Freedom from the Past

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dear Joe,

I met Mark in college. He was handsome and seemed to be nice and very generous. Even though I liked him from the start, I made the courtship last for about five months before I finally said “yes” to him.

Our first six months were blissfull, full of the purest of love. Eventually, we became intimate with each other. Giving yourself to someone you love means you want to be with him for the rest of your life, and that was how I considered our relationship. We’re both Filipino-Chinese and our families were supportive of our relationship.

Then my best friend told me how she once saw Mark holding hands with a girl as they entered the cinema in a mall. I didn’t believe her and that strained our friendship. I only realized that my best friend Joyce was telling the truth one night when the girl called me asking if Mark and I were still together. I told her that we were very much together and were already engaged. The girl met me at a restaurant and, to my shock, showed me all her pictures with Mark, his hand-written letters and the notes from the flowers he had sent her. I wanted to die that very instant. It wasn’t just the fact that Mark cheated on me, but seeing the photos of them together at the same places he used to take me, hit me like a bullet straight to the heart. The girl left me alone in the restaurant crying. No apologies. Maybe what she wanted was to make me leave Mark.

I never told Mark about my meeting with his other girl. Instead, I played the martyr and pretended to be blind and deaf, hoping that somehow I could win Mark’s heart back and he would forget the girl. But I failed, and after five foolish months, I finally gave up.

Years have passed, but the hurt and the longing for Mark are still here. I tried to open my heart to others and had two unsuccessful relationships after Mark. I had a hard time trusting men and developed an attitude of just giving up when things are getting a little shaky. My last relationship was okay. The guy really loved me and took care of me. The only problem was, he’s not Chinese. I may not have loved the guy like I loved Mark, but I rebelled just to seek contentment and, hopefully, happiness. I got pregnant and got married in civil rites. Still, I wasn’t happy and the marriage wasn’t working.

My family hid me to escape the shame and disgrace from our relatives and friends. For me, it wasn’t that bad. I don’t really care about what other people say about how I run my life. But then I have wronged my parents and so to make up for it, I followed what they wanted. When I gave birth to my son, he provided all the happiness I ever longed to have. My baby has a very distinctive Chinese look. He was the tie that bonded my family back together. My best friend and I became friends again and became closer than ever. And she is also the godmother of my baby.

Mark and I did not keep in touch. I only heard of news about him through common friends. I thought that was how it’s going to be until Mark came over to our house. After four years, he had the gall to face me like nothing wrong had happened. He held my hand and said sorry. For me, sorry wasn’t enough. I wanted to slap him but I couldn’t. I just cried and spilled out what I wanted to tell him for a long time. After I had unloaded all my misery, I felt a little better. He mentioned my baby, told me that he looked like me. I just said, “Yeah, he could have been yours and mine anyway.” He quickly changed the topic and talked about his work.

Our conversation ended quite well. For me, I said what I had to say. It was a relief but then I still miss him.

Joe, I admit I’m still not over Mark. What he said before he left my house gave me hope to pursue what my heart tells me to do. But then, I’m scared of taking another risk and be sorry my whole life.

Ivy


Dear Ivy,

I wanted to tell you that things would have been a lot less complicated had you not rebelled and married for the wrong reason. But I guess it’s too late now. You are married to your lawful husband and it doesn’t really matter if you still love each other or not. You will remain married to each other unless you opt to legitimately put an end to it.

This is just the other side of the coin. Another equally important aspect of this dilemma is Mark and your feelings for each other. You still love him up to now. You are still hoping against all hope that he will find his way back to you. He did but he left you hanging with a wishful hope of a reunion which may or may not happen at all.

Ivy, I have always believed that there is nothing wrong with loving a person but when our world stops because of that love, when we lose sight of our own selves because of our longing to be with someone, when we begin to compromise in favor of what our heart dictates, then we will lose our ability to act and think rationally and make sensible decisions.

Having all your sentiments made known to Mark is one giant step to freedom. Freedom from your past. Ivy, no one knows what the future holds for us. Let us all make the best of today so we can always look back with a smile and look forward to tomorrow with the hope of not making the same mistakes again and the hope of finding love that will last us our lifetime.

Joe