BROKEN TRUST, BROKEN HEART

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango

Dear Joe,

I am not so sure if this is the right venue or channel to ask for your advice on very important matter concerning love. I guess I have to take all the risks involved to be able gather some advice from you.

My problem is I just recently separated with my wife. It happened right after the start of the new year. Actually, my girlfriend and I Have been secretly married for almost 3 1/2 years already. Legally and technically, we are married.

A very unfortunate incident occured last January, Joe. I had no idea that she was already having an affair with another married guy who was richer than our family. Inspite of the fact that I was already having the feeling that something was wrong, my wife still kept on denying that there was somebody else in her life. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and we agreed to put some space between us, some sort of a cool-off. I disappointingly agreed to her demands but it wasn't long when she paged me after we parted ways and asked if we could meet personally and talk.

It was already late when we agreed to meet. We went to the Cultural Center of the Phils. And before she was able to utter a word she suddenly burst into tears and asked for my forgiveness. She didn't want to tell me what really went wrong at first but after some time she finally confessed to me everything. She admitted that she betrayed me by going out with another guy for quite a number of times without my knowledge. Joe, even though I felt like a knife cut through my heart and was shocked with the things she said, I felt some compassion for her. And because of the great love I have for her I forgave her. I accepted her with open arms as if nothing happened. Joe, I really love her very, very much even up to now.

While I was hoping that things would go back to normal, only a week had gone and I saw another change in her. Instead of making up for the pain she caused me, she went back to her old selfish ways and began to push me against the wall by trying to force me to get mad. I really did not know at that time if she was doing it on purpose. All I knew was I tried my best not let her feel that I have intentions of getting back at her for what she did to me. I tried my best to show her that I still love her very much in spite of her infidelity. In fact, the way I treated her was as if I was the one who made a mistake.

The following week, she asked me if the two of us could go out on a date in Megamall. So, I agreed and the day finally came. From the very start I did not feel comfortable anymore because she came latendidn't even apologize. But that was about it. While we were eating our lunch, she tried to do things that she didn’t do before , like putting food into my plate which prompted me to ask her where she learned to do such a thing. And she told me that those were the other guy’s exact words. Joe, I was really embarrassed at that time.I felt I was a nobody. How come this person I truly love is doing this to me? What did I do wrong ? Those were the questions that entered into my mind. So, after she realized that she was able to inflict some damage, she asked , once again , if we could stop seeing each other.

We didn't talk for a week until I decided to surprise her in her workplace. We had a heart to heart talk and I asked her if she really does not care for me anymore. She told me that she wasn’t sure. So, I gave her time. I tried to contact her female officemates. I discovered from them that my wife was just waiting for my call and that is the time when she will end things between us. I was in awe, Joe! How is it that when I am talking to her she claims the exact opposite of what she is telling her friends? What does she think of me, a plaything? One time I went out with my friends and she suddenly paged me. I called her up when I got home and she told me she was sorry. I felt insulted because I also discovered that she was saying things against me and most of them were exaggerations and lies.

I feel so hurt Joe. I still respect her but look at what she is doing to me? I don't think I deserve such a treatment. Joe, I don't know if I have to say this but for the entire 6 1/2 years that my wife and I have known each other, I was always the one who was giving in most of the time. I tried to understand her in pain because of her selfishness and immaturity. I love her very, very much, that's why. Just imagine, she went to a motel with that guy but I still accepted her. I still believe her in spite of the fact that she broke the trust I have always showed her. She played with my feelings as if I was a piece of trash.

Now, their relationship is still on. I don't know if I should tell her that the guy will just use and dump her eventually. The guy is separated from his wife but they are still technically married. I have a strong feeling that the guy will just toy with her. Many people believe so. Please help me Joe! I don't know what to do. I have recovered already but she still lingers in my heart and nothing has changed as far as my feelings for her is concerned. My friends and her other friends as well have told me to forget and her and never to accept her back but I must admit I still want to give her a chance. What will I DO?

Please give me an advice as soon as you can.

Thanks alot and more power!

Enzo



Dear Enzo,

Your wife knows what she’s doing and she is probably aware of the consequences her actions will bring. She’s still legally married to you and she probably doesn’t realize that getting involved with another married man could get her in deep legal trouble. You can pursue her and her philandering lover on this plain and get even the legal way but I don’t think that is what you would really want to do.

Enzo, you may not be aware of it but your actions remind us all of love’s long lost meaning. If someone falls and hurts us a hundred times then our love for that person, if it is true and sincere, will give us the strength to bear the pain, the patience to forgive, and the faith to give that person another chance. Your friends and her friends know that she’s been playing behind your back and they probably couldn’t take her infidelity and selfishness anymore. They would have closed their doors if they were in your place. But you didn’t. Instead, you have always looked forward to opportunities for reconciliation because you loved her . Listen to your heart, Enzo. People may think your crazy but sometimes, that is just the way love is. If your heart tells you to give her another chance then give her another chance. If it gives up then you just have to stop.

Enzo, your love can endure even a hundred blows and still never give up but you cannot live the rest of your life waiting for your wife who doesn’t love you anymore and you might have already lost long ago. There is nothing wrong in being good to her but you also have to be good to yourself . There is nothing wrong in loving unselfishly but you also have to learn to love yourself. Maybe, what your wife is waiting for is the time when you’d finally set her free. If she comes back one day, sorry for what she has done, and asking for her nth chance, and you still feel the same then you’d have the best reason to start all over again. But now and until that time comes, you have to stop, make a decision, and move on without looking back to what could have been.

Not all marriages are made in heaven. There are those that were made out of an urgency to have and not to give. There are those that were made out of lust and not love. There are those that thrive on desires to suit selfish needs and not those of others.

You may have lost someone precious to you but that doesn’t mean you cannot be happy again. As it has been said, it may storm for days to nights on end but it will not storm forever. Remember, our lives may seem in endless chaos but there will always be a way to surpass it. Pain may linger longer than we wish but God will always help us find a way to endure it .

Joe