Doomed from the Start

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango


Dear Joe,

First of all, I would like to commend you on your column. Not only has sharing true-to-life experiences touched our emotions, but the advice that you give is very practical and straightforward.

My name is Jojo and I'm 28 years old, working full time in our family business. As a manufacturer, we often get calls from magazine and newspaper companies asking us to advertise on their periodicals. One time, a woman dropped by the office and offered me to promote our products on their magazine. Her name was Gail and she was quite attractive. After a few meetings, I decided to consider her offer and reserve an ad.

From time to time, she would page me sweet nothings, like asking me to take care of myself, or to have a wonderful weekend. At first, I thought it was part of the business, but I remembered that I had given her the payment so it wasn't necessary to page me anymore.

Joe, she would often call me up at the office, around three to four times a day, and at home during the evening. It was during one of our conversations that I found out she was married and has two kids. I also found out that during her five-year marriage, her husband would often beat her up. I stood by her side to comfort her and as the days passed by, I couldn't help myself from caring for her.

Joe, Gail was so sweet and kind to me. She would bake for me and bring lunch over at the office. One day, I was surprised when she paged me a message saying that she loves me.

It wasn't long when I learned she had left her husband and moved to her mother's place. We had a relationship and I never felt so happy. She was all I ever wanted in a woman. Her husband would often visit her and convince her to come back but it was all too late, or so I thought.

One morning I was told that she left for the province but I had a different feeling about it. Through my persistence, I was able to find out the truth that she went back to her husband. She told me it was all for the kids but she knew very well that I was willing to take her and her kids and treat them like my own.

So she went back to her mother's house because she realized she didn't want to lose me. I forgave her and accepted her. But just as our relationship was sailing perfectly well, she disappeared again. History repeated itself again. It was Christmas time and all I did was sulk and cry. She never even thought of how I would feel. I was really hurt, Joe.

She wanted to fix her life without me, so after all the waiting and patiently receiving the blows from her emotional frustrations and anger from her husband's lack of responsibility, I was left alone all over again. It was then that I finally decided to act on what is best for me.

It has been three months now. I am slowly coping with my everyday activities but I haven't fully recovered from this traumatic experience. I have never loved anyone like this. From time to time, Joe, I would still get painful lapses in my heart whenever I am reminded of her.

What is so painful is that she was the one who made the first move towards having a relationship. Why didn't she consider what I would have felt? Why did she let me fall in love with her? She knew she was married, so why did she allow herself to fall for someone else?

Even if everyone disagrees with our relationship, I still fought for her; she left three times and each time she came back she would swear never to leave me again only to break her promises in the end. I tried extremely hard to make this work and I was very patient with her. I guess my only mistake was to love her honestly, truthfully and sincerely.

Joe, if it weren't for the kind understanding of my family and the consistent support of my good friends, most probably, I wouldn't be here writing this letter.

Now I realized that what we had going was a sin and I knew that I had to end this affair. But how can I keep the pain from numbing my senses? Joe, she has rained my life and left me with no peace in mind, and for that I could never forgive her.

Thank you very much and God bless you and your family.

Best regards,
Jojo



Dear Jojo,

Everyone knows that an affair with a married person will always be doomed from the start. Not even what others feel as love would be enough to justify illicit intimacy. But it still happens because most of the time strong passionate desires run over our will to do what is right. Sometimes we simply ignore our conscience and just go with the flow of our impaired judgement and biased emotions.

Jojo, you're lucky you have your family and friends. Others have to go through all of the hurt in their lives all by themselves. Don't try to blame Gail for what you feel. None of these would have happened hadn't you allowed yourself to fall for her charms.

Somehow, you have to admit that you were flattered by her sweetness and the attention she had given you. You gave in even if you knew right from the start that you were on the losing end of a relationship that was never meant for you.

You will never find the peace that you are searching for unless you learn to accept your fate. Unless you find a space in your heart to forgive her. I don't think she ruined your life. You alone are responsible for your actions. Don't pass the blame on anybody. We are what we make our lives, Jojo. Others may fail us but they can only ruin us if we allow them to.

Jojo, don't be bitter because you have loved at all. If we lose someone, that means someone even better is yet to come. Let us always remember that only when we leave our bitterness behind can the love that we have lost be able to find its way into our hearts again.

Joe