Loving From A Distance

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

Dearest Joe,

Hello. I'm Jenny. I wrote to you four months back regarding Mike. He left his girlfriend of six years for me, and for a time we were really happy until we had to part ways because Mike decided he loves his girlfriend more than he loves me.

Now, I'm writing you again, hoping that I can share with others how much I loved, how much I still love, and what all these has taught me. Joe, after we broke up last September, Mike came back after two months. We reconciled and we've never been happier. I felt his love more than ever. This time, we were not afraid to talk about the future... OUR future.

I finally saw a tomorrow with him. I thought this time, it was for real. He even told his girlfriend everything about us, what really happened, and he told her that I'm the one he truly loves.

However, I guess we're just not meant to be. Right after telling his girlfriend, he was once again caught in a mental and emotional tug-of-war. And once again, it's between me and her. Just like a movie being replayed, I once again saw the same characters acting out the same scenes, saying the same lines: "I need time, Jenny. I want to be alone."

Joe, it's one thing to want to be alone, but it's another thing for him to completely push me away and treat me as if I don't exist. And when I finally asked him if he really loves me, Joe, all he could say was "I don't know." Five times I asked him, and five times he said he doesn't know.

I was robbed of all emotions. I couldn't feel. I couldn't think. I was just numb. And when I finally reacted, it was all anger, bitterness, and hatred. I cursed him. I told him I'll never forgive him and that he'll never be happy.

I wanted revenge so bad, I decided to call the girl to ruin their chances of ever getting back together by telling her things that would make her hate Mike more and make her decide not to take him back.

However, through God's grace, when I called her up, I couldn't say any of the things I planned to, all I could say was sorry. I had to swallow so much pride, Joe.

I had to accept everything she said, even if it hurt so bad. However, that conversation broke the storm and sunshine finally came through. Talking to her, Joe, telling her I'm sorry and actually feeling my apology deep in my heart, I realized I wanted to be free of all these. I have had enough, and it's time I start loving myself. After our talk, I called Mike for the last time and I apologized to him as well for all the hurtful things I said. He said he's sorry that he had to come into my life and mess it up. But you know what, Joe? Deep inside, I was not sorry he came into my life. I was sorry he had to leave.

Joe, I have learned so much from this experience. I've learned to love unselfishly, and I realized that the best lovers are those who are capable of loving from a distance, far enough to allow the other person to grow, but never too far to feel the love deep within your being.

I know I'll find someone, but a part of me will always remain with Mike. I learned what letting go really means. To let go of someone doesn't mean you have to stop loving, it only means that you allow that person to find his own happiness without expecting him to come back. Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but it is also setting yourself free from all bitterness, hatred, and anger that you keep in your heart.

I realized that God never took Mike away from me. He never even gave him to me in the first place. Joe, Mike was never mine to begin with, and somehow, that thought made the pain of saying goodbye easier to bear. I'm at peace now and I can honestly say that I do hope and pray that everything works out for Mike.

If he ends up marrying the girl, I'd be very happy for him. I'd be hurt, of course. I'm not going to be a hypocrite and say I won't. I want to say this chapter of my life is finally over, but I won't. I'll just take things one step at a time, live life one day at a time. Now, I'm learning to appreciate all the other gifts God has given me.

The tears will still fall once in a while. I know I will still think about him, but this time, not with anger or hatred, but with precious thoughts of the things we shared. And the pace and the love that I feel, these are things that no one can ever measure.

Thank you very much for once again reading my letter, and I hope that others can also learn from all the lessons I learned from this experience. God bless you and more power to you.

In Christ,

Jenny

Dear Jenny,

When you came over to the station to see me personally after I featured your story last year, I read from your eyes how you were hurting so badly. I knew you loved Mike more than anything else in this world. And losing him was just like sacrificing yourself. I knew you were strong but remember when I told you not to let bitterness rake away your strength and weaken your faith, and never to allow pain to dishearten you, but rather let you grow with wisdom in bearing it.

They say love is lovelier the second time around. It could have been true for you when Mike came into your life again. But he never really left all his past behind. He wanted to keep you but he knew right from the start that he loved his girlfriend more.

He could have listened to what his mind was telling him but his heart ruled over and so, he made his final choice. He came back to where he really belonged and left you hurting again.

Jenny, you may have found peace in just loving him from a distance and not expecting anything in return. But be careful, for this can sustain life but can never give enough room for us to grow. We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today.

Jenny, you have lost Mike again but I'm glad the pain it inflicted opened your eyes to what letting go really means. You are right. To let go of someone doesn't mean that we have to stop loving that person, it only means that we have to allow that person to find his OWN happiness without expecting him to come back to us. Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but it is also setting ourselves free from all bitterness, hatred, anger and empty hopes that we keep in your hearts.

Joe