The Unsaid Understanding

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango



DEAR Joe,

I'm a college student studying in what is perhaps the biggest university in the country. I've had a crush on Edward ever since I first saw him on TV in a quiz show for high school students. I was also in high school at the time, so I wasn't committed to anyone yet.

When my friends introduced me to Friendster, I immediately got hooked. I thought of adding almost everyone possible to my list of friends. One day, I thought of adding Edward. I just hoped he would approve my request. Sure enough, he did after a few days.

I didn't have anything particular in mind, Joe, I just wanted to have bragging rights that Edward, who my friends also had a crush on, was on my Friendster list.

But one day, he asked me why I added him to my list, who I was, where I studied, and everything else about me. I was excited, but I just thought that he was the really friendly type. I promptly answered, and we soon decided to exchange mobile numbers. We would text each other everyday,

until he admitted to me that he liked me. I was shocked, because we hadn't met yet, but I remembered that he probably had seen my photos on Friendster and that he had classmates from my former school who told him all about me. Finally, we decided to meet up, and when we did, I could see that there was really something between us. We were technically "on" for a few months. It was sort of an unsaid understanding, or so I thought.

One early morning, I was still awake for reasons I cannot remember. Then he texted me. I was shocked at what I read. He told me that we couldn't continue what was going on between us because he already had someone else in his life. He said that though he really liked me, he was already seeing the other person before we started seeing each other. I didn't know what to say. He called me up at home and repeated everything on the phone. That was when I cried. I told him that I didn't think he would do that to me. He was also crying when he was talking to me, but he didn't change his mind. I didn't have any choice but to accept the truth. I was about to put the phone down when he asked me if we could still be friends. I said yes. Call me stupid, but deep inside I still wanted him.

But one day, he just stopped making any contact with me. I tried calling him up, but no one would answer.

It's been two months since it happened, Joe, but I still can't get him out of my head. It's not that I'm obsessed with him, because I've found somebody new. But when I'm at home and the phone rings, I secretly wish it was him calling.

I just want to get over him, Joe. People say time will heal all wounds, but I'm afraid I've been scarred too deeply for me to completely get over him.


Sincerely,
Kate



Dear Kate,

It was obvious that Edward was attracted to you when he saw your picture and probably more so when he met you in person. He didn't want to let an opportunity pass without getting into some sort of a mutual understanding with you. It was the perfect arrangement. You were content and happy with what you had going and he was enjoying the benefits of a real relationship minus the commitment.

For some reason, he decided to cut off ties and just be friends with you. He must have realized it wasn't right to be in a liaison with you or he probably just lost interest in you. Whatever his reasons were, it just points to one thing-it's over. He must have offered friendship just to make it easier for you to give him up but he wanted to be completely out of your life. And that's where he is now.

Kate, you still have unresolved wishful thoughts about Edward. You still want him and long for his presence. You think you have closed this chapter of your life because you are with someone new now but deep inside, there is still this silent yearning for the things that could have been. Wishing it is him when the phone rings reflects the inner conflict between the past and the present. You are still silently hoping that one day he would come into your life again and continue where he has left you.

Kate, I know there is still plenty of time to wish for him to be back in your life but there are just instances when we have to accept our loss and move on with our lives. Love sometimes leaves scars that are impossible to erase but that doesn't mean that there is no life after we have been hurt and blemished. The scars might remind us of our past but that shouldn't keep us from living our best today. Kate, it is true that love hurts. It is true that no matter how deep our wounds are, time heals them. And it is also true that only when we learn to accept the love that we have lost can we have the chance to find it again in a better and more lasting relationship.

Joe

Torn Between The Perfect Husband And An Old Flame

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango



Dear Joe,

I'm a young , ambitous executive of a top insurance company. I'm 28, single, work-oriented and until recently, very much contented with my love-life. My boyfriend Edward and I are planning to get married next year. In fact, we have made preperations for our life together, having bought a house and lot. Our relatives are all awaiting the happy event.

One saturday, however, I bumped into my former boyfriend, Rene. Rene and I were together for five years, but we broke up because we felt we were to young to get serious about each other. He was my first love, and i know he has not really forgotten me.

I couldn't understand the feeling i had when i met him again , Joe, but something magical gripped me. That meeting led to a series of phone calls and secret dates.

Edward doesn't know of these meetings and I do not want to hurt him. He is precious to me. Although, I've known him for a shorter time than Rene, I believe he will make a perfect husband. But i am so confused. Now, I am not enthusiastic about my approaching wedding day.

Please help me Joe. I am so confused. I know how unfair I am being to Edward, but I just cannot tell him how i feel. And I realize I still have feelings for Rene.

What shall I do? Time is running out.

Grace

Dear Grace,

Marriage is a bond that is meant to last a lifetime. Its permanency is the very reason why we have to be positively sure of our intention to marry someone. I know Edward is the better candidate but after that unexpected turn in your life you realize that somehow, whatever was still unresolved in the past is still very much a part of you today.

Rene came just about the perfect time . Grace, before we finally solemnize our vows for marriage, our relationship with out would be life-long partner must always stand the final test. Somehow , God has his way of making us aware of our real feelings which we could use to validate our decisions to marry someone. But God doesn't make these decisions for us. He just opens our eyes and allows us to see what truly lies within our hearts.

This is not just a test but also a path which you have to take. It won't be easy, for the road you will choose will decisively play an important role in your life. Don't get too easily carried away by sweeping emotions. Sometimes our hearts can mislead us and impair our rational and sensible judgement. But, you can also never discount the possibility that what you still feel for Rene could be the real thing.

Give yourself a little more time. Pray for guidance and enlightenment. You can never row a boat on two rivers at the same time. Be truthful to yourself and be honest with Edward. If it is Rene you still love and truly want to be with, then there is no point in letting Edward hang on to something that isn't there anymore and blindly hope for someone who never truly belonged to him.

Joe

Tireless Waiting

From Love Notes Of Joe D' Mango



Dear Joe,

I am one of your avid fans, though it never did occur to me that I would one day write to seek for advice.

I am in my early 20s, working in a travel agency in Makati. I met Kyle when I was still in college. We are the same age. We were introduced by a mutual friend and we became friends for a time, then he asked permission to court me. He was a seminarian. By society's standards it's taboo. Same with me.

Three years ago, our paths crossed again, but under favorable circumstances. He left the seminary and was now working as a bank executive in Quezon City. Our friendship was rekindled. We went out on dates and he became my constant companion. He once told me that he really liked me a lot, if only I would allow him to. I did not quite understand that. I should have asked him what he meant exactly by that. But I didn't because he did not ask if I would allow him to court me, either. I did even out the odds but it certainly did not clear out the fog, so to speak.

Lately, we've not been seeing one another as often. The calls came fewer, too. I don't know how to interpret that. We never go beyond holding hands, but neither can I call our relationship platonic.

I was, and still am, waiting for him to say that he loves me. Judging from the fact that we hear from each other less often everyday, I doubt it. My mind is full of what ifs why's and probably's. What if I call him up? Would that be alright? On the other hand, he probably does not want to continue the friendship anymore. Maybe I had misunderstood his intentions. Or he could have found the girl he wants to commit himself to.

Why can't we be lovers? I have a suitor right now who tirelessly pursues me. But he's not Kyle. The questions seem endless. I am losing my man. Could it be that our relationship was a bad case of "right love-wrong time?" Or was it the MU (mutual understanding) kind? It might be that he's one of those people who are afraid to rock the boat, or it might be that I am just one of those women who are incurable romantics. I know my dilemma is not entirely hopeless, but my mind isn't functioning so well. So is my heart. Not knowing is a torture in itself. Joe, please enlighten my mind. I know you can assess my predicament as objectively as possible.

Sincerely,
Sofia



Dear Sofia,

You seem to be tirelessly waiting for the man you love to reveal his true feelings for you. But the way I see things, it could take forever to know the real score.

Some men can be very aggressive but there are still many who just keep silent about their feelings and simply send signals, hoping that these unpronounced messages would come across. But it is difficult, as it is risky just to rely on one's uncertain yet meaningful actions. A sweet smile, loving touch or warm hug could mean a hundred different things and might be misinterpreted if seen from the eyes of someone biased by love.

I know how it feels to have someone so close yet so unreachable. You know your questions can only be answered by the man you have learned to love all these years. There is a strong possibility that Kyle could just be holding back his feelings because he knows letting it out could make him vulnerable and hurt him in the end. Don't torture yourself with the ifs, why's and probably's. Guess work will just prolong the agony. You have to act now and fight for whom you feel is right for you.

Maybe what Kyle needs as a little push. Ask him out for dinner and just let him talk. Set a comfortable atmosphere for an open and honest conversation and encourage him to reveal what he feels.

Sofia, just as a man could find a hundred ways to show he cares, you can also let Kyle know what you feel in many subtle yet concrete ways. Just be yourself. Be sweet, caring and loving in your own fashion. Remember, there will always be a door to a man's heart and it can only be opened not by foolish pride and reservations but by honest, unreserved and unselfish love.


Joe