Don't Look Back

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango


Dear Joe,

Call me Eli. I met Tammy in August 1995. She was a freshman psychology student, while I was a senior engineering student. She was one of the applicants in an organization I belonged to. She's very cute and exuberant, is enthusiastic, and has a spunky attitude.

I got to know her when she interviewed me the next month. At first she asked the required questions. I answered them in a mechanical manner. Then she playfully asked who my crush in the organization was. I said she's an applicant.

She suddenly turned red and when she egged me to be more precise, I said I couldn't. She then asked about my lovelife. Basically they were emotionally painful experiences. She listened very intently. After while, It was my turn to ask about her. She said she had boyfriends in high school but considers them just puppy loves.

She was a good conversationalist and we talked for about two hours. Tammy and I really enjoyed each other's company. One time we watched a school play. It was already dark when the play ended. While we were walking outside under the light of the moon and stars I suddenly held her hands. She was not surprised. She simply looked at me and pressed my hands. My heart leapt with joy at that moment.

We went steady; each day spent with her was filled with joy and affection. She told me our relationship was very different from previous ones and she loved me very much.

First week of February 1996, she asked me to accompany her to a hospital to visit Rene, one of her "puppy loves." He was also a freshman in our school. He was very sick and doctors said he had about a year to live. A week later Tammy broke up with me. He had asked her to come back to him if only for his remaining days.

I gave in and conceded. I was very impressed with Tammy beneath her seemingly childish ways was a generous and compassionate heart. Seven months passed and Tammy avoided my calls. She was now a sophomore. Finally in September we met again. It was our first anniversary. She said Rene's health was greatly improving. While she was talking she avoided looking at me and said she really loved Rene. I was hurt. I told her she was only conditioning her mind to prove to Rene that her intentions were true and not borne out of pity. She walked away.

Last December I chanced upon Tammy at an annual Christmas event at the campus. She was at the exact position where she and I watched the same event the previous year. Only this time it was someone else who was holding her hands--Rene. I was taken aback and almost cried. It was the saddest December of my life.

It is now 1997 and my love for Tammy still burns. I sometimes ask myself why everytime I fall in love it fails, and why there are so few girls like Tammy in this world.

There are things I'm planning to do. I'm hoping that everything will turn out right.


Sincerely,
Eli



Dear Eli,

The only way to find out if someone really loves you is to set her free and let her choose her own way. It takes trust and unconditional love to do this. You have given her the freedom to explore her feelings for Rene. That, I believe, is one of love's ultimate expressions-- to be able to deny ourselves of our own happiness and sacrifice our feelings for someone we truly care about.

Hard as it is, you simply have to accept the fact that Tammy loves Rene more than she loves you. Believe me, it's better she left you rather than kept you hanging on.

If you keep on bitterly grieving over what could have been then you can never be better. For what you nurture in your heart is a disease that will slowly eat you up and leave you hopelessly alone in the end. Remember, losing Tammy doesn't mean you have failed; it simply means she wasn't meant for you. There may only be one Tammy in this world but you'll find someone better if you'd only open your heart.

We should only cry over the past once, then that's enough. Life can go on even without Tammy. Don't look back for there are no more feelings to hold on. Look ahead and you'll see the many great opportunities that await those who give themselves the chance to live and love again.

Joe