Loving As A Choice

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango

DEAR Joe,

I am the only girl in a middle-class Chinese family with a business here in the Philippines. Because my parents are very, very strict, I began to hate guys. I just played around and was never serious with any of them -- until I met one of our employees, a very good-looking guy with a great sense of humor. I feel happy and comfortable when I'm with him, but I was always afraid that he might lose his job because of me.

We had a party in our house last September. My parents were not at home, so I had to entertain the guests. That night, this guy friend and I drank and had fun. When I was with him, I dipped my finger into a glass of beer and tasted it. I hadn't drunk for a long time and had almost forgotten how beer tasted. My friend grabbed my finger and put it in his mouth. I knew then that he was interested in me. When the party was over, he stayed and helped me clean up. Then he whispered, "I love you." I just laughed and told him he was drunk. He smiled and said he was, but was more afraid of losing me than losing his job. I was just thinking that this was another game I could play, so I said I loved him too.

My little game continued. I never thought that I would fall for him. He changed me and everything I believed in. Months have passed but secrets couldn't be kept forever. My mom was furious when she found out about us and slapped me in front of him. I haven't talked to him since.

What should I do? Should I give up? Or should I fight for our love?

Abbie

Abbie,

There are times when love calls us to stand for something we believe in, despite of all the things that are against it. The call of love is a call to courage and determination. Sometimes it even calls for a choice between two things that are equally important to us. Who to choose and who to turn our backs on depends on how much we are willing to risk.

Abbie, if falling in love with an employee is wrong then life is unjust. True love doesn't look at the world like there is a heaven and an earth. All is just fair. No one should be above or below anybody else. Everyone is equal. That's how love looks at things.

But it is sad that many of us carry a measuring cup and judge people by what they don't have and who they are not, rather than what they can actually become. Abbie, your parents have their reasons for their rules on love and relationships. We should respect that. But at the end of the day, it will be you and you alone who should make that decision on who to choose to spend the rest of your life with.

Love should never be a choice made by others for us. A relationship is something that we should be willingly getting into or getting out of. It is true that there will always be a risk when we make our own decisions. But it is all part of life. Those who enjoy life are those who are not afraid to take the risks. Those who succeed are those who make their own decisions and responsibly stand by them.

Abbie, love is a choice and one that only you can make. Ask yourself if you are ready to take that step. If you are not then it simply means that you are not yet prepared to love. Because those who find lasting happiness are not those who fear the consequences of loving a person, but those who bravely face the challenge of that love.

Joe

Washing Away the Bitterness

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango


DEAREST Joe,

I never wanted to love him, yet I know I'll never deserve a man like him. He had it all: good looks, brains, money and the kindest disposition I've ever seen. For a year and five months, he was mine. Then, he broke up with me. We got back together after I asked him to come back. Then I let him go and chose someone else. He asked us to try again but it didn't work. Three times, we tried and failed.

During those years, we became the best of friends. He was there, not only for me but for my family as well. We kissed each other still, and always ended up in bed. For almost six years we were together.

Then he graduated from school and I was afraid he would find someone else when he started going to work. But every night, I prayed that he'd find work so he'd be happy. Then, January of this year, he finally got a job offer. Then, he started mentioning this girl's name. I didn't put any malice to it, and I made him promise to tell me if he had found someone else. He failed to see me for almost three months. Then, he admitted he was seeing a co-worker. The next day, I called him up on his cellphone, and he said he'd call back. When I called again, a girl answered it, and claimed she was his girlfriend, a claim he later confirmed. He said that he planned on telling me about it after I finished school. He said he didn't want to hurt me.

Joe, I felt like dying. He asked me, wasn't it his right to look for happiness? He said he'd call once in a while, but he didn't. I want to hear his voice, to see him, but at the same time, I don't.

I'm not mad, and I want to be really happy for him. I don't regret that I loved him, but I wish that it didn't have to be this hard, this painful. I wake up with thoughts of him. At night, I cry myself to sleep.

Why did he have to go? Why did I have to fall for him when he was not going to be mine? Why does love have to hurt this much?

Anna

Anna,

There may be times when we become so miserable and ask ourselves why God allows us to experience unbearable pain. God doesn't delight in our misery. Pain is God's way of purifying us and making us better persons. And when he allows us to experience it, it doesn't mean that he doesn't love us.

Anna, you may have been destined to love the man who cannot love you back, but that doesn't mean that life ends here. You fell in love with a man who cannot be yours, but that doesn't mean there is no one who can be. You have loved and hurt badly, but that doesn't mean the pain will never pass.

Everything that happens to us happens for a reason, and as the saying goes, sometimes the person who makes us happy is the same person who can hurt us and make us cry. Anna, it is perfectly alright to feel sorry for losing him, but you cannot be sorry all your life. It is okay to cry yourself to sleep at night, but you cannot shed your tears for him forever. You cannot cry every night all your life. It is okay to think of him when you wake up in the morning, but you cannot let him take control of your thoughts forever.

I guess you have been sorry long enough. You have shown so much regret already. It's over, Anna. You have to accept that there could never be any "you and I" anymore. He is gone and has moved on with his life. You have to realize that you should not allow yourself to be left behind following his shadow. You have to move on and find your own happiness, even if it means not being with him.

Let us always remember that love isn't love it if doesn't hurt. And it is better to be hurt by love than not to be hurt because we were too afraid to love. The only way to move on is to accept reality. And it will help if you let the pain love has brought you make you a stronger person, and let the tears that you cried wash away the bitterness and misery in your heart.

Joe