She Is Having An Affair With The Boss' Husband

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango

Dear Joe,

Just call me Jing. I'm 25 years old and presently working as an executive secretary in a well-known company here in Laguna. I've been working here for 8 years now and I have grown close to my boss. She treats me like her very own daughter and all her employees are very kind to her because she always sees to the needs of everybody. Joe, this letter revolves around my friend, Gina, who also works in our office. We share a common interest in many things and we are really good friends. She's pretty and that is why a lot of our clients really get attracted to her. Gina is always present whenever there's a family gathering in my boss' house because her husband always tells her that Gina is his relative. In 1992, Gina told me that she feels differently for my boss' husband. I was really shocked because I knew that they were relatives and besides, he's already married. Married to our boss for that matter. I just didn't mind it but I constantly reminded her of its consequences.

Last year, our boss went to the United States for a convention. I began to worry because I felt that Gina was getting in too deep with her illicit affair. I felt sorry for my boss because Gina, who she has been very good to, is betraying her. I have always had sleepless nights, Joe and I can't find peace of mind. I have always asked the Lord to enlighten Gina because I feel so guilty knowing that I could have done something about it. I know everything but I don't have the courage to reveal their secret relationship. Joe, please help me because I can't stand it anymore. Is it right to tell what I know , create a big mess, and destroy a family and long years of friendship? Please tell me what to do.

Sincerely yours,
JING



Dear Jing,

As a sensible person , I know that you feel obliged to tell your boss everything that happens behind her back . But you haven't established concrete evidence against Gina's illicit relationship with your boss' husband yet . Even if you know for sure that they are lovers, do you think confessing this to your boss would solve the problem. Jing, I honestly don't think that we should meddle with other people's affairs but since you are directly affected and bothered by this then you might as well do something about it. You are not in a position to tell Gina what to do or what not to do even if she is your friend. You can only try bringing a change in her relationship with your boss' husband and that's only how far you can go. If you tell your boss what you see or hear then you just might merit from it by being a loyal secretary but in exchange you would probably lose a friend and ruin a family. I'm sure you wouldn't want that to happen. So why don't you try to find a solution for the other side. Don't judge Gina by telling her that she's wrong and what she's doing is a sin. Don't even try to talk her out of the relationship for she will never let go unless that's what she really wants to do. As a friend, the best thing that you can do is to constantly remind her that we can never be truly happy at the expense of others feelings. Tell her to weigh her options and be guided not by emotions alone but by good judgment as well. Keep on praying that they may be guided by what is right and pleasing to the Lord . Let us remember that we should accept people as they are. We should not judge them when they have gone the wrong way but rather help them realize what is right so that they may change to become better and more responsible and loving persons.

Joe

A Love Story That Ended In Tragedy

Author: Unknown


It all started when I was 6 years old. While I was playing outside on my farm in California, I met a boy. He was an average kind of boy who teased you and then you chased them and beat them up. After that first meeting in which I beat him up we kept on meeting and beating each other up at the fence. That only lasted for a little while though. We would meet at the fence all the time and we were always together.

I would tell him all my secrets. He was very quiet he would just listen to what I had to say. I found him easy to talk to and I could talk to him about everything. In school we had separate friends but when we got home we would always talk about what happened in school. One day I said to him that a guy I liked hurt me and broke my heart. He just comforted me and said everything would be okay. He gave me words of encouragement and helped me get over him. I was happy and thought of him as a real friend. But I knew that there was something else about him that I liked. I thought of it that night and figured it was just a friend kinda thing that I was feeling.

All through high school and even through graduation we're always together and of course I thought of it as being friends. But I knew deep inside that I really felt differently. On graduation night even though we had different dates to the prom I wanted to be with him. That night after everybody went home I went to his house and wanted to tell him that I wanted to see him. Well, that night was my big chance and all I did was just sit there with him watching the stars and talking about what I was going to do and what he was going to do. I looked into his eyes and listened to him talk about what his dream was. How he wanted to get married and settle down. He said how he wanted to be rich and successful. All I could do was to tell him my dream and cuddle next to him.

I went home hurting because I didn't tell him how I was feeling. I wanted to tell him so bad that I loved him but I was too scared and frightened. I let my feelings go and told myself that someday I would tell him just how I felt. All through college I wanted to tell him but he always had someone with him. After graduation he got a job in New York, I was happy for him but at the same time I was sad to see him go. I was sad also because I didn't tell him how I felt. But I couldn't let him know now that he was leaving for his big job. So I just kept it to myself and watched him go on the plane. I cried as I hugged him for what I felt was going to be the last time. I went home that night and cried my eyes out. I felt hurt that I didn't tell him what I had inside my heart.

Well, I got a job as a secretary and then worked my way to a computer analyst. I was proud of what I had accomplished. One day I got a letter with an invitation to a marriage. It was from him, I was happy and sad at the same time. Now I know that I could never be with him and that we could only be friends. I went to the wedding the next month. It was a big occasion. The big church wedding and the reception at the hotel. I met the bride and of course him. I fell in love one more time. But I held back so it wouldn't spoil what should be the happiest day in his life. I tried to have fun that night but it was killing me inside watching him being so happy and me trying to be happy covering up my sadness tears inside of me.

I left New York feeling that I did the right thing. Before I left on the flight, he came running out of nowhere and said his good-byes and how he was very happy to see me. I came home and just tried to forget about what went on in New York. I had to go on with my life. As the years went on, we wrote to each other on what was going on and how he had missed talking to me. On one occasion he never wrote back to me at all. I was getting worried as to why he hadn't written anything for a long time after I had already written 6 letters to him. Well, just when everything seemed hopeless and sad in my life, I got a note that said: "meet me at the fence where we used to talk about things". I went and saw him there. I was happy to see him, but he was broken-hearted and sad inside. We hugged until we couldn't breathe anymore.

Then he told me about the divorce and why he hadn't written for a long time. He cried until he couldn't cry anymore. Finally, we went back to the house and talked and laughed about what I had been going and to catch up on old times. But in all of this, I couldn't tell him how I felt about him. In the days that followed, he had fun and forgot about all his problem and his divorce. I fell in love again with him. When it came time for him to leave back to New York, I went to see him off and cried. I hated to see him leave. He promised to see me every time he could get a vacation. I couldn't wait for him to come so I could be with him. We would always have fun when we were together.

One day he didn't show up like he said he would. I figured that he might have been busy. The days turned into months and I just forgot about it. Then I got a call one day from a lawyer in New York. The lawyer said that he had died in a car accident going to the airport. And that it took this long till everything was settled. It broke my heart. I was shocked about what took place. Now I knew why he didn't come that day. Again, I was broken-hearted. I cried that night, cried tears of sadness and heartache. Asking questions why did this happen to a kind guy like him?

I gathered my things and went to New York for the reading of his will. Of course, things were given to his family and his ex-wife. I finally got to meet her since the last time we met at the wedding. She explained to me how he was and how he always provided. But he was always unhappy. She would always try everything but she couldn't get him happy, as he was that night at their wedding. When the will was read, the one thing that was given to me was a diary. It was a diary that of his life. I cried as it was given to me. I didn't know what to think. Why was this given to me? I took it and flew back to California. As I flew on the plane I remembered the good times that we had together. I started reading the diary and what was written.

The diary was started with the day we first met. I read on till I started to cry. The diary told of him saying that he had fallen in love with me that day I was broken-hearted. But he was too afraid to tell me what he had felt. That is why he was so quiet and liked to listen to me. It told of how he wanted to tell me so many times, but was too afraid to say anything. It told of when he went to New York and fell in love with another. How the happiest time he had was seeing me and dancing with me at the wedding. He said he imagined it was our wedding. How he was always unhappy till he had no choice but to divorce his wife. How the best time in his life was to read the letters written to him by me. Finally, the diary ended when it said, "today I will tell her I love her". It was the day he was killed. The day I was going to finally find out what was really in his heart.

If you love someone, don't wait till tomorrow to tell him/her. Maybe that next day will never come at all.

The Test Of Love

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango


Dear Joe,

I am a regular listener of your lovenotes program in TM. I love hearing your chosen stories and inspiring advises, but it never occurred to me that one day, i'll be writing my own story to you.

I am a 22-year-old lady working in one of the biggest firms here in Makati. I can say that I'm contented with my life, I have a very supportive family, good job, good looks and I'm about to get married. Brad and I were engaged a year ago and are scheduled to get married on September this year. What I thought was simple got complicated the day I met Kurt. I was rushing my way to the office when I suddenly bumped in to a guy in the pedestrian underpass. I did not mind about that bumping, since I really was on a rush, not knowing that i carelessly dropped my wallet. I still am not anxious about it until I reached my desk in the office. I was getting worried, of course, I got my ATM, my Credit card and all my cash in that wallet. I sent my messenger friend to my trails to somehow check for my wallet, though I know, it's impossible that he'll find it . Lunchtime came, an anonymous caller was looking for me. He introduced himself, then asked me out for lunch . I turned him down of course, but he told me he had my wallet and he wants to give it to me personally, so, I agreed. I never thought that event would change my whole life. That lunch out was not the last. I did not notice that hey! we're getting close. He usually calls, pages me sweet nothings, invites me on dates that I never turned down.

Joe, Kurt was irresistible. That closeness has grown into intimacy. Yes, Joe, I gave myself to him... I don't know what got in to me.. Brad is an ideal boyfriend, I see no faults in him, but Kurt is really different. I tried to hide our affair from Brad, but I didn't know for how long...Everytime Brad will do sweet things to me, guilt kills me.

But I guess, truth has its way of shining out. Kurt and I were in a movie house when Brad saw us. I can no longer hide from him what's going on between Kurt and I since he found us in a bear hug. Brad was speechless. He never said a word, he just walked away. I called after him but he did not look back. I have no face to show him Joe, even to his or my family. Joe, why am I not happy with the ending of our relationship, I was supposed to be relieved by that...Not just guilty, Joe? I wanted to convince myself that everything was just a bad dream.. a very bad dream. It's Brad I love and Kurt is just a subject of my feelings. But Brad is nowhere to be found Joe, I often call him up in their house even at his office, I don't know, maybe he's hiding from me, I guess I deserve it.

Two months had passed, my thrill with Kurt suddenly faded and that made him freak out and leave me. He told me he just used me and even boasted to his guy friends that he already got me.

It hurts Joe, I was even thinking about ending my life. I can no longer work. I'm so down. Three months had passed and I was beginning to recover when I bumped into Brad in a shopping mall. Brad looked me deeply in the eyes explaining what I am seeing, a pretty lady with his company. I just turned the other way and never looked back but my heart was breaking. Joe, a taste of my own medicine hurt likes hell . I cried and cried Joe, why is it that when I am starting to recover, another situation will come up to pull me down? Why me, Joe? I am still not over him, I still love him Joe, very, very much. What will I do Joe? How can I survive? When I know that the look in his eyes showed me that he still cares? Shall I beg him back? Help me, Joe. Help me find him back. Help me find myself.

Sincerely yours,
Shannon



Dear Shannon,

I could just imagine how devastating it was for Brad to see his fiancé bear hugging another man in a movie house. I know it took him lot of courage to turn away and not make a scene out of what he saw but it must have felt bitterly painful. Shannon, we all know that marriage should only happen once and once we're into to it, there is practically no turning back. I believe this is the reason why relationships, especially those that are soon bound to the altar are given the final test. I have encountered a lot of called-off engagements and unrealized weddings because couples realized they were not prepared for many things and responsibilities that marriage entails. Others simply fall out of love and choose to break than make the promise they cannot keep. Above anything else, the most conclusive test to any relationship bound for marriage is the test for love. God sometimes allows someone to break into the fortress of our seemingly impenetrable and strong commitment to someone and ultimately test our integrity and our faithfulness to the person we have vowed to share our lives with. Shannon, I know you love Brad more than Kurt but there was just something in Kurt that made you take your chance and play a dangerous game where you have knowingly gambled your very own future. You were attracted to Kurt in a different way and he knew how to get to you. During the time that you were very intimate to him, he became everything that Brad wasn't. He was part of an adventure that you enjoyed exploring even if you knew it's deadly risks. Kurt was the test in your relationship . And you failed it. You have loved yourself more than you have loved your relationship and you set your conscience aside to have what you want and enjoy only what you wanted. There is always a price we have to pay for the wrong we do. Kurt was only after what he can take from you. He never really loved you. All his efforts were just selfishly aimed towards his final goal - to get what he wants when he wanted it. You have fallen victim to his sexual and physical appeal but that was just all he had. Shannon you have gambled and blundered but this doesn't mean that you have lost everything. It doesn't mean that there is nothing that you can start over with. First and foremost, you have to settle the past. Brad deserves an apology . Let him know how sorry you were for hurting his feelings and if losing him made you realize how much you really loved him then make sure he knows that, too. This is where you start off, Shannon with a new life with him, with someone else or just by yourself. Shannon, we may stumble and hurt those we love but there is no mountain so high that love cannot climb over. There is no sea so wide that it cannot cross. Let us always remember that when there is love there is forgiveness and when there is forgiveness there is a hope for a new life, a new beginning and a promise of a beautiful forever.

Joe

Hard To Let Go

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango


Dear Joe,

I must admit that I never really got out of my way to listen to you or read your articles. But, I was able to hear a couple of your shows over the radio and the pilot episode of that TV program you had a long time ago. I was amazed on how much you touched people's lives and the things you said made them different but optimistic people. Just call me Kay. I'm writing you from the Middle East (hope you don't mind if I don't mention exactly where I am 'cause that guy I'm having a problem with listens to you most of the time) I've been working here for almost 3 years now. I was going through the Inquirer when I saw this column of yours and thought maybe I should give it a shot. Anyway, there's no need to publish this letter. If you have time and can write me back then that would be enough. I would be more than grateful if one day I see your letter in my mailbox. Oh by the way, Joe, I have that CD of yours entitled Love Is All That Matters.

Here it goes...

It all started last year. I've got this female friend who wanted to introduce me to someone. 'Cause you see, Joe, I just came out from a sour relationship then. But in spite of myself, I was doing alright after that relationship. No regrets or sadness that it ended. So, this friend of mine, sensing my need for a replacement, insisted for me to meet "Rand". I put the idea aside because I didn't need another man in my life just yet. That could wait. I gave all my time and attention to my work which I somehow put aside because of that previous relationship I had. And, I was doing better every single day. Then, I was invited to an outing, which they organized partly so that I could meet Rand. I said I would come. But, of course, a last-minute excuse came up and I informed them I'd make-it up next time. It turned out that he was waiting for me. It was October then, approximately two months after, that I decided to meet this guy. But, I was ashamed that maybe he was offended that I didn't show up at that previous meeting we were supposed to have. I decided to call him and apologize. He wasn't in the house. But the one who answered the phone insisted that I leave my phone number so she could let Rand call me back. ('coz you see, this person who answered the phone is a friend of Rand's and she's the one who wants him to meet a nice girl). I was on my way to New York then, so I said maybe he wouldn't be able to catch me. I just wanted her to tell him that I was sorry for not coming, and that was the end of it. I felt that that chance of us meeting each other would not come anymore. But, she said he would call. He did. Minutes before I left the house. He sounded nice and polite, but I didn't really like his voice. It was too soft and tender. The things that needed to be said were said and then we hung up. It was a week or so when we got the chance to talk again. We would have nice conversations that lasted for an hour or two. Then, finally my friend invited me to have dinner at their house and suggested that I should let Rand come so I could see him. I told her that I didn't really like how his voice sounded over the phone so maybe I wouldn't like him at all. She reasoned that I didn't have to like him if I didn't want to, that we could be friends at least. I called him up and he said he would come. At my friend's house, I was a little fidgety and I've noticed that it was becoming very late and thought he changed his mind about coming. I was about to give-up when the doorbell rang. It was him! He was not exactly good-looking but he was very presentable. Tall and slim. Nice and quiet. But, what an appetite he had! He ate a lot, it was kind of odd for a person who had the same built that he had. But, over-all he was a pleasant guy to be with. Our conversations were more at ease after that probably because there was no need to visualize who was at the other end of the telephone. We finally knew how each of us looked like.

I felt a little change in me. I was actually excited to call him or for him to call me. All of a sudden, there was a smile on my face again. My Dad noticed it too, so whenever he called and I was asleep my Dad would wake me up. He knew that I was happy. And I was. Our days and weeks would be a routine. A day wouldn't pass with us not talking to each other. It was a nice and warm feeling to know that somebody was out there. We met a couple of times more. And there was this time that we went to the beach with a group of friends. We got closer then. And sometimes, our hands would touch for a brief moment. Or just a look at each other's eyes and a smile on our lips were enough to get a point across. He would look for me or I for him whenever we lost sight of each other. I suddenly realized that I liked him! But, that was it! There were no words of explanation to be said. Why the touch? Why that look? Or why that smile? We continued with our phone calls. I found out that he was a really sweet guy. That kind of person who can give you a glowing feeling inside. I was very inspired in all the things I've been doing. Suddenly, working was less difficult. Laughing was a constant companion. That glow in my eyes and that smile on my lips were making me look more alive.

Then, came that day that he told me that a memo from his office was passed on. He would be re-assigned in Manila. He had a hunch about this, but I kept telling him that there was still a chance that his hunch wouldn't happen. But I was wrong. So, what was a temporary vacation (because it was like 2 weeks before Christmas) became a permanent transfer. I didn't know what to feel. I was very sad alright, but I told myself that it is for work. That thought didn't make a whole new difference to me. He was still leaving. And what made it even worse is that I never really know how he felt for me. Yes, I could hear a fondness in his voice. And I could think of reasons that would please myself. But, just like what I said there were no explanations. So, he left without really saying anything.

Rand is in Manila now. We send each other text messages or we would talk whenever I get the chance to go home. Last April, though, we were able to see each other twice. And he doesn't really exert much effort to see me whenever I got home. I could never see what he felt inside. He didn't say anything. So, I didn't ask him to. He called me from Manila a few days ago. I don't really know what that meant. He would let me know where he is or what he's doing through text messages and a couple of "take cares" at the end. But, that was it. A mutual friend of ours asked him if he liked me. And his answer was yes, but that he wasn't ready for a commitment yet and if so, he wanted a relationship right down to a wedding.

Joe, I don't know what to think anymore. I know I'm not supposed to expect anything from him. That's not right. A friend told me that he wouldn't call me from overseas just to ask how I'm doin', if he doesn't feel anything. And, of course I'm a woman, I know when somebody likes me or not. As much as I would like to conclude that he likes me, at the back of my mind there's still a little voice that says: "What if I'm wrong?" What if he doesn't want to cut the communication because he feels that I can be a good friend, and that's all I'd ever be to him. He's out there now, so free compared to what he had here. He's exposed to a lot of people, a lot of girls. He could be walking one day and bump into that woman he would bring to the altar. And I'm left waiting for explanations. I would like to stop hoping now. I want to tell myself that we could not be more than friends ever. And focus my attention to other guys who are interested in me. I went out on a couple of dates, but I still think about him. He continues to inspire me everyday. And living in this restricted country is not that bad because I have him to think about. Being far away from him isn't something to be sad about, but it makes me stronger and happier knowing that he's out there somewhere. But, I'm afraid that one day he would come to realize that he feels nothing for me. I've thought about this of course, which makes me want to stop hoping already because I'm the one bound to be hurt at the end. But, what if I'm wrong? What if he's the right guy for me, and I lose him just because I didn't wait long enough. What should I do? Should I stop? Should I wait? Or should I just forget him? Yes, it is very hard to let go and say good-bye, but if that's the only way to make everything right...I could.

Thanks, Joe! I hope to hear from you soon. And do me a favor: If you decide to publish this letter, can you let me know? Thru the email would be fine. Just so I could let somebody buy a copy of the Inquirer for me. And if also you decide to air this, I'd like the song "It might be you". We'll never know, it might really be him...

Take care and I pray that the Lord will give you more knowledge so you can continue to help people in need and heal them of their burdens.

KAY



Dear Kay,

There are times in our relationships when words are never said and all we hear are unspoken sentiments concealed in glances and implicit gestures. Times when we choose to remain silent because we are afraid of what our words may bring and what our expressions may reveal.

Kay, it is indeed inspiring to live our lives for someone who we hope would, one day , share forever with us. But if this hope will be based on feelings and not fact , then we might just wake up one day being sorry for wanting too much.

You are afraid to wake up to a bad dream and you want to give up a fight which you haven't fought yet. Why don't you express your feelings and let Rand see beyond your silence. Communication is the first step in building a relationship. Without this vital element, all and every effort would just be like kisses in the wind.

Kay, if you really like Rand. Give him your best shot. See how he reacts and take your next step from there. You can hold on and wait for love or say goodbye and move on. Turning our backs on someone who inspires us should not be a choice but an option. We give up only when we have tried and we should keep on trying until we exhaust all our reason to hang on.

Let us always remember that it is better to lose a battle that we fought than to lose a battle that we never had had the courage to face.

Joe

Secret Love Affair

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango


Dearest Joe,

First and foremost, let me greet you and your staff a pleasant day. I'm your avid fan ever since because you often give sound and effective advice to all the problems being presented to you.

Call me Shielou, I am already 20 years olds and a 3rd year college student here in Manila. Let me take you back 8 years ago when I was in 2nd year High School. My aunt was problematic because the household helpers took their vacation and didn't come back. So she decided to recruit helpers from Samar.

After a couple of weeks, the helpers arrived - one houseboy named Wilfred and another househelp named Letlet. I got along well with them. I treated them as my friends. Wilfred always cracked jokes and I often laughed with him. We always talk about so many things in life. One day, he admitted that he feels something for me but he was hesitant to speak up because he knows that we don't belong to the same world. We are not compatible to each other intellectually and financially. But after a few days he courted me. Suddenly I found myself falling for him too and that was the start of our secret love affair. We almost forgot our limits one night when only the two of us were left in our house but I refused and I didn't give in to his lustful desires. He was asking me to elope and get married. I disagreed with him and I asked him to wait until I'm old enough.

I really believe that love is blind. He's not good looking and he only finished grade 6. I was thinking that if we end up together, we would not be able to survive and send our children to school. In spite of all these, I still loved him. He was my first love and probably would be my last. Eight years have gone and up to now Joe, I still couldn't take him off my whole system. He's always on my mind and I always fondly reminisce our happy and unforgettable moments together. A couple of months ago, we took our vacation in Samar and I saw him again. He's already married and they're expecting a baby by December this year. I was so hurt, Joe. I felt like I broke into pieces. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. Now, there are a number of guys who are courting me but I don't take them seriously because I couldn't find someone like Wilfred. What should I do to forget him, Joe? Our love affair remained concealed. How should I react if somebody would come out in the open and tell everyone about the whole thing? I belong to a well known and well to do family while Wilfred comes only from a very simple family. How would I explain it to my family and friends? Should I deny him? Thank you very much for reading my letter. Please help me.

God bless,
SHIELOU



Dear Sheilou,

People who have loved deeply would know that letting go isn't always easy. Some people have a way of locking someone in their hearts for a long time, holding on to some hope that one day they can be together again.

Each day, as they wait, is filled with silent and empty longing. They shy away from others who try to break in the walls they have built around themselves. They live and survive but deep inside they are lonely and miserable. Sheilou, your secret affair has been buried for eight long years and I honestly don't see any reason why you have to tell everyone about it. You simply have to learn to accept your fate and forget Wilfred. You cannot live on memories alone even if these bring warm and pleasant thoughts. Memories can slowly trap us in our own world of empty hope and broken promises. Sheilou, you cannot open a new chapter in your life without closing the previous one. Nothing lasts in this temporary world we live in. Everything that is born dies. Even the people we love go away for good. That is why there is always a time for good-bye. It is a sad word but it is the only thing that keeps the past where it should belong. When we say good-bye we put an end to what has begun. When we let go, we give ourselves the reason to live a new life and find the real love that has been kept away from us by the crippling memories of the past.

Joe

Only Do It With The Person You Love

From Love Notes of Joe d' Mango


Dear Joe,

hi. I had this classmate last sem who happens to be the crush of my good friend, booey. although I was attracted to phoenix the first time I laid eyes on him, I kept it from booey. after all, I get attracted to guys easily. I mean, I don't really get serious with anyone. booey is a great friend and seeing how happy and excited she gets with phoenix, I simply forego of any other chase plans of my own.

I have a problematic life. I get by having sex with any man I fancy with at the moment. I am used to getting what I want, especially around men. booey is so unlike me. she argues, regardless if I get to date a guy I like or eventually ending up in bed with him, nothing would come out of it because it's not what I really want. that's why I love booey, she makes sense out of my futile life.

phoenix and I used to text, one time , he asked me to go out. then we just smoked together outside a café . he was very passionate about a lot of things. hours passed and I found myself not going back to my date that evening. I was smitten. we were so unlike each other, he was sentimental, serious, and pretty rational. we went to his place and argued some more. normally, I have men agreeing to what I say. after all, if they don't, I don't give them sex. but with phoenix, he was really into every detail of the argument.

Is it possible, joe, since you know so much about love, that I after kissed a person, that's the only time i realized that I was in love with him? and after such, he's all that you could think of? I've been in love once and it made me bled. after that I found myself dating guys (dozens) and having sex with each and everyone of them at least once. it's been a long time since I had restless nights, and felt weird.

I kissed phoenix before I left. he was shocked by the gesture. he just stood there frozen by my aggressive behavior. you see he brought me to the rooftop to watch the sunrise. thought it was pretty beautiful. to award him, I kissed him. I kissed him the second time and he reciprocated my kiss. we ended up making love. I really can't call it sex because it was different somehow. it wasn't planned like my other tries .it all just happened. phoenix and I stayed there in bed the whole day. we slept, nestled in each other's arms.

I left while he was still sleeping. my head was full of thoughts and questions. when I went to see phoenix the next day, I learned he went to the airport already. I received a text saying he was on his way to Colorado for the summer. I called him and he said he was as dumbfounded as I am. he told me again that he does take sex seriously. I always remember him saying "u only do it with the person u love. that's the only time sex can be good." he said he needs time to think about what came over him that night. he is not sure what he feels for me and if he should feel anything at all.

we call each other every now and then. and we'll be seeing each other in school come June. guess it's pretty obvious what my problem is. this is the first time I am confusing sex with love. if I could fly to Colorado and be with him, I would. I really would.

thanks, Joe. it would help if you can give me your piece on this, I am 26 and about to get my marriage annulled. my husband cheated on me countless times. phoenix is single and a wonderful man.

Sincerely yours,
Joelle


Dear Joelle

It seems like you are definitely turning your back on your failed marriage and finally giving yourself the chance to start over again. I just hope that you have given this much thought and it isn't one that was made out of haste.

You have had a lot of sexual encounters in the past. Experiences that you took lightly and never considered serious. For many people , sex is still considered the ultimate _expression of one's love and devotion to another person. This means that we just don't jump from one bed to another to prove something to ourselves .

You thought you have proven your capacity to make any man fall to his knees for you . But after making it out with Phoenix, you realized that love can be more overwhelming than sex . Could it be that this is the first time that you felt conquered and not the one conquering ? This short meeting of the minds with Phoenix has surprisingly caught you defenseless . He probably was not like the others who viewed sex differently.

Joelle, I know how exciting this is , finding someone who completes you as a person but you should be careful . After one failed marriage, you should not rush into any relationship yet , no matter how promising it is. Take your time and learn to value yourself.

If you think that you conquer every man you sleep with then think again. You won't gain nor prove anything from this. There is more to a relationship than sex. It is important though , but it shouldn't be the foundation with which we should build our commitments upon.

Phoenix could be the right one for you but it would take more than two naked bodies to find that out. Explore the endless possibilities of friendship and just let time take its course . Soon enough, you will see a clear picture of your dreams and the man who will make it all happen.


Joe