my life for the better. Notwithstanding my marital status, he still feels the same way for me. If ever he would be given the chance, he is willing to establish a relationship with me and my 2-year old son.

I have decided to file for annulment no matter what the cost are. My friend is willing to wait. However, we both don't know until when. I've told him to go on with his life and if love would find us worthy for each other, love would find a way. Joe, I don't know how long will he wait for me. I've been trying to condition my mind to the fact that one day he won't be there anymore. Right now, I would like to have my marriage annulled; get my life back; and bring up my son in an environment of love, respect and trust. If my friend decides to stick it out for the long haul, then I would consider it a bonus.

I would like to seek your help, your counsel. My husband has been uncooperative in my efforts to annul our marriage. He is trying to win me back. However, all is now lost. I have already told him that I have lost all love, trust and respect for him. I hope he would be enlightened and realize that there is no way I am going to take another chance with him and experience the trauma all over again.

Sincerely,
Marie



Dear Marie,

It seems like your husband has not come to terms yet with your past. He still can't accept the fact that he was not the first in your life . You only had good intentions when you told him about your previous relationships but sometimes, the past is better left where it was. Not all husbands can be very open minded about their wives sexual history .

Marie, I will never condone physical and sexual abuse in any relationship. No matter how much wrong someone has done or how much pain and shame someone has inflicted upon us we do not have any right to disrespectfully mistreat anyone. Whatever it was that your husband felt upon learning your past will never be enough to justify his abusive behavior.

Marriages should be built on the foundations of love, trust and mutual respect. When these elements fade out, relationships will crumble and fall. Marie, you deserve to be treated with respect. You have the right to be happy. Not all weddings are made in heaven. Love doesn't always last forever. If this is where it will all end then let time take its course and your troubled relationship find its rest.

But do not close the doors of your heart permanently. Miracles still happen and God works in ways that are just simply unbelievable. Let us always remember that there is a reason for every trouble that comes our way. We just have to believe that they are meant to make a clear path for something better to happen in our lives.

Joe